ix. PIECES OF REMEDY

CHAPTER NINE

PIECES OF REMEDY

•••

"Rough night?"

Heavy lidded eyes and stifled yawns fell upon Freya as she scowled at the bright sun that dispelled an impious shine down on her face from the open window. A worn down fatigue and lost state of mind. A second. Another. It fully took her a moment to register those words directed at her before she snapped her head towards the voice and immediately glared at Oluo who snickered to himself as he sat down on the bench from across the table, laying down his food tray in front of him. Immediately, Freya snatched his half sliced loaf from the side and bit into the warm dough. She sighed in savory.

"You could say that." She chewed, laying her chin on the palm of her other hand, elbows on the table, and stomach ceasing its incessant growling.

"I heard what happened." Oluo started, reaching for his steaming teacup and holding it up by the rim. Pursing her lips at the familiar action, Freya wondered how Levi could tolerate the constant impersonation from Oluo.

Shaking her head, she looked at him skeptically. "Why are you speaking to me?"

"Believe it or not, you're not that all scary as you thi–" Wedged between the small gap of his middle and ring finger that now lay flatly on the table was a butter knife. The blade penetrating deep into the wood as Freya was now leaned forward whilst holding the handle. Oluo squinted his thin eyes, mouth dry as he resentfully underestimated her. Something about being belittled irritated her into painful antics that she just had to attest them to think otherwise.

Cautiously, Oluo pulled his hand back from the knife and tugged on the collar of his shirt, throat bobbing as he swallowed, displeased. "I regret sitting here."

Freya plopped back down on her seat, removing the knife from the table and aimlessly twirling the silverware between her fingers before tossing it to the side. "You're starting to realize that now?"

"This is why no one likes you."

"I'm so hurt."

Petra sat down beside Oluo. Her food tray in her hands as she settled down and immediately dug into her rice meal, unaware of the spiteful tension between the two. That, or deciding to ignore the two's frivolous quip for the time being. "You better have that treated."

Freya averted her glaring eyes from Oluo to Petra who had a finger pointed towards her clenched fists. A shade of violet and red. Knuckles bruised and skin scraped, white gashes scratching the very bone. Freya glanced down at them for a second, gnawing the insides of her cheeks before giving a subtle shake of her head. "It's practically nothing." She brushed it off, dismissively waving her unsightly hand.

"You sure?" Eld asked as he suddenly joined the table, plopping down on the other side of Oluo, cheeks full of food, and hands stuffed with two rolls of bread.

Not long after a second of the man's arrival, Gunther came to sit down beside Eld, bringing a bowl of steaming soup to the table and sliding it to the side to cool down. He straightened his back, voice deep as he spoke. "I heard about yesterday. Must've been hectic."

Freya paused for a moment. Blue eyes squinted and filled with uncertainty. Lips pursed with distaste sitting on her tongue. She was no longer tired. Now, sitting on guard. Shoulders taught. Body stiff as she stared at the four in front of her. Numerous pair of eyes set and trained on her. Irises brimming with anticipation for answers, words. She found the odd switch of behavior ridiculous and mind boggling. "It wasn't." She spoke. The fight. She realized. Yesterday's training must've reached them. "Nothing special about it."

"I wish I could've witnessed it." Gunther sighed heavily before sliding his bowl of soup towards him.

Wanting nothing more than for them to be gone, Freya arched an eyebrow. "Don't you people have Titans to demolish?"

There was a shimmer of glint in Eld's dark eyes as his excitement was revealed, ignoring Freya's question. "What was it like? Did he go easy on you? I heard that he went easy on you."

"With her?" Gunther said dubiously. "Doubt it. I think he went full on out."

Freya scoffed as Oluo loudly spoke in agreement. "Can't you see her? I mean, she's a limping maniac when she entered."

Petra's hand shot out and smacked Oluo on the back of his head for revealing the fact that the four had been observing Freya the moment she passed through the dining hall doors. He winced, rubbing the sore spot and shrinking in his seat, glaring at the woman as she scolded him. "Be quiet. She can hear you."

"I'm right in front of you."

Petra faced an unamused Freya. "No, but seriously. What was he like? Was he good? Fast? I heard he's amazing."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Freya grimaced, eyes fluttering close as she could feel another wave of nausea hitting her. She ignored the warmth of red rushing to her cheeks as her thoughts went elsewhere, falling into dangerous territory. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Freya!"

She suppressed a groan from erupting, opening her one eye, then the other as she took notice of a woman marching towards their table. "Hange?"

"How are y–"

"Giddy." Freya didn't let her finish, speaking in a flat tone as Hange sat down beside her, a bright shine of radiance emitting from the brunette.

