xviii. WHISPERS OF THE DEVIL

episode 26: i'm home

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

WHISPERS OF THE DEVIL

•••

Whispers.

It never stopped. Didn't cease. A cycle of noises and hums, lingering in her skull, stirring in her veins, and not once ending. She couldn't ignore them. They were either too loud, too nosy. Too many. Or nothing at all. It annoyed her to the very end, left without a way and a choice to resolve. Many times had her pondering for an answer. Occasionally wishing. Once praying for it to vanish. It was an enigma too intricate for her to recall when exactly they started. Too cluttered. Disarrayed. Almost felt like piling and weaving through the havoc created in her head. A mess that she didn't set.

The tending years, time that lapsed into moments of converting seasons and tidings, memories suppressed and colliding, it all streamed in her head, brazen with a reality that she couldn't construe. Chest contracting, squeezing that tiny space desolated in her heart. It veered in her mind, chained down to a tenebrous hollow where she could forget. Head and sight clouded with the invading thought of being free. Alone. A stripped life without the unchanging ringing and sirens humming back, a tearing mark that had her aware of the past that she couldn't ignore.

Remembering hurt.

Words of susceptibility had come and go. Surmises and convictions reaching through. News had been circulating all night as the dark came quicker than anticipated, falling above her head that she partly missed the setting and ambient sun. She couldn't help but listen to them once she made the quick decision to step outside from Stohess District's quarters. The outdoor air felt cold and sharp on her skin, her heart beating erratically in her chest as she almost felt like running out of oxygen. Lost in the depths of arraying cluster of preceding soldiers, there was no looking back, head straight, and shoulders taught. Stiff as she moved, weaving in between the patter and talk of individuals in hurried movements that led her nowhere, anywhere but to turn back.

"Wall Rose has been breached."

It was everywhere.

She couldn't escape it. Break from the feeling of dread crawling up her bones. It teemed her heart, blood buzzing in her body, drenching her skin in an arctic gale that shattered her from within. Her night seeming to never end, spiraling in events she didn't want to turn to. She sauntered through the open grounds, brushing off the slight chill that dragged down her rigid spine. A tint of grey flashed in her eyes. She blinked. She was met with the sea of bustling cadets, scurrying left and right, their faces a whirling blur to her vision. Boots coming down to a halt, heels digging in the pavement as she paused, stiffening in place.

"Are you... okay?"

It wasn't often that she would hear such a question. Or even that voice. Soft and gentle. Yet, cautious, seeming to be advertent and wary, regardful of their words and choice, deep in thought and consideration for someone to be so commiserative. For a quick moment, she had thought it came all back to her head, flitting in her thoughts and somehow questioning her. Taunting her. However, the cold breeze that went by had her snapping from the short stun. Not a lot of people had the time in their place to ask. Not to her.

With wide eyes and face falling into realization that she was being watched, Freya straightened her back. She turned to the familiar and young high voice, seeing a pair of concerned blue eyes set on her, brows furrowed and tone slightly hesitant for even asking. His blonde and bristly hair looked yellow in the night, with flickering lamps set all over the ground from the side. He looked startled, caught to have gain Freya's attention with a simple question that she didn't expect for her to hear. Especially from him. She blinked at the boy standing across from her.

"What makes you–" A blank stare. Void through the mirror reflection and observing. Expecting. She shook the image of steel grey flashing in her mind staring at her. Her name falling from his lips. She averted her attention to Armin, mentally reminding herself that she was no longer standing in stunted room tiles and ceramic, regarding the inflate air that nipped her skin. She shook her head, quickly discerning the young boy's intention, unsure on how to respond before grabbing her bearings, asking. "What makes you think that?"

"You just look..." The boy turned his head away for a second, gaze distant as he swallowed before murmuring. "Tired."

"And you?"

Armin didn't miss the guarded and wary gaze that Freya casted from left to right, following her rigid movements that went stewing and tensed. Almost hiding and running of someone wanted, but he took note of how quick she was to respond with the question turning back to him. "I..." Slowly, he trailed off, words gone from his head, dangling on the tip of his tongue. "Well..."

