xii. SOLDIER IN DISGUISE

episode 20: erwin smith; the 57th exterior scouting mission, part 4

CHAPTER TWELVE

SOLDIER IN DISGUISE

•••

"The man is delusional."

It was all she could mutter for the past five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. Time dragged on that she didn't keep up with it anymore, idly waiting far from the commotion and catching her breath. Her chest puffed up and down as she shrugged her green cape off her shoulders, back stiff before settling down and slumping against a tree bark. She was fuming. Whether it be the near death experience of getting crushed flat under a giant foot, the fear of another Titan lurking around the corner, or the unexpected decision of her Captain leaving them on their own to gain cover and fend for themselves, she didn't know. Freya wasn't sure.

Like everybody else, she understood what just occurred moments ago, shock still buzzing in her nerves that Freya would often wring her hands out by her sides before clenching them tight. Often, she would shake her head in disbelief as she continued to process today's events. She could still hear the loud and boisterous stomps of feet pounding on the ground, rattling her to the very core, and the loud screech scraping her ears that she wanted to claw her eyes out and forget the sight of it squeezing so many lives in their large hands. Everything leading to capturing the Female-looking Titan alive.

"So that was his plan from the start. That's it, right?" Eren asked the group. Rigidly still as he stood on a thick tree branch. Green eyes scanned the faces of the five adults that surrounded him. Visible droplets of sweat rolled down the side of his face. "I can see why he kept it a secret from us new recruits, but why wouldn't he tell you, when you've all been with the Recon Corps for so long?"

"Maybe..." Freya hummed, gaining the group's attention as she raised her leg, the other flat on the tree branch and arm resting on her knee, face blank and tone connoting. "The man didn't want any secrets spilling from–"

"Shut up." Petra cut her off sharply. Freya refrained herself from grinning as the woman flailed her arms in the air wildly. Red hair frizzed and a mess. Wide eyes struggling to look so composed. "Are you implying the Commander and the Corporal don't trust us?"

"But that's exactly what this means..." Eren trailed off quietly. Freya nodded.

"Petra, rip out his teeth, then swap the incisors with the molars and shove 'em back in!" Oluo snarled angrily at the boy, raising his blades threateningly.

"Or..." Immediately, Freya found herself standing up, hands on her hips as she rolled her blue eyes. "I could just rip out that tongue of yours and shove them right up your--"

Eld's firm voice halted the woman from finishing that statement, agreeing. "Eren is right. I think the Commander kept this from us for a reason. Like what? There's only one reason he wouldn't trust his fellow soldiers. A person who can become a Titan, or a spy working for such people, has infiltrated our rank."

All eyes fell on Freya. It took her a second to register those innominate stares before she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head in disbelief. Of course. She should've predicted their silent fixate reckoning her. Their features and eyes oozed of doubt. A few so contrite but firm. She could already imagine their running thoughts circulating about her. She refrained a curse erupting from her throat. She dug her nails in the rough leather of her jacket. Though no one spoke, Freya found the quiet air surrounding her to be ridiculous. Glaring, she narrowed her eyes at them. "Need I remind you that he recruited me."

"You can't blame us for being so cautious." Gunther defended as everyone averted their gaze, suddenly finding the squally bark of the tree branch that they stood on interesting. Despite the many weeks Freya had spent within the Survey Corps, her sensible behaviour wasn't enough to entirely earn a reason for her to confide with her peers. Though she gained their respect, her reputation was a taint in her self-being, consequences of her misdeeds. Freya snapped her head to the side, suddenly irked, whether at them or herself. Gunther continued. "Still... A spy?"

"At any rate, the Commander has suspicions of his own. I'd imagine the only soldiers who knew of the plan were those who survived with him from five year ago." Eld presumed. Freya's thoughts went blank. Her head then clicked, silently counting the years back and recalling the sheer screech and gasps of people when news of Wall Maria falling went spreading like wildfire that afternoon in the small village she passed through.

"I see..." Gunther nodded, bending on his legs and resting his elbows on his knees. "So that's it."

"No doubt." Oluo agreed before turning back to the focused young boy. "Understand, Eren? That's how it is."

"If that's the case, it does make sense. He's assuming that five years ago, when the first Wall fell, a spy managed to slip in amongst us. And he narrowed down the possibilities from there." Petra said.

"Then, this spy killed Sawney and Bean?" Eld asked.

