xxiv. SUNLIT BATTLEFIELD

episode 36: charge

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

SUNLIT BATTLEFIELD

•••

The tightened air impended to compress her lungs close, filled with a submerging line of contrition and dejection. Hooves beating on the dirt ground became distant in her ears. A muffled sound that she grew accustomed to. She could only focus on the deep thump of her heart. Hard against her ribcage. Blood running in her veins, bones stiff as a statue on display. Yet, her breathing went calm. A steady drag of air heaved past chapped lips as the dwindling sun peaked through scattered clouds. She could feel it. Warm rays on her skin. Boring a yellow cast on her fumbling hands that held tightly on leather reins. Blue eyes cast silver rings, seeming to be far away. However, her mind was brimming with the run, a high-rush sensation of the trail.

A chase.

Heavy stomps of the Armored Titan resonated amidst the expanding valley. It was loud, shaking the very ground to rattle in its path with deep and laying footprints marking the dirt. It was evident that the Titan's pace had slowed down incredibly. Now turned to a steady jog that cadets were able to trail behind and follow. Moreover, nothing between their movements displayed any pretensions of halting, forcibly determined to escape to a place that no one knew or had a single clue of. Though, not a sole soldier was too keen on the idea of finding out or even having the intent of turning up at the venue.

Fear. Unease. Freya could hear the rapt hesitation seep into Jean's voice as he rode to her left. He eyed the Armored Titan that sprinted in front, swallowing hard at the sight of hardened plates, red lines, and muscles on its frame with Ymir clinging to its back. He was far more visibly unsettled by the turn of events. Jaw tensed as shaky puffs of air escaped him. "He's not fast enough to escape. We'll catch up."

"This time, I won't hesitate. I'll kill them both, I swear." Mikasa announced darkly. A shadow brewed intimidatingly on her narrow features. Grey irises dimmed in a glare. "And if Ymir gets in my way, she's asking for it, too."

"What?" Behind her, Sasha had sputtered the question in bewilderment at the brash statement. She leaned forward incredulously, brown gaze peering into silver. A glimpse of hard steel reflected in her irises.

"No matter what it takes, I will do it." The raven haired girl confirmed.

"You can't be serious." Connie asked in dubiety from the back of the group.

Remnants of their dispute and protests about the girl's plan toned down to a muted exchange. Muffled in Freya's ears and obscure. Nothing but inarticulate prattle of words that she didn't bother keeping up with. It wasn't that she didn't want to. She just couldn't. Head drifted to tenebrous and unlit waters. Deep and muddled as a moonless lake that had her deluged under the misting surface. She was anchored to thoughts that couldn't strand her mind. All but wondering what he would do at a time like this.

Levi.

There was no contradicting in her head that he would slip on a mask of nonchalance and impassivity. Calm yet, all the while onward. Strong shoulders laid despite the parlors situation. His direct commands would have circled her head. Tone steady and firm that lulled her to mind his every word that slipped from him. Ivory skin kindling beneath the setting light, a cast of orange and red on his ticking jaw. Her blue stare would have been glued on his back, drifting on a green cape. Posture assured and collected. So certain and sanguine that she slightly envied it. But his show of complacency would have calmed her heart, imminently reassuring her that he had the situation controlled in cold hands.

"Freya!"

She snapped, attention gained to the abrupt call of her name as she whipped her eyes around. Gaze darting around the group, her blue irises settled on the familiar shout of voice. Armin stared back at her worriedly as Freya asked, swallowing. "W–What?"

"Are you even listening?" Instead, Mikasa asked in irritation. Eyes narrowed to slits at the woman. "Or will you be in my way, too?"

"I–Wait, what does that–" Teeth deep on her tongue, a crease marked its way between her brows. Freya was taken aback by the girl's malice as it took her a long second to register those words. She couldn't deny the small pang that shot at her chest. Heart constricted, turning heavy. But there was something oddly rampant and familiar about the girl's fury that she couldn't put her finger on it. Tongue sharp as a dagger, cutting the air with a keen mind. Reluctantly, she paid no mind to the insult as she mildly replied. "We both want the same thing, Mikasa."

"No, we don't." Grey eyes turned cold in scrutiny. A pause. Unsettling and odd between the two. There was a hint of hesitance, seeming to hold back. But a single blink of her eyes had Mikasa respond. A blank statement that teemed simple from her leveled voice. "Everybody knows you're only doing this just to save yourself."

Undeterred and insolent, Freya could practically feel it. It seeped into the air impulsively. Frustration emitting and stale. Tensed features fell into a state of bleakness as a muscle in her cheek twitched. Jaw clenched and rigid. A tilt of her head had her staring back at the group. It had been as expected. Varied eyes lingered charily for a second. All the while quiet and studying, peering and boring a hole on her straightened back. It was difficult to ignore their observant glances. Perceptible and keen, disturbingly vigilant on their watch. She stifled a grimace from appearing on her face, head turning back to the front.

It was clear that Freya had no intention of hiding her reasons as to why she joined the Regiment. It had been no secret that she bothered keeping. One that she wasn't particularly ashamed of having. So admittedly, it came as no surprise to her seeing the attentive glance that Armin, Connie, Jean, and Sasha had. The four were all well-informed and sensible considering the lack of reaction they gave out. Yet, it did sting, a part of her reckoning that they saw her differently.

"Is that so wrong?" Passively, Freya questioned. She cleared her throat. "You can't blame me for wanting to live a little longer."

Mikasa gritted her teeth. "This wouldn't have happened if you just–"

"Mikasa." It had been Hannes. Gravel voice was low and heeding with a warning. Stare deep on the girl who whipped her head away, knowing that it wouldn't be the time.

