Have you ever cared about someone and suddenly realized how deep that care went when you saw them break for the first time? How badly you wanted to hold them tight and protect them from everything in the world that threatened to hurt them. That was my struggle. I was suddenly helpless to the pain that crossed Tate's face. A pain that ran so deep, I forgot how to breathe, how to think, how to do anything other than stand next to him and silently pray that he wouldn't actually shatter before my eyes.
I reached out, placing my hand over his knuckles that had gone white from gripping the railing so hard. He breathed out, as if remembering that was something he needed to do, his hands loosening slightly on the railing. "Mom was a police officer. She got that passion from my grandfather, Brandon."
"As in..."
Tate nodded. "Yeah, Brandon the owner of Silver Gate, the company I work for. He has a passion for security. Something that runs in the family I guess. Dad was a psychologist." Tate paused, thinking for a beat. "They actually met through work. Dad moved to Los Angles and started working in the same department. Apparently, they hated each other at first."
I could see the shy Tate. The one who was scared of being open. The one whose heart had once been so full of love and wasn't broken. The boy who was content to just explore, or enjoy the stars. Who didn't need to make the world feel brighter, because his world was bright. There was no pain or darkness to keep away.
"My mom was a fighter. While my dad was more of a thinker. He wanted to talk through problems and she wanted to strangle someone who was threatening." Tate laughed hollowly. "They argued a lot, but respected each other enough to try to tackle every argument together. Try to figure out where the other was coming from."
"They sound great," I said quietly.
Tate finally turned to look at me, swallowing before saying anything. "They really were."
Then, sensing he needed more, I scooted closer and placed his head on my shoulder. "I hate talking about this," Tate said, voice close to my ear.
"You don't have to you know. It's okay."
I felt him shake his head, brow pressed to my neck. "No. I want you to know me. And this is an important part of that."
I bit my lip, touched and afraid of the vulnerability of it all. It was terrifying. But I fought my instinct to run. To push him away. Now is not the time to freak out. Not all vulnerability is bad, Allie. It's okay to be open. It's okay to be that safe place of vulnerability for someone else too.
"What happened to them?" I asked gently.
"Mom died on the job. A robbery gone bad." His breaths were shallow, each one hitting my neck and wrapping me in his sorrow. "Dad kept trying to walk me through it. How all the emotions were normal, were healthy. Told me to feel everything... But... it didn't work. Not for him anyway. He..." Tate stopped talking, stopped breathing. Body freezing like a jolt freezing a man holding an electrical wire.
He moved several feet away, and I realized that he's shaking. He was shaking so bad that he suddenly melted into a puddle on the ground, back against the Griffith Observatory. He's having a panic attack.
I crouched down in front of him, taking his hands into mine. "I'm... sorry," Tate breathed.
I give his hands a tender squeeze. "No apologies. Never apologize for this. It's okay to hurt."
He leaned his head back against the wall, looking utterly exhausted, eyes scrunched shut as he tried to push the world away. "He died... Takotsubo cardiomyopathy..." He struggled to catch his breath. "Broken heart syndrome... It triggers stress after a loss."
Tate swore, angry at himself for not being able to speak. Fighting his panic with everything he had. "It's like something out of a tragic book... My dad died because my mom died. And they left me..."
I took one of his hands, placing it against my heart. "Try to breathe, Tate. Follow me. Take slow, steady breaths."
He nodded but didn't respond. "One..." I said and took in a large breath, encouraging him to match his breathing with mine. He followed. "Two..." We continued until slowly, he found his breath, his body no longer shaking.
"Allie.. I"
I placed my hands against his cheeks, cutting off his words. "Tate I swear that if you say you are sorry I will..." I hadn't thought of a threat. Not one that felt fair anyway.
Tate's eyes slowly opened and he peered up at me, raising an eyebrow. "You'll what? Kiss me senseless? If that's the case, I'll apologize as many times as you want."
I shook my head in disbelief. "You are unbelievable."
"Thanks," he said, tired.
I rubbed my thumbs against his cheeks, trying to ground him. Trying to make him understand that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing to be embarrassed about. "I think they'd be proud of you."
I saw my words hit him square in the chest. Almost like the kindness in them was too much. Then to distract him from his pain, from the vulnerability of the moment, I kissed him gently on his brow. "Thank you, for trusting me with this part of your heart."
Tate pulled me into a hug, moving me to sit next to him so we could both look out at the view below. "Thank you for not freaking out and running away."
I shrugged, pretending that I had no intention to. But I knew he could see through it. "Seriously, Allie. Thank you." Tate smiled, and through the clouds of his heart, I spotted the sunshine boy again. I leaned my head on his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of his head resting on mine.
"No problem... convertible guy."
After a long bout of silence, Tate sighed. "I'd love to show you the rest of this place but... I'm kinda hungry."
I started laughing. "Note to self. Always pack lots of snacks for Tate."
He chuckled. "Now you are getting it."
...
Ramen Mania was one of my favorite places to eat. The heat hit you as soon as you walked in the door. The strong smell of the cooked noodles made my mouth water before we were even seated at the bar, the only place that had open seats. "Allie!" Mimi beamed at me from behind the bar. She had worked at Ramen Mania for years, always making room for me at the bar, even on their busiest days.
Her black and pink hair was pulled up into a bun at the back of her head. Her black chef's jacket flapped around wildly as she handed out three bowls of noodles, like balancing scalding hot ramen was nothing to be terrified of.
I used to come to Ramen Mania every day when I was first starting Winters. The food kept me full enough that I didn't have to eat any other meals that day. I didn't have any money to spare on anything else, and after a while Mimi began to send me home with free leftovers like she sensed I needed more. Like a mother's radar. They always pick up more than we want them too. But in that particular case, I was thankful.
