*Note: Click the Youtube link above to listen to the audiobook version of this chapter voiced by Kristen kaelking12Â featuring music by Regina Spektor, The Fratellis, Alex & Sierra, Luhx., and Paramore.
Alex
Note to Self: Dear Jersey/Alex/J/ Whatever your name is,
Should you, for some strange reason, find yourself in a dress buying scenario with Elias ever again--you are to refuse at all costs.
No exceptions.
Do not be dazzled by his boyish yet rugged good looks, do not get caught up in those pretty eyes.
Keep calm, carry on and bite your tongue off before you say yes to the dress.
Sincerely yours,
-Smart Alex
***
Ladies of the universe, if you ever have the misfortune of walking into a dress shop with your creepster of an ex-boyfriend, know this:
Never let him pick out your outfit. Ever.
Why?
Because right now I'm trapped in a shoe box of a fitting room wearing a dress that's all boobs, too much ass, and no class.
Fact.
Okay, maybe that's only a partial fact because it's mildly elegant--in a revealing kind of way. But still. Only Elias would pick out a royal blue, sleek, silky little number that hugs my curves in ways I didn't know were possible. And now--I'm refusing to let him see me in it as a sign of protest---and mild paranoia.
What if he sees me and thinks I look as risqué as I feel? What if he thinks I look like a slutty smurf? He'll drop the Jersey nickname in a New York minute and crown me queen of the Big Apples.
There's no way he won't notice my boobs! They're practically Pop-Tarting their way out of this thing, and if I notice that, so will he.
He's already been shady enough today as it is, so the whole boobs on display situation isn't gonna help.
Okay, Alex.
Game plan time.
You can get out of this. All you have to do is unzip the back of your dress, change back into your clothes, and--
"Wow."
Elias appears behind me, eyes dazed and devoted to scanning every detail of my body. He stares at me in silence, taking me in an uncomfortable inch at a time. The high schooler in me wants to disappear, to dissolve into this dress and hide somewhere his eyes won't find me.
But right before I cave, before I follow the impulse to let my insecurities shut him out, he lightly brushes my hair away from my shoulder and kisses the side of my neck. His lips are soft, innocent, and intoxicating to the point where I almost forget that we're pretending.
And I almost forget who I am.
I look up at our reflections in the mirror, and for a split second, I see a boy and a girl who are anything but broken. I see a me who doesn't hate herself for leaning back into Elias' arms, and a him who isn't afraid to catch me.
Maybe this is who we're supposed to be. A stronger version of our old selves. People who aren't afraid to love each other out loud. People who proudly wear our hearts tattooed on our sleeves.
I want to be those people.
I want the illusion of happiness I see to kick and scream it's way past our sadness and make itself real. So I swallow the fear rising in my throat, and let Elias take the lead.
Stupidly. Recklessly.
I let the both of us make believe.
He lightly traces his fingers across the soft curve of my collarbones, brushes his palms over my shoulders, and grazes his way down the length of my arms. His hands find their way home and tangle together with mine.
It's awkward at first. I fumble around until he reminds me just how well our fingers fit together.
He feels so familiar. Safe, terrifying, tumultuous. Elias is all energy--raw, unrestricted, electricity that runs through everything he touches. And his touch is resonating through me.
He's buzzing in my veins, sneaking into my bloodstream, and sinking into all the places he left lonely. We're both so different now. Even in the way we collide.
I remember when he used to ooze darkness and heaviness. His hands took pieces of me every time they brushed my skin. His sadness left scars. But now he's pure light.
Hope.
I'm the one full of shadows. Full of secrets I don't want found.
He pulls me closer, and my lungs lock tight in my chest while my heart betrays its instincts to protect itself. I should tear myself away from him, or at least try to put some space between the two of us. But, I don't move. I can't. Too much of me has missed this side of him to shatter the moment.
This is the kind of spark I couldn't find with Kai.
Him and I were just empty motions, good intentions lost in a missed connection.
Kai tried to heal a heart he didn't own. A heart he never held onto because Elias always did. He still does. And that scares me because no matter how steady his hands seem now, they're still the same ones that broke it before.
But old scars aside, today we're just an illusion. People wearing masks of a relationship that could've been. We're the same liars we were last summer. The only problem is, it's getting harder to tell the lies from the truth.
"Elias, maybe we should find another dress. This one is--"
"It's perfect."
He moves his lips from my neck down to the edge of my shoulder and leaves them there long enough to drive me crazy. My skin heats up at his touch.
He runs his hands along my waist and squeezes, hoping to tease me into trouble, but I break the connection. I step away and turn around to find his face stuck between desperation and disappointment.