"Just leave everything to me." Within a second, the immediate whir of Mikasa's gear whipped in the air as her figure streamed forward toward the running Titan. It didn't take long for her four friends to wordlessly follow suit.

Frames of letters and words soon blanked out from within Freya's head, a desolated mind and a dry tongue that couldn't articulate a single response. She could feel it. Deep in her chest, sunken and hollow. Dark and leaden, clawing her heart to constrict tightly within her bones. Albeit Freya understood the situation brought Mikasa aggrieved, she couldn't help but think how the two had fallen into a state all too familiar again. The first being how she lost Eren with the Female Titan. It was a little disheartening, stranding her to dauntingly question her capabilities and skill. Eyelids drawn tight, weary blues had shut close, long lashes cast on her cheeks as a long and drifting sigh winded out from her parted lips.

It was then that a part of her wished opening her eyes would lead her back to a comforting reality. She didn't mind the void state of her closed vision. Pitch black and empty. Calm, even as she slowly curled her fingers tight around her blades, nails shallow on the leather handle. She couldn't help the shaky laugh that rumbled from deep within her chest, easing her nerves. Gaze now open and immersed as she inclined herself to move, grapplings embedded on the Armored Titan's back. Her hips reeled forward towards the assembled group of youngsters, boots landing on the Titan's broad shoulders.

Blue eyes narrowed at the scene in front of her, attention flickering on the distressed features painted on each individual. It was difficult to ignore the brash movements of running from the Armored Titan, its tall frame and quick speed were cavernous. However, her attention had been caught on its large hand barricading its neck, large fingers sealed tight except for a few gaps open and unmarried. All the while, the five teenagers had surrounded any openings for an exit close, undeniably waiting as the sound of a harsh trudge could be heard from inside the Titan's hand.

"Quit it, Eren!" Bertholdt's deep annoyance swayed from within, a cough and grunt following soon after as a constant rhythm of kicks from Eren began, his leather boots thumping against a surface. "Don't struggle!"

"Good luck with that, Bertholdt." Jean first spoke. "It's impossible to get him to calm down. He's the most irritating guy there is. I–I know better than anyone!" There was a subtle stutter in his tone, a clear attempt of a taunt. "I hate him as much–as much as you do. So let's beat him up together. Why don't you come out of there?"

"Bertholdt!" Mikasa cut in. "Give him back."

"Hey..." Connie joined. "You're kidding, right? Bertholdt? Reiner? This whole time you kept quiet and deceived us? That's so cruel."

"You guys!" Sasha yelled. "Tell us it's all a lie."

"Hey, hey, hey... You think you can just keep running away?" Jean said, pained to even bring out the memory to light. "That's not gonna happen. For three years, didn't we sleep under the same roof as comrades through thick and thin? Bertholdt... Your odd sleeping positions were truly an art form. After a while, we all looked forward each morning to see your pose and tried using it to predict the weather. But you to think you, the invader, could sleep like a log right next to your victims..."

"Was everything just a lie? Remember we talked about surviving this together? And that we'd grow old, and someday we'd all go out for drinks together? Was everything... all a lie?" A deep crease formed between Connie's brow, hands cluttering by his side as his blades rattled. "You guys... What were you guys thinking this whole time?"

"What's it even matter anymore?" Mikasa questioned blankly, all forms of emotions gone from her voice. "Just focus on cutting open his neck. If you hesitate for a moment, we won't be able to get Eren back. They are enemies of humanity. That's all there is to know."

"T-Tell me who!" Bertholdt snapped with a cry. "Who the hell would want to kill people by their own choice?! Who the hell would like doing this sort of thing?! Do you think I wanted to do this? People hate and despise us. We've done such terrible things, we deserve to die. Things we'll never be able to take back. But we just... couldn't come to terms with our sins. The only time we had some respite was when we pretended to be soldiers. That's not a lie! Connie! Jean! It's true we may have deceived everyone, but it's not all a lie! We really considered you comrades! Neither of us have any right to even apologize. But someone, please. Someone, please..." Muffled tears and cries grew louder, desperate and painful heaving with a heavy heart. "Someone find us!"

"Bertholdt..." Mikasa was unapologetic, veeringly forward and demanding as she didn't waste a second. "Give Eren back."

"It's no use. I can't. Someone has to be the one to do it. Someone has to be the one to stain their hands with blood." Bertolt told her solemnly. A long and strenuous pause, the stifling air pranced through rigid bones and spines, figures unmovable.

Freya once understood it. Comprehended a bond between comrades and attachments. Only for it to be splintered in broken and tethered strings, ruined in pieces that no one could even glue back. It was all too familiar. Disloyalty and lies dangling from a line. She could feel it creep from her back, irritation seeping in her veins that she couldn't ignore it. Stepping in place beside Sasha, trembling fingers weaved between her hair, palms pushing back a strand of blonde from her face as she stood in front of the Titan's hand, finally speaking. "I'm willing to do the same."

Slithers of darkness loomed from inside the Titan's hand, but through the specs of gaps that opened, a tint of crazed green irises peered out. Bertholdt, seeming to find his voice once more, asked in surprise. "W-What?"

"I don't expect you to understand, but..." It had been gentle. Freya's voice was surprisingly mellow and loose. Tone a little gratified. However, the dull and laid look her features held told how grave she was. Then a laugh. Soft, yet risible. Displeased. "Then again, I don't even understand any of this or why this is happening."

A murmur. "It's best if you just don't."

Despite the hounding shadows that overhung the enclosed space, she could see a familiar silhouette thrash against Bertholdt's frame. She continued. "You and your friend... have been making my job harder than it needs to be and I don't like that."

Shallow breathing vented from within, a deep and hurried intake of air puffing from Bertholdt's chest as the boy spoke out breathily. "You think that we care about what you want?"

"You should."

"We don't." He forced through gritted teeth. "What you want doesn't really matter, does it?"

