xvi. FALL APART

episode 24: compassion; raid on stohess district, part 2

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

FALL APART

•••

"What does it mean when everything falls apart?"

The sudden questioned lingered in the tensed air. A soft, lulling hum followed after. Lost in thought, pondering for an answer. An all familiar sigh of wearing patience erupted in the enclosed box of the moving carriage, wheels rolling on the cobbled stone roads, and warm radiating heat peaking through the thin gaps of the flimsy window curtain. Yellow rays from the sun slithered in and shone bright lines on green leather seats. She was enamored by her own little puzzle, eager for a subtle clue. Blue gazed out the window and watching heights of buildings blur past her vision, rings burning around her fingers as she twisted them, a tiny crease forming between her brows.

"What?"

"It's just something I've been thinking about the whole trip here." She confessed, distractingly. Attention caught on rooftops. She narrowed her blues, squinting to peer past the blinding sun. Her vision burned, scorched like needles pricking her very own eyes, but she saw through it. Rows of metal covered the towering ledge, long barrels of riffles aimed towards the street, and soldiers behind them, pacing back and forth much like the rest that trailed behind her own carriage. Their running footsteps were loud against the pavement, They were difficult to disregard, neglect the thought of numerous cadets following close by, and she had restrained the urge to flee. Yet, she stayed put, still and calm on her seat.

"Here as in..."

"Where else?" Freya sighed once again, feeling as if she was having a conversation with herself. Alone. For the past thirty minutes or so, it was nothing more than a cycle of sudden questions and half mumbles coming as their curt conversation. She never did like the silence. It left room for those tiny voices to come crawling back in that empty space of her thoughts. So, she did like to keep busy. Always noticing. Observing. Keeping mind of a few details to look back to. But the conversation she was having didn't work much. Somehow keeping on her toes to even pull a proper response out. Leaning back, she stared at the boy across from her, raising an eyebrow and noticing something stuck in his mind. "What is it this time?"

"It's nothing." Quickly averting his gaze, Jean swallowed hard. His neck reddened, suddenly rueful that he had been caught. Fingers fumbling together, he shifted in his seat, finding the little dainty rip on the leather material beside his leg interesting. White cotton and foam strained from the inside. He was half tempted to pull them out. To distract himself. To ignore the sharp and observing gaze set on him. His skin crawled, feeling small in the moderate space that he had found himself in, obliged into despite his many protests and adamant argument. Anxiety leaked from him.

Freya blinked, unconvinced with his little lie. "Your face says otherwise."

"You just look angry."

"Well, you look ridiculous."

Jean clamped his mouth shut, feeling a burn rise to his cheeks. A part of him was annoyed considering that Freya was right. The dark wig on him was uncomfortable. Itchy, even. Tickling the top of his head and the back of his neck. His skin crawled as he clenched his fists together, chest puffing up and down before he flicked his gaze to the closed window, holding back a scoff. He fought his best to ignore the comment and to rip the costume from his head. His back straightened, shoulders taught like wire. Brows furrowed in a scowl, he cleared his throat. "I think I know why you're so angry."

Both her eyebrows rose, intrigued. Freya didn't realize how easy she was to read. She often liked to think that she wasn't. But she didn't mind if that wasn't the case. The passing minutes of receiving Jean's silence and inaudible replies made quick sense to her, finding it somewhat ridiculous as a small chuckle nearly erupted from her chest. She eyed him from head to toe, scanning his weary features, and amusing costume. She crossed her arms, squinting at the boy. "It's funny. You're almost starting to look a little bit like hi–"

Jean's eyes widened in horror. "We look nothing alike."

"If you say so." She chuckled, unsurprised with his reaction. She almost felt bad for him being spruced into a plan that he didn't coincide with avidly. Disguised as the boy who could turn into a Titan who Jean just so happened to have a strong disliking to in a district set deep in the Walls. All for a plan laid out in a single night. Almost.

He grinded his teeth together, jaw clenching. Jean released a slow and heavy exhale, blinking hard before facing the blonde again. "Stohess District."

She hummed. "What about it?"

"An answer to your question." He replied in a steady voice.

"Which question?"

"This is where you got caught, isn't it?" He narrowed his eyes before pausing. He hesitated, unsure whether or not to continue as he waited for a reaction to erupt. However, Freya stayed unusually quiet. He continued. "It's why you're in the Survey Corps."

"Better than in the Military, that's for sure." She gave a nod. Though, her face revealed nothing.

