iv. CAFETERIA FOOLS

CHAPTER FOUR

CAFETERIA FOOLS

•••

"What am I even doing?"

Sighing at her reflection on the glass window of her room, thinking that she looked was an understatement.

The flimsy curtains were fully drawn open, letting in the following afternoon rays peek in, almost blinding her if a few clouds hadn't swooped in and blocked the sun. A breeze wafted by. Chirps of birds rang like an alarm clock. And she stood alone in her room for a long moment of silence. Eyes gazing her appearance. Teeth gritted together. Fist tightly squeezed by her side. Her first thoughts were after waking up that it wouldn't be so dreadful today. Considering Oluo didn't bother to barge in like yesterday and grumble for her to stand up. She took it as a sign that she would be readying herself on her own pace.

She was proven wrong as she was struck with realization.

Freya's hands dropped by her sides after she tugged the black ribbon tying her dirty blonde hair into a low ponytail. Thin strands framed her face, frayed bangs tickled the top of her eyebrow. Annoyance surged in her, feeling absurd by her image. This wasn't like her, to be so compliant and obedient, although, she wasn't really going to make it feel so easy for them either.

The first week of training, barely even starting, but yet she definitely loathed it.

The white collared polo was tight when she finished buttoning it up, except for top two buttons around her neck, freeing up space for her and collarbone to breathe. That, and she didn't want to feel like being choked. She hated how inconveniently white her trousers are and more so with the brown sash wrapped around her waist, covering her hips. The only thing she truly accepted without reluctance and multiple curses was the leather harnesses going across her chest, shoulders, waist and thighs, along with the knee-high brown leather boots. She continued to asses her appearance by the window.

A mirror wasn't exactly available and she had to make do with any shiny spot that reflected her image. Though, it would be better if it didn't. Her nose would scrunch up if she caught the mere sight of herself to be so different in a bright attire. Releasing another sigh, she stared down at her hands that held onto the short, light brown jacket. The Wings of Freedom was embedded on either shoulders, the front left pocket, and unfortunately, adorning the backside in a large symbol. A need to rip them apart surged in her. It certainly wouldn't be difficult.

She inhaled deeply. "This... is definitely new." New and excruciating. A far appearance from her usual dark apparel.

"Sir!"

Freya peered through her window to find the Special-Ops squad lined outside the courtyard with their horse by their side, all rigidly still in a Scout salute as their back's faced her. In front of them was Corporal Levi on top of his horse, mouth moving as he gave an order. Curious as to where they were headed to, she stared a little bit longer, a part of her stalling the inevitable of having to roam around in a uniform.

She could see Oluo engaging Petra in a small conversation, his eyebrows rose in a knowing matter, and as always, Petra elbowed him on the side, resulting him to bite his tongue. The corner of Freya's mouth tilted up in amusement, the interaction never got old.

However, that feeling of having a set of eyes pinned on her came back. Her skin crawled as she slightly angled her gaze from the Squad to Levi. His gaze was set straight, peering up at her through her window. A second passed. Another. Her stomach flipped. And he pulled on the leash of his horse, turning, then suddenly galloping away with the squad getting ready to follow. Freya retreated in the depths of her room with a swivel of her heel, hair swaying and face faltering at the thought of looking peculiar by standing at her window for the last few hours.

The dining hall was livelier than ever now that the new recruits were joining them today. Freya never thought her eardrums would burst from the laugh and cackle of people, but here she was. Like a plague, cadets had been avoiding her, parting and hustling away from her path like the red sea. It was quite amusing for Freya, her eyebrows raised as she observed them averting their gaze from her, and even when they thought she didn't know, they kept their inquest stares glared at her back.

It must've been the uniform, she thought. The guise of being a part of them, an official statement that she was joining this expedition didn't go acceptably. Well, that, or they just hated her in general. A vacant seat was spotted on the far corner of the room, a long table that no one sat on as everybody combined in groups and with their buddies. Satisfied with the find, she made a beeline for it. Their stares weren't as intimidating as they thought. But at moments, Levi's definitely had her nerves sitting on edge. She wanted to figure out why.

