episode 22: the defeated; the 57th exterior scouting mission, part 6
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CERTAIN THINGS
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"I don't suppose it's not too late to back out from this, right?"
Blue gazed upon dark twisted oaks, branches coiling themselves together and fanning out. It swayed in the air, giving out soft movements from the wind, dancing as its tall shadow loomed over Freya. Her tongue ran along the inside of her cheek, eyes blank as she stared at the large and all so familiar oak tree. Days, weeks, sun sets, and cold nights. She could just about count the number of times she had passed the same tree, have her back leaned against the rough bark, run her hand on the hard surface. Times of planing, earning endless discussions with her former squad, she blinked, releasing a heavy exhale through her nose as she swivelled on her heel, back facing the tree. Her voice was steady, asking and unwavering, tone clear as she walked towards the man that may as well charge her, and many others, towards death.
Erwin Smith made no move to stare at the woman as he immediately picked notice of her presence by his side. His attention had been caught on the endless list of names staring back at him, his gaze boring deeply on the wooden clipboard in his hands, and fingers flipping through thin sheets of paper, eyes scanning. They were nothing but writings scribbled messily into his mind, letters conflating that he couldn't force himself to memorize. Stoically, he responded to her. "You knew what you were getting yourself into."
"Not really." A nonchalant shrug of her shoulders, and a subtle gleam ignited in Freya's eyes, lips quirking into a light grin as the wind strongly blew past her. Strands of blonde hair swayed on her face, tickling her cheeks. "I'm guessing none of you guys got an instruction manual for me to read?"
The man was quiet as he further read along the long list of cadets on his paper. A few alive, a number of them gone. "Follow our orders. That's it."
"Our?" She questioned with an unimpressed look on her face. Receiving nothing but silence, she couldn't help but give a roll of her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest when her vision suddenly caught on to a kneeled figure. She clicked her tongue, understanding. "Right."
Erwin gave a curt nod, still not looking at her.
Shoulders taught like wire, Levi's back met her view as she noticed the man taking interest in a certain pile of tarp-covered corpses. Arms and hands fumbling, it was difficult to determine what exactly he had been doing as she was suddenly aware of something else. Even from a distance, she could make out the harsh lines of his back muscles, despite the material of his white shirt, jacket and cape neatly folded beside him. Lines define and apparent. She fought the urge to smirk, her eyes never leaving the interesting view as she spoke once again. "It's five." She squinted in concentration. "You're missing five bodies."
She could sense Erwin visibly pause. He halted his actions, head turning up. Although his face showed no reaction, the sudden shift of his interest falling onto her was evident. "What makes youâ"
"The crying." She cut him off. She hummed quietly as Levi stood from his place, bending down to reach for his jacket and cape. One by one, arm slipping through each brown sleeve and green apparel resting on his shoulders, she cocked her head to the side as his back contracted with each movement before it was concealed in thick clothing. Slowly, he walked away from the pile of bodies. Shaking her head, she pulled her attention away from the man, turning to Erwin. Her tone had gone bright. The sound of grieving cadets seemed to grow louder in her ears. She continued, amused. "Your soldiers are really chatty."
Just as she finished her statement, a squad leader whom Freya didn't recognize neared them, coming to a complete halt in front of Erwin, but not before warily eyeing Freya for a split second. "We're almost done." The male cadet informed quietly. "There were five casualties we couldn't recover."
"Not even parts of them?" Erwin asked, ignoring the somewhat complacent look Freya had.
"We couldn't get close enough because of the Titans." The cadet hesitated to reply. "It's probably better for the families if we don't bring those back."
"Report them as missing." Erwin advised.
"Yes, sir." The man nodded. But not before adding. "We've sighted several Titans near the forest, but none are headed in our direction yet."
Freya snapped her head to the cadet, blue eyes boring a hole on his face as she asked. "How far are they?" The cadet was fidgeting in his place, leg shifting from one foot to the other under the woman's piercing gaze, sharp that a single look told that she was adamant for an answer.