Freya's back straightened up at the two Titan names given by Hange. She could still recall the distraught frown the brunette worn whenever someone would bring the topic up. Intrigued, Freya threw a question that lingered in the back of her mind. "Why? I mean, there must be something they didn't want us from finding out from those Titans."

Gunther shrugged after a long moment. "Who knows." His frustration was evident.

"Back then, the Commander asked me about that." Petra chimed in thought.

"Pretty sure he asked the whole Regiment at that point." Freya blinked. lips quirked down in a frown and petulant look. The question did never leave her mind. Though, she was never too bothered to figure it out. Meaning and answers laid in a pile of folded stacks, too complex that she wouldn't really comprehend what the man was looking for. A name? Human? Or Titan? She was in a war where she didn't know who the enemy was.

"That question was referring to this?" Eren asked worriedly.

"If we could've answered him then, maybe we could've been there for him. I doubt that anyone could've known back then, though." Eld placed a hand under his stubbled chin.

"I knew." Oluo said suddenly, confidence radiating from him with the way he stuck his chin in the air, head held high, and tone condescending that it was insufferable. "But I didn't say anything. Do you know why?

Petra gave him a blank look, asking flatly. "Why?'

"What, can't you tell?" He tsked, shaking his head in disappointment. "Well, I guess I shouldn't expect much from the likes of you. You have yet to reach my level."

"What level?" Freya raised an eyebrow. "Zero?"

Amusement danced on the blonde woman's features as she witnessed Oluo angrily stomp his foot on the branch, fists clenched that as he opened his mouth to reply back, Petra spoke through. "Hey, are you trying to imitate Corporal Levi again? He would never say anything as dumb as that." Freya found herself nodding her head.

"Do you think the Commander was wrong?" Eld spoke, quietly referring to the plan executed moments ago. The unexpected surprise of the Female-looking Titan was a haunting scare. The large number reports of scout rears wasn't slated to be anticipated. And for the true objective to be hidden from everyone was quite bothersome. "Eren, you don't know yet, but soon you'll understand it. The reason that Erwin Smith is entrusted with humanity's hope, the Recon Corps."

Freya snapped her eyes to the blonde man, irritation leaking from her tone. "Do you not realize what just happened. The kid was used as bait. We all were."

"Still, just look at how much trust Corporal Levi puts in him." Petra said keenly with a soft smile. Freya looked away. Her teeth gnawed the insides of her cheek, chest tightening with irritation as she slightly envied the man for his calm composure with the heavy reassurance of his awareness about the plan. If she had the slightest idea that something didn't feel right the day before, she was convinced that she would've wanted to force the truth out of him. However, she sighed, knowing that it wouldn't happen. Him telling her, a stranger within the ranks, was a long shot.

Oluo huffed. "That's assuming you live long enough to figure it out."

"Oh, trust me." Her finger twitched by her sides. She swiped her bottom lip with her tongue, grinning lightly, blue eyes glinting. "I'll be out living all of you soon enough."

Soon enough, her thoughts wandered on to a pair of grey eyes. Dull and cold but grasping on to something she couldn't decipher. She pondered on what could be so important that he had left her and the squad to distance themselves from all the chaos. Then it hit her after a second of thinking. She didn't know whether to be impressed or annoyed at the thought of him being inches away from the captured Titan, didn't know whether to call him brave or an idiot for wanting to face it.

Coward.

She pushed the whispering voice to the back of her head, scowling at the impeccable timing for it to revert. Ears tingled, mind fogged up. She looked up, brushing a thin branch away. Green leaves tickled her hand. Eyelids squinted, streaks of smoke ran across the sky, spiralling in hazy motions. A tilt of her head, her lips went smirking. A sudden weight of scare and heavy emotions lifted from her shoulders. A chance for her to breathe and stand. Blue irises watched, waiting for a false color to come. There wasn't. A series of flares followed through. Blue. A retreat.

"Looks like it's over. Back to the horses. Prepare to retreat." Gunther announced.

"You heard the man." Oluo said, blades clashing by his sides as he stood up. "Let's go see what the bastard inside that thing looks like."

Freya blew a breath. The upward tilt of her mouth wouldn't go away. "Finally." Soon, she was replenishing her gas cylinders, switching blades, and waiting to return.

"Will we really find out who it is?" Eren asked.

Petra nodded. "All thanks to you."

"I didn't really do anything." Eren said sheepishly. Freya halted herself from reminding him that his entire being was a magnetic pull of bait for Titans.

