Chapter Twenty-Five
I was pacing the ballet studio when Ethan entered the next day, rather than stretching. He'd entered with a smile, but that quickly faded. "What's up?"
"Can we go for a walk?"
He hesitated, his mouth open and on the verge of demanding what was wrong again, but he resisted. "Sure."
As soon as we were away from the Academy, Ethan turned on me. I'd been walking with my fingers twisting together in front of me the entire way. "What's going on?"
"I'm being blackmailed." Ethan had to know about this. He might be able to offer some help. I wasn't equipped to deal with this on my own. And part of us being together, which I liked to think we were, even if not in the flesh, was trusting each other. Confiding in each other.
He came to a standstill, glancing to see how far away from the Academy we were, before running a hand through his hair. "What? By who?"
"I don't know who. They knew that I was involved in the thing with Liliana's parents' chemical plant. Said they had proof." I couldn't look up from the ground. I knew it was my fault. Ethan knew it was my fault, too. I'd opened myself up for this to happen by being there in the first place.
"You think it's Amber?"
"I did." I opened the note and gave it to him. I couldn't bring myself to read the words again. "But Amber wouldn't want this. It doesn't get her anything. This is about something else."
I watched Ethan's eyes as they read the note over three times. "This is... odd."
"Yeah," I agreed. "It is. I can't work out who."
"When did you get this?"
I shifted my weight. "About two weeks ago."
Ethan stared at me and my shame multiplied. "That long?"
"Yeah. I did what it said."
Ethan sighed and ran a hand over his face. "You should have told me earlier."
"I know. But it said not to tell anyone on the first note and I got scared. I didn't think this was that bad. It didn't put me in danger or anything. I thought it would be better to just do it and forget about it." I kept walking. We were still too close to the AcademyâI wanted to be between the trees so I could pretend the stupid school didn't exist for a while.
"So, what happened?"
I handed him my phone with the article on and kept walking, knowing that he'd figure it all out. When he almost tripped over a tree root because he was concentrating on the article, I grinned. Ethan always knew how to cheer me up, even if it was accidentally.
"So the information you got, it caused this?"
"Yes. I mean, I think so. I found out they were attending that meeting and then that happened."
I scuffed my own shoe against a branch, wanting to take out some of my mixed emotions. Anger and guilt were at the forefront. "I mean." He cleared his throat. "I don't mean to sound awful, but some of the stuff they planned to do in that meeting wasn't okay."
"I know. And that's what makes it worse. I don't even know whether I should feel guilty about what I've done, or whether I've done the world a favour. I'm so conflicted about all this stupid bullshit. I just know that I don't want to be involved in it." Would someone have gotten hurt if the conference hadn't been raided and the police didn't know what had been planned? Had people been hurt in prison because of the raid?
"This isn't your fault." Ethan handed me back my phone. "There's a reason they don't prosecute people acting under duress, it's because they don't have a choice. You're being blackmailed, so nothing you do whilst this person is telling you to do it is your fault."
"It doesn't feel like that. I'm still making the decision to do it to save my own skin, aren't I?"
"It's not as simple as that, and you know it. You have to protect your own interests."
"I don't want to hurt anyone."
"I know you don't, but I don't want you to get hurt, either."
We came to stop when we reached the line of trees and I perched against a crooked statue. I wasn't sure whether it was supposed to have a head, or whether the jagged neck was part of the artistic design. "I'm not really sure why I told you now, I'm not sure you can do anything about it. I just wanted to tell someone, I guess."
"I'm glad you told me. We can figure this out. If it's not Amber, it still has to be someone in the Academy, right? How did you find these notes?"
"The first was under my pillow and the second was in my toiletry bag."
"So, they're in the Academy." Ethan ticked it off, taking a seat beside me on the base of the statue. "Now, what are the reasons they might want to target Liliana and their group? They either hate one of them, or they dislike that they're environmentalists."
"Right." This was the process I'd gone through myself. "But how do we narrow down all the students here and figure out which one it is? There's so many."
"You can't, but I have access to people's records. There might be something I can do."
