NOTE: IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ELIAS SINGING & WANT TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATED BY NOW BY CLICKING THE LINK ABOVE. ENJOY!
Alex
"How you feeling Los Angeles!? Who's ready for another song?!"
Ever had one of those moments where you look someone straight in the eye and immensely regret the fact that you know them?
Like when it's your first day of high school and your mom and dad can't just drop you off and drive away like normal parents, but walk you to your locker, sloppy kiss you in front of all your friends, and broadcast to the universe that they packed you your favorite Lunchables even though you outgrew them in the 3rd grade?
Or when you're at the grocery store and instead of paying for groceries like a normal person, your mom busts out a sack of coins and counts out fifty bucks in small change while the cashier silently judges you?
Or when your dad decides to re-enact 80's glam rock performances while your friends are in the car?
Yeah.
This is one of those moments--but worse.
Astronomically worse. As in, dig-a-hole-in-the-ground-and-die-of-embarrassment kinda worse.
Why?
Because Elias is currently parading around in his red-checkered boxers with a coke bottle microphone in one hand, and his guitar in the other, happily riling up the crowd like he's sold out the Staples Center.
The thing is, I wouldn't even mind all this if people weren't stopping to pay attention to him. In an ideal world, every single student and teacher who passed him by would shoot a couple judgey stares his direction, boo him, and then go about their merry way. Unfortunately, the universe as we know it has gone Elias King crazy, so instead of treating him like he's a crazy person, they're fangirling over his existence.
As in, girls-showed-up-with-fancy-DSLR-cameras-just-to-take-pictures-of-him level fangirling.
But you know what?
I'm actually happy they're here because if there weren't a glob of googley-eyed girls standing around, he'd totally see me. Which can't happen. The name of the game is incognito, and as long as Elias doesn't know I'm here things will be completely and totally f--
"This next song goes out to a very special someone standing in the crowd. Her face is like, super red right now so I'm not gonna put her on the spot, but babe, this next one's for you! Here we go!"
Elias's hands expertly dance across the strings of his guitar and all too familiar melody floats out from his fingers and into the air.
"Oh no, see you walkin' round like its a funeral, not so serious, girl why those feet cold? We just gettin' started don't you tip-toe, tip-toe. Waste time with a masterpiece, waste time with a masterpiece. You should be rollin' with me, you should be rollin' with me. You're a real life fantasy, you're a real life fantasy. But you're moving so carefully, let's start living dangerously! Talk to me Jersey, I'm going after this sweet craving, whoa-oh. Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy. I-I-I-I-I-I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean."
Oh.
My.
Dear.
Sweet.
Lord.
I didn't know Elias could play guitar.
He's actually, pretty good.
But that voice though...
Yikes.
What is he doing?
What.
Is.
He.
Doing?
Boys who like other boys do NOT dedicate songs like "Cake by the Ocean" to their ex-girlfriends. And boys in relationships with other boys definitely do not gyrate at their ex-girlfriends on top of school planters.
What about Dan?
What would his loving, caring, totally sweet boyfriend do if he knew his significant other was acting like a total man-whore in front of a crowd of two hundred people?
And if the man-whorish behavior isn't bad enough, the fact that he's acting like a straight man-whore is even worse.
It'd be one thing if this whole super-ridiculous-serenade seemed staged.
But it doesn't.
Mainly because he keeps looking at me. And not in a I-have-a-secret-boyfriend-but-don't-want-you-suspect-it kind of way, but in the I-kinda-sorta-still-want-you kind of way. Which is weird.
Really weird.
My stomach's twinging again.
I don't even know why it's twinging because Elias is gay, so his presence should not be causing any twinginess at all. Heck, even if he wasn't gay, I'm over him so maybe all this twinging is just a side effect of me not having lunch yet.
Yeah! That's probably it.
If I stop thinking about lunch, and relax it'll stop.Fact.Totally relaxing food-free thoughts to commence in three, two...
Damn it, my stomach's still twinging.
Maybe it's the guitar playing.
He's kind of really good at guitar.
Like really, really good.
How Elias the sometimes idiot makes a six-string sound like a whole band's playing is beyond me...but whatever. Guitars are stupid. So are big fat sharpie messages written across certain people's chests.
Especially if those chests happen to be nicely toned.
Couldn't he just be beefcakey and gross like the gym rats back in Jersey? And where the hell did he get all those surfer-y muscles from anyway?
I'm pretty sure if my memory's not failing me, Elias used to be Mr. Lean-Cuisine. Maybe he's been working out for Dan.
Holy guacamole.
Love does beautiful things.
Ahem.
Anyway--I don't have time for distractions. Gotta stick to the game plan.
Operation "Stop Ex-Boyfriend's Impromptu Concert starts now!
Step 1: Convince Elias to stop singing and simultaneously crushing the flower bed without causing a scene.
Step 2: Get him back to his room and talk to him one-on-one before he performs his way into prison or onto the front page of the LA Times.
Ready, steady, go!
Text Message to Indigo Rose :
AS: Hey, I'm here!
IR: I noticed. I'm pretty sure half the girls in the crowd noticed too. That Elias guy's been staring at you pretty hardcore since you showed up. You guys know each other?
AS: No. I mean, yes. But it's complicated. I'll explain later. Where are you?
IR: In the tree a couple feet behind you. I don't do crowds. Climb up if you wanna hang.
AS: I can't! He'll see me!
IR: I'm pretty sure we've established that he already does.
AS: Yeah, but he'll see me even more! Just come down! I can't climb trees anyway and I need your help.
IR: Fine. Be down in a minute. Patience, Alex. Patience.
