J A S O N
We were late to the party. Daisy had changed outfits a million times, only to end up looking like a character from a kids show, and Zoe had fallen asleep waiting for her, looking like Zoe in her jeans and t-shirt, a knit vest over it, like she was going to the farmer's market and not a high school party.
In the end, we still had to stop at a drive-through to get something to eat, so by the time we finally got to Kylie's house, everyone was already drunk or high, and we were just full of burgers and fries. The girls didn't mind. They were just happy to be at a party after years of not getting invited to any.
I told them I had invited them only out of pity, because I felt bad they had gone through school without ever getting to experience the mediocre atmosphere of a loud, crowded, sticky house party. In reality, I had invited them because I actually wanted them to come. I almost just told them this, but I wasn't ready to reveal the secret I had been hiding for years, which was that I had always liked them, and that I had always wanted them to like me back. Except, of course, I had never caught up on how to express any emotion other than anger, and so for years, I had been a pain in their existence instead, and by extension, a pain in mine too. I was my own worst enemy.
"There's Tristan!" Zoe said, walking past me to go grab her boyfriend from behind, who put down his joint to hug her back, and smiled, a genuine, almost child-like smile I never thought I would see on him.
I also never thought someone like Zoe would date someone like him, but there she was in his arms, smiling back, telling him something, anything, that made him lean in to kiss her. I looked away.
Isaac and Edward were sitting together on the couch, laughing at something Ethan was saying, sitting on the carpet across from them, letting Caitlyn braid his hair, a joint in her mouth, a beer in his hand. I knew Ethan's name because Isaac was always talking about him at practice, and I knew Caitlyn's because the teachers were always saying it, never for any good reasons. I thought he was as nice as she was scary.
When we were close enough, Edward asked what took us so long, and I said Daisy, without giving away that she had put a ridiculous amount effort into looking like a clown, and then collapsed on the couch next to them, only to have her collapse on my lap.
"At least I don't look like a randomized Sim," she said in my ear, and I laughed because I could say the exact same thing to her, and then moved to make room, so I could finally push her off me.
On the other end of the couch, Edward moved to make room too, leaning closer to Isaac, who put his arm around him, smiled at Daisy, and asked, "You're his sister, right?"
She smiled back, "Unfortunately, yes."
"I'm Isaac," he said, pointing at Edward after. "This is Eddie."
"Edward Amin, I know," she said. "I voted for you for student president last year."
Edward scratched the back of his neck, "You must have been the only one."
"No, Zoey voted for you too."
"I did," Zoe said, still in Tristan's arms, his hand in her hair.
I looked away at Edward, "Are you making cocktails tonight?"
"No, but I can, if you want me to," he said.
"Yes, please!" my sister and I said at the exact time.
Before I knew it, we were both tipsy, going on drunk, and then just drunk, really drunk. Suddenly I was showing up places I didn't remember going to. In the hallway, watching Daisy try to do a handstand against the wall. In the bathroom, holding the door while she peed. On the couch again, smoking weed with the others. Outside to get some air, watching Daisy try to do a cartwheel this time. Back in the bathroom, this time peeing while she held the door. And finally, in the kitchen, looking for food in the fridge.
"I don't think you're gonna find what you're looking for in there. It's mostly just vegetables."
I turned around, a carrot stick in my mouth, and days-old homemade hummus in my hand. Across from me, leaning against the counter, in leather pants and a tiny top, Allora sipped from a cocktail, totally and utterly unimpressed by me.
Before I could even think of something to say, like, I'm sorry I remind you of the worst thing that's ever happened to you, or all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, or even just hello, she was already saying something else.
This time, it was, "Finn's trying to make out with your sister in the line for the bathroom."
I shook my head, "No, he's not."
"Yes, he is," she said. "He's also on acid."
"No, he's not." I just wanted to keep her talking to me.
"Yes, he is," she said again. "I didn't even know you had a sister."
"Well, I didn't want you finding out IÂ stole my whole personality from her," I said. I didn't know why. Or I did. I was drunk. And I really, really wanted to talk to her.
"You should go check on her."
I didn't want to, "I should."
She took another sip of her cocktail. Her red lipstick left a stain on the glass. On the other corner of the kitchen someone dropped a bottle on the floor. I heard it shatter on the marble tiles. She turned to look. I remembered last time Finn was on drugs, how he had disappeared with some girl he hadn't even known the name of when he bragged to everyone at school the next day about getting through all the basis with her.
I left the kitchen and went to look for him, for Daisy. I found them kissing against a wall in the hallway where she had fallen on her faces just minutes ago, maybe hours, I didn't know. I pulled them away from each other without even thinking.
Finn started laughing. Daisy just frowned.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I could ask you the same thing," I said. "You know who this is, right?"
She shook her head, "No."
Finn said, "Yes, you do."
She smiled, "No, I don't."
"He's a fucking asshole," I said. "Why would you â"
"Who cares?" she stopped me. "It's not like I'm gonna marry him."
"Why not?" This was Finn, looking honestly confused.
I slapped the back of his head, "Just get the fuck out of here."
At this, he put his arms up in surrender, and walked backwards along the hallway, almost tripping over himself, and finally disappearing around the corner. I turned to Daisy.
"You're a shit feminist."
She laughed, "I know!"
"He's literally the school biggest fucking asshole."
She thought about it, or pretended to, because in the end, she said, "Actually, that's you."
I smiled, "Suck a dick."
"What do you think I was trying to do before you got here?!"
I almost gagged, "You're disgusting."
"I'm drunk!" She laughed, already on her way somewhere.
I followed her, probably in a zig zag, "So you're over Luke?"
"No," she said, shrugging. "I'm just over feeling like a big fat fucking loser."
"Took you long enough," I said, and she turned around to try and kick me between my legs, only to miss completely. "How does making out with Finn Walker make you any less of a big fat loser? If anything, it just makes you a bigger loserâ"
"No, it doesn't!" she said, turning around to open the door to the back garden and step out into the night, screaming, "It just makes me someone that someone else wants! That's all I fucking want! Someone else to want me! Is that too much to ask?! Can I not have this one thing? Just this one thing! I'm not even asking for a lot of things! It's just this one fucking thing!"
"Is this about Luke?"
She laughed, "Of course it's about Luke! Keep up!"
"I'm trying to, but I'm gonna be honest, it sounds like you're not even speaking English right now."
"Cause you're dyslexic, Jason. Listen," she said. "I'm giving Luke just a few more weeks to pout, and then I'm forcing myself back into his life, I don't care."
"You're getting back with him?"
"No, you're not listening â"
"I am â"
"Listen!"
"Shut up," I stopped her. "I love this song!"
It was playing from the kitchen, and before I knew it the floor was spinning, and I couldn't just stand on it.
"Are you kidding?" she asked. "This is that boyband I love that you're always making fun of me for â"
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is!"
I was jumping around, dancing, singing, and she was on her knees, laughing, begging me to stop, except nothing could stop me because the floor wouldn't stop spinning either, and there was all this music, and I had all this big fat love in me, and I didn't feel like I had to hide it like some big fat diary, not tonight, maybe not ever again.
"I'm gonna piss myself," Daisy said, still on the floor, still laughing.
I stopped only when the song was over, and then I looked her, crying on her knees from all the laughing, trying to breathe, and I said, "I fucking love you."
And she looked up at me, and said, "I'm gonna throw up."
In the end, we both did. It was the best night of my life.