I tapped my fingers against the cold stone. "Could you get into trouble for doing that?"
His head shake was instant, but it didn't convince me. "No. It'll be fine."
"I'm not willing to risk you getting into trouble," I warned him, meeting his gaze head on. "Like, seriously. That's not why I told you at all."
"I mean it. I won't get into trouble. I have access to the records, I'm allowed to check them." He hadn't averted his gaze as he said it. I liked to think he couldn't lie straight to my face like that.
"Okay," I conceded. "Then I'd appreciate that, thank you."
"Is there anyone you can think of that might hate anyone in that group?"
"Not really. I've never seen them fall out with anyone. I think the only time they really diversify is when they're throwing a party, and I doubt anyone would fall out with them for doing that. Dean did say that his car has been keyed before, but I don't know whether that was because of him or not. I guess that might be useful."
"It's better than nothing."
He pressed his hand over mine for only a minute and I wished I could lean in for a hug. But I couldn't. We were staying away from each other, no exceptions. I was already being blackmailed for one thing, I didn't need to add another to the list.
"You'll tell me the second the next note comes, won't you?"
"Yes." I wanted to hesitate, but I didn't. Trust and honesty, I reminded myself. Even if the note came and I wanted to just follow it blindly to keep my place, I should tell Ethan first. "I will, I promise."
"Good. You don't have to deal with this alone."
My mouth quirked at the corner, but I wanted to cry. I didn't want to deal with this at all. "Thanks."
"Are you starting to get excited for the end of year performance?" Ethan asked, turning to look at the sky, which was covered in an endless cover of grey clouds. England in the early spring wasn't often a pretty sight. "It's only a few weeks now."
"I'm not sure. It doesn't really feel like I've had much time to think about it." My daydreams were alternating between sleeping with Ethan and being thrown out of the school and never seeing him again. Even now the ones where he pushed me up against that mirrored wall in the studio and fucked me silly happened more often than the bad ones. "I think it's going to be a bit of a tragedy watching Amber dancing as Cinderella when I know all the moves."
"I know what you mean. We can have a full run through though, if you want. I might even be able to book us the stage."
I tried to picture me and Ethan up there in lights. The real costumes. People watching our dancing and truly believing that we were in love. "I'd really like that."
"I'll see what I can do. I'm making no promises about the stage, though."
"I know. I just like dancing with you, no matter where it is. I'd like to do a full run through. Maybe it would be better with just us rather than backing dancers, anyway."
His eyebrows shot up. "I have an idea. I've been teaching the thirteen year olds the backing dancer's moves."
"Because they're a whole lot easier and won't be exciting enough to get a real company to look at me, I know." It was out of my mouth before I could stop it, but it didn't deter Ethan.
"I taught them a watered down version, and there's a difference between being able to do a move and being able to do a move perfectly. You could still do an arabesque when you came, but it's not the same as it is now. Anyway." He fired a grin in my direction, and I melted. "We can get them to do the backing dancer roles and we'll be the lead performers, I'd bet they'd love to do something like that."
My mood was lifted, just like he knew it would be. "Thank you."
His arm twitched, but he kept it by his side. "Glad to help."
"Do you think I'll end up having to leave school?"
"No." Ethan's answer was immediate, but he couldn't have been confident about it. "I don't. We can figure this out. There has to be a solution."
"Hopefully. I guess we'll see, anyway." I stood up and stretched. I'd told him, and it felt like one of the weights had been lifted from my shoulders. Now I just needed to figure out how to get rid of the rest of them. "There's nothing more I can do about it now until the new note comes."
Ethan got to his feet as well. "I'll do what I can to try and find out who might be targeting you."
"Just don't get into trouble yourself," I pleaded as we started our walk back to the Academy. I'd never forgive myself for that.
"I won't, I promise."
I nodded. "Good."
Relieved he hadn't ostracised me for not having told him the moment the first note came, I walked back to the Academy beside him. We didn't hold hands like last time, despite the way my hand itched to reach out and grab his. We could talk, but that had to be the extent of our communication. I kept my gaze head-on. Graduation wasn't too far away, and then there would be nothing to stop us.
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