*NOTE: If you're in the mood for the FEELS & you want to know how kaelking12 and I wanted the rhythm/meter of this letter/poem to sound check out the Audiobook version of this chapter voiced by (Kristen)! Featuring music by Taking Back Sunday by clicking the link above!
Dear Jersey,
I found you.
And, I can't believe I did.
I can't believe I hid for so long.
And how wrong it was.
And now all I see are the subtleties.
The fear behind that smile of glass.
The lines of pain between the cracks.
And stacks of questions you quietly ask-
Sad confusion clouding your eyes.
And, I can't help but wonder...if it was all because of ME.
You see...I found YOU.
And, you'll say, that's sounds crazy, E, you've said that already-
I did-
-on purpose, but this time, less nervous, redundantly.
Three lines back, this time looking forward.
-To rid you of uncertainty,
I state,
I found you, babe.
I've always vowed to since the day I lost you at that beach.
The day I lost myself in the far reaches of my brokenness. And this whole mess I made.
And loneliness.
It leaves you to think about a lot of things.
Like how quiet can kill the strongest of queens.
Or how silence can be our worst enemy.
But, that loneliness in quiet gave me nothing but sleepless nights and waking dreams to hold onto.
Some nights, when sleep doesn't come, I watch dark turn into day. And, in that evolution of time...when shadows dance across the room, and black changes from shadow into orange blooms, when the moon sleeps and the sun rise looms over me.
All I think about is you.
The you I knew.
And, if, I'll ever see her again.
And, I do. Strong glimmers in fact. Then this doubt sets in reminding you that I left. Then you try to hide or do your act of trying to pretend, that this doesn't matter, or you'd be fine if it ends. Or maybe, if after everything, we could just be friends
But it was never just.
Babe, we were always us. We still are. Broken parts made whole when together.
Sometimes...I end up thinking about this dream of how we held our hearts in our hands.
And, of how safe I wanted to keep it.
Then now, you'd claim what I did was leave it.
But I was just scared.
To hold something so strong in my hands and know that I still had the power to break it.
In spite of my fear and this past year, babe, know I'd never forsake it.
Lord knows I could never take that.
Please forgive me.
I just had to disappear for awhile,
Leaving you in the absence of my company.
But,
You found me,
One year later,
In that hallway with less than five feet in between,
And at that moment I knew, you'd seen what I'd seen.
This dream.
You in his arms, your heart still in mine.
And this vision made real of me coming to find-
You.
Finally.
Our eyes streamlined connecting one to the other.
And you knew.
I knew.
We both knew one thing.
That this thing was far from over.
The quiet killer of space plus time,
Made it so much harder to find where I left you.
And this entire time in quiet,
When I left you alone,
The one thing you should've known,
Is everything you are is hoME.
And that's what I mean when I think of this dream.
My waking dream is
You.
With me.
By my side,
Fingers intertwined,
All truth no lies,
Lips made for mine-
I'd give anything to have you next to me.
These broken parts that make the mess of me.
Your shattered pieces make the best of me.
And in each other you and I become the "WE" I've been after.
Made whole in a beautiful broken kaleidoscope of color-
And history.
That even in the midst of ME and all the chaos I bring.
You're still here.
You've stuck with me through and through,
Regardless of what I've done or continue to do,
You carry it all and everything it does to us.
Babe, I know you've struggled learning to trust.
Again.
I still struggle knowing I'll never be enough.
And then,
There's you.
And everything you are.
Bruised, a bit broken,but beautifully strong.
And STRENGTH is really just a test of time.
I count on it when it comes to us.
I just... can't let this dream STOP,
When there's been so much to hold everything together.
From your truth that kills lies, or that backseat Saab night.
To your calm in the crash of a bumper car fright.
And those pages you sent with love laced in each line.
Everything you've done so far to make all things right.
Even now 126 miles home under these San Diego skies.
And these 365 days that were more than enough time,
To find,
You.
Yet again,
On a another beach.
The question remains,
If it's enough to keep.
You.
-Elias
***
Written by kaelking12
(Thank you guys again so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this awesome Letters to Jersey entry written by my bestie kaelking12! Not only that but she was nice enough to jump into the studio in the middle of a super busy to record the audiobook version as well (so feel free to listen to that too). We're been having a blast collaborating on this book and coming up with exciting twists and turns for you guys! If you're not already following her on Wattpad click her username above!
Note: Elias's handwritten journal entry pictures are on the way! So check back soon to see the handwritten entry!
PS: Don't forget to vote if you enjoyed reading the chapter/listening to the audiobook! I'm pushing myself to have the next update up by Sunday!)