"I guess no one's even bothered asking me what I want." The handle of her blades felt smooth to the touch, warm in her palm as her tongue darted out, lips chapped from the constant swipe coating them.

"It's pointless." He shook his head. "W-what you're asking of –"

"Bertholdt." Freya pursed her lips, pulled tightly into a line as she leaned in forward, gaze peeking through the cracks to witness a flicker of his stare. It had been a quick second. A fraction of a moment where his panicked vision met hers before he quickly whipped his attention away into the darkness. "Do you think that running away will solve all your problems?"

"I–I have to!"

"There are only so little places in the world where you can actually hide from a bounty hunter and there's no stopping what I'm going to do." It was a threat too misleading. A statement that she knew she couldn't follow. Though her tone had been steady. Unwavering despite the heavy rapport and pity that settled deep in her chest. "You would understand, right?"

"No, you can't do that. You can't–" He shook his head rapidly, skin shifting into a ghostly pale of white as he swallowed. "Y-you won't– You can't hurt us."

"And why is that?"

It was searing moment. One that Freya found difficult to handle, passivity and patience wearing thin in her veins that her blades had now weighed solid in her hand, prominent in her grasp. The air had been perturbed and disquieted as her gaze narrowed in scrutiny, blue irises attentive on the boy inside the Titan's hand. She often found it disturbing. To witness time rendering and fleeting, seconds ticking in the atmosphere, almost wasting. Turning impatient, she gritted her teeth together. Jaw taught and tight as she held her tongue. She waited for a reply. A word. An answer.

A part of her wished she hadn't asked one.

"Because you couldn't hurt Annie!"

Freya stiffened. An arctic shiver that immediately turned her blood cold gnawed in her bones, tensed and brittle as delicate glass. She couldn't contain the slight tremor in her chest. Heart fractured breath the surface, mind running as her breath hitched, her features faltered. There was a frail glint entrenched in her blue eyes, plummeting vast and dark, and gaze now distant. Vision stuck straight ahead, and loose strands of blonde brushed her lashes. She could feel it. Their numerous stares intrigued and doubtful. Curious, yet careful. No one spoke.

Despite the twisted churn that spiraled in her stomach, she forced her stare up. It was a slow and languid tilt of her head. Albeit her mind had been reluctant, thoughts turning for her to stay still, her body moved, somehow having a cognizant matter of its own. Lambent and beaming as the sun, warm and bare as its ardent rays, the Armored Titan's yellow eyes locked with hers. Figure threading through the grounds, but its gaze remained unblinking, neck craned low to peer at her. It was as if the very Titan witnessed a moment of realization, saw a glimpse of a mirage that she couldn't capture, and knew a secret that she didn't.

Secretly knowing. Collusively understanding. Painfully remembering.

"Fre–"

The steady call of her name from Armin had been cut short. Slivered by a piercing shrill of metal clashing against thick bones and hardened skin. Her fingers had been quick, grip tight with turning the handle of her weapons down and outward that it faced the ground. Both her arms raised, knuckles white. A quick drag of air in her lungs, she struck down on the Titan's hand, gaze absent as her very own blades scattered in fragmented shards that ripped through the atmosphere, remnants of it fallen around her still feet. She knew it had been a futile attempt, but the sharp ring of metal breaking snapped a chord in her chest.

With her handle grips empty and light, feeble in her hands, her chest heaved. A long and pointed second passed. Freya breathed. "Stay out of this, Armin."

Quickly, Armin shook his head, blue eyes wide. "But–"

"I said..." She was quick to ask. Voice thick and low. She had searched slow and warily, brows furrowing as she peered heavily through the Titan's hand, deemed in her own little world of curiosity. "What do you know?"

A flicker of a second, subtle but there, Bertholdt's green stare connected once more with hers. "N-Nothing!"

As quickly as he spoke, Freya responded, brows furrowing. Insistent. "You know something. Something that I need, so–"

"I don't!"

"I'm asking you again!" It was a thin line between desperation and determination, tone growing rigid. "What do you know?"

"You guys!" Trailing below on a speeding horse, Hannes yelled, hands cupped around his mouth. "Get away from there!"

She couldn't bring herself to look at whatever his warning heeded, her back turned to the front from where she could faintly hear a deep rumble advancing. But a heavy hand immediately clamped down tightly on her shoulder, pulling her to meet a set of wide eyes. "Sasha?"

The girl merely squeaked in response, frantic alarm set on her features as she pointed a trembling finger ahead of their direction. Irritably forced to stare at whatever had driven the sudden attention to shift, Freya craned her neck, mouth now slack and breathing hitched as she turned to the sight.

Damnation. It wasn't often that the very word would have clipped on her mind. But it was befitting enough to conclude that she was now having a taste of it.

Counting seemed unquestionable, a task too impractical that had any thought inclining into an abyss of condemn and tremor. Titans. There was no mistaking it. Their plangent thumps of movement and erratic leaps were evident as a number of riding Scouts led them. Five. Fifteen. She couldn't have made it past the next count before the vile realization was quick to sink in. Although Freya had no concept of how the Scouts were capable of directing them ahead of their path, she wasn't that surprised to find Commander Erwin routing the hoard.

"Jump and get outta there!" Hannes yelled once more.

At that, Bertholdt aired a wavering breath. "As I said, you can't hurt us."

Her spine tightened, shoulders still as there was a dense shut between her bones. Frustration was torrid on her veins, gnawing under rousing skin. But she held her words, tongue running along the insides of her cheek as trembling fingers readied her handle grips. "This isn't over."

There was no questioning that jumping was the sensible thing to do as she and the group had now diverged. The rapid puff of gas emitting from multiple canisters whirred loud as Freya was quick to retreat to her position, managing a stable land on her horse.