"We're moving out now." Erwin said, handing off his clipboard to the cadet. "Inform the squads."
"Yes, sir." The man released a breath of relief, immediately turning to stride away. Freya pursed her lips together, squinting just as a loud voice protested from the side.
"I refuse to accept this!" An uproar of rage and fury, fear hinting beneath the stranger's voice as Freya, along with Erwin, turned to find the unexpected source and reaction. A mop of shaggy blonde hair. Frantic and glossy eyes, struggling to keep a hold of contact between him and the Commander who raised an eyebrow in question. Body shaking and face scrunched in sheer desperation.
Beside him, his male friend's eyes widened in surprise at the abrupt outburst. "Hey, Dieterâ"
"We should recover them." Dieter hurriedly blurted in explanation. "Ivan's body was right in front of us."
"There was a Titan right next to him." His friend told, sounding worn out, tone heavy and dry. "We'd just end up losing someone else."
"If they attack us, we can just take them out." He snapped, sparing a glare to his friend for a second. Mouth twisted in an unpleasant sneer, clearly unhappy that his friend hadn't been steering towards his side. "Ivan and I are childhood friends from the same village. I know his parents. If nothing else, I'd at least like to bring him home."
Without letting a moment pass, Freya immediately asked. "And why didn't you?"
"What?" Dieter's voice faltered, volume dying at the woman's sudden shift in involvement to joining in the conversation.
"His body was right in front of you. So why didn't you recover him?" A question that she wasn't that all interested in hearing an answer to. Yet, still spoke them. Blue eyes glinted, something playing beneath her irises as the corner of her lips twitched, almost seeming to try and contain an indescribable smile.
"None of us..." Dieter began lowly, snarling as he glared at the woman. "Are obligated to speak to someone with the likes of you."
Fists clenching by her sides, silence dragging on. It was quiet. The air went heavy. Mouth pursed in a line, not daring to give a response. Stoic and blank, she took no offence from the risible remark. However, with the slight curve of her lips turning into a smile, anyone could witness the clear amusement flitting in her gaze. "Dieter, right?" Freya drawled out, narrowing her eyes on the man as she took a step forward. Her voice was sharp as she spewed the man's name, turning low into a hiss. "Listen hereâ"
"Quarrelling children?" The familiar deep voice joined in, cutting her off. However, she didn't miss the small warning behind Levi's tone as he stalked towards hem. Face nonchalant and unsurprised. Coming to a stop from Erwin's left, dull eyes scanned the now quiet group, an eyebrow raised and arms crossed over his broad chest.
A click of her tongue, swiping her bottom lip as she gnawed the inside of her cheek. Her gaze never left the glaring cadet, stature straight, shoulders squared. Yet, her ever sinister smile had vanished, face falling into a flat look as she spoke. "I hope that didn't include me."
"Corporal Levi." The two cadets gave a curt nod of acknowledgment.
"If you confirmed he's dead, that's enough. Whether or not you have a body, dead is dead." He said in a monotonous voice. "It doesn't change a thing." Freya couldn't help but flick her eyes towards him for a second, head turning as she registered his words. Words that weighed and ringed in her ears. Mind running, sounding to be a statement forced to believe in. Trying to convince oneself.
"That's..." The cadet's shoulders sagged. Despair seeped on his features, screwing into a painful look.
"We'll say Ivan and the others are missing. That's my decision. Leave it at that." Erwin said in finality before turning on his heel and walking away with his back turned. Through his canning words that were seeming to be grim and forbidding, strangely enough, not even a lingering pause had edged on for a moment for the man to hesitate. He was quick. Composed, all the while forthright that Freya couldn't even detect a hint of reluctance hiding beneath his words. The man was dignified, that much she knew. However, she couldn't help but wonder how much he was willing to sacrifice to win a war that she saw empty. The ends of his green cape swayed with each step he took, figure retreating to another squad.