"It's why you're protecting that suicidal blockhead." A small scoff accompanied his words. He sounded so sure. Victorious for the unexpected statement.

She had let a second pass by, tongue darting out to graze her lips wet before shaking her head, releasing a short chuckle. "Who came up with these nicknames?"

"Am I right?" Irked by her response, Jean pushed on further. "This is where your last job was? You were caught by Squad leader Mi–"

She cut him off . Tone sharp like a blade, slicing through the tense air. There was malice in her words. A grudge deep that she held onto. Her heart suddenly fell out of rhythm, beating hard in her ears. "The man was just lucky."

Jean's shoulders slumped. Something flashed in his young eyes. Regard. Freya knew that look. Barely received any of it. No one she knew even bothered to try. But it was there, staring right back at her like a sign. It stung her heart. Her chest tightened, painfully squeezing the air out of her lungs as she held her breath. She hated it, believed to be pointless. It burned her veins, threatening to consume her in a like a storm as she turned her head away. Gaze distant and out the window. Her jaw clenched, eyes turning dark  at his words. Pity.

"This is where everything fell."

Freya wanted them back. The whispers. Nonsense of words. The irrelevant chanting of ghosts in her head. Her face remained the same. Unmoving. Changeless. And void. Forms of emotions gone from her features. Her mouth went dry, stomach churning that she felt nauseous. Spine rigid like metal. She didn't need a reminder of the disappointment settling again in her chest. She didn't want the constant replay of mistake circling her memories. She wanted those gone. But the inscrutable voices back. She wanted it all back. "So, this girl... Anna?"

A sense of uncertainty flooded Jean. He swallowed, face hardening as he corrected. "Annie."

"Right..." She clicked her tongue, feeling his eyes bore a hole on the side of her head. "I heard she was part of your class."

"We all graduated together." Slowly, he nodded. His brows knitted together.

"Who was it again she killed?" From the corner of her eyes, she saw the boy freeze. Tense shoulders up and eyes widening with shock and ire. She felt a pang hitting her chest. Though, she fought her best to ignore the contracting guilt scrape her inconsolably. Something vile rose to her mouth, climbing up her throat as she impelled herself to persist. "I heard his body got torn in half. Eaten, in fact." She turned her head to face him once again. Features nonchalant and voice blunt. "What was his name again?" A tilt of her head to the side, a blonde strand falling. "Marcus?"

Her eyes flickered to his hands. Clenched into a tight fist by his sides. Unclenched as she saw deep crests marked on his palms, before he was back to digging his nails stuck on his flesh. She knew that he must've been seething in fury, aware with what she was doing. To be frank, she had no apprehension why she even brought such a topic. It was an open wound. It was disconcerting how similar his story was to her ears. How it reminded her of certain events striking her chest with pins and needles. The silence would've been welcomed more. But Freya heard Jean speak quietly in the compact carriage space. "Marco."

"Same thing." Freya heard him inhale sharply. Although, she had a feeling that she wouldn't be able to forget the name anytime soon. Fiver letters burning in her skull. A reminder. A name. Hauntingly embedded in memory. She didn't even know the boy. Couldn't imagine a face. Contrivance running with what he must've been like to Jean. Yet, something entirely else came to mind. Letters. Stacks and pages of ink scribbled on papers turning yellow. "I lost someone, too." She told him, a soft laugh came from her. However, her laugh was anything but humorous. "Half a body gone. Eaten."

Jean swallowed at the information, ears perking up as he attempted to steady his voice. "What happened?"

Patters of rain drummed in her ears. Heavy droplets barreled down like bullets on wooden roofs. Howls of winds raged in the atmosphere. The cold nipped her bare skin. And heavy grunting and shouts came muffled from a closed door. The carriage came to a stop, loud commands being ordered from the outside as a series of hectic commotions went off. There was no rain. There was no wind. And there was no shouts that came close compared to what was happening now. She blinked once. Twice. Noticing reality around her. "I think we've talked long enough, don't you think?" Freya muttered, forcing her annoyance from seeping into her tone. "Besides, we've got a mission to complete."

She could feel his stare stuck on her for a long moment. Soon, he was the first out the carriage door before slamming it shut.

"Wait!" One of the Military Police cadets yelled a command just from the other side. "Don't move, Jaeger!"

Jean's irritated voice resonated clearly. The sound of his footsteps ceased, growing smaller and smaller, fainter. "I'm done with this disguise. Never call me by that name again, moron!"