"All soldiers, disperse!" Commander Erwin thundered a piercing order, seeming to advance closer with each passing second. "Get far away from the Titans!"

Following Hannes and the group, Freya had been sure to keep close as they separated to the side, all the while maintaining a sure reach from the running hoard of Titans. She gave a quick glance behind her shoulder, realization dawning on her with surprise as the Armored Titan had no intentions of stopping its running pace. She watched at a distance. Vision narrowed and dubious. Though she expected it, she couldn't help but flinch at the impact as the Armored Titan barely barreled through the assembly of Titans with Ymir latching on as tightly as ever, sounding as if stone towers had toppled over one another.

"What's going on? Is this hell?" Horrified, Jean asked aloud.

"No..." A blur of white stallion mane trotted from Freya's peripheral vision as Commander Erwin blithely scampered between her and Jean. "But it will be!"

Immediately, Freya's jaw fell at the sudden statement, disbelief painting her features as she eyed the man's back with both her brows raised. With a shake of her head, she whispered to herself. "How is he our Commander?"

It was a question that she had to withhold for the time being as the blonde man came to a halt in front of the lingering group. "All soldiers, charge! The fate of humanity will be determined at this very moment! There is no future where humanity can inhabit these lands without Eren. We recover Eren and immediately retreat." Pointing a blade high, his right hand soon came plummeting to his chest in a salute soon after. "Give your hearts!"

As awaited, numerous scouts blared their voices to a raging cry as they scattered. It was a sight that would have struck Freya with purging provocation to succeed along the moving soldiers. Yet, the qualmish weight that lumbered in her stomach had her uneasy on the spot.

It seemed that she wasn't the only one feeling that way as Jean loudly swallowed. "Did he bring us here to die?"

"Obviously." Freya responded.

With perturbed eyes, Jean tugged on the collar of his shirt as he shared a glance with her. "I-I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not?"

"To be honest, I don't know." She readjusted the hold on her handle grips. It had been light. Empty. Remembering what had happened for them to break, she was swift to attach a new set of blades from her box. "But it almost feels ridiculous just staying here."

They promptly moved from their spot and contended the riot ensuing, seeming to not have a single clue as to where to go. Following closely beside her, Jean asked worriedly. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Jean! Freya!" Before she could answer, Connie had sauntered to them on his horse, hauled under his one arm was Historia, dangling like a rucksack luggage as Sasha followed beside him. "We're leaving!"

"Let's hurry home, now!" Sasha bellowed, teeth grinding together in frustration that Freya wouldn't have thought would give such a reaction if it had nothing to do with her hunger or snack.

Historia writhed within Connie's hold, fists flying as she spoke. "Leave me be! Ymir said if I don't go with her, Reiner and Bertholdt are going to kill her. If she hands me in, they'll let her go free. We were gonna go with them!"

"Ymir said that?" Jean questioned, both eyebrows raised in surprise. Admittedly, he was struck at the fact that Connie and Sasha had managed to regain their friend so soon, even more, to see how reluctant she was to be saved.

"Yes, so let me down!" Historia protested.

"It's a lie! Of course, that's a lie. She's lying to you!" Sasha argued, hands raised in exasperation before she turned to Jean, gaze flickering between him and Freya. "We're leaving, alright? If you two stay here any longer, there's a huge chance that you'll die and it'll only get worse."

Unable to contend with that, Freya nodded. "Alright, the four of–"

"N–No! No, you can't–we can't just leave!" Historia gasped, eyes turning to Freya in disbelief.

The blonde woman was stunned by the assertion, brows furrowed. "Historia, it's the only way–"

The girl frantically shook her head, flays of blonde hair flying as she recklessly thrashed against Connie's grip. She yelled. "You promised! You promised me that you'll rescue Ymir. You have to keep it, alright? You can't, please, you can't just–just break them!"

"I can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be saved."

Historia's eyes widened. "How can you–"

"I promised to protect all of you." Freya replied, tone set and unwavering. "I'm not risking your life over another lie."

"But–"

"Historia."

The girl glanced away with a dejected whisper. "I know."

At that, Freya had watched as Connie and Sasha trotted away along with a dubious Historia, leaving her and Jean. She raised an inquisitive brow at his presence.

"What are you still doing here? I thought it was clear that you four would go. I still haven't found–" Freya paused, forcing a break on the statement as the corner of her lips twitched, curved into a perturbed grimace as the realization clung to her. Truthfully, she didn't want to admit it, recognize the reality that she couldn't do a task so simple as finding a boy. However, she shook it off, ignoring the itch that gnawed on her nerves. "I've still got something to do."

"Four?" Jean questioned with a scoff. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you should stay with Connie and Sasha–"

"They can handle Historia just fine." He replied loudly.

"Between you me," Freya continued. "You've probably got the most training here when it comes to Titans. I don't so I think it's best if you stay with–"

"I... I don't–!" Jean construed, eyes flicking past her head, unable to meet hers. "It's better if we stick together."

Freya was a little taken aback by his persistence. She would've thought that being present in an ongoing battle line he would do what any sane individual would do–retreat. Though, his shoulders laid taught, tensed and stiff as he drew one blade free, swallowing hard as she blinked back at him. "Jean, right now, I've only got one priority. I can't have you–"

However, the rumbling howl of a Titan cut her off as she abruptly turned toward the source. Dwelling atop a hill, the Armored Titan stood straight and fervent, seeming to control the ever-growing pile of Abnormals that clung to its body. He threw each creature with a tough stretch of his arms, hand pulled back before hauling them a distance away like toys to be given. Yet, he seemed to have full anticipation of where they would land, perfectly toppling the running soldiers and horses that have been scattered. Freya couldn't ignore that slight pang of disappointment as she realized the roar belonged to someone different.