"Don't either of your possess any human feelings at all?!" Dieter yelled, seeming to take a few hurried strides towards the Commander before he was held back by his friend. Hands restrained by his back as both his arms were being held locked by the brunette cadet from behind, dragging the raging blonde man away.
"I sometimes ask myself the same thing." Freya mused underneath her breath, both her eyebrows raised from the wry sight. Chuckling quietly to herself, she shook her head, wringing her hands by sides before clenching them tight.
"I'm surprised that you're not crying like the rest of them."
Turning her head to the left, a pair of grey eyes met Freya. Levi gave a small nod of his head, pertaining to her surroundings as Freya once again noticed the faint sound of sniffling and low whimpers from the cadets nearby. A few who busied themselves with the preparations to return to the Walls. Back to safety. Back from the possibility of death falling upon them. She contained the urge to roll her eyes. However, Levi didn't miss the small scoff that escaped her as she crossed her arms over her chest, Tone firm as she spoke. "Crying is the last thing I want to do today."
"No one would care if you did." He replied allusively.
She tilted her head to the side, eyes slightly narrowing as she stared at the man in perplexity. She could hear it. Already sensing the striking hint laying in his suggestive words. They were light in her ears, strangely enough. Complacent that she wouldn't have expected it from a man like him. Levi's attempt of an antic jeer did nothing to faze her as Freya licked her lips, suppressing a teasing grin. "I'm surprised I haven't killed you yet."
"Right." He said. Calm and nonchalant. Almost as if he didn't believe her. Even if he did, it was most unlikely for him to be easily brought down. Though, her challenging words was quite amusing for him to hear. He mimicked her stance. Strong arms coming up to cross over his broad chest. "I saved you."
"All you did was find me." She reminded.
"Alone and unconscious." Levi remembered.
"Alive and breathing." Freya firmly added.
"Barely."
"Barely?" She scoffed with a shake of her head. The small reaction had Levi raise an eyebrow. Freya squinted, blue gaze sharp on him and his quick words. It was bothersome. New. To have him quickly contend her. To even take respond as she was quick to move from wonder and carry on a conversation with him. Although, she wasn't exactly fond of where the subject had touched. It sounded so simple coming from his mouth. A common understanding that she couldn't fully grasp, and she detested it as her nails dug deep in the skin of her clammy palms. "I just did what most cadets can't do on their first day. And that's survive."
Levi remembered.
His fingers twitched, skin tingling as if he could feel it once again. The warmth. His rough touch lingering on her cheek. The sudden gap diminishing between worn bodies. The billowing wind was now nonexistent to him. His flesh growing hot and heart burning in his chest, with uneven beating pounding in his ears as he blinked. A second of complete darkness took over. Nothing but her still body greeting him in the shadows. Greens of wild rimming around, skies of blue falling on her, and metal rings searing his flesh. It took nothing but a second for him to remember. A strong breeze brushed by as the end of their capes billowed to the side, swaying softly in movement as Levi's grey eyes raked her face.
Shifting from one foot to the other, Freya gnawed the insides of her cheek, biting down hard to fight off the sudden rush of red creeping up her neck. She was determined, bound to substantiate notions wrong. It's what she had aimed for, and she was responsive to do so just by her mere presence, standing in front of him with unfaltering vanity. Loud and bellowing voices of Squad leaders yelled a few meters away, calling to leave. However, Freya couldn't pull her stare away from his, immersed at the light color of his eyes, somehow electrifying, though empty. She waited. At a lost for words, trying to battle his intense gaze that had locked itself on her. She thought for a moment, wondering what circled his mind.
"Considering it's your first expedition..." He started off slow, pulling his eyes away from her to look at the side, clouds of grey reflecting off his irises. It gave Freya a view of his clenched jaw, tongue darting out to coat his bottom lip. His voice. Gruff and firm that Freya was silently anticipating for him to continue, and waiting for even a second seemed to seep into her nerves with irritation as his long pause was frustrating. She opened her mouth, moments away from speaking when he suddenly looked back at her. Her voice had died along with her words. Thoughts. A strange feeling rising inside her chest at his placid features, the corner of his lips curving up into a smirk. "Well, it won't be your last, will it?"
