Chapter 30

Two comments that I LOVED last chapter was from coco29539 and jemilovaticevelyn7 becauswe Coco, she gave mapped out how often I update, and I'm not saying others dont understand cuz they do, but they way she put it was great. And Jemi she actually HATES Blaze's actions which is way different from most because everyone else loves him! lol LOVE IT!

A telephone, a light, a drone and me alone,

solo, I know that

we can't even talk to each other anymore

You said before, You wanted more

I'm at a loss, I chose the door

and I can't even find any reason not to go

Because you break me down,Tell me what you want boy

Please, help me And it's cold as hell

and I gotta know boy Please

Cause I'm down on my knee

I can say the same for you, boy

You don't even know the truth and

Maybe I'm the one who screwed up

Believe it or not I was thinking of you-Artist: Amie Miriello, Song: Cold As Hell

Blaze’s Pov.

Sage was now in the shower while I repacked our bags, ready for the long flight home. If I could even call it home. Home was where the heart is, and I—I rather not even finish that thought. When something can never be your possession it’s hard to put effort into it, and when you finally do, the fact that it will never be yours for good is a forever lasting tow that you pay. It didn’t matter the relatively of this fact but more of the substance it gave to my reason for how I acted.

The baby; Matthew, was here and I’m not sure what we were going to do with him. I mean she didn’t pawn him off onto us, and like Sage said, it’s not his fault that his mom is the way she is. Sam has a long line of history with doing stupid things, she was the burden of their family, but like always all parents have that favorite child who can do no wrong, that’s a fact…. Makes me wonder who my parents’ favorite child was; me or money?

I’m not one to dwell on the past though, it was better to just repress those, and never open them back up again. He was a good baby, calm, and never cried. But we couldn’t keep him, that would just give Sage another reason to try to stay, and she doesn’t need any.

I hate to keep putting her in the situation that I am, but I can’t help it. I feel bad, it makes me feel like shit, but everything about her is inviting me in. But she doesn’t need me; she needs someone who can’t love her fully.  I won’t deny the obvious attraction and though Zac warned me about the deal I made with myself, it’s hard to actually fall through with that plan because of the person she is, period.

She bound out of the bathroom with only a towel on and her hair wrapped up so that it wouldn’t get wet, and the water glistening on her body. She looked good, I must admit. Her eyes widened in embarrassment and she even tried to hide behind the side of the bed.

“Oh, Blaze! I’m sorry, it’s just that there was a spider, I panicked, and I didn’t have clothes!” She breathed, only popping her head up to make eye contact with me. I tossed her the bag of her clothes and she thanked me. We sat there awkwardly till I made an excuse and got up to leave into another room.

I couldn’t help the dirty thoughts that came to mind. She was an attractive girl and I wasn’t going to deny that either, but there was something more about her, then just her appearance. If anything, even if I did try to keep her, is that she’s too good for me. Sage has a quality unlike any woman I’ve ever met. My mother has shown me that woman can’t be trusted; they don’t care for you, only your money. Sure she tried but it was much too late, and I don’t care anymore. But Sage was different, she as destined to be a someone and with somebody. I was destined to be alone, my father made sure of that.

I would never be able to love Sage. My job was much too important for the good of the company. After he retires, I take over officially, but who was going to take over after me? About that time Sage would probably be married with kids, and a happy life, that I will ensure she has. I’d do anything it took to make her happy, since I can’t.

I’m not one to dwell on what can’t be fixed, but Sage was one of those wants. Sure I had my fair share of girls that I wanted for a purely sexual reason, but Sage I wanted for my feelings. I don’t want to say the word because it’s not real, but I really have something toward her, and it’s not just sexual. She’ll never know, and I’ll never let her.

“Blaze are you ready to go home?” Don’t call it that, it’ll only make me miss you when you’re gone. Ugh, I’m sounding like such a girl.

“Uh, yeah. Let’s head out.” We walked out of the hotel rooms, I was carrying the bags and Sage was carrying Matthew. We were waiting in the lobby for everyone else to come down, and once everyone was there, we prepared to leave.