"Damn that Reiner," Jean grumbled. "He's tossing Titans like a–"

"Jean, move!" Freya warned, quickly steering her horse to knock against his. Yet, it had been too late, blue eyes turning wide as their vision went blocked, another Titan seeming to collide within their path. She didn't register the impact as she got hurled off from her saddle, body rolling on the grass and leaves cutting into the soft flesh of her bare arms and face. Somewhere along the course, she could've sworn she heard the harsh snap of metal creaking and breaking. Her body finally came to a rough stop as she landed face down on the ground, the world around her continuing to spin, head dizzy from the tumble.

"Freya! Freya! Are you okay?!"

She was sure that voice had belonged to someone else. Tone high and pinched with worry, breaking as if it was on the brink of fatigue. She glanced up with a disoriented groan, vision blurred as if she peered through a portrait blend of colors and water. Then a dark mark appeared in the middle of it all. A small dark blob that seemed to approach closer. Eventually, she realized it had been a silhouette, face unclear and smeared, figure swirling as the image remained clouded to her. She winced at the pain that gnawed her temples as the figure came to kneel in front of her. "Jean?"

"No, i–it's Armin. I saw what happened..."

Blinking away the bleary sight, Freya peered up at Armin's concerned features staring back at her. It seemed that everything had come into focus. The deep crease between his brows was evident. The slight curve of his lips continued to turn down. And the continuous shake of his shoulders had been difficult to ignore. She didn't understand why, but his unmasked nervousness had stunned her for a moment that she didn't realize he was already helping her to stand back on her feet, hands tugging on her bicep and shoulder.

"Armin? Where did you come f–" There had been a slight wobble in her legs as she rose from the ground. If it hadn't been for Armin leaning her up, she would've tramped forward. But it wasn't the unstable balance of her legs that had cut her off. Blue eyes went appalled, confusion dwelling in the twisted state of her thoughts as she narrowed her gaze past Armin's head, direction set on a body that lay beside a tree swaying in the humid breeze. "Jean?" The slight skip of her heart told that there was no mistaking it as she ran. "Jean!"

Startled by her movement, Armin followed. "Freya!"

Coming to a halt as she approached Jean, Freya planted herself on her knees, a part of her half hopeful, the other discouraged. She assessed his senseless state with frantic eyes. Although the collision with the hurled Titan had given her a few cuts on her body, she didn't anticipate the exceeding damage that Jean had endured. Nearly every surface of his skin had anchored a blow, dark marks inscribed to alter into painful bruises. Most likely from having his body hit a tree, she thought. Immediately her fingers rested against the side of his neck, waiting with bated breath as she hummed for a beat. It had been faint but there. Nearly insufficient as his chest barely rose to exist.

"Jean, you can't do this right now. I need you to wake up!" Her panicked eyes turned wide at the sight of crimson running down his nose. "Damn it..."

"Will he be okay?" Armin asked as he came to sit beside her.

"I–I don't know, I think so, maybe, God–just, I just need..." Erratic and stray, her muddled thoughts tarried on with slack dismays. The blood. The air. The surrounding noise. Her discerning senses had her losing focus so she gave a steady breath before silently reminding herself of her main objective. "Armin, have you seen Eren?"

"Mikasa followed them, I think–" He answered. "I think they were heading west."

Freya nodded at the information. Though the details had been lacking, it was a risk she was wagering to take. A call that she wasn't sure would be the right one. She was well aware that there was the raging possibility that she would get lost in the process in a field that stretched with danger and the unknown. Yet, she couldn't find it in herself to heed every warning blaring in her head to stop. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Armin's chipped blades. Metal crushed and jagged that she couldn't even call it a weapon no more. She hastily undid her gear straps, feeling her body lighten from the load. Albeit her operating device and wires were too compressed from the fall to even function properly, her blades remained pristine and intact.

Giving her weapon a final look, she shoved her handle grips in Armin's care, managing to enclose his hesitant fingers around the leather. "Take it."

"But I can't–"

"Just take it!"

"I don't think I can do much with these!"

"I don't care! Either we leave him or you fight. I'm pretty sure running away isn't your thing." Noticing the alarmed look that he gave, Freya assured him. "I'm not escaping if that's what you're thinking."

The blonde boy shook his head, looking back down to the blades. "But you need them!"

"Not now! I need to– I need, damn it, just..." She was a mess. Mind turning that she couldn't focus on a single thought. Trembling fingers weaved between her hair as she anxiously pushed back stubborn strands. "I-I need to find Eren."

"You..." Armin had been at a loss of words, blue gaze searching her frantic ones, stunned by the declaration that held no indecision.

She forced herself up on her feet. "Keep Jean breathing, got that? I'm sure you can handle it, Armin. I'm trusting you on this."

"Freya!" The call of her name had become an isolated echo as she started with a run.

It had been a tangle of chaos and havoc as Freya weaved in the maze of soldiers and Titans. It began with a simple run of a man, one broken leg, an arm ripped off from its elbow, the cadet ran, screaming before seeming to get snatched by a five-meter Titan. Another idly laid on the grass, arms cradling their knees and rocking back and forth before being crammed in an Abnormal's mouth within a blink of an eye. There had been too many bodies. Too many Titans. So much death. It seemed that no matter which area she turned, she was witnessing some calamitous demise occur in front of her. However, she ran, legs spiraling from the land as she called.

"Eren!"

Dust coated the humid air as she squinted in the remains and wreckage of boulders, coughing as tiny particles entered her lungs, breathing and exhaling the shreds of ripped dirt. She couldn't count the number of bodies that she had tripped over, boots tangled in the mangled and ripped limbs of scouts and unfortunately fallen horses. Then there came the decimated Titans, masses of evaporating bones as they conflated with the sky. She wasn't sure where she stood in the field anymore, vision blocked with the constant smoke that surrounded her, noise seeming to come from every direction. However, she continued, yelling once more.