"Freya."

Sighing, Freya ceased her walking and turned around, arms going crossed on her chest at the all familiar wavering voice. "What is it this time?"

"I– well, I was wondering if you were ready for today?" Eren asked, darting his eyes away and fists clenched by his sides when he heard the bored tone of her unnerving voice.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I have no clue what you're talking about." As far as she's aware, her priorities was to keep an eye out for Eren. She knew when to keep her distance. Just like now, she didn't hover over his personal space, giving him the time to actually be with others. In a place full of Scouts, there wasn't any harm coming his way any time soon.

"Eren." Mikasa called, eyes narrowed at Freya in suspicion as she stood behind Eren, Armin beside her staying quiet.

Freya's gaze switched from the boy to the surprisingly quiet girl. She remembered her from yesterday due to the fact that she had the temerity to call Levi shorty. Thinking about that small minute had Freya almost chuckling. She couldn't say the same thing for the blonde boy however. His wide eyes darted around, training on certain objects in the dining hall, distracting himself as long as he refrained eye contact with Freya.

She lazily flicked her hand at the two in a small greeting, before returning her attention to Eren. "Anything else?"

His back went taught like a wire. "No. None." Knowing that he wanted to ask her questions even further, she didn't push the topic. Turning around to head toward the vacant table, suddenly something knocked her back.

Boiling hot, yet cold at the same time, shocking Freya at the unexpected surprise. Touching her skin, seeping into her clothes. Not a single sound came out her mouth. But a few gasps came by around from people. Wide stares, murmurs, even a few laughters. Freya blinked down to look at herself. Noodles littered her chest, greens and diced carrots mixed along. A dark yellow stain spotted her white shirt. Tiny drops of liquid fell from the ends of her hair, unnoticeable spots dotting her chin and neck. She could feel the burn of splattered soup reddening the skin of her chest and stomach.

The sound of a bowl clattering on the ground echoed. The girl who bumped into Freya audibly gasped. "I..." Brunette hair tied in a high but messy ponytail. Brown eyes swirled a dark shade. Bottom lip trembling. Devastation wasn't enough to describe the emotion flashing on the girl's face. "This..."

"Are you– are you okay?" Eren asked Freya who, like everybody else, witnessed the quick collision.

She clenched her fists. Set her jaw, smiling painfully. "Better than ever."

"Bread." The girl sputtered. Mangled. On the cold ground. A half eaten bread, mixed in with the mess of fallen soup. She stared down at it, shoulders slumping down.

"Sasha?" A boy sporting a buzz cut called behind her.

"Gone..." The girl continued in disbelief. Those cadets who were watching from around them now shrugged their shoulders. They set their attention back to themselves. Suddenly uninterested. They got a few good laughs. Entertainment that never went away as there wasn't usually a dull day to go over. But Freya noticed that they seem to be used to any conspicuous display. Sasha whipped to the boy with wide eyes. "Connie..."

"Come on, let's go. Guess we're waiting in line again." Connie sighed, taking a hold of the Sasha's shoulders and steering her away. Freya's mouth slightly loosened, parting as she was stunned. She was the one having food drip from her clothes, feeling sticky and ungainly. While it was like all the girl was ever concerned about was the amount of food she was going to devour. With a sheepish and apologetic smile, Connie tilted his head to the side to glance at Freya, apologizing, "Sorry about that." The two slowly sauntered away, heading towards the long line of the cafeteria filled with other cadets.

Eren faced Freya's back and he didn't know why he was the one suddenly worrying. He expected a rupture. Chaos to break down. A spring of insults and curses to spew. He was overthinking it. Maybe his thoughts and idea of the woman who have been keeping an eye on him drew him on edge, including the notion that she was dangerous to everyone but him. What happened next was unsettling for him to comprehend.