She didn't expect her morning to end up like this. To find herself huddled on the dining table with four of her squad mates that just a few days ago resented her with extensive and sternmost training. She knew very well that they took pleasure in her routine mishaps. Glancing at them now, a displeased look overcame her features at the sight of them starting some confab chitchat about her previous night. As Hange settled down on Freya's right, she wondered about the easily affrighting parter that always seemed to trail behind the female squad leader. Her question was soon answered when she caught sight of Moblit hurrying over before sitting on the other side of Freya.

The one time Freya had initially left Eren to enjoy the remainder of her morning on her own was left with an unforeseen outcome of her being stamped by cadets. There was nothing to debate for Freya to leave. But laying her hands flat on the table to stand up, Petra's words resonated. "We were practically out yesterday. At least share a few details of last night. We rarely see the Corporal engaged in something like this."

Freya blinked. "Why don't you ask him yourself."

"You've met the man, haven't you?" Her silence was clear enough to tell Eld that she understood. "Exactly."

A melancholy aspect took over her features. Discontented with the response. It hasn't been long but her stay was enough to fully come in terms and understand those around her. More so, her attention would often drift to a pair of grey eyes. She raised her head. Blue meeting Brown. A soft look adorning Petra's features that passingly was a stark constraint with the tired and steel gaze that Freya held. Yet, there was a soft smile on Petra lips meant to alleviate the doleful draft that engulfed the blonde. Petra spoke, "Corporal Levi hasn't always been like that."

Pink lips curled into a sneer. "Like what? A totally hard-strung, violent, careless, ignorant–"

"Are you sure you're not talking about yourself?" Oluo cut her off.

Ignoring him, Freya continued. "–surprisingly short–"

High and joyous, Hange's laugh dashed in the atmosphere, sincere humor erupting in the back of her throat that surprised Freya in the slightest. However, glancing at the four, their gazes were set out in various directions, all eluding the incredulous and inquisitive stare of Freya. Eld cleared his throat. "We don't say that around here."

Oluo tsked. "Not when you know what's good for you."

"Oh, they're overreacting." Hange clarified for Freya.

"I noticed." She mumbled. She resumed back to her seat, a question lingering in the back of her mind. "How long have you been in his squad?"

"Not long really." Petra answered.

"And... him?" Hesitant to ask, but she still had went for it.

"I'm not sure. I don't remember a lot of things." Hange was the one who shrugged this time when all eyes came to her, humming to herself as she thought deeply. Unsurprised by the answer, Freya hadn't expected much considering the woman was devoted to the correspondence of Titans.

Oluo snapped his fingers, sitting straight. "Didn't he work for a wealthy family–"

"You're just making things up." Eld cut him off blankly.

"Am no–!" Blood spattered as Oluo bit down hard on his tongue. Unfortunately, it no longer amused Freya.

"I heard that, before he joined the Survey Corps, he was an infamous rogue somewhere in the capital." Petra stated.

Freya paused for a moment. A crease formed between her eyebrows. The statement amused her, a dubious grin forming and tugging the ends of her lips up. Vacillating and unconvinced. It sounded strange to her ears. A reared past that she couldn't believe. Yet, Freya fought hard to ignore the irreverent churn of her stomach. But it repined to be noticed. She licked her bottom lip. "What changed?"

"I don't know."

•••

The heels of her boots were loud as she wandered the halls of the castle floors, finding herself to stand in the middle of the infirmary room late that night. Disarrayed bandages and patches were laid out in a clutter in front of her, rolling on the table in a littered heap. Sharp jabs of painful stings combusted her side. One hand was up tentatively holding onto her rib cage, as suffocating aches swarmed her chest. Her breath was knocked right of her lungs. Nabbing as she gave a slight gasp for air, and hands going straight to clutch her stomach. It all happened right before she had reached her room, leading her to the one place she initially didn't deem as necessary.

Why now?

She was desperate.

The pain all came waning on her just as she thought she could overlook it. Tolerate it. Freya could just about grapple with imperilment and harrow. But this sort of afflict pushed her to actual deal with the damage received. She was fumbling with the white gauze, working with nothing but her right hand, her left trembling as she mentally noted to grab a bag of ice to ease the swelling on her knuckles. She didn't notice it to be in such abysmal condition not until she actually felt it.

Adapted with solely patching up herself, it wasn't uncommon for Freya to find herself in such pain. Growing up, she was that sort of child to scrape her knees from tripping down on the pavement floor after running, have a bleeding nose from banging her face hard on a surface in accident, or generally be a reckless youngster than caused trouble towards the people around her. She didn't mind it. Didn't care. It was life. Focused on untangling the first wrap of the white gauze, she was trapped in a confined space of concentration. That was until it was disrupted by an alarming figure appearing right before her.

