I wake up late the following day, and just lay in bed hungover from crying so much last night. My head is stuffed, and throbbing. I finally check my phone, and all I have is a text from my brother checking on me. I don't respond.
I still can't believe that she asked him to pass up a full ride scholarship to play baseball. If she even had the thought to ask him to throw something like that away, why would she even consider listening to me, but at the same time this isn't even about me. It's about him. Even if he gets mad at me, he can't always pass up life changing opportunities because he's afraid to hurt his mom's feelings. It's not fair to him.
I quickly jump out of bed, and throw on some joggers, and a sweatshirt and grab my keys to leave. I know that he's playing a basketball game with the guys today so I decide to head over there now. While running down the stairs my dad and Lorene are eating lunch at the table.
"Where are you rushing off to?" dad asks, but I don't stop to answer him.
"Headed to Aiden's. Be back later." I yell, as I open and shut the door behind me.
On my way there I fix my hair in the rear-view mirror and notice my eyes are still puffy from the night before. I look so terrible, and on a normal day I wouldn't want his mom to see me this way, but right now I really don't care.
When I pull up I see that Aiden's jeep isn't here, so I sit there for a minute building up the courage to get out of the car. My heart is beating out of my chest when I see her. She walks outside with a bag of trash. I have to get out now that she's seen me.
"Mora?" she looks at me confused. "Aiden isn't here right now." she says as I get out of my car.
"I know. I came..." I pause to take a breath. "to talk to you." I mutter, and she stands there for a moment until she realizes why I'm really here.
"Of course sweetheart. Why don't you come inside." She lays the trash on the curb, and greets me inside.
The house still smells like cookies, and spices. It always smells so good in here. I find it remarkable that she still finds time to keep up the house and chores when she's so sad all the time. It breaks my heart that she can't be happy.
"Mora honey, would you like a drink of water or tea?" she asks me.
"I'll take water please." I say and sit down on the sofa staring at the black screen of the TV.
"Here you go." she says and hands me a bottled water.
"Thank you." I answer, and she sits down next to me.
"Mora, I'm guessing you're here because he talked to you about school?" she's direct, and I feel a sudden panic take over. I don't know how to start.
I just sit silent wishing I wouldn't have come here, when suddenly she speaks for me. "I'm sorry that he's not going to school with you. I know it's hard to understand right now, but I just can't..." she stops talking and starts crying. "I just can't..." she keeps saying, but then loses her breath. I think she's having a panic attack, and now I'm mad at myself for upsetting her.
I decide to hug her, because I don't know what else to do. She is crying into my shoulder. I'm shocked at how quickly her mood changed. "It's okay Ms. Bryant." I keep trying to sooth her, and hold her tightly until her breathing gets back to normal.
"No it's really not okay." she says and I don't understand. "I don't know what to do Mora. I feel awful for even asking him to stay, but I don't think I can make it without him." I can see where Aiden gets his honesty and heart from.
I just keep holding on to her and listen. I can't begin to understand how she's feeling and any words I have can't help her right now. "It was hard for me to ask him to stay. Believe me Mora. For day's I kept telling myself I would be okay without him, but my doubt won." she lets me go wiping the tears from her eyes, and looks at me. "When Tristan died, I lost a part of myself. He was my first born, and one of the reasons I woke up everyday." she whispers looking down at the tissue in her hands.
"But Ms. Bryant, Aiden is another reason for you to wake up everyday." I respond. She needs to know that she hasn't lost them both. He's still here, and needs his mother more than ever.
"I know dear. He's the only reason I have left. I can't imagine him so far away. I don't want to lose him too." she sighs, and I get it. I don't think it's right but I get why she feels this way. She didn't just lose Tristan, but her husband too, and her happiness. Aiden is the last person she has left.
I find myself starting to cry. "I understand." I say clearing my voice but it does me no good. The tears keep flowing. "I'm sorry, I didn't..." I start to say, but she stops me with a hug.
"Honey, it's okay, and if anyone should be sorry, it's me." She holds me tightly. "I didn't mean to take him from you." she answers, but she shouldn't be upset because she had him first, and I don't want to be the reason that his mom is alone and sad. I can't do that to her.
"I'm so sorry for just dropping by unannounced. I was just sad, and I didn't know what to do. I just woke up lost, and needed to see you." I decide to tell her the truth.
She stands up, pulling me up with her, and takes a clean tissue wiping my face gently. "Mora, I'm so happy that Aiden found someone that loves him as much as you do, and I hope you two can work through this. He really would do anything for you. You need to know that."Â she says but I know her words aren't entirely true or he would have chosen me, but it would be selfish for me to hate him for it. He had a hard choice to make, and as much as I hate it, I know he made the right one. "Would you like to stay awhile? I can cook up some lunch for you." she offers, but all I want to do is go home and hide away in my blankets.
I shake my head. "No thank you. I should probably head home." I answer, and she just nods, and goes to open the door for me. She's holding her emotions in, and I can tell that as soon as I leave she'll break, and I wish there was something I could do for her.
