Chapter 7: From On High // 1.07

So.

What the hell?

I was attracted to her, intensely, primally, more powerfully than anything else I had ever felt for anyone. That didn’t excuse…whatever that had been. For one, it was probably sexual assault of some sort—but what authority could contain her, short of her teammates? If I had tried harder to stonewall her, would we have wound up here anyway? I was well and truly helpless against her, it seemed. That was an upsetting thought, doubly so for the way it continued to thrill me.

Okay, no, no—I tried to back off from those thoughts. What had she actually offered, magically speaking? She promised some kind of change, a metamorphosis via close contact with her Flame. Close contact…her hips over mine, her lips against mine. That had been my first kiss, and second, and third, and it had been so good—

“Fucking hell.”

I sat up and shook myself, rubbing my face, trying to get her out of my head. I couldn’t. I pulled out my phone to distract myself, flopping over onto my side and opening up the chatroom—but I could barely focus on the little glass-and-plastic rectangle; compared to her, it felt so fake, so distant. She was real and potent and intoxicating, everything I wanted without understanding why, so much more than anything I had experienced before. That was white ripple, it had to be, because the way she was impossibly high-resolution and vivid in my head couldn’t just be the raw attraction—but try as I might, I couldn’t deny even a little of the want. The…craving? Whatever she had done to me, I wanted more of it. Oh no.

I tossed down the phone and tried to re-center in another way. She had interrupted my attempt to organize the contents of my backpack. I got back to work: the knife got re-wrapped in the towel and went back inside the bag for now, the snack bars went on the nightstand next to the moisturizer she had offered to replace—

The thoughts crept in anyway. This was stupid; I was stupid. Why was I even here? Because she wanted me here. Why did she want me here? It almost didn’t matter—even though it most certainly did. She was just so hot—had been completely willing to pin me against the sheets and keep ravaging me, and I had said…had I even said no?

I hefted the backpack and put it on the floor next to my bed. In the end, I had told her to leave…a frustratingly loud part of me, the part she had dragged up from wherever it was buried and stoked until it was ablaze with desire, was still rebuking myself for that. And I hated that I wanted her.

I hated a lot of this, actually. Everything had changed in a single great ripple of fate. Why the hell had I wanted this? I had lost—well, not everything, but every routine and familiar fixture of my old life, replaced by danger and pain and always being around people who wanted things from me. I tried to figure out why that upset me so much, flopping down onto the now-cleared bedspread.

I was a flamebearer now, someone who they said mattered, on the other side of the world with one of the most famous Vaetna-type groups short of the Spire itself, and it was all terrifying and different and I wanted to go home but this was my home now, this mostly empty room down the hall from magical fucking girls who wanted me to become one of them for some reason and—

It was too much. I didn’t sob, but tears escaped my eyes unbidden, rolling down my cheeks and onto the pillow as I stared up at the glaring white lights in the ceiling. Too bright—there was probably a dimmer switch, but I was too overwhelmed. Where did I go from here? How the hell was I supposed to navigate whatever fucked-up, abusive, wildly desirable arrangement I had apparently just entered with Hina? She’d promised to hurt me, and I’d indirectly promised to return the favor—was I actually going to follow through with that? I felt unmoored from the ideals that had so strongly anchored me earlier in the day, with Ai. Part of me wanted to sneak down to her lab and talk through what had just happened with her…it was better to cry with her than alone, maybe.

But I had only met Ai today too. I had been so thoroughly tossed into this new status quo that she was maybe the closest thing I had to a confidant who would ‘get it’. Would Star? Maybe—but I couldn’t bring myself to come clean with how ferally attracted to the fanged girl I found myself, not to somebody who didn’t know her personally, somebody who didn’t feel the danger she exuded. Regardless of how much these feelings had to be white ripple rather than some damnably innate, instinctual part of me—at a remove, Star wouldn’t get the dissonance.

But I couldn’t go talk to Ai for a simpler reason: I wasn’t about to prance through the building shirtless, displaying the lingering marks of Hina’s twisted affections. As I examined where she had bitten me, I knew those marks would linger. She had just destroyed the only shirt I owned, so there was no way for me to hide it, and if the others saw then surely they’d know immediately that it had been her doing. Would they take my side, take pity on me for the way she had all but forced herself on me? Perhaps at first, but if she revealed the full breadth of what I had agreed to explore with her?