Her shoulders shook as she contained a laugh.

"Aren't you from..." Observing her features. Posture. Perception. A boy with dark hair had his eyebrows furrowed the moment Freya had arrived by their table. Clueless but almost like a brief moment from some time before felt as if he saw her. Just couldn't remember.

"From?" The corner of her mouth started to tilt up as she looked at the table beside them. He was young. Just like the rest of them. But tall, slightly slouching as he sat beside a blonde boy. Bertolt gave a definite answer. Accurate. Authentic. Framing her prevalence to be perturbing knowing that it was true. His voice wasn't loud. Incoherent. A slight murmur that Freya found herself leaning slightly forward. Lips formed cattily. "What was that?"

He looked at the woman for a moment. Heavy gazes of his peers zeroed in on him. He was visibly nervous, neck turning a shade of red. Historia, Ymir, Jean, Reiner. All at the table waiting. He looked away. "Nevermind."

Freya was aware that while she may be known to many citizens within the walls, there were those who were living in ignorant bliss about the crimes she committed. Her goal wasn't for her to be suddenly popular in the dangerous parts of towns. She didn't anticipate that people would even keep track of her activities or history. However, she took advantage of the affliction her title brought.

"Isn't she..." Reiner squinted, keeping his voice low.

"Definitely the bounty hunter." Unfazed, someone said. Freya snapped her eyes to the other boy. Confident. Assured. Sighing as Jean swirled the remaining liquid contents of his soup bowl with his spoon.

She grinned brightly, looking at each member. A blonde girl, blue eyes, and small. Her head ducked low, occupying herself with finishing the meal in front of her. But Freya could tell that she was listening in on the conversation. Beside her, a tall brunette female. Within close proximity, freckles dotting her cheeks. Then the three boys that sat on the other side of the table. Dark hair, tall, but somewhat lanky. Cropped blonde hair, strong looking, but disheveled as his mind ran. Then the next, a slim face, loud, and bold. Freya knew who they were, her head clicking with all the information that she gathered from Eren.

"This is all of your friends, Eren?"

Eren rubbed the back of his neck hesitantly, glancing at Mikasa and Armin for a moment. "Yeah..."

Jean abruptly turned his head to the side. "We... are not friends."

"She won't be joining you today."

"Squad Leader Hange!" The young scouts group acknowledged the woman who joined in with an excited smile by rising from their seat and setting their fists over their hearts before plopping down when they received a slight nod.

Hange faced Freya, not noticing the state her clothes was in. "I heard what Levi and rest got planned for you."

The stench of warm broth filled Freya's nostrils. Though she fought to ignore it as she raised an eyebrow. "You heard?"

"Isn't it amazing!" Hange beamed.

"You're awfully excited." Freya observed. Her joyous aura was quite suffocating for Freya to handle.

"Now, we get to see what your strategic skills are with Titans!" Hange grabbed Freya's hands into her own. Something that Freya didn't predict the woman to do that she didn't have the time to react and retract away. "You do know how we take Titans down is dependent upon individual methods!"

"No... I didn't know." Freya shook Hange's hands off, folding them behind her back and refraining from making a grimace appear on her face. She paused. "They're not planning on bringing back a Titan, are they?"

"Oh, I hope so." Hange trailed off. Her smile wavered in the slightest. The next, her head hung low, brown strands of her hair falling in front of her eyes and covering her rectangular rimmed glasses. A shadow loomed over her features. "I don't think I'd be able to handle it, not after Sawn–" An upsetting frown. Heartbroken. At the quick shift of Hange's state, Eren placed a comforting hand over her shoulder.

"Am I missing something here?" Freya questioned loudly.

Hange sniffled and shook her head. She straightened her back with a light-hearted laugh. "Nothing too important."

Freya hummed. "Whatever you say."

Sasha treaded between the two women, striding past Freya's incredulous gaze and Hange's absorbed daydreaming before she plopped down by the scout's table. A new steaming bowl laid in her hands. She turned to the group with scrunched brows, pointing to a full plate from the side.