"Thank you for talking to me Ms. Bryant." I say and start to walk down the steps but stop myself turning around to face her. "If you ever need anything, and Aiden isn't here I want you to know that you can always call me. For anything." I say, and then I run to my car so I can cry in private.
Thankfully dad is gone when I get home. I close the shades on my windows, and cover up in bed until I fall asleep.
I don't know what time it is when I wake up, but notice that the day has turned into evening. I slept for hours. I decide to sit up, and check my phone while turning on my lamp so I can see around me better. I have a missed call from Conner, and a text from Aiden.
Hey Mora. Just want to tell you I love you, and I'm sorry about last night. Please understand that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and all I wanted was to be with you. This isn't how I wanted it to be. Just know that.
He spent time with that text. He never spells out his words, and never sends me a full sentence. It makes me giggle some. Only he can bring a smile back to my face.
I text him back.
I understand why you're doing it. It's ok. I love you too.
He must have been waiting on my text because he calls me a minute after I responded to him. "Hello." I answer.
"Mora, are we okay?" he asks.
"Yes." Is all I can mutter.
"Are you okay?" he changes the subject to me, and I don't answer. "Mora, are you okay?" he repeats his question.
"I will be." I move one of the pillows behind my back so I can sit up straighter. "It's just going to take me awhile. I was so excited we were leaving together, and then it all came crashing down at once." I say.
"Can I come over?" he asks, and even though I want to say no I can't.
"Yeah." I choke up my word, and I can tell he's bothered by it.
"On my way now." he hangs up.
Twenty minutes later I hear a small knock at my door. He doesn't wait for me to say come in, but instead sticks his head in slowly. "Can I come in?" I nod. Seeing him makes all my emotions drown out, and he's next to me instantly laying down holding me tightly. "We're going to talk everyday, and every weekend I'm coming down to see you, and the nights before my day's without classes I'll go too." he tries to sound confident, but even he knows it won't be that way.
"That's easier said than done." I'm pessimistic. Usually this is his role in our relationship.
"Mora, it's only a few hours." he says, while I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my shirt.
"Can we talk about this later." I turn around to face him. "Just hold me." I beg, and without hesitation he pulls me into his chest, and I cry until I can't anymore. As we lay there it occurs to me that he came in through the front door instead of my window. "Did dad let you in?" I look up to him.
"Yeah, I told him what happened before he would let me come up. He probably knows you're up here crying." he strokes my hair around my face.
"Great." I sigh. I don't want to have to talk to him about this right now.
Aiden gives me a small smile. "I'm sorry Andrews. I didn't want to die tonight." he jokes, and I roll my eyes. He's not supposed to be making me laugh right now.
For the next hour we just lay there, and cuddle. No kissing, or laughing, but just holding each other. "Mora, I should probably leave." he says, and I look at my clock. It's a little past nine.
"Damn it. Do you have to." I pout, and he rolls over to stand up.
"Yeah. It's getting late." he says, and I get up with him to walk him out. I take a glance of myself in the mirror before we leave my room. I can't believe I let him see me like this. My hair is in tangles, and my face is puffy and red. My shirt is stained with tears, while my sweats are baggy on me from laying in them too long.
When we get downstairs dad is opening chinese delivery. "Hey kids. I bought dinner." he says to us, then looks up at me. "Oh Mora. Are you okay?" he walks around the table to check on me. Aiden stands there waiting.
"I'm fine dad. I don't want to talk right now." I admit, and he takes my advice going back to the food on the table. "I'm going to walk Aiden outside." I say.
"Okay. Aiden, it was good seeing you." he looks at Aiden.
"You too Mr. Andrews. Thanks for letting me come in to talk to Mora."
"Anytime." dad says and looks back down at the food.
"I'll pick you up in the morning?" he asks once we're outside.
"Okay." I say, and he kisses my forehead before walking down to his jeep, and I sit on the swing watching him leave.
I sit for about ten minutes before dad comes out to check on me. He sits down with a blanket in hand, draping it around my shoulders. "You've seen better days." He kids with me, but I don't laugh. Instead I drop my head on his shoulder until he takes me up in a hug. "Mora, I know it's hard now but it won't always feel like this." he says.
"Dad we haven't even broken up, and I feel like my world is crashing down. I didn't know love would hurt this bad." I start to cry again.
"I know sis, but know you are stronger than you think, and remember that he's still here, just a few hours away. Take this as a good thing. You have so much life ahead of you, and a lot of searching, and finding yourself. Aiden isn't everything about you. I know you don't feel that now, but you will in time." his words are powerful with me, but I don't want to hear them. Not yet.
"I just want to go to sleep." I say, and stand up handing him the blanket back.
"Okay. Sweet dreams, and Mora..." he stops until I look at him. When I do, he smiles big. "Don't let the bed bugs bite." He jokes to make me smile, and succeeds. I walk back after smiling to kiss his forehead.
"Love you daddy." I say.
"I love you too."