Well—slow down, Dalton. She wasn’t a complete monster. She had admitted to her behavior at least partially being a test, and after that point she had been quite respectful of my boundaries and, frankly, adorable. To some extent, now that she had taken my first kiss—and second and third, I still wasn’t even a little over that—and made her pitch, I was closer to her than any of the others; that had pretty clearly been her goal, but she had also said she wasn’t going to monopolize me. That boded well for my overall safety around her, hopefully.

I tried to prioritize practical problems to escape the spiral of thoughts. Getting a new shirt would be a good start; deciding whether I’d go see Ai or just try to go to sleep or figure out other coping mechanisms could wait until after.

ezzen: I don’t suppose there’s spare clothes somewhere in my room?

ebi-furai: uh, nope

ebi-furai: i cant leave amethyst at the moment but opal can bring you something

ebi-furai: one sec

Opal probably wouldn’t tease me about the bites the way Ebi would, but this was still going to be embarrassing. I hastily shed the scraps of my old shirt—not one of any particular nostalgia, at least, just a black long-sleeve V-neck of which I had probably owned half a dozen duplicates, picked for inconspicuity when I had fled for the Gate. I hid it and my torso under the blanket to retain some dignity, peeking just my head out from the covers, hoping Opal would just drop the clothes and leave. At least it was nice and cozy against the winter chill, though the way my blood was still running high from the intimate encounter meant that was sort of moot.

Opal arrived a minute later. My door opened with a click, and padded footsteps came from the antechamber before she appeared at the gateway to my bedroom.

“How’s unpacking?”

She didn’t look any worse for wear since I had last seen her; she was probably mostly moral support when it came to taking care of Amethyst, compared to Ebi being seemingly a one-woman operating room. She had shed the jacket and so was now wearing only the sports bra and leggings, exposing toned midriff that my already riled-up libido didn’t need right now. I tried to keep my voice level.

“Not much to unpack. But my clothes have gotten a bit, er, gross, and I didn’t bring a change…”

I directed my attention instead to the large t-shirt she was carrying on a coat hanger, along with what looked like shorts. She came over and offered me the shirt first. I extended my non-bitten arm out from my nest of blanket and took it from her. It was clearly meant to be an oversize fit, which was good. It had a graphic on it depicting Sailor Moon in streetwear, which was less good, but acceptable. There were more embarrassing things to wear.

“No worries. This is the biggest shirt I could find in our closet. It might be a bit big even on you, but it should be enough for tonight. Want me to wash the old one?”

“Uh—” Shit. I couldn’t just say ‘no’ to that, but I didn’t have an excuse queued up either. Well…nothing for it. I dug out the ruined scraps of fabric, avoiding her eyes. Surely, she’d understand what had happened here, that I hadn’t signed up for this?

“Hina.”

She froze. “Ah. I’m, er—oh no. Are you alright?”

I really didn’t know. Maybe? There was genuine worry on her face—I tried to allay her fears.

“I’m fine. She, um, gave me a bit of a fright, but she left when I told her to.”

Technically not a lie, in the sense that she had indeed told me to tell her to leave right at the end…of course, she had ignored me telling her to leave the first time. Had that solely been part of the test? Opal’s expression twisted in a few ways before she settled on—guilt? Her lips were pursed. Wordlessly, she offered me the shorts. These were also supposed to be oversized, relative to whichever shorter woman owned them, but looked to fit me decently. It wasn’t exactly winter wear, but it’d be good enough for tonight. Then she sighed, casting her gaze over to the window.

“She’s been such a problem this whole time. I’m glad she saved you, but…I’m so sorry you had to put up with her. I’ll give her a talking-to.” She turned back to me, and her voice got a little more lifeless, like she really didn’t want to say what came out of her mouth next. “Did she really leave when you asked?”

Her eyes weren’t as striking as Hina’s. They were still undeniably beautiful in their strange, black-and-orange color scheme and slitted pupils, just not as transfixing as the impossible blue of her teammate’s gaze. Yet she still saw through me, or maybe through her teammate, with me as the conduit. I hunched up a bit, then slowly lowered the blanket past my shoulders.

Opal growled when she saw the bite marks. Her tail thrashed, and the air around her shimmered as a pulse of heat emanated off of her.

