I wasn't afraid of most things society wanted me to be afraid of. I could talk in front of groups, I could wear heels that would terrify less coordinated humans, I could turn rude comments back on a person so quick that it left them more scarred than they ever could scar me. And I most definitely wasn't afraid of cameras... If someone wanted to give me free publicity, that was fine by me. I wasn't going to let some garbage neon pink articles depict how I spent my day.
But as several cameras flashed again, I could see that it deeply bothered my sunshine boy. My? Where did that thought come from? I tucked away that thought to process later and turned to look up at Tate, who was attempting not to glare at the bushes where the flashing resided.
"Hey," I murmured reaching out and placing my thumb against his brow and gently rubbing at the small 'v' shape that had formed in the middle of his furrowed brow. "Don't do that."
"What?" Tate asked.
"Don't give someone else the power to ruin your day like that. Especially someone who isn't worth it."
Tate smiled. "Stealing my lines are ya?"
"Only the good ones. You can keep douche nugget."
He sighed, letting out a tired laugh. "Fair. Not my best work." He chanced a glance back at the Paparazzi.
"Ignore the idiots," I replied sliding off the bike. "They don't seem like they are going to chase us. I think they can tell I'd clobber with my boots if they tried."
"Not gonna lie, I'd pay to see that," he replied. "But I hate how I am starting to understand why my cousin barely makes an appearance in public anymore. You start to feel like a spectacle in a zoo." Tate sighed, climbing off the bike.
I reached for his hand and began to tug him towards the Griffith Observatory, wanting his smile back. "Why don't you give me a tour. I've never been here before."
At that, Tate's eyes lit up. "Oh, you're in for a treat! This place is amazing!" And before I knew what was happening, Tate had taken the lead, pulling me along behind him with a new spring in his step.
...
"Just stare into that hole and you'll be looking right at the sun without burning your eyeballs."
I looked at the small gadget doubtfully. "Um... no."
Tate nudged me closer to the mysterious gadget, eyes bright with excitement. The Griffith Observatory was mostly empty. Allowing us to take our time as Tate walked me through every room, stopping at every plaque, machine, or instrument and falling into a long explanation of what each item was, and every possible fact about it.
I had to stop myself from smiling several times at what an utter dork he was. A complete star nerdâ astrology nerd? Complete nerd of a guy who knew WAY more about stars than anyone I had ever met. And his excitement only added to the adorkability that he naturally exuded.
When he was like this, I was a goner. And I had not expected him to be such an utter star nerd. So I found myself utterly mystified by his knowledge and how few jokes were involved in his explanations.
"Oh come on! You can trust me. Why would I lie?" Tate asked as we stood in front of a small machine. He nudged me a step closer, hands on my shoulders.
I turned my head to glare at him. "Because you'd find it funny for me to burn my eyeballs?"
Tate placed his head on my shoulder, close to my face, breath tickling my ear. "But you have such beautiful eyeballs. That would be an utter crime."
I blushed and shuffled towards the gadget, relenting. "Fine. I'll admit you probably don't have a prank to pull that will result in me going completely blind," I muttered. Leaning my face down, I stared into a small opening that looked like it belonged to a telescope. But instead of staring up into the sun, it stared down into a set of red tinfoil that mirrored the sun and filtered it so that I was staring at the sun, but without my eyeballs turning into burnt raisins. I was tempted to start shouting, AHHH MY EYES!!! But we were in public and I didn't want to emotionally scar some poor child.
"Okay, that's pretty cool," I said, leaning back.
"RIGHT!?!" Tate said, his voice echoing through the room, bouncing off the walls and causing several toddlers in their mother's arms to startle. "Right," Tate whispered, still excited but turning his volume level down.
Tugging me into the next roomâ hoping to avoid more glares from mothers who were now holding wailing toddlersâ we were greeted by a replica of our solar system hovering high in the air. Large planetary displays of each planet filled the walls high above our heads with facts about each one printed on black plaques below.
"Okay, I gotta know," I said turning to look at Tate as he stared up at the display of the earth. "Why do you love this place so much?"
Tate looked at me with mock shock. "Allie Winters, are you getting personal? That's sooooo unlike you."
I shoved my hands into my pockets, pursing my lips to avoid laughing. "I'm trying here Tate. Not very good at the whole..." I shuffled back and forth, trying not to sound utterly embarrassed by how hard it was to say the next set of words, "lets talk about feelings thing. So meet me halfway okay."
He nodded, still grinning. "Fair enough. You've shared parts of your life with me... I suppose I should do the same."
I rocked back on my heels. "I mean... I just assumed you were going to give me a nerdy answer like..." I did my best impression of Tate, widening my smile to an almost maddening state and waving my arms around excitedly as I rose my voice louder. "I like stars because giant balls of gas are both romantic and funny to say!!!"