A small chuckle escaped Freya's lips, amused by the boy's fading shouts. Fluttering her eyes close, she leaned her head back, resting on the plush material of her seat as she released a shaky exhale. She waited a minute. Another. Letting her shallow breaths take up the space and dark, blank canvas sit in her line of sight, focusing on the steady beat of her heart. Lost in thought. Readying for battle. Reveling in what little time she had left before fronting an unknown strife lingering just on the other side. Snapping her eyes open, she clenched her jaw, reaching for the handle of the carriage door. She took a step outside. A second. Her boots clicked as they touched the stone pavement.

She was blinded by a bright gleam. Raising a hand to shield the top of her face, she squinted, eyes burning. It was a stark contrast from the dark space she sat in seconds ago as she took a moment to adjust to the bright light of day looming above her. The air was hot and humid. Her skin warmed, feeling suffocated in her uniform. An uneasy sensation rose in her veins. As she blinked away the glaring light and white dots that spotted her vision, her gaze locked onto a pair of dull eyes right in front of her. Blue meeting grey.

Freya didn't know what to feel for a second.

Annoyance surged in her veins, spine rigid that she gnawed on the inside of her cheek. Events of the previous night flashed. His words ringing like a siren and warning. Or maybe fear. She was unsure. For a moment, she waited for the sense of dread to fill her like a plague. But it somehow had been the opposite. Heart spiking in uneven rhythms that she wanted to disappear. The dark blazer that rested on top of his shoulders didn't help. She noticed he wasn't in his uniform considering his little injury. But she realized he still wore his white cravat. The material tucked in his grey collar. Dark slacks and patent leather shoes. His eyes were tantalizing and calculating as he spoke. "I won't be there to save you."

Her brows furrowed, noticing a slight shift of ail in his tone. "Who said I needed saving?"

The corner of his mouth rose. She wouldn't have seen it if she wasn't too focused on his features. But it was there. Subtle. And small. The tiny change on his lips gaining her attention despite two Commanders speaking from behind, cadets marching around the area and rooftops, and the lack of people swarming in panic. However, she released a quick and surprised breath as the cool metal of a rifle barrel touched her right temple. She froze. Still as a statue on display. And quiet. She waited for a bullet. For a loud bang to ring in the air. For darkness to take over within a blink. But nothing. All she saw was a tint of solid grey eyes.

The barrel stayed there for a still second as a Military Police cadet followed Commander Nile's order. She mentally cursed at herself for being so distracted to even notice. Then the metal rattled. She could feel the rigid tremble of the cadet that held her at gunpoint. Anxiety leaking in the air that she forced herself to stay the opposite. Calm despite the tension rising in the scene of where she stood. She didn't want to risk it. Staying as quiet as possible. Frozen as a statue on display in museums.

"Promise me something." Levi took a couple steps forward. His cold fingers gently took Freya's chin, tilting her head slightly down as their noses touched. She could feel his breath just fanning on her lips. Hot. Warm. A hint of lemon and clean soap filling her senses. Her stomach churned as she swallowed. Something twinged in her chest. A few inches separated them, distance playing between. She couldn't find it in herself to move, needing space to breathe, ignore the people around her. It was all a blur, nothing but steel grey staring back at her. She bit down on the inside of her cheek hard. Breath hitching in the back of her throat. Heart uneven.

"What?" Her brows furrowed, confused as her question came out as a breathy whisper, intrigued. Distracted. Thoughts running that she couldn't focus on a single thing. His eyes searched hers, switching between the left and the right, not once leaving her face. Features nonchalant. She sucked in a sharp breath when she felt his other hand going towards her waist. His touch dragged on to her side, fingers toying with her belt, before leisurely and agonizingly climbing up to her rib cage. Her chest rose as her nerves buzzed, waiting and momentarily forgetting that a bullet might shoot through her skull soon. His eyes darkened into a serious look.

"Stay alive."

For a moment, her heart stopped.

Suddenly, her cape came sliding off her shoulders as Levi grabbed the material by the seam, his touch on her chin and side gone. It swept in the air as he tugged on the cloth. Green blanketed their heads as Freya was quick to take a step back, body leaning against the carriage when at the same time, the rifle that was once against her temple went firing once. Her body jolted at the sound, realizing Levi had grabbed the barrel with one hand, aiming it towards the air. Her ears rang. Eyes losing focus as a silver bullet went blurring past her vision. Her breath hitched in the back of her throat, words stuck that she bit down on her tongue. Hard. Fists clenching, her right elbow connected with the cadet's jaw. The man had his grip on his weapon loosen, head spinning that Levi tore the rifle away.