"After the day we just had, what do you think?"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

She didn't know really what she felt. Tired, no. She wasn't sure. But for him to think that had her shifting one foot to the other on the weight of his words. She sighed in the air, craning her head back as she looked up at the sky, clicking her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she ignored the withdrawn and uneasy look he held. She squinted. There wasn't much to stare above. Palls and shadows of white veiling clouds absent. A flare of a single star gone. The glow of a crescent moon interring away from the tall buildings that surrounded her. The air was cold as she returned her attention to the boy in front of her, his extant eyes blinking before she spoke. "It's not something you apologize about."

Armin opened his mouth, seconds away from speaking when Eren piped up off to the side. "What the hell does all this mean?"

Freya casted her gaze past Armin's head, witnessing clear frustration rise on the green eyed boy's features. He was hauling another leather case inside their wagon, making space. The woman recognized it as her gear along with the rest, resting idly in the middle before Eren took a seat to Mikasa's right who stayed silent as usual. He huffed. "Damn it."

"What's up with him?" Freya asked, nodding her head at Eren who seemed too occupied in an intense staring contest with their gear to even notice her observing him.

"We've been thinking about things." Armin responded. That had the blonde woman arch an eyebrow for him to continue, eyes flickering back to the him. He clarified. "Titans."

His answer did nothing but raise questions in Freya's head. "You gotta be a little more specific than that."

A second passed. The simple pause of hesitance didn't go unnoticed, but Armin fortunately replied. "It's just that why would Titans break walls with Titans in them?"

"Didn't it happen before? I heard the three of you were from there." Freya stated, crossing her arms over her chest with a tilt of her head. "Shiganshina District?"

Eren nodded, a dark look looming on his face, stricken by the memory as he slumped down even further in his seat, looking lost and livid. "They busted the wall into our city."

"That was a gate." Armin quickly clarified.

"Armin?" Mikasa asked. "What are you saying?"

"The thing about the walls..." Armin said slowly. "There's no crevices between the rocks or any signs of cracking. We can't really tell how they're made. So what if they're made of hardened Titan skin? It must be pretty versatile if Annie can encase herself."

A part of her head ached as her brows knitted together, mind straining at this time of night. At the moment, Freya didn't even want to think about a single thing that her filtering information that she didn't prefer. She moved past Armin, hauling herself up the wagon before taking a seat opposite from Mikasa, a sigh dragging from her lips. "You kids really need to stop with these assumptions. Joining the Regiment's already bad enough."

"But Titans..." Eren mumbled in thought. "In the wall..."

Sets of preparations were quick and swift as it didn't take long for cadets of the Survey Corps to take a leave from Stohess District to transfer. Numerous horses and wagons lined just by the District gate, flickering torches in each rider's hand as time moved, anticipating an order from the Commander. Freya didn't mind that their wagon was set far in the back with Moblit acting as their driver, head straight and focus. Frankly, she would've thought they would be positioned right in the center of the unit. Though, she was quick to mind that it was no expedition.

"Eren, wear it properly. It's cold at night." Mikasa straightened out the cape that hung loosely on Eren's shoulders, the material almost falling off from his frame. She buttoned it closed, even straightening out its collar. The action had Freya pursing her lips together, biting down hard on the insides of her cheek as the corner of her eye twitched at the somewhat familiar work. A part of her wished that she had decided to sit beside Moblit rather than taking a spot with the three teenagers in front of her.

Pondering on the idea, Freya looked away, feeling a burn crawl from her neck when she spotted three figures inch their way closer to their wagon, muttering lowly. "There's no way they're joining us."

"Sorry to keep you!" Hange waved an enthusiastic hand in the air as she neared them. "Took longer to prepare that we thought."

"Hange." Freya couldn't hide the surprise in her voice as a twinge of dismay coursed through when she caught sight of an individual trailing a few paces behind. She glued her gaze on the woman, fighting the urge to flick her sight just a little to the left where she could sense a stare bore on her face from grey and brooding eyes. "Aren't you guys supposed to be up in the front with the Commander?"

"Yeah, well..." Hange smiled, mischief playing behind her gaze as the corner of her eyes crinkled in wicked delight and amusement, looking as if she knew something that Freya didn't. The woman boarded the carriage with a skip in her step, taking place opposite of Armin as she sat by the end. An all too familiar priest took reluctance in the journey, setting themselves down to Hange's right. The space was tight and wrenching already that Freya was a second away from suggesting that she move to the front with Moblit when she felt her left side run warm, her stomach churn as she felt a hand land on her thigh.

