Z O E Y
I leaned back against the car seat, and sighed, "Are you still mad at me?"
"Where are you?" Daisy asked instead of answering.
"I'm parked in front of that kid's playground we used to go to when we were little."
"Doing what?" She knew exactly what I was doing. She was just making things harder than they had to be.
I took a deep breath, "Waiting for Tristan and Caitlyn."
"Then yes," she said, as a matter of fact. "I'm still mad at you."
"Daisy, come on, don't do this. You know I can't stand us being mad at each other."
"Well, what about me? How do you think I feel knowing you're probably about to have the worst night of your life so I can join the fucking glee club?"
"It's gonna be fine," I said. I wanted desperately to convince both of us. "I might even have fun."
"They're probably taking you to one of those shows where they do mob pits and â"
"Daisy, just stop it. I'm just driving them there. I'm not going in with them."
I heard her take a deep breath, "Promise me you'll stay in the car."
I didn't even have to think about it, "I promise."
"And lock the doors."
"I will."
"Right," she said. "And what do you say to drugs?"
"Immediately no."
"Good."
"You sound like my mom."
"Shut up," she said right before "I love you."
"I love you too. Now go get ready for your big moment. I'm gonna fine. I brought pepper spray and a book."
"When has pepper spray ever helped anyone?" she asked. She was laughing. I smiled.
"Pretty sure I've seen someone fight a vampire with it in a movie."
"Wow, just wow."
"I'm serious."
"Right, I gotta go. I love you. Don't die. I'll kill you if you do."
"That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me," I said, and she hung up.
The next thing I knew someone was smashing their face on my window. A pair of crazy eyes shone in the dark, a white smile too, and two hands full of rings plastered next to it. My phone fell to my feet. I grabbed the pepper spray where I had left it in a bag on the passenger's seat but almost dropped it too.
Caitlyn was laughing outside, bent over herself, trying to breathe. I couldn't really hear her over the sound of the music.
"What is this shit you're listening to?" Tristan asked, as if on cue. He was crawling inside from the passenger side and turning off the music.
"It's â"
"Fuck, were you gonna pepper spray us?" he asked instead when he saw the can in my hand. I wanted to say I hadn't known it was them, but he snatched it from my hand and pointed it at Caitlyn on the other side of my window. "She was gonna pepper spray us!"
Then he clicked the button and spray shot out towards my window, right next to my face. I felt it in my eyes almost immediately, a terrible burn all over them, all over my nose too, my mouth, my throat.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I shouted, cried. I thought I was crying. I couldn't even open my eyes. It hurt too much.
"I did not think that through," he said from the passenger's seat. He sounded like he thought this was funny, but he was reaching for me. "Let me see."
"Don't fucking touch me!" I cried again, feeling around for the door handle so I could get out. I had to get out. I wanted desperately to put my whole face underwater, ice-cold water.
"What did you do?" I heard Caitlyn ask.
"I guess I pepper-sprayed her," Tristan said. Was he laughing? "She was gonna do it to us."
I managed to get out. There was a drinking fountain somewhere in the park. I just had to find it.
"On your left!" Caitlyn said from somewhere. I could feel her roll her eyes at me. "A couple of steps and you're there."
I walked into it.
"There you go," she said.
I put my whole face under the gush of water and felt instant relief wash over me. Then I blinked as hard and as many times as I could. My eyes still hurt, so did my throat, even after I forced myself to drink what felt like a gallon of water. I didn't care. I would find a bathroom somewhere later. Or I would hold it in. I just wanted the burning to stop.
"You're fine. Let's go," Caitlyn said. She seemed to be closer to me. I tried to open my eyes all the way. I could do it. I could, except... I still couldn't see.
"I think I'm blind," I said. I was going to cry again.
Someone held my hand. Caitlyn. I could feel her cold rings on my skin.
"That's normal. It will wear off in a few minutes," she said. "You look like a fucking mess, by the way."
"Really?" I asked, "I can't tell, you know, cause I'm fucking blind!"
"You shouldn't let Tristan play with your toys," she said, opening the car door for me. I crawled inside. "Put your seatbelt on. Or don't. I don't care."
I put it on. I was in the back seat.
"Who's driving?"
My door closed, then another opened and closed again in the front.
"This is why I have a screwdriver and not pepper spray," Caitlyn said. We were all inside.
"No, it's cause you can't afford pepper spray," Tristan objected. They were ignoring me. "Also that thing's range is insane. I wasn't even pointing at her."
"You were holding it inches away from my face!" I reminded him.
"I was." He laughed. "And I've apologized."
"No, you have not!" The engine turned on. "And who's driving?"
"I am," he said, "You're obviously in no condition."
"Do you have a driver's license?" I asked.
"No."
"He's lying," Caitlyn said, and then, "What? She was gonna start a whole thing and I really need her to just shut the fuck already."
