"Alright." Huck held his hands up for a moment, understanding. Then he rubbed them together. "I... Okay. I didn't know where running would take me..." Huck looked at Tom one moment longer. "That relationship I had on my journeys. I met him when I was looking for a place to settle. Just a night or so, but then..." Huck watched for Tom's reaction. And Tom didn't notice at first, but then his eyes flicked up. Tom's stomach swirled.
"Him?" Tom asked. Huck nodded slightly, slowly. Tom ran a hand through his hair.
"So you're..." Tom started, and Huck nodded.
"Yeah, I..." Huck took in a long breath, and let it out. "Yes."
Tom ran his hand through his hair again. His thoughts stopped. Everything did. There could be a chance. Huck could like him. He... He wasn't alone.
But then the thoughts caught up to him. It didn't matter much, did it? Huck didn't like Tom the same way. He would still have to marry Becky.
Huck could probably see the dull in Tom's eyes, and the slumping slouch he gained, because he got up and walked towards Tom. He sat down right in front of him. Knee to knee. And Tom looked up quickly, looked around.
"Tom, I... It's still me. If you're afraid I'm gonna kiss you again or somethin'â"
"I'm not." Tom said quickly. His heart was beating so, so fast. Huck gave him a side glance. "IâNo, I," Tom sighed quickly. "It's not that..."
"So... You're fine with this?" Huck asked. More than fine. In the slight chance that Huck liked him back, then... There was a chance.
"With you? Huck, itâ" Tom looked up at his eyes. They were so close. "It's still you." He said.
"I... I would'a thought you'd," Huck stopped, taking a breath. He looked up at the sky and laughed, and looked back down and Tom could see the shine in his eyes, the worried smile on his face. "Well, that's sure a relief." Tom wanted to kiss him. He couldn't.
"Huck, can you... Finish your story?" Tom asked. He swallowed.
"Oh! Right, yeah!" Huck said with another little laugh. His voice was so nice with a laugh. "Alright," He rubbed his hands together and gained a distant look again. "So I met him when I was lookin' for a place to sleep at. And his family was fine with me bein' there as long as I did some work. Farm stuff, you know. Washin' up the horses and the house and things like that. I didn't mind." Huck said.
His smile stayed. "And that boy was awful nice... And, uh," Huck's face showed happiness, worry, tiredness. Everything, so complex. Tom could hardly decipher any of it. "We were interested in each other. 'Had been a few weeks, then a month or so. And we were together, but..." His face lost part of its glow. "His family found out about us. They drove me out, of course. I," Huck closed his eyes a moment. There was hurt in him. Tom wanted it to be gone. He wanted to see the happy, mysterious, usual Huck.
Huck stayed sitting here, breathing, for a moment longer. Tom held out his hand and put it on Huck's shoulder, lightly, enough for Huck to come back and give a small smile. Huck's eyes were shiny in the worst way, and he continued. "I don't know what happened to him, but... Probably nothing good. And," Huck looked down, pulling away slightly. His hands came to cover his eyes.
Tom felt dark. Felt a pain and an ache in his heart at seeing Huck broken down. "I should'a gone back for him. I shouldn't've left him. Tom, I..." His deep voice had a tremor, a shaking line in it. Huck breathed like wind. Tom's eyes were wide and he put his hands on the sides of Huck's face. Hopefully it would soothe him? Tom never saw anyone being vulnerable. He didn't know what to do.
Tom felt unsupported, and felt a dark surround him like an echo, blanketing him. He felt his own eyes get hot, stinging. And the swirl in his chest just continued.
"Tom, I ran from here. I ran from that other town. Leaving does nothin'. It just carries it all with you." Huck said. He brough his hands up to Tom's arms, and they were held there for moments and moments still, with arms entangled. "I ran from him, and I ain't ever let that go." Huck said. "And," He breathed. Huck's hands slid down Tom's arms, pulling them down, until his hands were on Tom's hands, and they shared each other's warmth. "And I don't want you to just run, Tom. I've been seeing in your eyes, weeks ago and now, and I know it won't help you. You gotta fix the things here first." Huck said. Tom shook his head.
"Huck, I... I can't stay here. It's too much." Tom said. He knew that Huck was right.
He really had been looking to run from here. He had gone to these woods repeatedly, feeling empty and invisible, testing how long and how far he could run and be gone before anyone really noticed.
"Tom, you gotta stay. You have friends. Family. You can't give that all up for nothing. I can help you." Huck said.
"You can't, Huck. Because-- Because you're one of the problems." Tom said. It left his mouth.
And then his breaths were just air. And his heart beating was just an irregular rhythm.
And there was only the shine in Huck's eyes, multiplied and darkening, and the feeling of sinking so far where Tom couldn't do anything. All he ever did was hurt. "I... Iâ" Tom tried and stuttered. Huck pulled away.
"...I am?" Huck asked quietly. Everything was lost in his voice.
"No, I..." But Huck was already getting up. "No, Huck, that's... That's not what I meant." Tom said.
"What did ya mean, Tom?" Huck asked. "I-- I just bared my soul to you, and..."
"I..." Tom couldn't even say it. He was losing Huck, and he couldn't bring him back without making everything else worse.
"Tom, you gotta face your problems. I'm here for you, but you're not here for yourself. You..." Huck rubbed his hands together, looking around quickly and quickly, turning. "I've tried to help you over and over. How am I the problem?" Huck asked. Hurt. Anger. That's what Tom could decipher. Everything else was already gone, hidden.
"I... no, Huck," Tom saw Huck turning away. This was all too fast. One mistake and it all broke apart.
"Whatever. Do what ya do, I guess. You don't want me here." Huck said.
"No. Huck." Tom couldn't put it in words. "I..." He had to tell him. Huck was walking away. It really was all ending.
He had to tell Huck how he loved him. But the words wouldn't form. He felt choked. He felt the tears in his eyes. He couldn't tell him that, because Huck didn't feel that, and then where would he be? Huck was gay but Tom still knew Huck didn't want him like Tom did, him.
"If you can't even say what you mean, then..." Huck threw his hands up. "I don't understand, Tom." His name in this tone... In Huck's voice like this... Tom couldn't bear it. "Just be open with me. If you don't like me, just tell me. Please don't just run away." Huck said. But Huck was still walking away.
"Huckâ"
"I'll see you at school, Tom. If you go, I guess." His words were sharp. He wasn't listening at all. Tom knew he couldn't say anything that mattered. But he tried. Tom just needed to confess. That was the only thing holding him down. It was the only thing he could do.
"Huck, I..." But Huck left the woods with running, angry steps towards school.
Tom closed his eyes and let his hands fall, hot and tense and quick, to his sides. "...I love you." And, again, a moment lost.