His presence next to her was strong. Suffocating. Intoxicating. Where pages of books filled her senses, faintly breathing in the hint of bitter black tea whisk in the air. Silently, he took his place beside and to her left. She could feel his fingers dig lightly on her thigh. Her breathing came to a halt, stuck in her throat as he angled his head slightly to her, grey eyes connecting to hers for a fleeting moment with a warned and knowing look. Frozen in place and heart thumping, Freya watched him take a seat, seeming to hold onto her for support, but a feeling in her chest told her that wasn't the case. Levi answered her question.

"There's been a..." His tone was nonchalant as always. Dark. But she could clearly hear how satisfied and sanguine he was with himself. "...change of plans."

Freya narrowed her eyes at him, pursing her lips together as she held his stare, feeling his hand leave her and fall back to his lap. Perturbingly enough, she had been the first to rend, breaking her gaze from his with a slight roll of her eyes, and a quick exhale, scoffing at his unforeseen conceits. Sharp and in disbelief, a hint of doubt oozing. She could still feel his hand on her. The pressure that weighed on her leg. The buzz that had shot up straight her heart. She squirmed in her seat, unsure on how to feel. But the warmth in her stomach was hard to ignore. It didn't help how their sides were pressed against each other, their shoulders brushing.

"Um..." Armin stared at the unexpected company that had joined, recognition flashing in his wide eyes. "Isn't this a priest from the Order of the Walls?"

"Yeah, Nick and I are best buddies, right?" Hange slapped her hand on Nick's back, talking as if they had been friends for years and more. She pulled the man in for a side hug, rattling his posture as he glanced at Hange apprehensively. When he didn't answer, quiet and skeptical, Hange continued. "Don't let him bother you. The whole makeup of this squad doesn't make any sense. Does it, Levi?"

"No, I think it might." Levi held onto the his dark blazer that hung on his shoulders, pulling it closer. "Erwin picked them out for a reason."

Freya raised an eyebrow. "And what reason is that exactly?"

"These kids have potential." He simply said.

"And me?" Her curious side fought through the surface.

A pause. Another. Just as the question came tumbling from her lips, someone in the front of the lines called. "Open the gate!"

Metal hooves clipped on the soil, a loud whine following through as Freya turned her head to the direction of the sound, seeming to notice it from the front of the lines. A glimpse of blonde hair caught her vision, white mane from a moving stallion that turned to face the waiting wagons and carriages. She couldn't see much, but as expected, she could already hear the sanctioned voice of Erwin. "The situation within Wall Rose is unclear. But everything up until Ehrmich is safe. We'll save time going through there." The man announced undoubtedly. "Move out!"

"Yes, sir!" Like a prevailing practice, cadets responded with their inseparable yell of confirmation. Although, it wasn't as similar to a day planned out for an expedition with stout howls and cheers, it still had been loud and deep, plangent and roaring with consolation with their fists raised towards the sky, lanterns and torches lifted high, flickering an electric hue of yellow and orange in the night as they made their exit through the wall gate, and the Commander taking lead. With that, it wasn't long for Freya and the rest to follow the direct file of cadets, their cheer already gone and quietness taking over the atmosphere for the voyage.

However, that didn't stop Hange from disclosing news within their group. It came to no surprise to Freya to learn that the Pastor in their medium was well aware of the Titans isolated within the Walls in secret. She was awed by the realization of it being possible in the first place. But for the maniacal and intensive man of religion having knowledge of it just came unsurprising to her. Not once stopping to spew out nonsense of verses and notes from venerable books and evangelizing, a part of her had guessed the man to have a few secrets of his own. The other just thought of him to be mental.

"Huh? He knew?" Eren had been the first to react, disbelief in his voice as a glare made its way on his face, peering at everyone in anger for answer. "There's Titans insides the walls and he's known about it?"

"Yes, though..." The brunette woman was calm, strangely enough. Hange peered at the nervous Pastor. "He's kept his mouth shut this entire time. But now he's coming with us to witness the harsh reality. Will his belief be strong enough for him to stay silent? Or will seeing it with his own eyes make him question himself? It seems to me that this priest is capable of sound judgment. That why I wonder... What if the reason he doesn't talk is because he knows someone more important than the fate of humanity?"

