Elias
So there's like, nine-hundred screaming, crying, half-crazed college girls standing outside my dorm's parking lot right now.
Problem is...
....they all showed up for me.
Fuck.
If I was fourteen and still as obsessed with myself as I used to be, the fact that Justin Bieber level chaos is breaking out on my first day on campus, probably would've made my year.
I would've popped out of Tanner's car, riled up the crowd, and posted that shit on Instagram just to see how many likes I'd get.
But I don't care about fame, or followers, or the hoards of people trying to break past UCLA security just to find out where Tanner parked so they can find me.
I just wanna get outta here and into my room where nobody knows who I am.
But it looks like that's gonna be damn near impossible today.
Caleigh's been cradling my head in her lap for the last fifteen minutes 'cause my skull's throbbing from seeing that crowd outside. She's got her hands in my hair and keeps whispering that things are gonna be okay.
But nothing's okay.
'Cause I've got a mob full of girls holding posters with my name and face on it, and I haven't exactly told anyone in my family the reason why.
"Elias--?"
"Not right now, Tanner."
"Look, I'm not trying to stress you out, man, but, I feel like I kinda missed something major," he says.
"You did, but I'll tell you about it later, my head hurts," I say.
Tanner whips around and glares at me like a lost puppy. I hate when he makes this this face almost as much as I hate when he interrogates me.
"I've got two Tylenol if you've got two minutes to explain things. Meds for info, bro?"
Caleigh leans into the front seat and slaps him across the back of the head. I'd be laughing if my brain wasn't bleeding out of my ears.
"Leave him alone, babe. You know how he handles stress and this--"
Caleigh cracks the window and a wall of screams seeps inside the car and rattles my bones.
"--is out of control," she says.
The thing is, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Sure, I might have broken the million mark on Twitter and Instagram last month, but I didn't think people gave a damn about me offline.
Turns out they do.
Dan warned me to keep an eye on my following, but I haven't been paying attention--until today.
"Maybe we should go home," she says.
But I don't wanna go home. I can't, not after everything I did to get here.
There may be a thousand girls outside, but there's only one face I'm looking for.
"No. I'll be fine. They'll calm down eventually, and if they don't, the Dean promised he'd get security to break up the crowds if--"
"The Dean? As in the Dean of UCLA? How does he even know you? When did you guys--? I'm confused," Tanner says.
Good. Confusion's better than clarity when it comes to Tanner being in on my secrets.
"Tanner, I promise I'll tell you everything later, but right now you've gotta stop talking, so I can figure out how the hell we're gonna get outta here. Honestly, I don't even know how those girls found out I was coming. Fucking Google."
"You're searchable? Like celebrity searchable? When the heck did that happen?"
July 11th, 2015.
My book went viral less than seventy-two hours of Dan posting it on the web. His idea. Not mine. Now, half the country's tweeting, texting, and quoting my shit like they think they know me. Like they think they understand what I wrote about. But they don't. They never will.
"I really don't wanna talk about it right now, Tan."
"Then when do you wanna talk about it? Half of Los Angeles is out there screaming your name, and I'm pretty sure that calls for an explanation."
Tanner clicks off his seat belt, turns around, and stares at me with those big stupid eyes of his. Not only does his mouth never stop moving, but he's curious about everything. Even things he shouldn't be.
"Drop it. Please, I'm not feeling a hundred percent right now, " I say.
Tanner extends a hand and slaps me right in the center of my chest. Somewhere along the way, the idiot got the idea in his head that slapping the anxiety outta me would solve all my problems. Instead of going for my meds when I'm having a panic attack, he just winds up and hits me in the sternum like his swim coach does to him.
Newsflash: it doesn't work.
If anything, it makes things worse, and today he's doing just that.
I start coughing like my body's gunning to get rid of a lung.
"Better?" He asks.
"No, I can't breathe."
Caleigh cracks open the backseat door and a rush of cool air sneaks in. She's not even family, and she knows how to calm me down better than my own brother.
Aside from Dan, she's the only other person I told about my book blowing up. I was super nervous about it the first time I told her. I figured once I did, she'd run off and read some of the most personal stuff I've ever written even though I asked her not to.
But she never did.
She doesn't know who or what the book's about, she just knows that things kinda got crazy after it
went live. Sometimes I don't know if Tanner's even fully aware of how great his girlfriend is.
She lets me vent whenever I start freaking out about all the attention I've been getting lately. Most people aren't like that. Most people judge every single thing I do or say, but not her. She just gets me, and I'm more grateful to her for that then she knows.
"Babe, I think Elias needs some time to calm down, so I'm gonna try to sneak him over to North Campus so we can grab some iced-coffees. Do you want anything?"
Tanner stiffens up like a toy soldier at the suggestion and busts out the infamous King family pouty face he always does whenever he's not getting his way.
"Can't I go with you? I think the three of us need to sit down and talk about all this. It's not everyday that your little brother breaks it big. Heck, I don't even know what he's famous for, but it's kinda awesome!"
Tanner's talking about overnight fame like it's a good thing, like he's proud of me for achieving something nobody in their right mind would want. I almost open my mouth to say something, to tell him everything wrong with this whole celebrity/author situation, but I stop myself before the truth slips out.
He wouldn't get it anyway.
Tanner's the type to soak up the spotlight or push me further into it instead of treating me like the regular person I've always been.