"You had faith in us. This is the result of your choice to believe in us back then." Petra reassured. "Making the right choice isn't easy."

"Hey, don't pamper him Petra... What did he even do, anyway? He was pathetic. He just kept whining." Oluo commented. "Well, coming back alive from your first excursion is a pretty good start. But it doesn't count until the mission's over.  The expedition lasts until you're at home in bed..."

"I know that." Eren mumbled under his breath before facing Freya. "What about you?"

"What about me?" She quirked a brow, dusting her palms on the side of her legs as she reattached her gear back on her waist. With his expecting green eyes, she knew what he was asking for. She looked away, fumbling with her leather harnesses in search for a distraction, quietly murmuring. "I don't really have a home to go back to." She could feel their lingering gazes. Quiet but filled with curiosity. They took her silence as a sign to leave it at that before departing.

In the air, being so high up within the tree dismantled Freya. But even with the tensed atmosphere she created seconds ago, it was not enough to falter down that bright energetic radiating from the group. The thought of retreating seemed to boost their motivations as Eld spoke, reminiscing. "Oluo, Petra! You guys pissed your pants and cried on your first mission. You're all grown up now!"

Petra screeched hysterically. "Don't say that! What if he stops respecting me, Eld!"

"It really happened?" Eren asked.

Freya snickered, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. "No way."

"Sure did." Eld confirmed. "And for the record, I didn't, Eren."

"Idiot!" Oluo chided in. "I've killed more of them than you. I've got more kills, stupid!"

"Your kill count isn't what makes a soldier." Eld reminded.

"Shut up!" He huffed.

"Petra..." A wondering look settled on Eren's face. "Does that mean you sprayed it everywhere in mid-air?"

"Shut up!" Gunther cut in. Voice serious. "Do you think you're on a picnic? We're outside the walls." He paused. "I didn't piss my pants either, Eren."

A roll of her blue eyes, Freya contained the urge to smile.

Up ahead, from a few distances away, green smoke flared up in the sky. "That must be the signal from Corporal Levi." Gunther informed. "We'll rendezvous with him. Cut the chatter until we get back." He turned to Freya "You do it."

"Got it." She muttered, parting away from the group to stop by a branch. Raising her hand above her head, she pulled the trigger of her flare gun. A spiral of green shot out. She went back to the group maneuvering. There was a slither of a shadow looming on the corner of her vision. Subtle but there. A cape, hood pulled over their head. Gear operating in time to keep up with the squad, gliding right beside them with the few woods of trees dividing them from the unknown individual. Freya squinted. "Captain?" The question tumbled from her lips in a soft murmur. Brows furrowed. A crease formed between her eyes. Something uneasy hit her chest.

"No, it's not!" Gunther yelled in front of her. "Who are you?!" Just his final words left from his voice, the unknown figure came dashing close, blades outstretched. They were quick. A blur that Freya had to blink once. Twice. Before registering what just happened. Swift movements came in. Before she knew it, Gunther now hung upside down on his wires. Head lopsided and angled strangely to the side. Droplets of blood stained the dirt ground.

"G-Gunther!" Eren yelled with horrific eyes. Freya's mouth went dry, blue irises appalled.

"Gunther!" Eren called again. His voice strained. Desperate to call and want for a response. Maybe a groan of pain. A gasp needing for air. Or perhaps yawn from deep slumber. Anything that indicated that he was alive. Hurt from such impact. But alive, nonetheless. There wasn't. The man's wide eyes were far too gone. Empty. Nothing but a hollow shell that swayed back and forth on dangling wires. Body upside down and mouth hanging wide open with spurts of blood trailing on the side of his face. Neck split open to see protruding cord and muscles, flesh ripped. Limp and cold. Freya wavered to stay in place. Rigid and blood running solid as her eyes were glued on the dead.

"Eren!" Oluo swooped down, hand reaching forward and hauling Eren over his arm. Eyes set forward, not once looking back. Back to Gunther. Lifeless. He felt sick. Guilty for leaving More so wanting to cry. Warm copper invaded his mouth. Teeth digging on his tongue. Features set hard as he exerted an amount of force only his push. Eren's body collided with Freya. But the two maintained to maneuver still. She snapped back, on the move, and hearing Oluo. "Onward!"

"But--" Words hitched in his throat. Eren caught sight of it again. A zooming figure. It blurred within the sway of trees as he gazed back towards Gunther's unmoving body. The person was inches behind. Proximity dangerously taunting him.

