19| why should I die

Zeeshan’s POV

The night was quiet, but inside me, there was a storm.

I walked aimlessly through the empty streets, my fists clenched so tightly that my nails dug into my skin. I could still see them—Aaradhya and Eshaan—standing together, smiling, lost in their little world.

His world.

I should’ve walked away sooner. I should’ve never followed them. But like a moth to a flame, I couldn’t stop myself. I had to see it with my own eyes.

The way he looked at her. The way she blushed under his gaze.

The way she smiled at him—like he was the only one who existed.

A sharp pain shot through my chest, as if someone had stabbed me, twisted the knife, and left it there to rot.

I swallowed hard and forced my feet to move faster. My house was just around the corner, a small, crumbling building that barely stood against the wind.

I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Darkness. Silence.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips.

"Home."

If that’s what you could call this place. The walls were cracked, the air thick with loneliness. I kicked off my shoes and collapsed onto the floor, my back hitting the cold wall.

And then, the emotions hit me.

Like a dam breaking. Like a flood swallowing me whole.

I pressed my hands to my face, my body shaking as the first sob tore through me.

"Why... why is it always him?" I whispered, my voice raw, desperate.

Tears streamed down my face, burning hot trails against my skin. I tried to hold them back, but the weight in my chest was too much.

"Why does he get everything? Why does he always win?"

I gritted my teeth, slamming my fist against the floor.

Eshaan Vikram Khanna.

The golden boy. The fearless one. The one who had everything handed to him.

And me?

The coward. The weakling. The one who was never enough.

I curled my fingers into my hair, tugging hard, as if I could rip out the thoughts poisoning my mind. My breath came in ragged gasps, my body trembling.

"I hate you, Eshaan," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I hate you so much."

Another sob escaped me, violent and raw.

But the truth was—I didn’t just hate him.

I envied him.

I had known Eshaan since childhood. Since the day I first saw him, I knew he was different. He walked with confidence, spoke with authority, fought without fear. He was born to stand at the top.

And me?

I was nothing.

I was the boy who hid in the shadows. The boy too scared to fight. The boy too weak to take what he wanted.

I clawed at my chest, gasping for air as my sobs grew harder.

"I only wanted one thing... just one thing..." I whispered.

Aaradhya.

She was my light. My only hope in this miserable world.

I loved her.

From the moment I met her, I loved her. She was the only one who made me feel seen, the only one who made me believe I wasn’t worthless.

But she never saw me the way she saw him.

"Why, Aaradhya?" I cried, my voice cracking. "Why him? Why not me?"

I slammed my head back against the wall, pain shooting through my skull, but it was nothing compared to the agony in my chest.

"I would have treated you like a queen... I would have given you my entire soul... I would have lived and died just for you..."

I gritted my teeth, my hands shaking violently.

"But you don’t want me, do you? You want him. The perfect one. The powerful one."

A dark chuckle escaped my lips, but it was empty. Hollow.

I wiped my face with the back of my hand, only for more tears to replace the ones I had just erased. My whole body felt heavy, like I was sinking into a bottomless pit.

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against my knees.

"I don’t want to feel this anymore," I murmured. "I don’t want to hurt anymore."

But I knew it wouldn’t stop.

Because no matter how much I screamed, no matter how much I cried—

Eshaan would still be the winner.

And I would still be nothing.

A sob racked through my body, my fingers digging into my arms.

"I hate myself," I whispered. "I hate myself so much."

The words felt like poison, but they were the truth.

I hated the way I let him win. I hated the way I could never stand up for myself. I hated the way I let my love for Aaradhya turn into something so painful, so destructive.

And most of all—

I hated the fact that a part of me still hoped.

Still hoped that one day... she would see me. Choose me.

Even though I knew it was a lie.

Even though I knew she had already locked him in her heart.

I let out a shuddering breath, my vision blurry from the endless stream of tears. My chest ached as if my ribs were crushing my lungs.

"Why am I even alive?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. "What’s the point?"

The silence answered me.

A deafening, suffocating silence.

I curled up on the cold floor, my body shaking. The room felt like a coffin, and I was trapped inside, buried alive by my own misery.

Somewhere, in another part of the city, Eshaan was probably smirking, holding Aaradhya in the palm of his hand.