Tate blinked, shocked by my mimicry, and then fell into laughter. "You make me sound like a lunatic!" He doubled over, trying to keep his laughter to a human volume and failing miserably.
After Tate regained his composure, he smiled sadly. "No... My answer is a little more serious than that." He looked around the room before looking back at me.
"You don't have to talk about it here," I said sensing his reluctance.
He shook his head. "No. I'm a classic deflector and avoider. You know that pretty well by now." He reached for my hand. "Come on. I know the perfect place."
We stood on a wrap-around balcony that curved along the Griffith Observatory. The Hollywood sign was bright in the afternoon sun. A cold wind gently brushed at my clothes, pushing my hair out of my face. Tate settled down, arms laying across the railing.
His face was thoughtful, eyes scanning the horizon as if it held all the answers. I kept expecting him to launch into a joke, to point out something funny, but he had lost that amused grin. His mind falling into a place that was without laughter and held memories that he must not often dwell on.
I stood next to him, enjoying the feeling of the sunlight on my face, giving him space to collect his thoughts. Some topics involved a little emotional prep.
"How much do you know about my parents?" he asked, surprising me.
I knew Iz, had met his grumpy cousin Aiden and remembered Tate vaguely mentioning his aunt. "Not very much," I admitted, feeling suddenly guilty. I hadn't taken much time to get to know him. Not really.
He shook his head. "You shouldn't feel bad." He pointed at his chest. "Deflector, remember." His hand fell back onto the railing. "I tend to avoid the subject at all costs. So there is no reason you should have that guilty look on your face."
He tapped the railing with his fingers as if building up to the idea of talking. "Sorry in advance if I throw in morbid jokes..." He waved his arm around, laughing uncomfortably. "I am not very good at this..."
I nodded, giving him silence to verbally prep himself. His struggle reminded me how much he ran from the darkness. How much he clung to joy, to light, to all things that made him smile. While I tripped into the darkness on a regular basis, fueled by rage and anger. Wearing it like a cloak of honor.
The harder he struggled to talk about it, the more I realized just how much darkness he ran from. Finally, Tate's shoulders slumped as if finally arriving at the dark door to the topic he was going to introduce me to. "I used to come here on a regular basis... It got to the point where I knew every employee's name. My parents loved to encourage my love of all things astrological."
At this, Tate's face took on a sad smile. "They had a hard time getting me to sit still. I was always climbing stuff, running off, and basically giving them panic attacks because every time they looked away, I was off, exploring something. But when it came to the stars... I got calm. I could sit there and stare up at the sky for hours."
Tate laughed. "I think they saw it as a break. So they brought me here every time I got a little... energy chaotic."
I smiled, imagining little high-energy, curly-haired Tate, being constantly chased as he ran after everything that caught his interest. It was utterly adorable.
He turned and raised a brow like he was preparing to shock me. "It might surprise you to know that I was a shy kid."
My mouth fell open. "Seriously?"
"Oh yeah. I was that kid in class who you forgot was there."
I shook my head, trying to picture that. It felt impossible to not know whenever Tate was in a room. He filled everywhere he went like a pocket full of sunshine. Like that Natasha Bedingfield song. "You are impossible to forget."
The words were out of my mouth before I had thought them through. And even though they were true, I found myself regretting them instantly. Tate tilted his head, looking at me for a long moment with a serious expression, still half in thought about a past hurt. "I appreciate you not taking it back even though you want to."
"I just... find that very hard to believe," I stammered.
"Well, I am a very complicated man Allie," Tate said with a soft smile before settling back into his serious expression.
"Stars were one of the only topics that got me talking. Another reason why we always came here. This place..." He cleared his throat, scrunching his eyes closing for a second like he was bracing himself. "This place was home. A special place for just me and my parents."
I began to see where the conversation was going. I could tell by the way his muscles tensed. The way his hands wrung the railing like something inside of him was breaking all over again and he needed a lifeline to stay steady. The way his breathing changed. I knew that look on his face, the one that was so filled with pain that you suddenly wondered how you ever found your way back to breathing after your life fell apart.
I knew it because I had lost people. I had lost my world. And by the look on Tate's face, he had lost someone too.
"I was seven... and suddenly it hurt too much to look at the stars anymore," he whispered.
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Thank you for reading chapter twenty-seven! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes! Add this story to your reading list to know when the next chapter drops!
UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!
Allie is about to learn more about Tate's family. What do you think she will discover?
Apparently, Tate was a shy kid! What do you think of that?
And what do you think about Tate being a star nerd!
CHAPTER QUESTION -Â If you were to pick one thing you could talk about for hours with no preparation, what would it be? What is your nerd thing?