Caleigh's right. I do need to calm down. 'Cause if I have to spend another second watching him buzzing over the idea of my success like a fan girl I'm gonna hit something. Probably him.
"What part of this fame situation is awesome, Tanner? How the hell am I supposed to get to class everyday if it's like this?"
Tanner doesn't answer. He's too busy scrolling through a breaking news article on The Daily Bruin. I lean over his seat and spot a birds-eye view picture of this part of campus on his screen. It's covered with girls, way more than there were outside ten minutes ago.
A blown up photo of me is positioned right next to a headline that reads:
"The King has landed!"
Shit.
The exposure's probably gonna ruin my life, but on the bright side, at least I look good in the photo.
"Dude, you're in the news! Holy crap, you wrote a book?! When? What's it call--"
I reach into the front, snatch Tanner's phone out of his hand, and toss it out the window. The screen shatters on the pavement. Dan's right. I've really gotta get this impulsive thing in check.
"What the hell, Elias?"
I straighten up and stare at Tanner through the rearview.
"I don't want you finding out about what's going on with me like that! You could at least--"
"Ask? I tried, remember? You dodged that question."
"That's because I can't tell you anything without you trying to make my whole life your damn business!"
"I'm not! I just wanna know why everyone else seems to know more about what the hell's going on with you than I do!"
"Tanner and Elias King! Relax! You know how I feel about you guys fighting!"
Caleigh shuts down the conversation quick. She hardly ever yells, but the sharpness in her voice has us both on edge--especially Tanner. Ever since they got back together, he's been going above and beyond the call of boyfriend duty to keep her happy.
He's obviously good at pleasing her in the physical and emotional department. The guy's a sappy romantic, but somehow manages to keep her in the mood at the same time.
But since I've been back, she's been making him keep up a new condition if he wants to keep her.
Basically, if I'm not happy, she's not happy, so Tanner's got his work cut out for him.
I'm not exactly easy to please.
For a while, I had him doing chores for me just 'cause I figured he deserved to sweat after making me suffer for nine months. But, all I really want out of all this is for him to try to get his head around what I've been through.
Tanner's great at pretty much everything else but understanding me. Maybe it's a big brother thing, but every time I try to talk to him he goes into Mr. Fix-It Mode and tries to solve problems he can't.
History's history.
Mistakes are mistakes, and sometimes being able to hear out the person you hurt is better than trying to pick up their pieces.
"Sorry, Cal," I say.
She half smiles at me and then turns her attention back towards Tanner.
"Sorry, babe, you know I love you right?"
Tanner grabs her hand and kisses the back of it. Her smile fades.
Vindication.
"Stop with the sweet-talk, Tanner. It's Elias you should be apologizing to, not me. And, for the record, you're not getting any iced-coffee later."
His skin turns two shades lighter. Caleigh's definitely not talking about drinks.
"Aw, don't be too hard on him, Caleigh. I broke his phone so I--"
She shushes me quiet before I can finish. Girls in this family kinda scare me. Real talk.
"Whatever. It's done. Grab your hoodie, and put on your Ray-Bans, we're heading out."
"Right now, right now? What about my stuff?"
My voice cracks. Great. Apparently anxiety turns me into a fourteen-year-old.
"Tanner can move it into your room by himself. Nobody knows who he is, so, it shouldn't be a problem."
Tanner's jaw nearly crashes through the car floor.
"First of all, that's not true. Plenty of people know who I am, and second, I can't move all his stuff on my own, Caleigh, it'll take forever."
She runs her hands through her sunny blonde hair and massages out the tension in her temples.
"Get the guys on your swim team to help you. We'll call you when we're on our way back."
She leans in and gives Tanner a quick peck on the lips which visibly drives him crazy. If there's one thing us King boys have in common, it's the struggle to stop things at just a kiss.
Before she can pull away, he sneaks a hand around the back of her neck and suckers her into the kind of make out session I barely remember.
Alex used to kiss me like that. Slow. Easy. She had sugar-laced lips and an East coast stare that cracked me in half on Hollywood Blvd. I fell for her mouth at the first kiss, 'cause she tasted like home.
But now, sitting here staring at two people who have everything, while I'm stuck with less than nothing hits me like a sucker punch.
I don't wanna be jealous, but I am.
I don't wanna resent them, but I do.
It's stupid, 'cause I should be past this.
I should be the guy who forgives and forgets, but I never forget things that matter to me.
And she did.
Tanner doesn't get that.
He never has.
Instead of listening to me the way I need him to, he talks.
He explains his reasoning like a broken record. He's told me why him and Caleigh ended my relationship with Alex so often I pretty much have the whole speech memorized:
"It was the best decision for you and Alex at the time, Elias."
"It wouldn't have been fair to start things with her when we thought you had a kid on the way with Mindy."
"We weren't just thinking about you, Eli, we were thinking about what Alex needed too. How do you think she would've taken hearing about you and Mindy after what she went through with Rory?"
"You weren't in the right place to be with her last year. You weren't fully over Lacey, man."
More words. More excuses. More bullshit.
Problem is, half of me knows he's right.
But no matter how many times I hear his reasons, I still miss her.
And it only gets worse the longer she's gone.
But that's thing about distance. If you're lucky, it's only temporary.
(Part 2 coming later this week!)