“God damn it.” She shut her eyes, stilled her tail, and took a deep breath. “Sorry. That’s not directed at you.”

It felt almost unfaithful to expose more skin in front of her when she was already not leaving much to the imagination on her upper half herself. I had the ridiculous, reflexive sense that this somehow qualified as cheating on Hina, which was so absolutely wrong regarding my relationship with both Radiances. I most certainly didn’t want to think of Opal that way—I shrugged on the shirt anyway. Weird impulses about relationships notwithstanding, it was still definitely over-exposing myself to someone who might technically be my boss starting tomorrow.

“I get it. She’s—a lot. And we did…” I wasn’t going to admit how much of the encounter had been a masochistic make-out session. “We talked. She wants to help my Flame change me. With pain. Not very ‘magical girl’, is it?”

The dragon-girl frowned; apparently, my tone hadn’t been joking enough.

“It’s—no, it’s not even a little mahou shoujo. She’s always been our little monster, but I was hoping…bugger. I wish I didn’t have to apologize to you about her every ten seconds.” She rubbed her temple. “She’ll…I told you she’d respect boundaries, but I should have done more to help with that. I’m sorry.”

I felt sort of bad about how upset she was getting—and was also unfairly and unreasonably peeved that she was more concerned with my safety and her teammate’s character than the implications about magic.

“It’s fine. I’m fine, really, uh—” I had to reach to remember her actual name. “Alice. These—” I gestured at the bite marks, “—are no big deal compared to my foot, and we really did, er, come to an understanding. I’m not so much worried about her as, um—wondering whether her way…works?”

That was a lie on multiple levels. I was not fine, the bites very much were a big deal, and I had her so embedded in my brain that I couldn’t even think about the magical aspects she had implied—that last one was an unwelcome first for me.

“It does, but—you see what she’s like. It’s an ugly, awful way of doing things, and being changed by your magic isn’t always a good thing.” She sighed. “If you say you’re fine—I…I believe you, but I need to impress on you the importance of boundaries with her. She’s dangerous and clingy. You’ll wake up with her in your bed, or worse, unless you tell her that’s not allowed. I’ll tell her to treat you with the same rules she has with us.”

According to the part of my brain that kept replaying the feeling of her lips against mine, waking up to a Hina snuggled up to me sounded absolutely fantastic, damn what my reason or prey instincts said.

“What kind of rules?”

She counted off on her fingers. Curiously, she started at her thumb.

“No entering our rooms without permission. No physical contact outside of sparring without permission. No wearing our dirty laundry. No…‘gifts’. You have to tell her these things directly, or she’ll just keep doing them.”

I frowned. “She’s not an animal.” At least, that’s what I had resolved when I was face-to-face with her, but Opal seemed to think otherwise. The way she had said “gifts” made me loath to ask for details. “…Is she?”

“I shouldn’t have called her a monster. But she is dangerous, and doesn’t think all that much like a human. Any other rules you want?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it? What boundaries did I want to set with Hina?

“I…don’t know? If you think that’s enough…”

“It will be.”

“Okay.”

For now, I’d trust Opal’s judgment. We looked at each other for a moment, unsure where to go with the conversation. She coughed.

“Amane is doing alright. She might have a rough night, but she’ll be good by tomorrow afternoon, hopefully.”

“Um—good.” I didn’t want to ask more about her condition. “Oh. Er—Hina said I’d be able to walk tomorrow?”

“Oh. I knew I had forgotten to mention something earlier!” She thumped the tip of her tail against the floor and looked a bit sheepish at having forgotten. “Ai and Hina are collaborating on a stabilizer for your foot, enough for you to at least walk around for a few hours for errands.”

They could do that? “That’s—can I see the diagram?” It’d probably be {NULL-COMPOSE} with a blue link, maybe an {AFFIX} somewhere in there.

She smiled at that. “Tomorrow, sure. There’s so much I’d like to talk to you about when it comes to magic, but…one thing at a time, you understand.”

I sat up a bit more. “I, um. Now would be alright.” There was a lot I wanted to ask her, both about the technical details of the stabilizer and other specifics of the brand of glyphcraft the Radiances wielded. It could also be a distraction from pondering what Hina had hinted about the Vaetna and magic as a whole.