"You're killing me, Jersey," he says, exasperated.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I let you come in here. I don't know why I keep letting you--"
I trail off, but Elias taps his finger under my chin and lifts my gaze away from the floor.
"Yes, you do."
I do. I still want too many things I shouldn't from you. Things I don't deserve.
Elias takes the sides of my face in his hands and looks down at me like he's holding the most precious thing in the world.
"Do you ever miss it? The way we were before I--"
His voice dies away in his throat while guilt washes over his eyes.
"--before I left?"
I take a minute to try to catch myself from falling into the memory of his absence, but some part of the sadness stays.
We could've been so different if he hadn't walked off that beach. He would've been there to save me from myself.
"I miss some things, like not being afraid all the time," I say.
"Of what?"
Of needing you. Of losing you. Of making you walk away from me.
"I don't know. I guess I miss moments when we didn't care what anybody thought. When we were reckless."
Elias's eyes drop to my lips and linger there for what feels like forever. I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth to try and hide from that gaze, but he doesn't break it.
"Elias? Did I say something wrong?"
He shakes his head full of dark wild hair and smiles the kind of smile that makes my stomach do gymnastics.
"Nah. I'm just trying to figure out how I can give you exactly what you're missing."
He reaches back and shuts the dressing room door in one swift motion before shifting his attention back to me.
"How reckless are we talking?" He asks.
But before I can answer, his hands slip around the back of my dress and tug at the clasp. The hinges of my bra follow suit.
"This reckless?"
He pulls at the zipper slowly and watches me while I silently implode on myself.
"Or this reckless?"
A glimmer of a smile skims across his lips as he undoes my dress down to my lower back. I throw my hands across my chest and catch my dress before it leaves me half naked in front of the one person I shouldn't be. I gasp, my brain finally unfogs itself, and I will myself to speak up to stop him before we go too far.
"Elias, what the heck do you think you're doing?!"
"The kinds of things I'd do to you if I were your boyfriend."
"But, you're not my boyfriend."
"True. But I'm pretty sure you want me to be."
His smirk melts into a cocky laugh that's all to reminiscent of the old him. Last summer, situations like this would've made my heart beat out of my chest.
Now they just make me sick.
Sad.
Confused.
"I just want..."
My voice dies away in my throat as he shifts his weight and leans into me to the point where I literally feel every part of him. His stupidly strong frame, his surfer chiseled chest, his-- everything.
I hate myself for all the ways my body responds to him. The way it still needs him. Still wants him. Still lies to him like it can fall back into old habits again.
But our habits were what got us here in the first place.
And, I'm not supposed to want go back to them any more.
"...I just want some space."
"You sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm sure--"
No, I'm not. My pulse is pounding in places you wouldn't believe.
"--and I have logical reasons to be this...sure. Reason number one, we're in public! Reason number two, we're not actually dating! And, Reason number three, you plus me plus a fake relationship equals disaster circa one year ago!"
He drops his chin, presses his lips against my neck, and sucks my skin ever so lightly through his teeth.
"I know, but I don't care about any of that. i care about right now. You're my girlfriend for the day, remember?"
I stare up at him, hoping to see a glimmer of the good boy he'd been earlier, but his eyes say otherwise. They're hooded, dark, dangerous, and right when I expect him to break his gaze, he doesn't.
The butterflies in my stomach stir up a tropical storm, and I step backwards until my legs brush against the mirror behind me. Elias follows my lead until we're both pressed against the glass. He leans down and runs his tongue along the outside of my ear, and Smart Alex drops dead right there in the middle of the dressing room floor.
"I'm not your 'girlfriend' until we get to--"
"Second base?"
He dips his head down to kiss me through a smile, but I turn away.
"--No! Until we get to your dad's!"
"Technically, we're on the way, so...why not start the fun before we get to the party?"
I try to stop and process what Elias is saying, but the sound of my heart beating a million miles per hour drowns out all common sense. This can't be healthy.
What if it genuinely beats its way out of my chest? Or what if it explodes? I'm pretty sure I read about someone who's heart blew up because it was beating too fast. Was that on the Discovery Channel or TLC?
Documentaries don't lie, and I'm about to be one of those horror stories they talk about on their after hours specials. I can see it now:
New Jersey girl bites it after ex-boyfriend's swagger causes her heart to explode.
"Jersey? You there?"
Elias snaps a finger in front of my face, but I don't know why he's snapping because I'm pretty sure I was paying attention the whole time.
"Yes? Why do you ask?"