"Are you going to eat that?"

•••

Freya suddenly didn't mind the fact that her white shirt got stained. When she headed back to room for a change of top, it was evident that her only option was to utilize her normal black long sleeved button-up. Not that she was complaining. It at least gave her a sense of relief that not everything about her appearance would be switched up in a day. She was back to assessing her appearance by the window, tilting her head left and right, and often releasing small sighs. It wasn't until a loud and abrupt yell coming from the hallways did she realize that she was stuck at gazing her reflection.

"Supplies and baggage arrived!" A man's muffled voice halt her from her unconscious actions.

She looked back towards the window one last time before grabbing her Scouts jacket from her bed. Not bothering to shrug the sleeves on, she hooked her middle and pointer finger on the inside collar of the jacket, hauling it over her right shoulder and hooking her left thumb inside the hoop of her belt as she headed out towards the commotion in the courtyard.

When she arrived, it was a blur of green, brown, and white. Cadets hurriedly made their ways towards the parked carriages lined up by the side and center. There were those who carried large crates of unknown items. Satchels clutched to their chest in a possessive manner. And some even eating fresh red apples to their core with open boxes beside them. It was similar to the scene she witnessed when entering the dining hall. But there was a bright ambience to them that threw Freya off.

She blinked by the entrance door. "What's got everyone so excited?"

Hange, who sidled up beside the confused woman, smiled brightly. "It's just like what you heard. Supplies and baggages arrived."

"I know." Freya's eyebrows furrowed. It was like watching children open up a gift that they weren't expecting, enjoying food that they waited longingly for, and somewhat had a sense of relief waft through them. "but—"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Hange's hands immediately went to her hips, making long strides towards the other side of the courtyard, leaving Freya as she was distraught by the sight of her research being handled carelessly. "Careful with those journals. They're a lifetime of..."

Freya turned to look back at the scouts. She didn't understand what got everyone so riled up. It was nothing more than a delivery. Despite the loud chatter, she could make clear distinction of a shout from past the courtyard gate. Following the noise, she stopped her pacing at the sight of Mikasa and Eren. The two were standing behind a stocked carriage, Mikasa easily carrying three crates stacked together in her arms, back straight as she walked a few feet away before dropping them down. And Eren having his jaw agape, eyebrows clinched as his eyes went back and forth with a box that his arms wouldn't carry, almost as if it was glued on the surface.

Upon picking up notice of his struggle, Mikasa neared him, slightly tipping her head to Eren and silently asking if he needed assistance. The boy did the unexpected and shoved her away. Freya's brows shot up in amusement. Her eyes grew even wider by the second attempt Mikasa did, stepping close only for Eren to shove the girl away in frustration. Freya couldn't hear their conversation, but a few steps in, Mikasa was already walking away with her gaze casted down.

Freya chuckled, grabbing Eren's attention who whipped his head towards her in confusion. His shoulders were set high and fists squeezed tightly. She rapped her knuckles against the wood of the carriage, peering at all the boxes. "What's with this?"

"It's for Lance Corporal Levi." He stiffly answered, pertaining to the specific crate she pointed to and avoiding her scrutinizing stare. "Along with the rest of our belongings." Freya nodded as he cleared his throat loudly. "See something of yours?"

"Hard to tell with whatever's in this." Freya blew a breath. There were just too much boxes that she didn't know which belonged to her. "What do you think is inside?"

Eren glanced left and right, peering over his shoulders, suddenly feeling cautious. "I'm not... I'm not sure if—" There was a glint in her eyes that unnerved him. A heedless notion surrounding her.

A sly smirk formed on her face. "Oh, come on, kid. Don't tell me you're not at least a little bit curious what the Captain got himself keeping."