She waved me off. “Let’s stick with the schedule. You should really get some sleep to start adjusting to the time difference.”

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

I almost pouted. She was right, but—glyphcraft! She saw me struggling to not object. “Ah, fine, let me at least throw you a bone. There’s a {DISTORT} in there.”

Huh? No, there couldn’t be—but Todai did have the infrastructure to make third-order substrate. And if Hina was indeed most like the Vaetna—would she be the one to weave it? That made sense with her threat to withhold it from me, if she was the only one able to actually twist the Flame through the fourth dimension, substrate or not. That must have been where her leverage was coming from. Lesson one, her husky voice rang in my head. I suppressed a shiver.

“Thanks for the hint.”

“No problem. Need anything else?”

I looked around the barren room even as my mind raced around potential constructions involving the advanced glyph. “I, er, right now? Not really, I don’t think…”

Longer term, of course I’d like a PC setup for that desk and ideally some Spire merch to make it feel a bit more like home, but I really wanted to just be done with my day right now. Opal scanned the room as well.

“Do you have a water bottle?”

“Er—no? There are cups in the bathroom, I think?”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to wake up parched and then have to hobble across the room in the dark. Amane still tries to do it sometimes and has had a few spills.”

Oh, right. My damn crippled foot. “Ah. Then—yes, please?” It felt wrong to ask a high-profile VNT to fetch mundane conveniences for me, but Opal seemed entirely used to this as a result of living with Amethyst. She went off to retrieve a vessel. As she returned, she called over from the doorway.

“Oh, you left these over here.”

She reappeared with a metal water bottle in one hand and carrying my crutches in the other. I had left them by the door, out of sight, as a sort of denial of their presence.

“Not a fan?”

“I—will the stabilizer mean I don’t need them?”

“Sadly, no. You still don’t want to be using the foot constantly, so…I’d have to check with Ebi. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, yeah?”

“Right. Er—thanks.”

Silence reigned once more. Opal sort of looked like she had something she wanted to say, fidgeting a bit.

“What?”

She sighed.

“Amethyst had…a very hard time adjusting to her disabilities, at first. She’s not good at accepting help. So I know what you’re going through. You shouldn’t have to deal with Hina on top of your recovery—if you feel unsafe sleeping so close to her, um, we can move you back to the medical wing like we discussed, or maybe even set you up in a hotel for tonight if Ebi gives the okay—”

I frowned. She was offering me a sort of escape, an option to not dive face-first into all of this. I could even…if none of the Radiances themselves were there to keep an eye on me, I could even flee to the Gate, maybe. I could renege on my agreement to join Todai and abandon this exceptionally weird day, go to the Spire, where I belonged. Did I belong there? The idea that their magic was rooted in suffering still loomed too large to confront directly—if that were the case…

Even aside from that—did I feel the need to put distance between myself and Hina? Incredibly, no. As much as she rightfully frightened me, I craved more of her. And I wanted to learn more about Ebi, compare notes with Ai and Amane. I had managed to accumulate a fair number of reasons to stay where I was. I looked again at the still-mostly-barren room around us, the bookshelf devoid of anything but four slim notebooks. This wasn’t home—but it could be, once I made it my own with a real computer and familiar iconography of magic.

“I’m alright.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m—yeah, I’m sure. If you can just keep her out of my room tonight…”

“Absolutely. I’ll make clear to her that you’re off limits. She’ll probably be down with Ai for most of tonight anyway.” She turned back toward the archway. “Try to get some sleep. Even a little will help.”

“I’ll…try. Good night. And, um—thank you. For all of this.”

She smiled. “It’s the mahou shoujo thing to do. Good night.”

As I saw her disappear around the corner and heard the door click, I pondered how she had described what she was going to say to Hina. Off limits, huh. I rather wanted to be on Hina’s limits, terrifying as it was—I was running out of energy to continue the internal struggle anyway. It was a tomorrow problem. At least I wouldn’t have to go through tomorrow morning with everybody knowing how she had…claimed me. The bites throbbed in a constant low-level reminder of the act. It shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.