"Eren!"

Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a response, not that she expected one. Regardless, it did nothing but aggravate her thinning patience as her luck could only hold on for so long considering how far she made it through the littered field. She did whatever she could, reactive to every little movement as she swiftly ducked from reaching Titans, winding away from hurled boulders and trunks, and desperately calling out a shout of his name.

"Eren!"

Freya.

"No..." Chest heaving, breath collapsing, her eyes widened at the whisper of her name, a heavy rasp that echoed against her skull. She slightly staggered on her footing, losing balance along the grass before she barely regained herself. She shook her head, disbelief painted on her taught features. "Not now, not now, not now!"

Freya.

"Not now!"

Freya.

"Shut up!" Trembling hands immediately weaved into the disheveled knots of her hair as she clutched them tight, tugging harshly on blonde roots. She came to a full stop in her tracks before panting out uneven breaths. In and out, she heaved. Pain screwed tight in the crevices of her head as she forced the distorted voice out, eyes shut close. "Where the hell are you, Eren?!"

Wake up.

"Eren!"

A pause.

There was an aberrant darkness that was quick to loom over Freya. The light gone, sky somehow dim, something merely towering over her as she faced the ground with a tilt of her head. A shadow. Then she blinked. Another. A slow shut and open of her eyelids. From what she expected her silhouette to reflect back on her, she stared down at a monolithic contour of a body that wasn't her own.

She froze.

Instantly, a binding weight wrapped itself around her. It had been sickly warm. Smell pungent, yet all the while an open waste. It was strong enough to hold her arms by her sides and engulf her entire top half. She couldn't comprehend it at first. Head filled with the hunt. Blinded by a chase she wasn't capable of that the constricted wink of restrain had her mind suddenly blank. She shuddered, body convulsing in a terrifying tremble despite being held still. Cautiously, blue eyes trailed down, attention running over what held her figure.

A hand.

"What the–!" Eyes snapping wide, the rest of her words had died down. Instead, a scream had been caught in her throat as she felt her body jolt at the sudden snatch. The sole of her boots no longer laid on the soil, frantically kicking the air and thrashing on nothing as a faint and pathetic attempt. One meter. Two. The distance between her and the ground had grown. She had tried her best to avoid the rancid view of being high up in the air, escalating within each moment that she was sure she was seconds away from fainting. Her vision went misty, nerves pulling at her skin and falling back down when suddenly, the hand turned, forcing her in the direction of her captor.

"No! Wait–!" A low gasp heaved out of her lungs as her heart plummeted in terror. Wide and gigantic blown-out eyes met her paralyzed gaze as the Titan stared at her still figure. Her blood had gone cemented as if a key had been turned, placing a lock on every bone in her body, her joints, and her thoughts, stilling her to watch. The Titan blinked back, assessed her as if she was a child's toy with a chilling tilt of its head. She felt as if she had been a mere doll, sewn with a crippled feature, stuffed with hobbled cotton that left her a lifeless form, carried only to be toyed with.

"Please..." The one word she could have only choked out. She was well aware talking to it was futile, knowing that the whispered plea was nothing more than herself begging. She observed the Titan's beady eyes. Dark and empty, feeling as if she was staring at nothing but a hollow shell of skin. However, the Titan's mouth had opened, barring wide and extensive in a chilling grin.

"Wait–! Please!" Her face paled at the sight, all color drained from her skin as she began to uncontrollably writhe. Legs squirming, arms twitching, she took haphazard breaths, panic flooding her system as all the air seemed to have depleted from her lungs. Sensing her movements, the Titan cinched its thick fingers around her body, fists squeezing around her shoulders that she inhaled sharply. She winced, face twisting at the prominent ache starting to form in every part as the Titan turned her upside down, her body now dangling downside. With the blood barreling all to her head, she choked out another gasp, hurriedly panting as she could see the Titan inching her closer, her feet entering the dim space of its mouth, teeth grazing her legs. "No, no, no, no–!"

Levi.

Levi.

Levi.

"Please!" A shout of agony ripped from her throat as it slowly sank its heavy teeth into her waist, the sensation abhorrent on her skin and stench repugnant that she screamed. She could feel every burn that scorched her nerves, lighting her skin to combust as trickles of blood spewed from the bite and dripped horribly on her stomach, down to her neck, and trail on her face, sensing the warm crimson liquid flow on her cheeks. At that, she didn't stop herself from the loud cry she let out, a stream of plagued tears pouring from her eyes as she violently sobbed. She rapidly shook her head as convulsive hiccups escaped her, now turned to a choke as blood spewed from her throat.

A chant. A prayer. She cried once more.

"Not like this. Not like this. Not like this!"

Not like him.

The thought hauntingly dawned on Freya's mind. A sudden realization struck her at the moment, shattering what little hope she had left for an escape. She had always been acquainted with the quick break of bones. A fracturing noise that ground her ears and coiled her stomach tight as the scent of copper had been too similar to a leisure walk on district nights. Yet, she wondered what her body fragmenting would be like. She wasn't one to give up so easily, however, she couldn't help but think that it wouldn't be difficult to concede to fate. An end all too similar.

"Freya!"

It was then that a deep resonating battle cry wrung in the air, crossed with the honed shrill of metal as the sky above hailed with red. Droplets of crimson spattered down as the Titan had stopped, beady eyes were now unblinking as its grip loosened. Its large head fell back and collapsed on the open space from its cut nape. Its large body swayed from side to side, dropping to its knees but still having a hold on her body. However, Freya could feel herself slipping, arms now loose and chest expanding at the given space as she glanced around, eyes roaming for her savior until she locked onto a pair of blue ones.