And in the big doors yelling ran in Samantha, she looked a little drunk and tired.

“Hey little sis and bro!” She hiccupped and burped before saying, “Where’s my baby?” Then she looked at Sage, and swayed over to her. “Look at him; he looks just like his father. What a loser? Saw him just yester—yesterday-y.”

Zac looked disgusted and Sage looked nervous, she didn’t want that baby to leave with her, and honestly neither did I.

“Sam, I’m not letting you take Matthew, like that.” Aubrey stated angrily. “You’re not going to ruin that boy’s life, or put him through anything.”

“Well where’s he gonna go? I am his mother, and I take care of him. What are you going to take him or something?” She laughed with a burp at the end. Sam was all over the place, she was leaning into the couches and she reeked of alcohol, it was as if she bathed in it. Her blonde hair was all over her head, and she looked paler. Where has she been these last three days?

Sam was always one to drift, that’s what she was; a drifter. We tried to help her as much as we could, because even though there was no relation, she was my sister too. Whenever I visited a state and she was there, I would make sure she had some money and somewhere to stay, and when we found out that she was pregnant we were surprised, honestly that Matthew was perfectly healthy.

“We’re going to take him back home to California, and Mark and I will raise him.” She told her looking her straight in the eyes.

“You might be the one with the long-term boyfriend, but you’re no better than me! You’ve always thought that!” She spat, slurring every other word.

“I never said I was better than you Sam. You just need to get yourself together before you try to raise a child.” And Sam went silent, and that’s all Aubrey needed she got up and headed out the door with the baby’s diaper bag in hand and Mark following silently.

“Do you want to say goodbye?” Sage asked, I mean it is her baby and she probably won’t be seeing him for a while.

“Hey, Matt. Mommy will be back for you I promise when I get better. You’re my son,” She said those last words in a possessive tone, but she knew for the better of her baby that he go with Aubrey.

“Sam, seek help. You left this baby here with us for three days. Where were you?” This is the only time in four years that Zac directly talked to his sister, in a non-hostile tone.

“Don’t worry about me little bro! I’m fine; I was just out with Matthew’s dad.” He shook his head and walked off not even bothering to hear the rest. Sage picked up Matthew from the couch after letting Sam have one more look and we started on our way back home.

Once we got back home Sage walked to the room to unpack and I followed her. I needed to get comfortable and start working. Hours passed that way with Sage not talking to me. I thought we were fine after the whole kiss at midnight thing. I knew she was tired of sorry, but what more could I do? I couldn’t give her what she wants. She was in the bathroom right now, and I was going to knock but I heard her on the phone. I know it was wrong for me to eavesdrop but I couldn’t help it, I wanted to know what she was thinking.

“Mom, I swear he’s so cold. I hate him sometimes I swear! He plays with my emotions but I can’t help but want to help him, to be around him and New Years just made it worse, I’m getting worse and it’s only going to be harder at the end of it all.” I heard her cry a little and sniffle.

I couldn’t listen anymore; I shouldn’t have listened in the first place. She hated me? SHE HATES ME. Of course she did, I was kissing her and then yelling at her. What am I doing? I put my hands on my head and ran my hands through my hair, I was hurting her. I needed to stop thinking I needed to go somewhere where I didn’t think.

***

(I don’t usually do this, but I had to because this part needed to be in Sage’s Pov.)

Sage’s Pov.

“Mom I’m so in love with him, and he’ll never feel the same, and that’s the part that I hate. I knew what I was getting myself into but he thought I was so smart.” I sniffled trying to hold back the tears.

I really hoped he wasn’t listening on my cries to my mom; she was the only one I could talk to about this because she was the only one who knew the truth about this whole thing. Lana, Aubrey, or Mark didn’t know, and I couldn’t tell Zac because he would get all moapy and sad for me, and tell Blaze to stop being so affectionate.

