*Note: Click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen Maglonzo) featuring music by Smallpools, Saint Raymond, and Young The Giant.
Alex
"Hey, where you guys going? The party's just getting started! I didn't even get to sing Justin Bieber's 'Sorry' yet and that's like the highlight of my show. Hold up!"
Elias shouts out to the crowd but the smell's too strong and his pleas are too late to stop them. Within minutes almost no one's left standing in the Covel Courtyard area aside from me, Indigio, and Elias with his coke bottle microphone.
Back when I was still seeing shrinks for my problems, the only cool therapist I had used to say that I spent too much time feeling sorry for other people. I'd walk down the street on the way to her sessions, see a homeless man, and then spend the entirety of our appointment talking about how unjust the world had been to a total stranger instead of focusing on my own problems.
Ever since she pointed that out, I've tried my best not to pity other people to the point where it eclipses my issues. But seeing Elias standing there alone, half-naked, watching his crowd of adoring fans leave him surrounded by stinky fruit pieces, I couldn't help but feel kinda bad for him.
Not to mention guilty.
The thing is, I thought that when his whole concert came to an end that he'd just laugh it off or act indifferent like he normally does.
But now he looks so down that I--
Crap.
I should apologize.
Genuinely apologize.
If someone ruined my concert with flying pieces of stinky durian I'd probably want them to apologize to me too.
"Well, we did it, Alex. The courtyard's gonna be a ghost town for a good few hours with this much fruit on the ground. Now what? Should we start a riot?"
Indigo wipes the blade of her knife on the edge of her knit tank top. I hope eau de durian comes out in the wash, otherwise that shirt's gonna spend the rest of the semester quarantined in a plastic bag somewhere in our room. Fact.
"Actually, I think we should apologize," I say.
Indigo cocks her head to the side and narrows her cat-like eyes at me.
"Oh. Okay. Why the sudden change in your chakra?" She asks.
"I don't know. I thought the whole clearing out the concert thing was gonna be a good idea, but once people started leaving, Elias looked so bummed about it that I-"
"I'm not bummed about anything 'cause you're still here."
Suddenly I'm surrounded by arms, and not just any arms but arms that are warm, and strong, and pulling me closer to a body that's barely clothed.
My blood pressure spikes, my heart races, and my face catches fire the second he touches me.
He's touching me.
Holding me like he did on our last day at Belmar.
And in the space between those few seconds some broken part of me misses it.
Some ugly, repressed, unfaithful part of me misses the illusion of who we used to be.
Or what I thought we used to be.
And then my body remembers the aftermath.
The crushing weight of his absence, the dull ache of the hollowness he left behind.
And I shut down.
Shut off.
Force all the deluded bits and pieces of Dumb Alex's dreams back into Pandora's box and leave them there to die.
She has no business hoping for happy endings or romantic resolutions where there are none to be had.
Our story ended when the summer did.
"Elias, could you please not do that. I don't think Daniella would be comfortable with your behavior right now."
I peel out of his over the shoulder bear hug and turn around to find him staring at me with an uncharacteristically cheerful smile plastered across his face.
"Nah, she's cool with whatever. So how'd you like the show? I saw you watching me out there."
Elias plants his hands on his hips and puffs up his chest like some kind of rooster. For a guy in a relationship, he's way more cocky than he should be. Dan would be devastated seeing him parading around girls like he's still interested in them.
Or maybe Dan already knows that Elias is still trying to prove to the rest of the world that he's not gay. He is a doctor after all. Either way, my job is to try to make Elias feel as comfortable about his sexuality as possible, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
"Yeah, you were great! I-I-Indigo thought so too. Right?"
I elbow Indigo and she snaps out of snacking on a left over piece of durian to join the conversation.
"Yeah. Sure. It was rad. Nice guitar skills, Elias."
Elias's eyes triple in size along with his smile.
"Aw thanks, Idaho!"
"It's Indigo."
"That's what I said! Anyway, thanks for coming! You smell weird and look kinda different today, did you wash your face?"
Indigo rolls her eyes and pops another stinky piece of durian into her mouth before answering.
"Did you? The drool stain you've had from staring at Alex all afternoon is like super obvious. You should deal with that."
Elias lets out a bark of a laugh and pulls Indigo into a side hug she's less than prepared for.
"You're blunt. I like you. But I like Alex more, so don't get your hopes up."
Just ignore him, Alex. He's just using you to cover up his feelings for Dan.
"My hopes are subterranean when it comes to you, Elias."
Elias's nose scrunches up like a rabbit's.
"Subta-what?"
"Subterranean. In other words, you're not my type. Besides, I'm all for rectifying unresolved love stories, and from the looks of it, you two have some resolving to do."
Up until about ten seconds ago Indigo seemed like the cool, clueless, roommate who was too busy working towards achieving nirvana to notice anything about me and Elias. But now she seems to think we're "unresolved" or whatever which is totally not true. The only thing unresolved between him and I is this situation with Dan. Period end of sentence.
"Oh, no, no, no. Indigo. Elias already has someone special in his life," I say.
"You're right. I do--"
Elias winks at me, takes his arm off of Indigo, and then steps in way too close for comfort. He stares down at me with his ridiculously green eyes, snakes his hands around my waist, and reaches for my back pocket.