"What the – !" Her heart leaped out of her chest, almost as if it was dropped right onto the ground, her body jolting back in shock and hip knocking on the table. A pounding beat ringed in her ears as she reminded herself to breathe. Blood was rushing to her face. Medical items clattered on the ground. A racing heart zoomed in her rib cage, Freya mentally scolding herself for lowering her guard down, especially at this time of night. She couldn't believe that she was this careless. Heedless enough to be shocked by someone presence.

Her widened eyes turned into a harsh glare, narrowed into slits as she came face to face with a pair of grey eyes peering at her. "You were just standing there!"

"Quiet." Was all he said, pan and basting for her to lower her voice down.

"Quiet?" Slowly dragging the word, she repeatedly questioned him in a low hiss.

"There are actual people sleeping." Levi told her as her mouth fell open. The brashness of his word appalled her.

"Why can't you do the same?" She groaned, glancing up at the ceiling in disdain before dropping her head down, sighing at the sight of the cluttered items on the ground on her feet. She dropped on her knees, ignoring his adamant gaze as she quickly picked them back up and on the table. She sighed for the second time, heavy and spent, turning her back towards him and planning to resume her initial activity.

He didn't answer her.

"You..." She sighed, unable to find words of insults that lingered on her tongue and mind. Freya didn't expect him making his presence known this soon, used to the substandard routine of his disappearances and patterns of showing up once a week, that now, she was caught off guard. Which didn't happen as often as most would think. For it to be at this moment irked her. Then it hit her. The air the engulfed them was unclear, suspicion radiating from Freya as swiveled on her heel, eyes narrowed in a skeptical manner. "What are you doing?"

"Stay still."

"I'm capable of–" Her mouth clamped shut when his hand shot forward and gently touched her chin, tilting her head to the side. She noticed his eyes solely focused on the visible cut from yesterday adorning the side of her jaw. It wasn't as severe alluded from the rest of the hard hits she received on her body, but it was still there. A taint on her satiated skin. Out of place. It didn't belong there.

A push of his hand away from her burning face, Freya leaned back from him, gaining a reasonable distance from him to think with a straight head. She hopped up on the table, legs dangling as sat on the edge. His silence was eerily unusual. It was different. Tensed. A simple guess that Freya took, knowing that something was deep in his mind. She wanted to know. Understand. And maybe not feel so left out in the dark of unknown. "Why are you really here?"

"Let's get one thing straight." Levi didn't know. But his spoken words sounded full of resolve. Firmness that she didn't particularly need. A deep hum reverberating from his chest and tone lulling. He was still trying to figure out what drove him and his body to follow her footsteps from the hallway, to suddenly find this implore actions of abetment for her, and figure why this fleeting contriteness of intrusion hurt his head from thinking. "Just know that the moment you joined in, you do what I tell you to do."

Why was it so painful to look at her?

Still, he didn't know.

Blue eyes stifled the urge to roll, corner of her lips tilting up into a impertinent and coy smile. She picked notice of him avoiding her questions. "Oh, believe me, I already got that part."

"No questions asked." He raised his gaze, meeting hers as a strand of dark hair fell in between his eyes. Unlit and obscured. Luring but unwitting. The sight if him had blood rushing to her neck, up to her cheeks in a flustered aspect of wandering brine eyes. The dark had been on her side, concealing the sudden blush of skin. "None."

A click of her tongue. "Got it."

"I tell you to fight," Startled, she could feel an abrupt cool of rigid fingers brush her exposed abdomen, his other hand raising the hem of her shirt up to her rib cage. She squeezed the edge of the table frame. Out in the open, uncovered and taken in regard, dark shades of deep purples littered Freya's side. An unpleasing image of yesterday's batter forming on her body, a particular spot on the left turned a shade of scraped and peeling skin of red. There was no indication of contrition from Levi as she turned her head away as he continued. "You fight."

"I tell you to stay," Hands worked facilely with the gauzed bandages. Arms encircled her waist as he wrapped her tender skin with hands that moved familiarly, compressing her whole abdomen in weaved linen, starting from the bottom of her rib cage where her heart ran unevenly to the bottom of her waist. He took a step closer. "You stay."

"When I tell you to die," A final tug from the gauze, harsh as he roughly pulled on the cloth. A grunt escaped from Freya's lips as pain sprawled from her belly and suffocated her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut, brows furrowing. Her hand shot out to grip his wrist, the other on his bicep. Sturdy muscles contracted underneath the material of his sleeve. Flushed cheeks and heavy breathing, she raised her head, snapping her eyes open. Levi secured the final end of the gauze. There was that cold gaze as Freya glared at him, Levi's final words ringing in her ears dauntingly. "Die."

•••

No matter how much she forced herself on to it, to fall deep into the depths of a peaceful mind, to wait as nothing until ticking moments has passed, Freya couldn't just close her eyes and delve into the cold and mind numbing conduct of slumber. Her body wouldn't let her. Despite how tired and worn down she actually was, fixed and tight her figure felt under the wrap of bandages. Her mind was blank with undignified thoughts, unimportant and rambles listing from the top of her head as it all came up blank.