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Freya found herself hanging back by the rear guard of the planned formation. No longer immersed in staying by Eren's side, knowing that no harm would initially come his way from the front rear where she was aware of Commander Erwin taking lead, Levi close by, and Mikasa being glued to the unconscious boy. That, and she wasn't too fond of the foul smell of Titan saliva lingering on his body. Though, she supposed it must've been a better option to be stationed where she was tasked of guarding him considering that behind her was a pile of unknown corpses stacked on top of each other.
Legs swinging back and forth, she sat by the edge of the speeding carriage, humming a lulling tune. Two scout cadets stood on either sides of the piled corpses. Another held the reins of the galloping horses. Attention pulled to themselves as the four had stayed quiet. The ride had sailed roughly on the green grass. Solemn faces fell upon grieving soldiers. She was locked in a state of empty thoughts circling her head. Eyes watching a blurry view of green speeding past her vision below her boots. Immediately, Freya's soft humming had died out as soon as an announcement was yelled over her head.
"Titans!"
Skin jumping, body going stiff, her blood had ran cold. Looking up, from the tips of her boots, an unclear figure met her view. The sight of two running Titans was easy for her to detect. However, the blob of brown and green was still a little difficulty for her to decipher considering the distance. Squinting, she leaned forward a little. Hands gripping the edge of the carriage from falling. A moment after, a chuckle escaped her. "That's..."
"Dieter." Grumbling, the squad leader behind her stood up on his feet. Brows furrowed in an infuriating stare as he glared at the two reckless cadets who rode on their horses, faces pulled into shock at the Titans nearly coming to a close to them. Dieter and Juergen. A dead corpse hanging limply on the blonde cadet's shoulders. He shook his head as he reached for his flare gun from his holster. "That fool..."
"You wouldn't mind, right?" Her hand outstretched towards the squad leader, she had a brow raised. A silent question as her gaze zeroed in on the flare gun in his palm. He blinked at her in surprise, taken aback by the odd request. She only blinked. Waiting. The squad leader scoffed. The flare gun weighed lightly in her hand. Finger slithering towards the trigger and feeling the cool metal of it touch her skin. Raising her hand above her head, she aimed the barrel up towards the sky. Her other hand gripped the carriage edge. A barrel of red smoke rocketed above.
She was quite aware that not a single tree nor building stood nearby, making it difficult to fight out in open areas. Though, Freya would've never had planned on using her gear even if the situation called for it. With the long distance between her and the two Titans, she struggled to focus her gaze on what was exactly happening. All she knew that as she blinked, two horses now became one. A body missing. All leaving Dieter and a rotting corpse to rest on his shoulders. A flash of raven hair flew by. Freya quirked a brow as Mikasa brought one Titan down, whistling sharply.
"They'll catch us." The squad leader mumbled in realization. It didn't exactly help that a few more of hungry-looking Titans began to come up from out of nowhere, seeming to form a crowd aimed for their carriage.
"I don't suppose the two of you have a plan?" Freya gave a blank look towards the squad leader and the male cadet as she stood up on her feet, brushing her hands on the side of her leg.
The two were quiet. Gazes nervously drawn to each other as their nerves seemed to get the best of them, faces solemn as their skin paled. The Squad leader cleared his throat. "I'll circle behind them. When I draw their attention, youâ"
"No." Levi's sudden stern tone cut through the conversation. Freya whipped her head to the side, seeing him on his dark stallion beside their carriage. "Just abandon the corpses. Otherwise, they'll catch us."
"But..." The Squad leader looked hesitant.
"On past expeditions, dozens of bodies never made it back. These guys will be no different." Levi said impassively.
