*NOTE: Check out the Audiobook version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12Â (Kristen M.)! Featuring music by A Great Big World.
NOTE: This is the first written collaboration that Kristen M. (so follow her :)!) and I did together. She co-wrote this entry along with me and did the amazing artwork so I really hope you guys enjoy it! We will be continuing to collaborate on the Letters to Jersey entries!
***
Elias
Dear Jersey,
I read this book the other day.
And I found you.
Written all over the pages.
In the words. In the pauses. And in all of the spaces.
All the beautiful parts of you were in all the right places.
But a book's just a book.
That's what everyone says
But, you're all that I need in this hospital bed--
I read.
I read your words
Your lines
Your verse
And each time's
Like the first time
I've heard
Something
So.
Damn.
Beautiful.
But there's too many people full
Of doubts.
And thoughts.
People who bought into the idea that
I can't tell what's fake from what's fact.
But, I know it's not fiction.
Because the truth of your words and your lines caused friction
In a wayward heart that almost stopped beating
In the soul of a boy who hasn't stopped needing
You.
But as long as I'm reading your truth,
I'll have something to hold on to.
So...
This.
This is where I begin.
In this white-walled room
With a ball point pen.
These are the sorry's that I couldn't say
But, my words and excuses won't fix that day
They
Won't fix the girl I let get away
But you never knew
That I wanted to stay
God, I wanted to stay.
But you.
You were the one that they forced me to leave.
And you have every right not to believe me.
And, you won't. I know.
But I hope you do. Someday.
And, even though,
I disappeared with your heart in my hand.
You know you have every right to demand--
More from a boy that you mistook for a man
A boy who ran
Who didn't think.
And all the ink I'm spilling across this note
Won't ever make up for the lie I wrote
That day.
Those two little words.
That put all our hopes and dreams in a hearse
The text I know I shouldn't have sent.
Cause I still can't forget the way that we went
Wrong.
Now my heart's been stuck for way too long
In a place where it knows it doesn't belong.
So this
Is my apology
My attempt at an honest I'm sorry
For the nothing's I left you with.
For denying what's true
For sitting in that damn airport instead of running back to you.
For not doing the things I promised I'd do.
For what you gave.
And all I took away.
For the things I never said to you that day.
I'm
so
sorry.
And if an apology's only as good as the man
Then damn.
I'm sorry for being the person I am.
For not being the guy you need me to be
For these words falling short since they're coming from me.
Babe, I know I'm not good enough.
And I know I'm not good.
But on nights like tonight I wish that I could
Change.
I wish I could rearrange
Our whole history.
Cause if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be
Stuck in my memory
Tucked inside black and white pages
Hidden beneath my sheets
Where no one can see the paper trail between you and me.
So this.
This is my answer.
My reply.
My shot to step up and be the guy
Who'll scribble his heart out in faded pen.
Day after day,
Till I see you again.
I will see you again.
So let's start again
With a hospital letter
And a ball point pen
And this.
This is only the first.
-Elias
(Thank you guys for being so patient with this update! This week has been crazy busy so things got pushed back. Hope you guys enjoyed the read and the audiobook! Next update should be on Tuesday!)