She strangled out a name, crimson fresh on her tongue. "Erwin..."

Blonde hair disheveled and thick eyebrows furrowed in distress, the man regarded Freya's prevalent state as he steered his white stallion to a halt in front of her. She swallowed at his fore-bearing demeanor, typically would be unfazed by such an attribute, but she couldn't help but wonder what a sight she looked like right now, ineptly hanging upside down, limbs lank, and trickles of blood adorning the crevices of her face. He was quiet as he extended his left hand up towards her, deep stare connecting with her damp eyes as he commanded. "Hold tight and don't let go."

"Just..." Freya inhaled a sharp breath, nodding. "Do it quick."

Reaching down for his awaiting hold, she grabbed his elbow tight, while the man gained a firm grip around her bicep. There was a slow and careful tug at first, anticipating the quick fall of her body from gravity. Her legs were now free and out of the Titan's mouth, however, she could already begin to feel a warming sensation emit from its limp body, smoke and steam pouring from every direction. She gritted her teeth together, breath still and caught as she fell. Yet, before she could plummet to the ground, she could feel an effortless pull on her arm, lifting her on the white stallion as she sat behind Erwin.

"How did you know..." Her lungs burned with each word she spoke out. "Where I was?"

"I heard you."

"You did?" Surprise laced her tone.

A nod. "I came as fast as I could."

Freya wasn't sure why the statement confounded her, mouth slightly agape and eyes turned with perplexity as her response seemed to have flitted out her head. Frankly, her gaze traveled down to his right shoulder. More notably to the gaping bite where his limb should've been. "What happened to the arm?"

"Nothing we can do about it now." Hearing a scoff of disbelief behind his back, Commander Erwin spared a glance at the woman.

"I know that you just took some serious damage to your body, but are you sure you didn't hit your head on the way here?" Freya rasped. Her hands patted down the sides of her waistband before seeming to pull out a white handkerchief. She didn't bother to mask the look of distaste that sat on her features as she reached for Commander Erwin's shoulder, a scorch spreading along her stomach from the Titan's bite with every nimble movement she made.

"I hope you know what you're doing." His arid voice continued.

"You come all the way here with a single arm just to save me from being eaten, and yet you still don't trust me..." She was tender to avoid brushing the open wound as she wrapped the material around his shoulder with a secured tight knot, heedful of the dripping blood staining her knee.

"I'm not talking about that." Any fatal wound as deep as losing an arm would leave an individual wincing in agony, but his features remained the same. Stoic. Determined. "Can you still move?"

"A little." Freya confessed. "But I don't know how far I can make it without getting grabbed again."

"You keep going. Find the boy. I'll hold off any Titan from heading your direction." With his one hand grasping Freya's, Commander Erwin aided the woman to dismount his saddle, body turning towards her as he prepared to trudge the other way. "Freya..." Unanticipatedly, the corner of his mouth twitched in a contrary grin. "Don't let this chance escape!"

Like an echo, the reminder reverberated from her skull, prancing between each corner of framework that skimmed every thought in her head. A chance. Escape. A single statement that had her wondering what choice would there be to make. Once again, her legs had begun a movement of their own. Heels aching, skin searing, and fibers of muscle burning. Not a single word could escape her mouth. Attention too attached to her surroundings as she ran, her direction now lost and head muddled, not once turning to look back.

Arriving at a flat clearing, she couldn't help but sluggishly come to a stop. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was tired. Blanketed with fatigue that wore her stature down as she wavered for a moment. She leaned forward, palms on her thighs as she grasped another cluster of oxygen before dragging a hand across her face. Then she blinked. Once. Twice. Gaze peeking between the open space of her fingers. She shook her head, convinced that she had lost her mind. Driven into a desperate hallucination. She wouldn't have been surprised. The voices. Now visions. However, she blew a concentrated breath, shoulders relaxing once more to clear her head.

Freya was sure. There had been no mistaking it. Tattered clothes and a mess of brown hair. She could faintly trace out the hunched stance that stood a few feet in front of her, head low, wisps of hair dangling, and behind him sat an all too familiar raven-haired girl. Despite the distance, she could tell the ragged breaths that the boy withdrew from his lungs. Exhausted just as she was. Alarmingly, she didn't miss the looming Titan that stood in front of him. Blonde hair, wide and void eyes similar to the one that she had encountered. Yet, the eerie smile it bared threw her into a panic.

Freya began on a move, frail fingers reaching out as she wheezed. "Ere–!"

As if every logical thinking had been swept away, whirred in the thick air of sweat and fear, Eren eagerly swung his fist. A loud yell followed as white protruding knuckles connected with the Titan's flared hand. Freya wasn't sure what to expect. A part of her had wanted a transformation, eagerly anticipating yellow lightning to transpierce her vision. However, she nearly stumbled at the sight of an Abnormal Titan jostling its way from behind the green-eyed boy as it leaped on all limbs, aimlessly tackling the Smiling Titan still on the ground. Unsure from where it had come from, or better yet why, there was no mistaking its hostile behavior to attack.

Freya ceased all movements, legs coming to an abrupt halt as she blinked, nearly tumbling on her own two feet. Once. Twice. She had to be certain, doubtless of what her gaze played. She was startled, a little confused to even move. Then she saw it. A slow turn of Eren's head that faced her. The ends of Eren's brown hair skimmed his eyes as he craned his head to the right, seeming to have caught her there. He blinked, brows furrowing as the gears in his skull reeled.

Blue met green.

They expanded wide, turning a shade bright that it nearly tied to a hue as close as emerald green. A color that shifted with each blink that he took, glinting slatternly in the setting light as dark obscurity sheltered Eren's twisting features. She didn't miss the sight of blood that trailed and saturated the corner of his mouth, dripping incessantly from his chin to his clothes. A sight that squeezed her lungs to constrict, already conjuring its noxious scent to puff over her nostrils. Straining, his shoulders had dropped with a sag, relief barring in his eyes as he haphazardly moved. There had been a small stagger in his step as he raised a foot forward. Followed by the other. Then the next. Before eventually, he began to a wavering pace. Without a second thought, Freya ran.