"Who's there?" Rage spurred from Petra as she unsheathed her blades.

"Protect Eren!" Oluo ordered. Reminded. His wide eyes were directed at Freya. She didn't appreciate the gesture, mouth bitter with distaste and bile wanting to rise from her throat. She swallowed. Oluo glanced at Eld for answers. "Damn it, what do we do? Eld, where should we go?"

"There isn't time to reach the horses!" He gritted his teeth. "Head for HQ, as fast as you can!"

"Is it from the Female Titan?" Oluo asked aloud. "Or is there more than one?"

"Come at me! I'll defeat you, even if it kills me!" Awed and aware of her ruling emotions. Petra's roaring war cries echoed behind Freya. The woman was fierce. Determined. She watched Petra from the corner of her vision, ignoring the clammy grip she had on the handle of her blades, avoiding the tempting choice to split away and hide, envious for the sudden boldness of courage surging in them. Freya was nothing but quiet. Breathing heavy and uneven.

The unknown figure disappeared. She couldn't find it in herself to turn around and watch. However, with the way her peers had turned dreadfully quiet, she was forced to swallow down her nerves, tilt her head to the she and peer over her shoulder. For a second, her brows furrowed into deep confusion. It was too good to be true. To think that they would retreat. With the way it backed a few meters away, slowing down its pace, and giving them a chance to escape. It wasn't a chance. Wasn't mercy. It wants tan opening opportunity to take. Merely obliged to avoid harm's way to Eren. She knew. Realized as a silent cry left her lips. However, morphed into a whisper. "No..."

"I knew it... " Eld spoke, trailing.

"No..." She found her eyes stuck. Once able to witness it. The stilled air was tight.

"It's coming!"

"No, no, no... it can't--" Her words got stuck in the back of her throats as she clenched her eyes shut. Her eyelids were painted white from the burst of explosion. Transformation. She gritted her teeth together, pained that her senses couldn't take it anymore. Choked breaths left her lungs, dry coughs squeezing form her throat. Squinting through the grey covered air, nothing in particular came into view. Steel eyes flashed in her mind. She shook her head, heart racing. Her hearing was completely blank. Not a single sound. A single peep. Not a ring. Ears deaf. She waited for a second. Then another. Her hearing returned. The smoke cleared.

"The Female Titan!'

Those manic eyes stared back at her again. Large and set. Cropped blonde hair bobbing as it's monstrous feet ran, pounding on the floor that her heart was in beat with the booming thumps. Meters of height towered over them. She was nothing but a measly fly buzzing and whizzing up ahead from a Titan. Intent to destroy her and anyone in its path. She released a sharp breath, eyes widened as she stiffened. movement taught as she clenched her blades hard. In front of her, she could hear Eren's firm but wavering voice yell out brashly. He raised his hand up to his barred and ready mouth. "This time, I'll defeat it!"

"No!" Eld commanded strongly.

Freya whipped her head to him, frantic gaze incredulous. Shaken with panic. "No?!"

"The three of us will kill the Female Titan." He said firmly. He sounded brave. So sure. Unnerving as his hard gaze turned to Freya. "Escort Eren out of here. Head for HQ at top speed."

"I'll fight, too!" Eren attempted to stay back. Yet, everyone knew that no one would agree with that option. The risk too unbelievably high.

"No. This is the best move... Your power is too dangerous." Eld countered, making it clear that there was no changing his mind.

"What? Do you doubt us?" Oluo asked.

"Do you, Eren? Do you find it that hard to trust us?" Petra questioned in dubiety.

There was nothing but panting breaths coming out of Eren's mouth. Visible droplets of sweat rolled down the side of his face. Heart heavy with guilt. Freya knew that look. Conflicted emotions ripping him from within. Tearing his mind apart. He hated it. There was no wrong or right. No answer that assured him that everything would turn out okay. His stomach churned. Not a single word escaped him. Swallowing, Freya grabbed the back of his collar, directing his attention away from the squad who manoeuvred to turn around, and head straight on forward voice low as she mumbled under her breath. "Let's go."

The Special-Ops squad barrelled straight for the running Titan, with Eld taking lead. Arms raised, blade in hand, he roared out strongly, seeming to go for a direct strike for its face. But at the last second, pulled himself back as dark gasses of smoke from his gear puffed out as a diversion just as a large hand reached for his body. A wire from Oluo and Petra had their grappling hook embedded on either sides of the Titan's face. Its large eyes widened. The jarring duo increased their pace. Timing in place as they both slashed the steel of their weapons on the TItan's face, directed for its eyes.