"This is all backwards. If there's something you know, tell us about it! Nothing's more important than keeping humans from going extinct." Suddenly, Eren's shoulders went stiff, lunging forward towards the pastor with a glare before he immediately paused, his cape slipping from his shoulders to the floor. His hand shot up, holding his head, and fingers gripping his hair. Teeth clenching together, he seethed quietly in pain. Freya shifted in her seat, hand raising slightly towards the boy but stopped as Mikasa intervened.

"Eren, settle down." Mikasa pulled him down back in place by his shoulders. "You're still not fully healed."

It was strange for Freya to see Pastor Nick be so quiet, lips sealed into a straight line, nothing but worry etching on his features and tired eyes. Just over a month ago, she could recall his cries in the Tribunal, calling names and demanding a death sentence over a boy who he couldn't even look in the eye at the moment. She didn't mind the new found silence of alarm that took over the man, humor lucid in her blue eyes at the transpose bearing and behavior.

"There's more than one way to get answers." Levi shifted, his right hand reached for something tucked by his waist. Silver flashed in Freya's eyes, her back stiffening and eyes widening in the slightest as she watched him pull out a sheriff, barely hiding the weapon behind his blazer, the tip of the barrel digging deeply on the Pastor's ribs. His voice was straight and cold. "I may be injured and useless right now, but it doesn't take much to watch one man. I'm hoping we can settle this without blasting a hole in anyone, aren't you?"

The corner of her mouth curled, a suppressed grin wanting to show that she had to bite down on her bottom lip, teeth sinking as a part of Freya couldn't help but feel impressed.

"Threatening him doesn't work." Hange said despondently. "Believe me, I tried."

A smirk had formed on Freya's lips. "I haven't."

Levi's hold on the sheriff tightened at the idea. He scowled. "Not happening."

Twenty minutes. Thirty. The night dragged on, their ride seeming to not end as Freya could only focus on the sound of gravel and soil grinding under the wheels, the howl of winds sating in her ear, and the constant blasts of horses as their hooves beat against the dirt path, falling in sync with the other carriages. Minutes of sitting had her legs falling numb, head lulling forward as she could feel needed sleep creeping up her bones. However, she pushed through her weariness, the warm heat radiating on left side being the only thing that woke her up.

From the corner of Freya's eyes, he was unsettlingly quiet with the rather long persisting time. Something that wasn't unusual for him to be as he seemed to favor subdued converse and exchange from what she could tell. His gaze was frozen on the ground, a bored look settling on his features, but his hold on his sheriff tightened every once in a while, pointer finger tapping and patting lightly on the trigger that the sight had her stomach coiling, blood rushing. She quickly looked away, knowing that it wasn't long before her gaze would flutter back to him.

"Hange." Levi started blankly and suddenly, gaining everyone attention, piquing Freya's interest. "Are your hobbies so boring that playing with rocks is somehow fun for you?"

Her brows twitched. "Here I thought you didn't have any hobbies." Freya mumbled, sarcasm dripping in her tone. She didn't intend for her words to be heard, but she wasn't hiding them either, unable to hold herself back. "Is there anything else that your mouth can do but drink tea?"

Grey eyes turned to her. Narrowed and steel. Turning dangerous, almost like a challenge. She didn't notice it at first. His subtle movements leaning in close to her side as he turned his head to the right, seeming to peer at the scenery behind his shoulder. But she could feel something warm and hot hit her neck. His lips ghosting over the shell of her ear, exhaling deeply for a second. His voice went low, a whisper she could only hear. "Do you want me to show you?"

Crimson flooded her cheeks, rising from her neck as she bit down hard on her tongue. Flushed at his statement. She fought hard to hold his stare, reluctant to look away, a part of her knowing that she would lose. And it was evident that he could see the tint of red crawling up on her face, even in dark and tensed atmosphere. Amusement flickered in his eyes, irises scanning her features, calculating and calm. Immediately, Freya looked away, hauling her gaze to the right and away from his as she released a sharp breath mixed with a scoff, somewhat irritated at how unfazed Levi was. Her sudden state of drowsiness was now gone.

"This is no ordinary rock." Hange stated, unaware of the two adults beside the Pastor, turning the item around in her hand, feeling the smooth texture roll in her palm. The frames of her rectangular rimmed glasses glinted. "It's a hardened fragment of skin left behind by the Female Titan."