"--and she's been very bad girl. But it's okay. I'll let this one slide--"
He pulls his phone out of my shorts and slowly grazes the cool metal body up the length of my back and along the slope of my neck.
"--literally."
I fight every single cell in my body that responds to his touch and shut my eyes so he can't read my blatant attraction to him between the lines.
This has to stop. I have to stop. Before Dumb Alex breaks out of her cage and ruins two relationships at once.
I lean in towards Elias so that only he can hear me, but he doesn't shy away the way a person with a boyfriend should. Instead, he inches as close as he can without the two of us actually touching, and for a good couple seconds even I start to question whether or not Elias is really--
No, positive thinking Alex.
You know what you heard.
Elias is gay as day.
Don't question it.
Don't question him.
Just stick to the game plan and everything will be fine.
"You know, you don't have to pretend to like me anymore, Elias. I know about you and Dan," I whisper.
Elias recoils from me, face whiter than toothpaste.
"Y-You do?"
"Yeah, but don't worry, I haven't told anybody. And I won't if you don't want me to. I just think it could be helpful if maybe Indigo knew too so you're not alone."
Elias's eyes do suicides in his sockets and it takes him a long while before he finds it in himself to respond.
"H-how'd you find out about Dan?"
"I kind of stole your phone and called him earlier."
"You're quite the little thief, Jersey. I don't hate it though. You'd make a hot little cat-burglar."
"Focus on the issue here, Elias. We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. You don't have to pretend anymore, Dan told me everything."
Elias's cheeks flush black cherry red.
"Shit, really? He's not supposed to do that. He's not supposed to tell anyone anything about me."
I place my hands on his broad shoulders and try to squeeze away his tension. His muscles ripple under my fingers. Honestly, where did they even come from? Do boys just disappear for a year and magically grow muscles everywhere?
"I know, but I'm happy he told me the things he did. I just wanted you to know that I'm okay with everything. Especially with what all this means for you and me."
Elias blinks about fifty thousand times as my words settle in.
"Are you for real right now? Like for real, for real?"
I can't help but break into a smile seeing him this excited. It's kind of adorable and if this is anything close to what he looked like as a kid, I'm sure his mom probably spoiled him rotten.
"Yeah! I even bought your book earlier so I can read everything you wrote about the past year. I'm sorry I acted like a jerk at Dr. Garrett's office about taking your copy."
"It's cool, Jersey."
Elias runs a hand through my hair and starts playing with a few strands in his fingers. Why is he playing with my hair? Maybe he wants long hair too. Just keep an open mind Alex. Acceptance and empathy make the world go round.
"No, it wasn't cool at all. I kind of said some pretty horrible things to you, but after talking to Dan, 'Letters to Jersey' is at the top of my list of things to read."
Elias shoots his hands into the air and let's out the kind of rebel yell I only thought cowboys and country boys were capable of.
"Did you hear that Indigo?! She's gonna read it! Jersey's gonna read it!"
I thought I told him never to call me--
"Oh. So you're Jersey. That's gotta be awkward for your boyfriend," Indigo says.
I step away from a slap happy, celebratory Elias and pull Indigo to the side.
"Okay, first of all, never repeat that nickname to anyone, okay? Yes, I'm Jersey, and yes this book is kind of sort of about me because Elias and I used to date...sort of...but I swear this situation's not what it looks like because Elias is--"
Carrying me.
My feet go first.
One foot flies off the ground after the other, and then my whole body follows.
The same strong arms I had to escape from earlier are wrapped tightly around my waist and holding me steady across his broad shoulder.
I shout at Indigo to help me. To stop him. To do anything other than wave at me while I disappear into the distance. Instead of coming to my rescue, she's smiling that annoyingly mysterious smile she's had on her face ever since Elias jumped off stage to talk to us. Traitor.
I try poking Elias's back to distract him or slow him down, but when that fails I resort to good old fashioned begging. My first couple pleas for him to let me go were pretty compelling, but apparently Elias doesn't respond to cries for help. He does what he wants to do, which apparently involves abducting me. The more I plead, the faster he runs, smiling and laughs off my requests for release all the while.
"Elias Alexander King, if you don't drop me in the next thirty seconds--"
"Give me thirty-five and I'll put you down where you belong," he says.
He kicks open the door of Canyon point and zooms past a group of bros chilling in the downstairs lobby. Two out of the three boys take one look at us and cheer Elias on while the third is too busy texting to notice what's happening.
"This isn't what it looks like! We're just friends!" I whisper as Elias rounds the corner towards the stairs.
"Whatever you say, chica! Way go, King!" The beefiest of the three calls out.
What is it with this school and everyone a) misinterpreting things and b) fawning over everything Elias does? Honestly, I could be being kidnapped for all they know, but since the world operates on double standards, if Elias is the one doing it, it's all good in the hood.
"Hold on, Jersey, this may get a little bumpy."
Elias leaps up three stairs at a time which technically should be impossible given his injuries.
"How are you even doing this? Aren't you in pain?" I ask.
"Nope! I popped like three Vicodin a little while ago so I feel like a fucking superhero. Up and away, bae!"
Elias glides to the top of the stairs, waltzes into quad three, and darts straight for his door.
Wait.
His door?
What's happening?
(Thanks for reading guys! Part 3 will be up very soon! Thank you for reading & listening to the audiobook if you did!)