He hummed in thought. "I am, but it's Lance Corporal—"

A groan escaped her mouth, followed by a roll of her eyes. "You seriously call him that? It's such a mouthful." Slowly, Freya reached down her hands towards the inside of her knee high boots. It was a drag to wear them, shoes that went up so high, clearly she wasn't use to it as she always wore ankle boots. Just below her right knee, a space where the shoe's leather material didn't enclose so tightly around leg was a holster wrapped around, a dagger pressed up against. She grabbed the black sleek handle, pulling it out, and waving the blade around, letting steel gleam in the sun.

Eren watched her, uncertain. "I don't think you should open—"

"Too late!" She smiled widely. Choosing a random crate, Freya thrusted the edge of her blade inside the opening crook. She popped the wooden lid open. Her chest slightly twinged at the sound. Her curiosities grew. Dull grey eyes flashed in mind and she licked her bottom lip. "What's your bet, kid? Guns? Something personal? Maybe knives? I don't mind stealing a few set, but—" Her smile dropped. The gleam in her eyes gone. A flat look overcoming her face. "Oh."

The moment it opened, Eren's interest switched, finding himself gazing over with wide eyes. "What is it?"

She clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. "Teabags." A box filled with nothing but teabags and ingredients for it. Black to be specific. A simple shake of her head followed. "In the middle of war."

"There's... a lot." He noted.

"This is our... Captain." She said lightly. She wondered if this kind of shipment had been meant for everyone to stockpile on. But looking back to that dining hall, not a single tea cup was in sight. Mostly metal tankards and drinking water bags. She had no idea why she forced her thoughts to remember, but she can vaguely recall white cups the night of their first arrival. The Special Operations squad discussing from the start of the month, Eren and herself listening on in, and their Captain specifically sitting down with his cup in hand, drinking from the rim.

"You look disappointed."

Freya glanced at Eren. "I guess you can say that I'm not satisfied."

He was taken aback by her quick honesty. "Why?"

"Nothing. Start carrying them inside, will you?" She ordered. Usually, it was the two of them doing work given by the Squad and their Captain. But at this point, Eren had figured out that it was better to follow Freya's orders when there were moments he felt uncertain around a dangerous woman like her.

As expected, Eren struggled to carry the crate, taking him a full minute to get it off the carriage surface. It didn't help that Freya's scrutinizing gaze was putting him under pressure to move quickly. His figured was leaned back and the object weighed heavily on him. By the time he passed the courtyard gate, Freya returned her attention to the remaining boxes. Behind the mess of dusty tarps and ropes, she caught sight of a ragged letter carved on top of a chest box, edged between two crates.

"I guess it came after all." She mumbled. She reached for the small item, pulling it towards her. It was small compared to everything else. Nothing special about it, as it was a normal chest box with a rusty lock, but there was a distinct letter F carved on top. If no one was bothered to take a look carefully, anyone would think that it was a letter t instead. Inhaling deeply, she opened the clasp lock. It had no use, really, that anyone might as well open it whenever they wanted to.

Notes stacked up notes. Wrinkled papers folded into rectangles. She could see the fading handwriting from the other side of the folded papers. Some of them were torn, the edges creasing, and turning a yellow stain. There were even a few crumpled up notes on the side, shoved in a few clothes buried inside. There weren't a lot. Probably an old worn out shirt, jacket, and vest folded underneath the mess of papers. Letters.

She dared to reach out for one, taking the very first sheet that sat on top. Her heart suddenly started to pound in her ears like boulders rolling off a cliff and landing on the ground with an aggressive thump. Her breathing was surprisingly normal, breaths coming in and out steadily. The same couldn't be said about her hands however. Fingers tensed as she unfolded it. If she were to hold her breath, even for a second, she reckoned she might rip it in half.

Then the familiar and tousled hand writing greeted her. Eyes scanned each word. Her chest tightened. The same feeling returned. This invalid and horrible emotion just came slapping directly. Although, she didn't show it on her face. To anyone watching, she was just a woman reading with a passive and stoic feature. But feet wanted to crumble down. Shoulders were taught, yet just minutes away from slouching and giving up. She could taste sweet metallic copper from her cheek as she bit down hard inside. Jaw clenched. Hands trembling. Throat bobbing as she swallowed.