Invested, Armin sat up. "It didn't disappear?"

"Right!" Hange said. "Annie reverted from a Titan, but it's still intact even though it broke off her body. It didn't evaporate. It didn't disappear. So I thought, 'What if?' When I compared it to a piece of the wall, it's patterns and composition were practically identical. In other words, the wall is a barricade of humongous Titans. And if I'm right, the surface is constructed with hardened Titan skin."

"That's exactly what Armin was saying..." Shock lingered in Mikasa's voice.

Armin's eyes widened. "Th-Then–"

Both Freya's eyebrows rose at the sound of a wry slap as Hange quickly placed her whole hand on Armin's face. The rest of Armin's sentence broke off, coming out as muffled and hysteric against the woman's palm. "Let me finish, Armin." Hange told him. "As it stands, we'll be hard pressed to fill the hole in Wall Rose. That is, unless we can find the perfect boulder to plug it. But if... if Eren, in his transformed state, could use the Titan's hardening ability to seal the hole in the wall..."

"Use me..." Eren said aloud, seeming to be in thought. "To seal the wall?"

Hange removed her hand from Armin's face, the blonde boy inhaling a deep breath, and all the while glancing at Eren. "It should be made of the same material. And seeing how the hardened section won't evaporate, even after you revert from a Titan... it's possible."

"I think it's well worth the risk to try. And assuming it really does work, reclaiming Wall Maria is feasible, too." Armin started. "Up until now, we've had to transport a large quantity of materials and supplies. That's why the need for outposts past the wall limited our progress. But if we don't have to accommodate supply wagons we could quickly make our way to Shiganshina. What if we carried out the plan at night?"

"At night?" Hange asked.

"Yes." Armin gave a firm nod of determination. "During the night when Titans can't move."

"I see..." Hange raised a finger under her chin. "If the group was small enough, you could sneak all the way to Wall Maria." She peered down back at the fragment rock in her other hand. "The current situation is as bad as it gets, but we still have a glimmer of hope."

"Yes, but remember..." Armin turned his head to the left, his blue eyes meeting green. "It all depends on whether Eren can seal the hole or not."

"Wait." A shake of her head, voice leveling. Their unruly stares dug into her skin. Freya spoke. "You're asking the kid to do something that we're not sure he can even do."

"You're right." Hange nodded. "But at this point, we're desperate." She captured Eren's tensed gaze. "I realize asking this hardly seems fair, but think you can try it?" Eren opened his mouth. Words caught on his throat that it took him a moment to think, ponder on for an answer to a question he didn't really want to figure out. Those words never came.

"It doesn't matter what you think." Levi said. His still demeanor and bearing frame was unsettling. Tone nonchalant that he almost made it seem the topic wasn't as grave and earnest as possible. Grey eyes casted to the boy and slated. Hollow. "You have to. There's no other choice. We're out of options. Our forces are struggling so desperately, there's nothing else they can do." A pause. "You have to succeed."

"I will." Eren nodded, swallowing. "I'll do whatever it takes to seal the wall."

"Whatever it takes?" Freya questioned slowly. She didn't know whether or not to admire the gallant perseverance that the boy had put up, his chest puffing out with a deep inhale, commitment falling on his shoulders.

"Whatever it takes." He confirmed. "The basement..." He held the necklace that hung around his neck, nothing but a thin string with a bronze key tying from it. "My dad's basement. If what my dad said was true, we'll find the answers to everything there."

It seemed that nothing more could be said with the resolved statement. His declaration hung in the air, draping a discomposing standpoint in the atmosphere that they breathed. Lungs still and sighs heavy. The silence was tantalizing and difficult to ignore that it took a moment for Freya to realize the dark shadow that loomed over their heads. She blinked, tilting her head up, and squinting through the night. It was all the same. Towering over her like a cage. A daunting sight as grey walls stared down at her, her gaze coasting the cement surface before falling down onto the large metal gate. It creaked in her ears, whirring as metal scraped against metal, surging open to pass.

Hange spoke, announcing. "It's Ehrmich District."

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

i honestly don't know what i was doing writing this... anyways a gojo fic and leon kennedy fic have been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS i'm so tempted to post. and most importantly go check out artsymittens on ig. her portrait of freya is so good i love it smmmm akhdkajf