Within a second, she could hear an argument raging louder and louder from the side from both Commander Erwin and Nile. Orders drifted in the air. Guns and rifles clicked. Cadets began to swarm around, running in all different directions. She was pushed back again as a Military Police personnel barreled right between her and Levi. The two separated, distance growing as faces of strangers ran speedily past and around her, their shouts strong. She swallowed. Hearing metal clang in a box not so far away, Freya caught sight of a leather case slide on the floor towards her, right in the middle of the road where boots marched heavily on the ground. She recognized it. Her fingers twitching and itching by her sides.

Through the growing confusion, blue connected with grey. An instinct to survive coursed through her as she stared at the stoic man with wide eyes. Levi licked his lips, before giving a simple nod.

She could sense numerous weapons being turned. Attention falling on her that she pushed herself off the carriage surface, feet gaining momentum, shoulders bumping with people. She leaned down forward, arm outstretched before her fingers enclosed around the smooth handle of the leather case. And soon, she was sprinting. Bullets whizzed past her head as she released heavy puffs of air past her lips. She dared to sneak a glance back past her shoulder. Her hair blew messily as she dragged herself away from the scene, grey meeting blue.

Strands of raven fell in front of his eyes. There was something in them, lurking in the solid tint of his irises, however, she couldn't decipher it. Gaze caught on him having a Military Police cadet under his shoe, seeming to hold him down as the poor individual laid on the ground and her eyes flickered to his hand, fingers gripping onto her green cape tightly. She forced her vision back in front of her, feeling his stare burn on her back before she turned a corner.

•••

Her footsteps pattered on the pavement as she strained her ears for the loud cries and rumble that grew louder and louder. After discarding the leather case and strapping her maneuver gear on from a hidden alley, Freya didn't turn back around after what had happened. Mind too occupied as she wanted a distraction, grey eyes flashing in her head that she shook her head clear. Hoards of people ran on the streets. Windows continued to slam shut as she continued her way deeper into the district. Their shoulders knocked into her but she pushed through, not wanting to waste any of her maneuver gear gas as they ran away from danger. While, she herself was heading straight towards it.

She knew she was near when she could hear a loud commotion happening in the middle of the district town. Her heart rate picked up. Unfortunately, she knew the place like the back of her hand, familiar with every turn and corner within the area, that she hated the idea of escaping. Suddenly, harsh stomps and running pounded beneath her feet. However, from which direction, Freya wasn't sure. She swallowed, heaving a heavy breathy just as she turned an alleyway, steering clear of people who ran for safety. The sound of whirring metal of her gear zoomed in her ears.

"Hange." Freya addressed the hunched woman as she landed on the roof of a building beside her. Hange toyed with a rope connected to a wooden barrel, swinging it around with a grin on her face. Behind her, Moblit seemed to hold a look of panic on his features. Though, Freya knew that it correlated more with Hange than with the actual plan that they were executing at the moment.

"What took you so long?" Hange questioned in a cheery tone. A manic laugh followed after.

Freya thought for a quick second, pursing her lips together before speaking. "Traffic."

"Are you sure?" She asked in a teasing tone, raising her eyebrows up and down.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Freya narrowed her eyes. She was well aware with the plan that was going to happen a few minutes later. Albeit feeling a little hesitant with the slight drop occurring her in stomach, an uneasy feeling rising.

"It has to." Hange replied, surveying the armed rooftops surrounding the area with scrutiny. "The Commander thought of it."

Freya rapped her knuckles on the barrel beside Hange, careful to not touch her skin on one of the arrows protruding from the one end facing the sidewalk. "It's not enough."

"Doesn't matter." Hange waved off. A grin grew on her face, her eyes glinting from behind her goggles as she nudged her head to the other side of the street. "Cover the other side." Freya did as she was told, speedily zooming from one building to the other just adjacent from Hange's position before taking the rope an unoccupied barrel in her hands, running her thumb over the it.

From a distance, Freya could see Jean and Armin zooming towards them. Behind with its determined eyes was the Female Titan. Freya's grip on the rope tightened, squinting as the three drew near and near. Across, Hange stood fro her hunched position, giving a nod to Freya signaling to ready. The female blonde held her breath just as Jean and Amin passed her line of a sight, and with a loud command, Hange shouted. "Now!" Freya pulled on the rope.