When I walked out the bathroom Blaze was gone and there was no note or text. Usually he told me where he was going or left a note or something. That kind of worried me to no end. So I called the first person who would know where he was.

“Zac where’s Blaze?” Zac was somewhere with booming music in that background and I knew he was at a club or party and I was barely audible.

“HOLD ON!” He yelled and walked into a quieter part of wherever he was, and I’m guessing he went into the bathroom because I could hear the flushes of toilets and water running.

“Little one, what’s up?” He asked casually as if wasn’t just in a party.

“Where’s Blaze? He didn’t leave a note or tell me where he was going?” I asked and being worried was laced in my tone.

“Oh, he’s here with me! He actually agreed to go to a party with me. He’ll be a little loopy when he gets home so beware. If you can’t handle him call Lana or me.”

Blaze and Zac didn’t show up till two am in the morning, of course I couldn’t sleep not knowing where he was so when there was a knock on the door, I was already in the living room ready. I bound towards the door and opened and in fell Blaze.

“I’m sorry little one, I didn’t expect him to get wasted, and he doesn’t normally do this.” Zac stated helping Blaze into the house. Blaze immediately jumped up and ran into the kitchen.

“Do you think you can handle him?” He asked worried, it was evident on his face. It was another moment that Zac was serious and I didn’t like seeing that look.

“Yeah he’ll be fine.” I gave him a small smile, and closed the door after him. Now that Blaze was here the sleepiness finally caught up with me, and I was tired. I walked back into the bedroom to go to sleep. But I had to help Blaze that was more important; I grabbed him from leaning on the cool kitchen counter and helped to the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Blaze slurs, "You hate me so why are you helping me?" He asked pushing me away.  It wasn’t a strong push more like a get off me, but gentle.

I sighed grabbing him again "Blaze you’re drunk, let’s get you to your bed."  I was supporting some of his weight on my shoulder, and when we finally made it up to the room, Blaze suddenly got a burst of strength pushing me on the bed.  I got back up and put my hands on his chest, feeling his rapidly beating heart.

Blaze kissed up my neck, his warm arms were pressed on the side of my shoulders and his chest was against mine, and even though I was enjoying it I knew that this wasn’t him, and that he doesn’t see me that way; he was just drunk. The alcohol reeked from him, like Sam and he going in for the kiss on my lips.

"Stop Blaze—you don’t know what you're doing," I told him breathy. He was taking the speech right out of my mouth by kissing me there. And if I didn’t stop his soon nothing good could come out of this situation. I put my hands on his chest and he grabbed both of them with only one of his. And besides I was only in one of his t-shirts to sleep in. If this was a normal night and I wore this, he would avoid eye contact and I would avoid rubbing up against him so I would cause his ‘friend’ to come. But it looks like I was too late for that. Blaze was being a horny toad right about now. His other hand was leaning dangerously close to my boobs, which was a wary thought. He ripped a condom open with his teeth, and threw it on the floor in a drunken stupor.

"Let me make love to you Sage. I know you hate me, but please just let me love you." He whispered but I just pushed him off and looked him in the eyes. Even though they looked sincere I knew it was just the alcohol talking and tears threatened to spill out from my eyes.

"I don’t hate you Blaze, but you don’t really like me and this isn’t you. You won’t remember this in the morning and if you did you'd regret it. Now get some sleep." I went to get up and leave the room for the night, but he grabbed my arm.

"Please just stay here with me then?" He begged, his electric green eyes, glistening from the pale moonlight hitting his face through the window. Blaze looked vulnerable, sort of like when he was sick but this time pleading and that was odd from him. I laid down with him and just thought about how much fun I've had with Blaze, and to think how this will be over soon enough, and that he doesn’t love me nor will he ever and I need to realize that. But he liked me, and that’s all that mattered at this point.

I woke up the next morning to Blaze groaning and grabbing his head. His green eyes were cloudy and his face was scrunched up in discomfort.

"Ugh what the fuck happen last night?" He groaned. He looked at his bare chest and only saw my head under the covers. "We didn’t?" He asked thinking that we may have done it last night.