As for the last thing Opal had said—what was mahou shoujo? I knew the literal meaning, but the actual…moral contents? Her worldview? I didn’t know, and my flagging energy needed to be rationed for some housekeeping on the forums instead of further speculation and worrying about the Radiances. I rolled over to retrieve my laptop from the nightstand, adjusting my pillow to lean back against the headboard. My foot protested the shift a bit, but my physical state was definitely better than it had been with Hina on top of me. My hands weren’t shaking anymore, at least.

First, I looked at the top few posts. There was indeed one about me, or rather the ‘Bristol Flamefall’ and subsequent three-way almost-clash between the PCTF, Todai, and the Spire. This one actually had footage of the moment I buried the car, although taken from far enough away that my features couldn’t be made out other than the fact that I was white.

They had blocked off traffic from our side of the motorway, and the flow of cars in the opposite direction had slowed to a crawl as rubberneckers gawked at the paramilitary action so close to home. In grainy 480p, I saw the armored Peacie officer step backward on reflex as the car was exchanged with the dirt copy, then turn back to the modified SUV to consult with whoever was coordinating the operation. Presumably, that was the moment they had called in the gunship, since everybody just sort of waited where they were—they rightfully figured they had me.

As things turned out, they didn’t. After a tense minute of waiting—during which I had been busy discovering awful truths about the Flame and subsequently passing out down there in the dark—something bright-blue lanced down from the sky, and Radiance Sapphire complicated the affair. The person taking the recording breathed an oath as the shockwave buffeted them, shaking the camera.

Unfortunately, that was the moment the PCTF gunship showed up and killed every recording device within a kilometer of the incident, according to other posts referencing eyewitness accounts. That was standard operating procedure, the equivalent of turning off the bodycam. It was one of the most incriminating things the PCTF did, and was the main reason that hard evidence of the darker rumors was hard to find. At least now I knew for sure that Hina had indeed gotten there first, before the Vaetna had—I really ought to apologize to Sky. If Hina had arrived at pretty much the same time as the gunship, before the Vaetna…things had been ugly enough that I couldn’t really blame her for just getting me the hell out, her personal motives notwithstanding.

[Direct Message] ezzen: Hey Sky, I’m sorry for blowing up at you earlier. I just watched the video of how things went down, and as far as I’m concerned, you and Sapphire did what you had to. Thanks for the save.

ezzen: I owe you my life, I think? And it was stupid and petty of me to get so mad. Todai has been good to me so far. If Star or Moth are giving you shit over it, tell them I’ve forgiven you, because I have.

ezzen: Um, also

ezzen: It’s totally fair if you can’t give me a straight answer on this, but I was wondering how exactly you know Sapphire? I know you’ve alluded to having talked to a few VNTs, but she doesn’t quite strike me as the type, if that makes sense.

ezzen: Thanks and sorry again. Going to bed now, so we might miss each other a bit.

He didn’t respond—probably busy, or maybe asleep. He kept weird hours, and we weren’t actually sure where he even lived.

Back to the forums: I saved the link to that post and others like it, then went looking for information on the flamefalls that had immediately followed. Nothing but the usual PCTF boilerplate on the one in America, and Kat had dispatched the inferno in Poland without incident or fatalities, other than the poor sap who had been flametouched. Previously, that had been an abstract sort of mourning for a life taken unfairly but by necessity—now it chilled me to think that could have been me.

The Gulf of Mexico situation remained a standoff; just because it hadn’t gone inferno yet didn’t necessarily mean it wouldn’t, and nobody would be comfortable until the bearer in question was off that rig, but neither side was willing to back down. Very political, sort of silly, if not for the threat of disaster. Heliotrope was out there too, somewhere. For a moment I wondered about the logistics of that. She had presumably taken her jetbike—but she couldn’t exactly sleep on it out over the water for multiple days in a row, could she? Had she gotten a hotel? The strange mundanity of that was something I would have never considered for VNTs like the Radiances before today. Sure, Hina was something more than human, and Opal was also changed by her Flame in whatever chilling process that entailed, but Ai and Amane were decidedly mortal, and Heliotrope, from what I knew, was presumably in the same bucket as them.

Now for a post of my own; it was high time I gave at least a brief update that I was okay. It was all in my usual, clinical voice I used for the forums, giving me the chance to emotionally detach from everything that had happened to me and look at the day as a whole. I confirmed that I was the Bristol Flametouched and expressed a lot of gratitude toward the well-wishers. I detailed what had happened to my foot, remarking that I had become a case study in blood-price misestimation. I teased that my research was about to kick into a whole new gear now that I could test glyphs hands-on, trying to emanate positivity rather than trepidation.