I hadn't had a chance to come back for a little while, and by the look on her face, she wasn't going to let that go easily. She looked from me to Tate as we sat down, an open expression of curiosity. Oh crap.
I had forgotten to consider Mimi's blunt questions when picking out this place for lunch. "YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN WEEKS!" She waved a drying towel towards my face in an accusatory manner. "What other restaurant has seduced you away from this place?"
I laughed. "Nowhere, I promise."
"She'd have to remember to eat for that to even be a possibility," Tate chimed in, attempting to come to my rescue.
Mimi glanced at Tate again and laughed. "Ah yes! She has always been a stubborn one when it comes to eating three meals a day!" She offered a wave as she turned and plucked up a pitcher, pouring water into a man's cup in the seat next to mine before he even realized he was running low on water. "I'm Mimi," she said, eyes still on Tate. "Allie's official food feeder until several weeks ago when she stopped coming."
I bristled but kept my mouth shut.
"I'm Tate," he replied with a light laugh.
Mimi looked back at me, wiggling her eyebrows. "He's very handsome," she said like Tate had suddenly vanished and couldn't hear her.
"Mimi!" I scolded.
She laughed, plucking Tate's menu from his grasp when he attempted to read it. "You don't need that! I will bring you something good!" Then vanishing into the back, she left us alone.
Tate looked at his now empty hands in confusion. "Um... what just happened."
"She never lets me pick my food," I said with a shrug, but watched Tate closely to see his response and he did not disappoint.
"Um... why?" he sounded nearly panicked.
I offered him a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Trust me. She's good. Picks the perfect thing for my mood every time."
Tate looked around the restaurant. "But... others have menus..."
"She only picks for special people. That means she likes you. Which is important because this place serves the best ramen around."
He seemed to battle with the idea for a long moment before finally giving in. "Fine. I'll give it a shot."
I offered him an encouraging nod before slipping away to use the restroom. As I turned the corner, towards the women's restroom, I froze. Ice suddenly filling my veins.
"What?!?" I asked a little too loudly.
My irritated expression was met with a devilish smirk.
"I was hungry," Ashton answered.
"Then pull a chair up to the dumpster out back. They don't allow vermin inside."
"Harsh."
"You're one to talk," I said, voice barely staying even. "Did you follow me here?"
"What are you doing with that Mouseketeer?"
"You seemed to have taken a liking to that Mouseketeer a few hours ago?"
Ashton pursed his lips, trying not to give away how true it was. "He's nicer than your other boyfriends."
"You included. Already done with your newest toy? So ready to throw Tate away like everything else?" I didn't have Tate's ability to play nice. This conversation was threatening to go from cold to punches if I didn't manage to keep my temper under control.
"What do you want Ashton?"
"You know what's going to happen if you continue to date that vanilla ice cream cone. You'll break him."
I crossed my arms, trying to protect myself from the truth in his words. "Not everything I touch, breaks."
"True... That's why you normally pick guys who break you first."
I gritted my teeth, hating how everything he said felt true. But it doesn't have to be, something inside of me said. "What are you doing here?" I asked again, growing angry.
"Keeping tabs," he replied taking a step closer to me, blocking my entrance to the bathroom.
"Then stalk social media like every other ex-boyfriend. This is next-level creepy." I leveled him with a dangerous stare, allowing my words to take on a poisonous edge. "The next time I see you..." I growled, hands curling into fists. "I will send you to the hospital Ashton. I mean that."
He laughed, passing me and taking the side exit out into the afternoon sun. "You won't get one hit in. See you around Falls." He offered a casual wave. "Take care of my boy, K-Mart will you?"
I tore into the bathroom, in a rage. Itching to break something. Instead, I turned on the water and scrubbed my hands in the hottest water the bathroom had, needing to wash the interaction off of me. I had been grinning all day. But now it was hard to smile.
What a mess. I took several deep breaths and looked at myself in the mirror. "Don't give someone else the power to ruin your day," I murmured to my reflection. And after several deep breaths, I felt myself calm. "I can do this. His words don't mean anything... I won't break Tate... Nothing bad is going to happen..." And after several more deep breaths, I almost believed it.
Stepping out of the bathroom, I moved down the hallway back towards the counter and froze. Ashton had taken my seat and by the look on Tate's face he was angry. There was no smile this time. No friendly demeanor. No good humor or patience.
Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.No. No. No. No. No.No. No. No. No. No.
I knew that face. It was the look Tate got when he thought about pummeling Ashton. I took a step towards the counter, intent on yanking Ashton out of my seat before they could break out into a full-blown brawl, which was idiotic for two reasons. One, this was a restaurant, and two, there was hot broth everywhere and I didn't want anyone to get scalded because my ex-boyfriend had chosen the worst possible place to be an ass.
I paused, trying to think of the best way to proceed when I overhead Ashton's words and felt part if me fall apart.
"She's mine. Don't you get it? She's too broken to have a life with anyone like you. She's afraid of breaking you the way I broke her. And I'm not quite done with the pieces yet."
I watched the next moment like it was in slow motion. Tate transformed. Eyes ablaze. That was the thing about the sun. Tate was more than just sunshine. He was fire. Beautiful and warm. But flames were dangerous. And when you fanned it, it turned into an all-out inferno that threatened to destroy everything it touched. Tate was no longer sunshine. He was fire. And he was about to kill Ashton.
---
Thank you for reading chapter twenty-eight! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes! Add this story to your reading list to know when the next chapter drops!
UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!
Ashton has returned and it looks like things are about to come to blows. Any guesses on how things will go down?
Special Note: Never apologize for not being okay. We all have moments where we break. Where we need to just sit down and cry. And that is okay. So be kind to yourself, you deserve it.
CHAPTER QUESTION - Have you ever been in a physical fight? How did that go?