The car started moving. Caitlyn said finally. I thought fuck, a million times fuck. Was she the one lying, and Tristan didn't actually have a driver's license? Or had Tristan just been trying to stress me out even more? Also, what kind of sick fuck would want to stress out someone who was already stressed out enough over having been pepper-sprayed to the point of going blind? And was that even normal? Going blind? I should have read the instructions.
I leaned back in my seat. The windows were down and the wind blowing in felt nice against my face, too nice even. We were going too fast. Faster than the speed limit.
"You need to slow down," I said, but Tristan wasn't open to suggestions. He kept speeding. I kept stressing about it.
My eyes were still burning, but so was my chest, and my brain. Was this what a panic attack felt like? Daisy had been right. I was going to have the worst night of my life.
"Do you wanna get us all killed?!" I managed. "Cause this is how you â"
"It's fine," Caitlyn said, "Tristan's a great driver."
"Aw, you think?" he asked her.
"No." She laughed. I didn't think it was funny. None of this was. This was ridiculous. This was how accidents happened. How people died.
I didn't want to die. I had so many things I still wanted to do. So many books to read and re-read. So many shows and movies to watch. Re-watch. So many albums to listen to again and again. Concerts to go to. I wanted to go to college with Daisy. Maybe move in together after the first year. Decorate our house. Buy my first ever car.
Tristan hit the break. I opened my eyes. I could see. Relief washed over me. We were in a parking lot they would make me pay for, but at least we were alive. I was alive!
Tristan got off the car. I watched him, my body a comedown from a near-death experience. Maybe not. Maybe I just took speed limits too seriously. I thought we all should, but apparently, who the fuck cared what I thought?
Outside the car, Tristan was already smoking a cigarette in black ripped jeans, leather boots, and a leather jacket. Too much leather if you asked me. No one did. Instead, Tristan flipped me off when he caught me looking. Caitlyn got out next. She had a leather jacket and leather boots too.
I looked down at myself. I had put on mom jeans and a knit sweater. I had definitely missed the memo. When I looked up again, they were walking away. I didn't mind that they didn't say goodbye, not really, not even if we had been so close to sharing a news headline: three teens died last night in a car crash next to a heavy-metal concert. Just the thought of it gave me chest pains. I shook it off. I had the car to myself again. I could just lock the doors, sit back, and read my book. I opened the door and got out so I could move to the front seat, except when I tried to open the door in the front, it didn't move. The car was locked.
I looked inside. The key was gone from the ignition. They had locked the car and left with the keys, and I had just gotten myself stuck outside, without my phone, my wallet, my book. I had nothing.
I turned around. They were nowhere to be seen, but there was a group of people who seemed my age, and they were all laughing, holding beer bottles, and what I assumed were joints, not cigarettes, and walking towards the exit. Please let it be the exit.
I followed them. Out of the parking lot and towards the concert venue. I hoped it was the concert venue. They were singing as they walked, some song I had never heard before in my life, but they all knew the lyrics, and when one of them turned around I saw he was wearing a band t-shirt. It made sense.
As it turned out, Tristan had parked the car almost half an hour away from the venue. I recognized it as soon as we got close enough because I had been here so many other times before. I knew exactly where to go. I didn't need to follow anyone.
I searched for them in the long lines of people going in, all of them with their tickets in hand, some of them holding posters too. Caitlyn and Tristan were nowhere to be seen. I doubted they had cut the line. The place was swarming with security.
I had been looking for a while when I finally saw Tristan, standing alone on the other side of the street, where restaurants tried to survive the rush hour. I crossed the road to him, and he rolled his eyes at me.
"What happened to staying in the car?" he asked, not impressed. I didn't care.
"You took the keys," I said.
"So?"
"So I can't get in. How am I gonna stay in the car if I can't even get in it?"
"Why did you even leave the car?"
"Just give me the keys and I'll go back."
"I can't," he said with a shrug. He was looking around, probably for Caitlyn. Where was she?
"Why?"
"Cause how do I know you're not just gonna just leave us here?"
"Cause I told you I wouldn't."
"Well, I don't trust you."
"You're gonna have to cause â"
"No," he said, as simple as that.
"Tristan."
"Zoey." At least he knew my name.
I reached out my hand to him, my pinky sticking out, "I promise I won't leave."
He looked at it with a frown on his face, or maybe it was a smile.
Then he looked back up at me, "What are you, nine?"
I dropped my hand.
"What the fuck is she doing here?"
I turned around. Caitlyn was back. I didn't give Tristan time to even think about something rude to say. I just answered myself.
"I need the car keys. I'm locked out."
"Why did you even leave the â"
"That doesn't matter!" I stopped her. I was starting to lose my mind. Sure, I could have just crawled to the front seat without leaving the car, but I hadn't, okay? So here I was, standing in front of these delinquents, asking them for the bare fucking minimum. The keys to my mom's car.
"We can't give you the keys," Caitlyn said.