I considered how much I could say beyond that. I was essentially certain that at least the Spire and PCTF already knew I was at Todai from having seen Hina carry me off, though probably not that I was with them—which apparently I was. With that in mind, confirming that I was indeed being taken care of by Todai didn’t really put me in the crosshairs any more than I already was. I further mentioned that they had graciously offered to provide me with a prosthetic foot to replace the one I had lost; it couldn’t hurt to be effusive, and my gratitude was genuine besides. Lastly, I hinted at the possibility that, regardless of what the future held, I’d at least get the chance to talk shop with them and hopefully generate at least one interesting paper on the topic.

I went back through the post, rereading it, making sure I didn’t miss anything obvious. It looked good, so I hit post and dropped the link in the chatroom.

ezzen: Behold, the official story so far.

ezzen: Will take a look at replies etc in the morning. Gn

With some effort, I made myself close the laptop and return it to the nightstand next to the water bottle. It wouldn’t do to stay up until midnight when I was trying to reset my sleep, even though I wasn’t feeling tired yet.

Unfortunately, I had to get out of bed to kill the lights. I looked at the crutches—the switch was just across the room. I sighed and extricated myself from the blanket, swinging my legs over the bed’s edge, good foot first. The prosthetic made contact with the hardwood floor with a soft tap, and I reflected that I should get some rugs. By now, I knew better than to try to stand straight up; I leaned on the bedpost for support before shifting my hand to the wall to limp around the perimeter of the room, foot stinging all the while even with the minimal force I was putting on it. It was still better for my self-image than needing the crutches just to turn off the lights. Perhaps without the analgomancy I’d have felt differently.

I made it to the switch and hit it with a certain amount of triumph as the room was plunged into darkness. Or—relative darkness. Since one entire wall of the room was glass, the city lights still faintly illuminated the interior, bright enough that it would interfere with my sleep. I hastily turned the lights back on to inspect the panel—yep, there was also a knob which, upon experimentation, controlled the dimming on the windows. Turning them to full opacity was the best for darkness and helped me not think about how high off the ground I was. Satisfied, I killed the lights again and waited a minute for my eyes to adjust more, wary of what Opal had said about traversing in the dark. Then I reversed my journey; a little more difficult this time around as I leaned on my left arm, somewhat off-balance with my right foot held off the ground. It was easier once I returned to the safety of my bed, where I could crawl in relative comfort.

As I made myself comfortable, the pain and pressures of trying to walk faded, and I became aware of an itch in my stump. Should I take off the prosthetic? It was just attached with an {AFFIX}, and it would be trivial enough to disengage the glyph—but I’d also lose whatever analgomancy was muting the pain. Were there still regular painkillers in my system? I fumbled for my phone.

ezzen: My foot itches, can I take off the prosthetic?

ebi-furai: hmm

ebi-furai: well the itching is normal, thats the painkillers

ebi-furai: so it’d hurt more once you take it off

ebi-furai: one sec

She returned after maybe twenty seconds.

ebi-furai: ai thinks you should take it off and see how the pain is

ebi-furai: if its bad we can give you something

ezzen: Okay

I put down the phone and brought my leg in to grope at the connection point between the stump and the prosthetic. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to feel the weave with my nascent magical senses and map that to what my hand was feeling. There was something sort of…sticky. It took me a moment to figure out that that wasn’t a physical sensation—it was how my mind was interpreting the {AFFIX}. Coming off of it was something fuzzy, which must be the chain providing the painkiller effect. I sucked in a breath and deactivated the prosthetic.

A spike of pain lanced up from my toes—or where my toes had used to be—making my stomach clench as I gripped my ankle.

“Fuck.”