***
FYI, that conversation ended two minutes and thirty-two seconds ago, and she's still not here.
Okay, Alex. Relax. She'll get here. Take deep calming breaths.
Yep.
Now it's been two minutes and forty-four seconds.
Sorry.
I have a tendency to count things obsessively when I'm anxious, and trying to avoid Elias's stupidly blatant staring, and stupidly attractive smile is making me anxious. But whatever. Once "Cake By the Ocean" is over and Indigo finishes untangling her hippy green harem pants from the Sycamore tree branches, things will be fine.
How do I know this? Because Indigo and all of her extraterrestrial wisdom will help me hatch a plan to stop Elias from singing and dancing me to the edge of a metal breakdown.
At least, I hope she will.
Because as badly as I wanna put this entire charade to an end, I don't think I can do it by myself. Quite frankly, I don't even know if I have it in me to confront Elias about Dan by myself.
What if I freak out? Or say things the wrong way? Or make him uncomfortable? I'm not a shrink. I don't have the slightest idea how to do these things. Talking to people about their secrets is always awkward, and terrifying, so if you throw Alex "the queen of awkward" into the mix I'll turn the whole coming out of the closet situation into a disaster.
But then again, maybe it won't be.
If I tell Indigo about Elias's secret, maybe she'll help me talk to him.
And if she helps me talk to him, and he realizes that I'm not the only one who knows, maybe he won't feel so alone.
And maybe if he feels less alone, we can be friends!
Like two-girls-and-their-cool-gay-guy-kinda friends!
That'd be ideal. Like, super ideal.
Kai wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, and everyone would essentially live happily ever after.
Am I being an idealist again?
Totally, but hey, here's to hoping.
"You summoned me?" Indigo asks.
Maybe I didn't notice 'cause she left so early this morning, but Indigo's face is totally different from the way it looked yesterday. Come to think of it her everything is entirely different from yesterday.
Twenty-four hours ago, she was a hardcore goth with tons of dark make-up, piercings, and purple-grey hair. Now her hair's pulled into a brownish-blonde bun and her death-metal make up's nowhere to be seen. But she's pretty and mysterious in a Zoe Kravitz kind of way so the new look totally works for her.
I wish I could change myself as easily as Indigo does and be someone other than Alex for a day.
Someone other than the girl who used to be "Jersey". But I'm stuck. Just like everyone else.
Except for Indigo. She's different. She's free.
Maybe after freshman year a little of her magic will rub off on me.
"How good are you at crashing concerts?" I ask.
Indigo smiles the kind of smile that screams of mosh pit expertise and punk rock memories. She's so cool. I kind of hope she'll share those stories with me one day. I bet she's totally been on tour and dated rockstars and everything. I've only dated disasters.
"You could say so. What's wrong? Lover boy's sing-a-long not doing it for you?"
She motions back to Elias who just so happens to be soloing on his guitar and winking in my direction. But like I said. Guitars are stupid and so are distracting boys who happen to possess otherworldly guitar playing skills.
Fact.
"He is not my lover boy. He's someone else's, but I'll talk to you about that later. How do we get him down from up there?" I ask.
Indigo scans the crowd for a couple seconds and then locks her cinnamon brown eyes on mine.
"I've got an idea, but you're gonna need a strong stomach to make it come to fruition."
"I grew up with organic garlic as apart of my regular daily diet, Indigo. I've got a stomach of steel. What's your plan?"
She reaches into her hemp satchel and pulls out two large green a spiky fruits that look like they could potentially be used as weapons. The smell slaps me in the face so hard my stomach starts doing somersaults.
If you took cat pee, rotting meat, and dead onions, mixed them all together, and molded them into spiky green fruit plant thing, you'd get whatever the heck Indigo just handed to me. I slap my hand over my mouth and do my best to suppress the raging urge to vomit all over everything.
"What in the world is this?!" I ask.
Indigo grins and then lifts up her second green prickly thing to eye level.
"Durian fruits. I bought them at the farmer's market in Santa Monica this morning. The taste is killer but the smell's totally horrible. But hey, you said you wanted to crash a concert so --"
She pulls out a vintage Swiss Army knife, puts the Durian down on the ground, and starts cutting it into six pieces.
"--here's your answer. Just throw a couple pieces into the crowd and people will scatter like ants in a monsoon."
I've never actually seen what ants do in a monsoon, but I take Indigo's word for it anyway. I hand her my fruit once she's finished hacking hers into pieces, and palm two pieces of cut up durian to toss into the masses.
"Are you sure this is gonna work?" I ask.
Indigo slices through the second fruit effortlessly and then stands up with an armful, ready to chuck them at unsuspecting bystanders.
"Trust in the durian, Alex. Let go of the fear, let go of the fruit, and be free."
Indigo cocks her arm back and sends a handful of chopped durian pieces soaring into the crowd. Hardly anyone notices at first, but within minutes of her first batch hitting the floor, groups of Elias's fans start coughing and retching because of the smell.
#Win.
I suck in a deep breath, which nearly causes me to pass out, and launch two palmfuls of stink bomb durian in opposite directions. The crowd squeals and moans as the smell sneaks its way through the masses on the back of an LA breeze.
Distraction turns into disorientation, and disorientation turns into chaos as groups of four to six people start branching off from Elias's performance and scrambling back towards their dorms.
Mission accomplished.
(Thanks so much for reading/listening guys! Part 2 coming very soon! I'm happy to be back from Barcelona to share more of the story with you guys! Anyone listen to the audiobook? How'd you like it? Next update will be up over the weekend or early next week!)