Her heavy breathing was the only sound that she could hear in the dark room, with the exceptional rustle of cloth scraping together as her body restlessly turned left and right on the stout mattress. Mouth parched, and throat dry, she clicked her tongue. Her pink lips were chapped from the occasional swipe of her tongue darting out as a sheen of gloss coated them. Blue eyes were wide open, awake but drained, irises nonchalantly gazing at the underside of the top bunk of her bunk bed. Humming to herself, immediately, she sat up straight from the mattress, legs sliding off the thin comforter and bare feet meeting the floor as she stood, only for her head to come banging on the upper frame of the furniture.

"Are you kidding m–!" She bit down hard on her lower lip as she released a small hiss of pain. Her hand shot out towards her forehead where she silently wished that neither a bruise nor an ugly bump would form. Fortunately for her, there was nothing but a spot of red on her skin from the loud and ungainly impact. For a moment, her vision went blurry, probably the effects of sitting up too quickly as her head rattled in the dint of her skull. Shaking her head, she blinked.

"Hm?" Despite the dark light and dim shadows diminishing her eye sight, the gleam of the moon provided her a small field of vision to outline the many things induced in the dusty room. However, albeit small, thin, and marginally noticeable, she caught sight of tiny carvings engraved on the inner side of the top bunk bed frame. Her hands reached out to touched, swiping the many particles of dust to get a clearer view. Squinting her eyes, she realized that they were letters.

A scribbled letter I, sloppy that Freya would've thought it for as a squiggly line. The second was neat and refined as gallant slopes of lines formed an F. And lastly, a straight and curt line forming the letter L. She traced her fingers on the deep carvings, noticing that they were all imprinted by a knife, guessing that it must have been years since it was drawn on. She didn't know how long she's been staring at the vandalised framework. But the thought of residing in a room where former scouts used to occupy unsettled her, a shiver running down her spine and squeezing her stomach.

Shaking the odd feeling off, this time she was careful to not knock her head on the mahogany wood, as she strode across the room towards the desk table. On top was her heavy chest box, the lid clasped open and piles of yellow-turned paper piling out of its edges and spread out on the able. She eyed the carefully folded handkerchief on the side. White cloth laying still as a tranquil scents vented from it before her hands gathered the letters together, shuffling through each one in contemplation as she leaned against the wall, her front faced towards the window for a more visible space of reading.

"841..."

"842..."

"843..."

She stopped her unmindful mumbling when she came across the next one. Her lips pulled down in a frown as she could feel a painful tug pulling on the strings attached to her heart. A tight space enclosing in on her chest, and squeezing until she had to remind herself to breathe. A deep of inhale of her lungs. Numbers stared back at her void face. Three digits. Stained with black ink, neatly written, though, it felt like a sharp slap to the face. Sudden and abrupt.

844.

She stared down at it, hoping that it would burn, wishing that it would burst. Until it was nonexistent. For something so thin, animate, and would just about be easily crumpled, the letter in her hands were tormenting and afflicting to look at. But it was still orderly kept. Preserved for scanning eyes. Blue eyes that belonged to her. Again and again. She held those same stack in her hands. Papers cuts marking territory on her fingertips. Each night, three digits would stare back at her. These were her books.

Her thoughts couldn't help but wonder back to Levi. An infamous rogue? She laughed quietly to herself in the silent room. She should've heard about it if it was true. But lamentably, their words meant nothing. She couldn't accept it to be indisputable. For some reason her heart began to race. Hands clammy. And the reality she stood in forgotten. She was stuck. In time where the past belonged. Inadvertently, her fingers went to touch the smooth bandage wrapped around her figure, still feeling the cold rigidness of his hands roam her tinted skin, remembering the rueful stare he held over her eyes. A complex emotion that she couldn't decipher. It was ruining her head. With each sleepless night she found herself stuck in, words of the dead were there to sooth her mind into slumber.

As these letters were her remedy.

•••

Freya

This is it. One more. I'm certain.

A chance. I wish you were here. The castle; grand, open, and somewhat dirty no matter how many times you cleaned. It's open up here. There's a difference. You just know it. The sky is endless. One more. This'll be it.

Believe in me.

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

i just want to thank you guys for the 6k reads! AHHHH! I DIDNT EXPECT THIS MUCH AND IM SO GRATEFUL i initially thought that this wouldn't attract that much attention since a lot of authors published their own fanfic that i didn't think mine would have that much reads but this means a lot to me cus i just love aot so much! i ended the chapter a little differently from what i first planned so i hope it was good. im thinking of editing the start of the chapter soon just because it was rushed which is why the flow of the scenes weren't smooth. one more chapter before we follow the series!