A loud boom set off in her ears as numerous of steel arrows came shooting out of the barrel. She staggered for a second from the sudden burst but quickly stabled herself as wires came droning in the air. It came from all sorts of directions. The rooftops. Shattered windows. And sidewalks. Metal lines groveled through the Female Titans' limbs, digging deep into its skin, right from the head to its feet. There was a slight pause as Jean and Armin had been successful within their escape, inches away from being clutched into the Titan's hands as it fell to the ground on its back. A large netted spike fell on the Titan.

"Okay!" Hange clasped her hands together as Freya blew a breath. "I thought there'd be no need for a plan C, but nope... That's Commander Erwin for you, I guess."

Something uneasy swelled in Freya's chest as she maneuvered her way onto the street, quickly dropping from the ledge with her gear and landing on the pavement with a thud. She felt it fall, her heart plummet deep in her stomach as she clenched her jaw tight. She blinked for a second, suddenly hearing familiar cries screech in her head, wittiness greens of forest blurring, much like hard crystal forming and a tear falling. The recent memory burned in the back of her head, but before she could even find herself stuck in the past, she swallowed, releasing a heavy sigh. A swirl of rage and terror clashed, her emotions wrenching with confusion, uncertain how to feel.

"Annie..." Freya hummed dangerously low, blue meeting blue as she took a few steps forward, her feet seeming to have a mind of its own. She stood close to the immobile Titan, peering into its large eyes as they were focused on her. Ignoring the sound of her pulse beat loudly against her rib cage, she squinted. Her eyes roamed its striking features, taking in every line that ran on its cheek, the red hollowing its eyes, and blonde hair falling between their brows. Despite it being trapped it, it stayed forbearing, passive. She racked her brain, searching for a face. For anything, really. Yet, nothing. To think that a simple glance would have her gaining all the answers.

"How's our lovely guest doing?" Hange asked as she stood behind Freya, smiling.

Freya tried to brush off the sense of defeat that filled her, taking in one final look at the Female Titan who's eyes never left her before taking a few steps back. "She's all yours, Hange."

Hange unsheathed her blades, pointing the edge right at the Female Titan's eye, uafraid to even get close and touch their face in a threatening manner. "Be a good girl. Stay put. Here, you're too far in to get Titans to devour you like before. But don't worry... I'll be the one devouring you instead." It was a daunting snare. All the grins and cheerfulness gone exchange with a promise. "I'll devour all the information that we can drag out of you."

At that, Freya could hear ropes ripping and cutting. The Female Titan's leg shot out, free from its bind, and ramming their feet into the barrel traps. She couldn't have predicted the simple move. Aware that no one could. Broken wood flew in the air, broken pieces lodging themselves into cadets as dust flew. Immediately, Freya shot her wires up, retreating back to the rooftops before she could get hit along with Hange. The Female Titan slowly stood up wires and nets falling of its tall body before it went sprinting away at an impeccable pace.

"She broke free?" From Freya's left, Mikasa appeared, seeming to arrive just in time.

"We needed more traps!" Hange yelled in frustration. "Don't let her escape! Follow her!" Jean and Armin were the first to react, speeding off at thet Titan's stomping trail. The rest of the remaining and abled cadets followed.

Just at the sight of Mikasa, alone and by herself, panic flooded Freya, her face dropping as she scanned around for a green-eyed boy. "Where is–"

"I understand he's your priority." Hange grabbed the blonde's shoulder, wide eyes staring at each other. "But capturing the Female Titan comes first."

Multiple protests wanted to erupt from her throat, a voice in the back of her head whispering to leave and search. But somehow, Freya held her ground. Her hands began to felt clammy, her gear weighing heavily on her figure. A part of her didn't care for the Titan. Too deterrent that she couldn't ignore the sole reason why she was recruited in the first place. It was all she ever did and was told to do. A little habit that she couldn't let go. A responsibility she hated to accept. Her jaw clenched as she mustered a reply. "Fine."

A sharp shrill rang in the air. Lightning striking from the clouds a few meters away. Freya clenched her eyes shut, head spinning at the sound. The tiny hairs on her arm stood, spine rigid at the unexpectedness of it happening. She knew the all familiar feeling. Her nerves buzzing with anticipation as she opened her eyes, seeing a trail of smoke dissipate from a building not so far away. Relief was the first thing she felt. But fear came crushing her spirits at the endless possible outcomes that would soon follow from the Titan transformation.

"Well..." Hange blew a breath, turning to Freya as the blonde blinked. "Does that answer your question?"

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

hi i would like to drop my social media if that's okay :p the chapter was so long that i had to divide it into two aaahhhh.