Quick thumps of Freya's boots meeting the ground was a weightless touch as she pushed her legs to their aching limit. A few meters close, seconds from reaching, she didn't count. Her attention had snapped to his outstretched hand, body on the verge of crumbling as she made out the small quiver of his lips as his knees yielded to collapse. Yet, before he could plummet onto the soil, her cold fingers circled his wrist, the other around his shoulder, hauling him towards her neck that Freya didn't notice the deep tremble of her own bones as her arms enveloped him tight into a warm comforting hug.

Silence.

"Eren," Freya breathed shakily. "I'm here."

Immediately, a muffled cry wailed in her ears as damp and growing tears had fallen on her shoulder, streaming and cascading down parallel to soft pellets of rain. She could feel every shuddering exhale he took, chest rising and imploding, diving into deep constrictions of air. She clenched her eyes shut at the ring of his panting sobs as she carefully inched a hand to his back. A tender touch, a rhythmic pat along his spine, her voice had been nothing but a soothing murmur. A repetitive whisper as she spoke.

"I'm here, it's okay, it's okay. You're okay."

His heavy cries reared stridently with an aching gasp that ensued the shuddering shake his body sought. Spading into her torso, his tensed arms circled around her. She placed her chin on his head as neither of them showed no signs of letting the other go, anxious as if one would be taken, grabbed by a Titan, or hauled by a soldier. She didn't complain as he hugged her tight by her contused waist, biting her own tongue hard as she fought the stinging tears that threatened to spill. But it had been painful, pricking her nerves ever so slightly, knowing that it was never her wound from the Titan, but that it was his wrenching cries that wrung her heart to sorely ache.

"I–I didn't think, I wasn't, I–I couldn't find you, couldn't see you–thought that you–" Eren shook his head against her shoulder, words cut off as he couldn't continue the thought.

She felt her tongue go awfully dry at his despairing worry over her own well-being that there was a pang of abysmal guilt ruptured in the pits of her stomach. Here she was, minutes ago conceited over a secret that she didn't know, void threats spilling from her tongue to a teenager while he had been bound and captured, worried that she wouldn't be there for him. "It's alright, just breathe, okay? I'm not going anywhere. Now, or ever."

"How–How can you b–be so sure?"

"You'll see." She swallowed thickly, surprised by the painful clog in her throat as she strained. "You'll see, it's going to get better. We'll get through this together and I won't ever let them hurt you again."

Another cry. She hated it. Hated how she was the cause of such worry. The cause of his running tears. His gasping breaths. It squeezed her heart tight, to warm and melt in a puddle inside her weakened bones as her lungs continued to burn. She wanted to tear her hair out, cry along and release such reaped and strong emotions. Sensations that ran along her nerves and twist each vein in misery. Feelings that she hadn't felt in so long. But at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to hold onto it.

"I can't..." Somewhere along the heaves of air and hiccups, he whispered. "Lose you, too..."

"You won't." Freya gently pulled back, hands on the side of his arms as she looked down at him. The young boy swallowed, sniffing back the tears that preceded to form, mouth trembling as she stared at him for a second. The sudden look of innocence captured her unguarded and earnest. Without realizing what her actions had gone to do, the pad of her thumbs gently went to his damp cheeks, swiping away the continuous roll of his tears. She smiled, eyes soft and warm, lips turned and tender. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"

"Y–Yes..." He wiped his eyes frantically, the heels of his palm patting down the stinging sensation away.

As if reading her thoughts, the sound of hooves stomping on the grounds neared. Behind her arrived Armin, an unconscious Jean settling behind his back as the two rode on a horse, another spare steed attached as they stopped. "Get on! Hurry!"

It didn't take long to raise Eren and strap Mikasa on the second horse. Of course, they didn't leave immediately without making a protest that it would be okay for Freya to tag with one of the pair. However, she knew that with her body weight combined, it wouldn't be ideal to hinder a horse's joints. Although, as soon as they had left, she couldn't mistake the white mane and straight back of an all too familiar stallion head towards her way.

"Time to retreat." With an outstretched hand, Commander Erwin's blue gaze locked with her own. Freya didn't hesitate to grab his hand, body hurled up as she settled behind him, arms locked around his waist.

There was something inadvertently soothing about the rampant stomps of the retreating horses that surrounded her from behind. A steady beat that pounded her heart to follow in tune. Her ever-growing worry had ceased and calmed down, nerves gentle with assurance that Eren followed a few inches behind her, his vision trained on her taught back. But her eyes dwelled down. Eyelids following soon. Gaze now closed. There was a part of her that was unable to look, pulse thawing in her ears in a constant thrum. Forcing an exhale out through her lungs, her vision suddenly snapped wide.

Sensing the intricate change happening behind his back, Erwin questioned her. "What are you thinking of?"

The setting sun casted a fiery glow as it languidly kindled its parting flame for the turning night. Hues against the sky, colors within the air. Shades of orange and yellows clashed like a blur that stretched upon the atmosphere and scenery. It surrounded her like a thick blanket meant to sear her body and insides with solace. Comfort her in a space that held no grief. She felt as if she was witnessing a gallant occurrence, a child that seemed to experience the flawless rays of a spiraling dusk for the very first time. She was sure that she was never going to get tired of it.

"I remember everything now."

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

this just reached 100k reads aghhh thank u for the support and funny comments, i loved reading every one of them! made this chapter twice as long to make up for the hiatus, i've been having some insane writer's block and idk what to do.