And me?

I was drowning.

Alone.

Forgotten.

Unwanted.

Tears slipped down my face, soaking into the fabric of my shirt. My body ached, my soul felt empty.

"I don’t want to feel this anymore," I whispered again.

But I knew the pain would never leave.

Because as long as he existed—

As long as she loved him—

I would always be nothing.

The room was cold, the silence stretching endlessly around me. My sobs had quieted, but the pain in my chest remained, raw and bleeding. I sat there, curled up on the floor, my breath coming in ragged gasps.

Then, something shifted inside me.

A thought. A whisper. A question.

"Why should I die?"

My lips trembled as the words slipped out.

"Why should I suffer? Why should I be the one drowning in this pain?"

My fingers twitched against the floor. My heartbeat slowed, my vision sharpening. The tears drying on my face felt meaningless now, like a weak man’s past self fading into nothing.

"Why... should I die for him?"

A hollow chuckle left my throat, followed by another.

And then—

I laughed.

Louder. Darker.

A laugh so twisted, so broken, that it echoed off the cracked walls like a haunting melody.

"No," I whispered, my grin stretching wider. "No, no, no, no."

I slammed my hand against the floor and leaned my head back, laughter pouring out of me like poison spilling from a shattered bottle.

"Why should I die for him when I can kill him?"

The words sent a shiver down my spine.

The air felt thicker, suffocating. But for the first time, I didn’t feel weak.

For the first time, I felt alive.

"Yes..." I muttered, my fingers digging into my scalp as a manic grin curled on my lips. "That’s it. That’s the answer."

I lifted my head, my bloodshot eyes gleaming with a newfound purpose.

"If he’s out of the way... if he’s gone... then it will just be me and Aaradhya."

I ran my tongue over my dry lips, my body trembling—not with sadness, but with excitement.

"No one will take her from me. Not him. Not fate. Not anyone."

I pushed myself off the floor, my legs feeling light, as if the weight I had been carrying for years had finally lifted.

"Aaradhya is my world," I whispered, stepping toward the broken mirror in the corner of my room.

I stared at my reflection.

The pathetic, tear-stained boy from before was gone.

Now, all that remained was a man with hollow eyes and a wicked grin.

A man who had nothing left to lose.

"I have lived only for her," I murmured, dragging my fingers down the cracked glass. The reflection distorted, splitting my face into fragments. "I breathe for her. I exist for her."

I tilted my head, my grin widening.

"And Eshaan..." I chuckled darkly. "He is standing in the way of my happiness."

I pressed my forehead against the glass, my breath fogging up the mirror.

"You took everything from me, Eshaan."

My nails dug into the wood of my dresser, splintering it beneath my grip.

"Your entire life, you have had everything handed to you. Power. Strength. Wealth. Respect."

My voice dropped to a whisper, laced with venom.

"And Aaradhya."

The name felt like a sacred prayer on my lips.

"You don’t deserve her." I sneered, stepping back from the mirror. "She was meant to be mine. From the very beginning. I saw her first. I loved her first. I worshipped her before you even knew she existed."

I licked my lips, my mind spinning with dark, delicious thoughts.

"But don’t worry, Eshaan." I smirked. "I’ll take good care of Aaradhya when you’re gone."

I turned away from the mirror and grabbed the rusted pocket knife from my desk. The blade was old, dull. Useless.

No.

I needed something sharper. Something cleaner.

Something worthy of spilling his blood.

I threw the knife aside and reached for my coat, my fingers moving swiftly as I pulled it on. My heart pounded with anticipation.

"It’s time for you to disappear, Eshaan."

I stepped toward the door, but then—

I paused.

I turned my head slowly, my gaze locking onto the old, worn-out photograph lying on my desk.

A picture of her.

My Aaradhya.

The love of my life. The reason for my existence.

I walked over, picking up the picture with trembling fingers. My heart swelled with emotion—love, obsession, madness.

I pressed a soft kiss to the photo, my voice a gentle whisper.

"Don’t worry, my love."

I stroked the edges of the picture, my touch delicate, reverent.

"Soon... it will be just the two of us."

My smile widened, my grip tightening.

"Forever."

And with that, I slipped out into the night—

To kill the man who had stolen my world.

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