"I'm not gonna leave without you, I promise." This seemed useless, but I had to try. Hopefully she would have less trust issues that Tristan.
"I would," he said behind me.
"Listen," Caitlyn started, looking me dead in the eyes. "We're not gonna give you the keys back. End of story. We're also not gonna walk all that way back to open the fucking car for you. So either come with us or, I don't know, take yourself out for dinner, go for a walk, make friends with strangers, something to keep you busy until we get back."
"I don't even have my wallet."
Caitlyn shrugged, arms crossed over her chest, dead eyes still on me.
"I also don't have a ticket."
"For what?" she asked. She seemed confused.
"For the concert."
"Oh, neither do we," she said, like it was obvious. How was that obvious?!
"Then how are you going in?"
She shrugged again, "I know a way."
"Is it legal?"
"No."
"I'm not going with you then."
"Fine by me," she said, turning around and walking towards the back of the venue. Tristan followed. There was nothing there, nothing but an alley full of dumpsters I preferred to keep away from.
But then again, I had nothing on me. What was I going to do for hours and hours and hours, out in the cold, in the same neighborhood Daisy and I had once been mugged coming out of a concert in middle school?
I ran up to them. Tristan looked down at me with an impressed look on his face.
"What an unpleasant surprise."
I ignored him. We made it to the front of the apartment building right behind the venue. Most of the dumpsters on the alley belonged to the people living there, but mostly they were filled up with trash from the concert goers.
"Please don't tell me you're gonna watch the concert from some poor someone's window?"
"No," Caitlyn said. Was it no, they weren't going to do that, or no, she wasn't going to tell me they were? I had no idea, but I was sure I was going to find out soon.
Inside the building, the elevator doors opened, and a couple walked out with a baby stroller. The man opened the door and Caitlyn helped hold it open so the stroller could pass through.
"Thank you," the man said when they were all outside. Then they wished us a goodnight and left. Caitlyn was still holding the door, then walking in like she lived here, or knew someone who did. Tristan followed. I just looked at them.
"Come on," Tristan said, holding the door before it could close on my face. I walked in. Caitlyn called the elevator.
"No one's gonna let you in their house. I don't understand."
"I'm not surprised," Tristan pointed out. I could do without it.
The elevator doors opened. Did I want to be stuck in such a small place with them, even for just a minute? No, I did not. Did I have any other chance? Probably. Could I think of it? No. Was this because I was operating on incredible amounts of stress? Absolutely, yes.
I walked in. The elevator seemed too small to fit us all, but when I looked to see what it said about the weight limit, Tristan moved to cover it.
"You don't wanna know, trust me."
"Actually I do."
Caitlyn rolled her eyes and pushed Tristan away. I read the sticker on the metal surface. Elevator Capacity: 4 Person Maximum.
"What's your problem?" I asked him. He really was trying to stress me out as much as he could.
He shrugged, "I don't like you."
I ignored him. The elevator kept going up, all the way to the rooftop. I felt somewhat relieved. Maybe there was a good view from there. That could be nice, watching a concert from the top of a building, under the night sky. It could be really nice.
The elevator doors opened, and we walked out. There was a sign that said: Residents Are Not Allowed on the Rooftop. I looked at Caitlyn when she opened the door all the same.
She noticed and smiled, "We're not really residents, are we?"
She had a point. I didn't tell her. Tristan walked through the door next, then me. Outside, the wind blew stronger than it had in the car when we had been speeding through the streets. There was nothing on the rooftop except for large pipes. There was nothing between the edge and a multiple-stories-fall. Once you reached it, that was it, right there in front of you, the view to all the way down.
Caitlyn kept walking over to the edge. I didn't move. I didn't know what she was doing, what had happened to just sitting here, and watching the concert, but Tristan followed her. When they reached the edge, Caitlyn jumped.
A scream left my mouth, and I ran over to where Tristan was standing alone, looking down. When I was close enough, I looked too. Caitlyn wasn't dead in a dumpster. Instead, she was standing on top of the rooftop of the concert venue, looking very much alive. She was actually smiling, which she almost never did.
"Your turn," Tristan said, smiling too. His meant, fuck you.
"Why?" Granted, the jump didn't seem all that hard. The buildings were so close they almost touched. Still, I was in no rush to do it.
Tristan was still smiling, "Cause I'm a gentleman."
"No, you're not."
"But I want to be," he said. "For you. Believe it or not, you make me wanna be a better person."
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you too," he said. Then he jumped. Landed on his feet. Stood up straight and flipped me off. He seemed to love doing that. Flipping me off. I swallowed hard. It was my turn.
"Come on!" Caitlyn shouted. "It really is as easy as it looks."
"I'm gonna fall and die!"
"Sounds great! Jump!" Tristan joined in. He was bent over himself, hands on his knees.
I took a deep breathe, and said, more to myself than anything, "May the odds be ever in my favor."
Then I jumped.