A total minute for it to be gone in darkness.

Freya's finger twitched by her sides. The large species staggered on its bare feet, body swaying before collapsing against a tree, both arms raised and hands covering its nape. There was no mistaking for its intelligence. In a silent gesture, Eld raised his left arm over his head, his right hand patting the underside of his armpit. His two squad mates nodded. In a synchronous move, Oluo and Petra swung high up in the air, a flawless and graceful sight as their hunched figure flew seconds high above the trees before gliding down with their weapons striking sharply on the Titan's shoulders. Once. Twice. Freya couldn't keep up with the amount of times they struck its body, tearing solid muscles off with steaming blood evaporating.

Defenceless, the Female Titan's arms cover for protection fell limply by its sides.

"Strike the neck, now!" Eld charged for its neck. Then a sudden snap halted Freya in place. Wires still and wobbling as her breathing stopped. The sound of bones crunching, flesh ripping, she flinched. The color had already drained from her face. Fingers now trembling, body shaking. She watched as Eld's upper body was brutally consumed in the Titan's mouth. It spat his body out. Half. Gone. She flinched again. Eyes wide and unmoving.

From the distance, she could hear Petra stingily scream out in despair. "Eld!"

Now on the move, Freya averted her attention from the gruesome scene to Eren. The young boy was now yelling maniacally. Irrationally. Cleary out of his head, not thinking straight. Hurt as he whizzed past her and towards the Titan. Her voice scratched her throat as she called for him. "Eren!"

Shocked, Freya could see Petra lose all her composure. The woman's back hit the ground, skidding on the surface, barely able to keep herself upright as her gaze never left the moving Titan. It was back on its feet. Arms swayed. It stared down at her. She gasped. A single eye, the other still clamped shut. Realisation hit her. A jab to the chest that stung. For it to prioritise all its healing to a single eye, a minute barely passed. Hardly thirty seconds. Trying to escape, she tried to haul herself back into the air. The ground scraped her whole body. A shadow loomed over her. Large feet blocked her vision. Freya looked away just as a loud thud rumbled the earth, rattling the stumps of trees.

"Petra!" Oluo desperately cried. Face screwed tight in pain. He gritted his teeth together. A sudden urge for him to cry coursed through his veins. Seem to be replaced with fury. His heart ached. A raging glare adorned his brows before aiming for its neck. With its back facing him, he raised his weapon. A cry erupted from his throat. He dragged his clenched hands down, ends of his swords pointed for the wide opening of its nape. "Die!"

Tiny fragments of silver glinted in Freya's eyes. They widened in double if it was even possible. Oluo's blades shattered before slicing the Titan's nape. It was now covered in blue crystal. A protective layer. With Oluo armed with nothing, he looked back at the Titan. At the last second, it raised its feet, poise set flawlessly before kicking Oluo's rigid figure. Metal parts of his gear flew, his body landing far. Freya chocked on a breath.

"No..." Fear radiated from her. She reeked of it. Drained. Her body began moving before she could react or think. Her gaze was dead set on Eren. Her hands unsheathed her blades from her sides. They rattled against the metal box container. A few more inches. Reaching far, arm outstretched. The tips of her finger scraped the material of his green hood. Dangerously close. Just a little bit further. She saw his hand inching towards his mouth. Her hold on his cape fell loose. Her heart dropped in the pits of her stomach. "Wait–!"

Her skin buzzed painfully. Thunder struck her bones. She was paralysed for a moment. Vision blinded with a bright surging ball of yellow light. It was hot. Humid that her skin felt sticky. The cold run of her blood thawed and now turned her red. A scream forced her throat dry. Eyes clenched shut that white still painted her eyelids. A thousand needles pricked her flesh, digging in deep and seeping in her veins. Jaw clenched as she gritted her teeth. Tired, her body went numb. A pair of grey eyes flashed in her mind.

Wake up.

Darkness.

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

shoutout to cassandracains who just published an erwin smith fic. just by the summary/synopsis i was already invested. you should go check it out! i apologize that there's not much of levi in here but rewatching this episode HURT. i was feeling kinda drained while writing this cause school is kinda ending soon and i'm rushing to make sure i submit everything to pass lol hopefully more levi moments in the next chapter