"No we didn’t." I just loved you enough to take care of you.

"Oh good," I was kind of offended, but it proved that he didn’t see me in the same way. It sucked to say the least.

"Uhm," I cleared my throat, "I'll go uhm make you some coffee and uh get you some pills." And with that I got out of the bed, pulling Blaze's shirt that I was wearing down. Well if that wasn’t depressing. I gave Blaze the medicine and walked into the kitchen cooking up some breakfast for him.

He came and laid his head down on the cool kitchen counter like he did the other night. “Sage I didn’t do anything stupid did I? I can’t remember anything about yesterday.” He mumbled into the counter, but I was use to that by now so I knew exactly what he said.

“No you didn’t, you came in mumbled something incoherent and fell asleep. Why did you get drunk like that?” I asked genuinely curious, Blaze was a calm and collected guy he wasn’t the type to drink excessively. He could have more than three beers and fine, so he had to drink heavy alcohol.

“I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to try something new.” He replied never lifting his head up, not even once to make eye contact, only to eat some of his cereal. “I’m going to go take a quick shower.”

After Blaze goes to the bathroom I saw the condom wrapper in the trashcan next to the bed, and I was sure Blaze saw it and put it there because I know I didn’t, because I forgot it there.

I started to cramp up and I knew it was about that time again. I sighed and sat on the couch, waiting for Blaze to get out of the shower.

Aubrey came over with Matthew who looked fine and happy; Mark was very playful with him and even took care of him more than Aubrey. Marie was sad at the fact that her eldest daughter was somewhere out there wandering, but there was nothing she could do, but she was happy she could see her grandson. Aubrey and Mark were really good people and they would raise him well.

Blaze has been acting weird ever since that night he got drunk, he’s been catering to my every need and looking at me oddly. I found it weird. Maybe he thought something happen and that because he knows virgins are more prone to clinginess. I wanted to tell him again but I didn’t want to bring it up again, just in case that’s not why he was being nice.

Like yesterday I was lying in the bed curled into a ball, he actually went out of his way to make sure he sent out for the best soup in town and tucked a thousand pillows around me. The soup was delicious, but I wasn’t sure what all the especially treatment was about.

Today, I decided to have a bowl full of Blaze’s favorite ice cream and take some Midol for pain. I was on the couch, watching Lakeview Terrace.

Blaze approached me suddenly catching my attention with his tone. “Sage, I’m so sorry I don’t remember and I know that this would complicate the deal.” I thought he was going to say he loved me, but I was completely wrong.

“I will pay for this baby, and I know you didn’t want have a baby out of wedlock and you wanted your first time to be by someone you loved and who loved you.” Well that ruined my mood worse than him thinking I was pregnant. “Sage I didn’t mean to take advantage of you like that? I hope I didn’t force myself on you, my Grams taught me better than that, drunk or not. I will pay any amount and do anything, I’m so sorry Sage, I’m so sorry—”

“Blaze?” I called out but he rambled on and on, which was opposite from his usually calm nature, not worried about anything persona. “Blaze shut up!” I yelled and he came to a complete stop. “I’m not pregnant! What gave you that idea? We never slept together.”

His brows furrowed in the annoyingly cute way they always did when he was confused. “But I found a condom wrapper on the floor the other day and, and the way you were acting with eating I—”

“Yeah that wasn’t meant to be there, it was a misunderstanding, don’t worry about it. But we never did anything that night. I’m still innocent.” He breathed in relief, and slide on the couch melting into my side. I rolled my eyes and continued watching the TV. I was kind of glad that it was over and everything was back to normal.

Do you think there's a lot of sexual tension between Sage and Blaze?

Let me fetch the Rocky Road

And your favorite pair of sweats.

And the little chocolate kisses that you like,

The remote control, baby stay in bed.

'Cause when your feelin' low, I just want you to know that I

Still think your wonderful though I,

Though I'm still just a man and I'll never understand,

I'll still try

Artist: Miguel

Song: I Still Try