It settled into more of a dull ache after a moment—but tolerable, and at least the itch was gone.

ezzen: It’s manageable. Maybe a 3?

ebi-furai: then keep it off. you should clean it tomorrow. you know how to take care of burns

It wasn’t really a question; my right hand indicated my medical history regardless of whether or not she had scrounged up my records. I dumped the prosthetic on the floor next to the nightstand—a little too irreverently, perhaps, given my gratitude toward Ai. I leaned down to at least set the false foot upright.

ezzen: Yep.

ebi-furai: then thats all ive got for tonight

ebi-furai: ping me if you cant sleep, i can slip out long enough to give you something once amane is asleep

ezzen: Thanks. Gn

ebi-furai: oyasumi

For the next hour, I kept shifting under the blanket, trying in vain to find a position which would reduce the ache in my stump. Watching familiar videos about the Vaetna helped take my mind off of it somewhat, but in turn brought up lingering anxieties about their nature. In turn, that got me thinking about Hina and the insane, intoxicating high she inspired in me, even now that I had some remove from the weight of her hips atop mine or her teeth in my shoulder. It’s crass to say I was too horny to sleep, but it took me a long time to wind down enough for slumber to take me.

—

That night, I was woken twice.

First, by the sound of arguing, in what sounded like English, though I couldn’t make out the words. They were in the hall—possibly even right outside my door. A jolt of excitement ran through me as I rolled over blearily; had Opal caught Hina attempting to sneak in? Opal sounded furious, barking reprimand after reprimand. I could practically see the withering glare, although it was just as easy to imagine Hina unrepentant, blinking innocently with those blue eyes. At least they didn’t start brawling, this time, as the voices retreated down the hall. Half-awake, I was disappointed that she wouldn’t come cuddle with me. I shifted under the blanket and returned to comfortable oblivion before the pain had a chance to drag me further into consciousness.

The second was when something shook the entire building. I panicked and didn’t know what to do other than huddle under the blanket until it subsided. I assumed it was an earthquake. It wasn’t severe enough to knock anything over, but the water bottle rattled in place. It probably only lasted fifteen or twenty seconds, but it felt longer there in the dark. As it subsided, I sipped from the bottle as I tried to calm down and groped for my phone. I found the website for earthquake information, squinting with some consternation at the only source of light shining directly into my eyes, inches from my face. There was nothing of sufficient magnitude and nearness—earlier this evening there had been a minor quake on one of the other islands, but either the site hadn’t been updated yet…or what I had just felt hadn’t been an earthquake.

After a few minutes of failing to get back to sleep, I returned to my phone out of habit, checking the replies to my post. I was greeted by an atmosphere of relief and celebration, as well as some anticipation. Many of them were asking whether I was safe long-term, what I’d do next—whether I was headed to the Spire or not. That would make sense, wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t I go?

Well, because Todai had gotten to me first and given me lots of reasons to stick around…and because I now had just the tiniest crumb of doubt in the Vaetna. Not that I could say these things on the forum. I squinted into the phone’s light and spat out some short replies. I was here at least until my foot was better; I had been making for the Spire before Todai had intervened and I was grateful to them for that; I’d give regular updates about how learning magic went—nothing important, obvious stuff.

I did eventually put away my phone for good. My foot still hurt, but it wasn’t enough to warrant bothering Ebi about. When I got to sleep for the third and final time, in that bed in my new home, down half of a foot, up a spear in my arm and a chunk of the Frozen Flame on my soul—

I dreamed.

—

I stand on the ice. Now there is a crack, and my blood has seeped through. I step backwards from the fracture, although the ice is surely too thick for my weight to matter. I turn, to retreat to the safety of the shore, but it is gone, and I am surrounded in all directions by the ice. I look down at it.

“Are you my Flame? Or all of it?”

“Both.”

Hina stands in front of me, kicking at the crack idly. She is beautiful and deadly and alluring and here there is no fear. She looks up at the sunless sky, sighing.

“But this is just a dream.”

I’m not surprised by this.

“Even you?”

“Mhm. You thought you’d get sweet dream-sex with the real Hina after just one night? At least take her to dinner first.”

She’s right; that’s entirely too much to ask. I point at the crack, at the lights below in the water. Even here, especially here, magic is of greater importance to me.

“Why am I up here when they’re down there?”

She hums, husky, almost a purr.

“Because you’ve been at a remove. You only know the theory, and you think that makes you better than the ones who have lived with it. You think you can weasel out of pain. Well—”

She stomps, and the cracks shoot out in all directions, to the horizon, a spiderweb augury. The ice begins to crumble beneath me.

“Prove it.”

I fall into the water, and her laughter chases me down into the darkness.