He stares at me looking a little too concerned for my liking. There's no reason for him to be concerned at all because I'm fine. He's the one who's being creepy and giving my heart palpitations.
"Because I asked you a question and you didn't say anything. You just kept staring at my t-shirt with your mouth open," he says.
That's because his shirt has like a million little threads in it, and I was trying to count them. I felt like if I counted all the threads instead of worrying about my heart exploding it would calm me down.
Not only that, but for a couple seconds, I saw all the threads, like I had super vision or something. But since Elias doesn't have super vision this situation is now ridiculously awkward because now it just looks like I was oggling his chest which I wasn't. At least, I don't think I was.
Was I?
Ha ha.
Oogle?
Ogle?
Oggle?
That's a funny word.
"Jersey!"
Again with the snapping. Well, he's in a snappy mood today.
"What?"
"What do you mean what? You still didn't answer the question, and when I asked you again you started giggling."
"No I--"
Tee-hee.
Giggling's funny word too. So funny in fact that it deserves to be laughed at.
Something like a snort escapes my nose and I lose it. I let out a gargantuan laugh and lean into Elias's chest where a series of giggles go bouncing off his body.
He places his hand in the center of my back and tries to steady me and shush me at the same time, but it's useless.
"Babe, your laugh is the best, but if you're not quiet we're gonna get--"
"Excuse me, is everything alright in there?"
Someone knocks on the door, and I'm pretty sure it's the dressing room police. They probably heard us. They're probably going to arrest us and then we'll be right back where we started. I can't go to jail. I'm on the scholarship, and my mother will chop my head off if I don't graduate!
"We're fine. My girlfriend just needs a little help with her dress."
Three knocks again. Maybe it isn't the dressing room police, maybe it's the big bad wolf. Except the girl version. Big Bad Wolfette. Ha. Ha. Ha.
"Sir, we don't allow male guests in the dressing rooms along with our female clientele. Open the door please, or I'm afraid I'll have to-"
"Do whatever you want. We're a little too pre-occupied right now to follow orders," Elias says.
I stare up at him terrified, suddenly realizing just how bad this situation looks from the outside in. The dressing room police lady sounds super snooty, and she'll totally judge us if she sees my dress halfway down my back and me all over--
The door clicks open, and the judgement begins. I try my best to pull up my dress, but Elias unzipped it to a point of no return. I'm pretty sure my bra is exposed to the point where I've given this lady a partial free show. Fan-freaking-tastic.
"I'm sorry young man, but this type of behavior is unacceptable at our store."
I take one look at the leather-skinned, stone-faced woman staring down her nose at us, and immediately decide that her face is not only annoyingly snooty but extremely hilarious. She looks the way my fingers would if I sat in the bath for a hundred years. Straight.
"Look, Prune Face--
Ha.
"--you don't know what me and my boyfriend--"
Ha ha.
"--were doing, so save your judgements for somebody--"
And the giggle fest begins. Again.
"--else!"
Elias helps me stand up straight, zips up my dress, and says something to the woman that sounds like an apology. I'm too busy trying to breathe through my laughter to pay attention.
"Sorry, she's a little out of it today--"
Out of it? Who's he calling out of it? The only person out of anything is him. His brain might as well have gone to Bermuda given his whole fake-girlfriend plan. It's ridiculous. Just like Prune-Lady's wrinkly old face.
"--we'll take this dress, those shoes, and be on our way," Elias says.
Prune Lady makes no motion towards the check out counter and gives Elias a blatently rude one over instead.
"Young man, this store is a boutique. You're aware that the outfit you've just purchased costs well over--"
"Will this cover it?"
Elias whips out his wallet and hands the store clerk a Visa Black Card with his name printed on it in silver lettering. Her mouth drops open in sync with mine.
When the heck did he get that? Do all best-selling authors get black cards? Is he just posing as an author but is secretly a member of the mafia?
I don't want to fake date a member of the mafia! It'll be all down hill from here.
"Yes, sir, that should do. Is there anything else I can get you?"
Elias cocks a skeptical eyebrow before waving her off in the direction of the cash register."
Someone else to handle check out would be great. Thanks."
His voice comes out cold and curt which is so unlike him it sucks all the air out of the room. Elias watches the store clerk disappear out of earshot before he breathes out his frustration.
"What was that?" I ask.
He runs his hands along the ridge of his brow trying to smooth out the furrows etched into his forehead.
"That was an example of everything I hate about some of the stuck up people who work here."
"No, not that. The way you talked to her, and the whole black card thing. It wasn't you."