"Letters? Who are they from?"

She let out a strange and overly sweet laugh as she folded the note and stuffed it back inside her chest before clasping it shut. The palm of her hands rested atop of her box, leaning on it heavily. Her gaze went distant, staring at nothing in front of her. Blank and absent as she answered. "The Regiment."

"What? Can I see?" This time, the question didn't come out from Eren's mouth. Freya tilted her head to the side, spotting the young cadet group back from the dining hall all huddled around Eren. The only ones who were absent were Armin and Mikasa. It was Connie who spoke. Despite how startled and frightened he was to see Freya up close and so suddenly prior to a few moments ago, he seemed to be engaged in curiosity to even be thinking of Freya's alarming reputation.

"They're a bunch of wanted bounty notes. Nothing important." She dismissed nonchalantly.

"That's all you have?" Reiner's deep tone resonated.

"I travel light."

"Who would keep wanted posters of themselves?" Surprisingly, Jean spoke. But his gaze was set firmly to the ground with arms crossed.

"Me. Is that all?"

"Why?" Bertolt cocked his head.

"Because I look great in them." Freya deadpanned, growing irritated with the questions.

Sasha, who stood behind the tall group of boys, munched rather loudly on a half eaten potato. She seemed occupied with savoring the taste, but through her plangent chewing, she spat out absentmindedly. "They're definitely letters."

Freya squinted at the girl. She was definitely not going to forget her face anytime soon. "They're not."

"Maybe a letter from a special lover." Historia timidly guessed from the side, Ymir huddled to her left as she side eyed the blonde girl.

Clicking her tongue, Freya pursed her lips together. It was odd that one minute they couldn't even look at her straight in the eye and sputter a coherent sentence. The next, they were intrigued enough to fire her with questions to which she entertained them to. Facing them with crossed arms, her face went blank. "All of you are delusional."

They all looked at each other. A message passing in between as they rubbed the back of their necks sheepishly but face unwavering. While Eren, however, tensed at their forwardness. Freya took a step forward. But the group ironically retreated with a large step back. Her amusement was evident when she picked notice of that.

Before anyone could utter a word, Hange came speeding past the courtyard gate, cupping her hands over her mouth and announcing. "They're back!" She neared the group in long strides, coming to a stop in front a perplexed Freya as she patted the woman on the back. "Are you ready?"

That question, although simple, straightforward, and nothing wrong, it was starting to get on her nerves. Unknowing. Redoubtable. All she had left was to be prepared. She didn't need to be told who were coming back. Her stomach churned as she had a feeling. "For what exactly?"

A burst of anticipation. "Training!"

•••

Freya.

I don't know how this'll reach you, but I hope it will. The city is still the same, just feels different now that you're gone.

I miss you. We both do. she and I, I mean. She's trying to push through. She's stubborn as always, that old hag. But it's the only thing keeping her happy at the moment. It's happening. I could see it. She tries to hide it sometimes, but I can already tell that the city's ruins got to her. Medicine is getting expensive. But you don't have to worry, I think I found a way to get the money. I hope you're doing okay, better than me, I wish. It's starting to get rough here. Do your best everyday, will you? For her sake, protect him. I know you're not happy with everything, but please put on a smile. I may not be able to see you, not yet anyway, but be strong.

I promise I'll find a way to bring us all back together. No regrets, yeah?

•••

— AUTHOR NOTE —

not my best chapter, but it'll get better when we reach the expedition episode very soon. hskshdkad this chapter was so bad cause i basically just shoved a bunch of scenes together and wanted to get freya to meet everyone. lowkey struggled with the dining hall scene. i had to change it a bunch of times cause it didn't look right to me but i had fun writing the tea supply ending lol also i'm not good with creating letters the new episode got me sCREAMIN