Freya blinked once. Twice. For once, she was surprised. The fear of Titans running towards them subsiding in her veins as she registered his words. Her heart went heavy, dropping to the pits of her stomach as she pursed her lips together. It made her angry for some reason. Her fists clenching tightly by her sides, nails digging in her delicate skin as her eyes went distant. Seeming to be lost in thought. Delving in the deepest part of her mind as her chest ached painfully.
"Are we doing this? We're seriously dumping them?" The male cadet said as his body seemed to hug the tart cover corpses in front of him. He looked as if he didn't want to let them go, tears forming in his eyes and voice shaking.
Levi's silence was all it took to answer him as he extended a hand towards a quiet Freya. He noticed the slight downturn of her mouth as she looked at him. However, he didn't question it. The frown didn't seem to be directed to him. More to herself as she slowly shook her head to get rid of her thoughts. Waiting a second. Another. Her lack of words irked him. "Are you just going to stare?"
Her eyes roamed his features. From the crease between his eyebrows to the subtle down curve of his lips, giving her an annoyed look as she shrugged her shoulders. She fought hard to ignore the burning strain in her heart, forcing a soft grin. Eyes flickering dull. "Probably."
He saw right through that forced look. "You're wasting time. More importantly, mine."
"I have plenty." She replied calmly.
"I'm more than happy to let you join the bodies."
Her faux grin grew wider. "You'd want that."
The carriage beneath her feet staggered as one of the wheels got caught up on a rock. Her heart had suddenly dropped. Losing her balance by the sudden shift of the carriage pace, the heels of her boots lost contact with the floor. Tripping on her toes, her hands reached forward. Searching. Immediately her fingers curled on the side border of the carriage, nails digging into the old wood where she fell slump and held on tightly for support. Where strands of her blonde hair fell in front of her eyes, her blue irises landed on the still-waiting calloused hand just by her face.
A tilt of his head and a dark look overtook Levi's features. "More than anything."
And so, she took his hand. Warm skin meeting his cold and slender fingers, emitting a shiver to crawl up her spine. She was taken aback by how rough his touch was. Though, he was firm as she hauled her body over the carriage border, her other hand reaching for support on his shoulder, before swiftly taking a seat behind him. Her body inches away. Levi's back went rigid with uncertainty as he rode the two of them away from the rear guard, heading straight for the front when he felt nimble arms slither their way around his abdomen. He clenched his jaw.
Freya could see Levi glance back for a second. Deep gaze peering over his shoulder to stare at her. She was calm. Quiet and puzzling that her face held no answer. Her blue eyes seemed to have glinted. Something running behind them with mischief on her mind. However, all her thoughts could ever ponder over was how the setting sun seemed to have captured his striking features so ideally. An orange and red hue casted itself on his strong jawline, softening his cold eyes, and illumining his raven hair that fell well over his stare. Searing hot, burning his skin, her touched seemed to have intensified through thick layers of clothing.
Levi's chest tightened. Painfully pushing out the air from his lungs that he silently questioned himself for even relishing it. The thought of the strange twinge in his chest was electrifying. Even more so as Freya's hands lay flatly on his stomach, seeming to go lower and descending, stooping down until her hand had felt the cold rim of his belt buckle. Then she stopped. She could feel his toned abdomen. Nothing but thin clothing separating the reach that she had on him and his hard muscles. She could've sworn she heard his breath falter, inclining to a hot and breathy exhale as she slowly leaned forward. Her words tickling the shell of his ear, the corner of her lips turning into a smile, ignoring the uneven beating of her own heart. "It wouldn't change a thing."
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â AUTHOR NOTE â
i swear i'm not dead... i apologize for this late chapter (even tho i'm not really that happy about it kahfjs) but i just got released from a 1 year sentence from prison. which is just me saying i broke up with my ex lmfao. i appreciate all the support that this book is getting and i'm so very thankful, you guys have no idea. i'm really sorry for the late update. i really just wanted to take a break from school and life, i hope you understand. and i also apologize for the slow burn jahfhajfhs levi didn't get a lot of screen time in season 1... so i hope u wait for season 2 and 3 :D