Hurt flickers across his face as soon as those words leave my mouth, and I immediately regret pointing out anything at all.
"Elias, just forget I said that I--"
"No. You're right. I'm sorry. It just, I used to come by this place all the time with my mom, and I still remember that woman. She never liked us. She always acted like my mom didn't deserve to wear the dresses she bought. She probably doesn't remember me, but I'd know that face anywhere. She still looks at me the same way she did back then. Like I'm a stray dog who wandered into her shop and pissed all over her expensive clothes ."
I roll up my imaginary sleeves and pop the pressure out of my fists the second he finishes his story.
"Well she looks like someone sucked up all her juices out and hung her up in this shop to dry about a thousand years ago! I'll teach her how to look at her customers with respect! Which way did she go?!"
I take one step forward and next thing I know I'm lying on the ground with a mouth full of carpet. It tickles and tastes like feet, and I probably should be crying, but my mind keeps replaying the image of what it must've looked like when I fell, and I die laughing.
I laugh into the floor. I roll on my side and laugh into the air. I laugh in Elias's general direction hoping he'll join me, but he's not laughing at all.
He drops to his knees, scoops me up in his arms, and stares at me like I'm a science experiment gone horribly wrong.
"Look at me real quick," he says, his voice stern and authoritative.
It's kind of sexy when he takes charge like this. Not in a bossy I'm-telling-you-what-to-do-because-I'm-older-and-I-know-things kind of way, but in an I can be your hero, kind of way.
Kai was the overprotective type, always asking me what was wrong, always telling me what I needed and didn't need when all I actually needed was space. But Elias is different in the way he holds me, in the way he handles me, and right now, even though I'm sprawled on the ground, I kind of feel like I'm flying.
"Yes, sir! Right away, sir!" I shout.
He gently shushes me, but his shushing sound kicks off another round of the giggles again. I don't ever remember feeling this happy before. Maybe once, at my 4th grade birthday, back when I had friends and we got to eat unlimited Chuck E Cheese Pizza, but that was eons ago.
Maybe I'm---dreaming? Maybe I'm really still back at my dorm asleep on my bed and this is all some Inception level situation. Crap. What if I can't get out of this dream? What if this is a dream within a dream, and I never find my way back to reality? Oh God help me. Wake up, Alex! Wake up!
"Did you eat something weird before we came here?" He asks.
"Weird. What do you mean weird? Eating baked goods for breakfast is not weird. Some of us
enjoy the unhealthier things in life, Elias."
He shakes his head and pity smiles at me.
"Yeah, they were baked alright. Did you read the packaging on those brownies you found?"
"No, 'cuz there wasn't any. They were wrapped in foil which means they were homemade with love from the best roommate in the world. Oh my gosh wait. Do you think she's gonna be made at me for eating her brownies? I totally forgot to ask. She's going to hate me, Elias, and then I'll have no friends."
"She's not gonna hate you, Jersey. You may owe her a couple favors, but she's not gonna hate you. These kind of brownies aren't exactly hard to come by."
He chokes back a laugh, which is totally inappropriate because I'm in the middle of a friend-losing crisis, and he's acting like Mr. Sunshine. Not cool.
"What kind of brownies?"
"Hash brownies."
I sit up faster than I've ever sat up in my life and nearly knock Elias off balance.
"You mean, those greasy little potato things you get from McDonalds for $1.99? I love those! Speaking of McDonalds, can we eat after this? I'm hungry. Like super hungry, and all of this dress trying on stuff is making it way worse."
"Nah, I'm pretty sure the weed's the problem, but think what you want."
Weed? Did he say weed? Oh please. I don't do weed, or any other drugs for that matter, so he's clearly misinformed. Besides, if I'd done weed, I'd know it, and last time I checked I wasn't rolling any fatties on the drive down to San Diego. Inarguable fact.
"Elias, I have never willingly done drugs in my entire life."
He ruffles my hair and grins at me like I've completely missed the point of this entire conversation.
"Then congratulations, Jersey. Welcome to your first high."
***
(Thank you guys for being so patient on this update! Kristen (kaelking12) and I really appreciate your patience! Anybody else excited to see what happens during Jersey's very first high? Theories welcome ;)!
PS: CHEATER.FAKER.TROUBLEMAKER NEEDS YOUR HELP ON GOODREADS! If you guys read the novel, it would me a great deal to me if you were to leave an honest rating or review of the book over on Goodreads! I've just gotten my official author page so any help from you guys to support the story would be wonderful! Please let me know if you leave a review or rating so Kristen and I can thank you!)
LINK:Â https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35010424-cheater-faker-troublemaker