Chapter 5: : Chapter 5

“HOW DID IT GO?” Mari asks on the drive home. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her wide grin.

She must be able to sense my excitement.

That kiss. My goodness, that kiss.

“I’ll tell you everything when we get to my house. If my sister is still up, I want to be able to tell her too.”

“I knew it! It’s good news.”

I smile. “Maybe.”

“Shit!” Mari glances out the passenger window. “We’re in your neighborhood. Do I smell like alcohol?”

Her warm breath tickles my face, and I wrinkle my nose. “A little bit, but don’t worry. My parents are probably asleep. And they won’t say anything even if they can tell you’re drunk.”

She snorts. “Not to me, but you know our dads talk. Have you heard about their Christian bro dates? Apparently, they get together once a month to play tennis, get lunch at California Pizza Kitchen —how like our dads is that?—and then pray for me. In that order. Every time. My mom very passive aggressively told me all about it the other day.”

A sad smile rises to my lips. I didn’t know that was what my dad and Hector did when they hung out, but it sounds very like them. “They’re praying for something they don’t understand.”

“I know, but it’s annoying, and it’s only because my parents know I party and I’ve had sex before. Can you imagine what they would do if they found out I’m an atheist?”

I purse my lips to the side. “Have you ever thought about telling them?”

She snorts. “Fuck, no. It’ll be like sophomore year when my mom found my vibrator. She’ll invite all my tias over, and they’ll have another hour long prayer session.”

A giggle bursts from my chest. “I forgot about that.”

“My parents have no chill, so there’s no point in telling them anything. I don’t mind going to church with them every once in a while. Have you seen the new First Covenant worship leader?”

I shake my head. “He started after I left. Vanessa told me he’s hot.”

“Oh my God, Livvy. Hot does not do him justice. I want to corrupt him. Fantasizing about it is the only thing that gets me through the sermon.”

I giggle. “I think you could, too. He’s probably never met a woman who owns her sexuality like you do. He’d be mesmerized.”

“Or he’d be terrified. My parents would be terrified to know I think about things like this. They’d murder me.”

“They think it’s a sin just having normal sexual thoughts. Speaking of which…” I sigh heavily as I pull into my driveway. “I’m so nervous to tell my parents I’m done with purity culture. I’m dreading it. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about.”

Her dark brows draw together. “Are you sure you have to tell them? You don’t want to try out my unhealthy method?”

“It’s different for me. You don’t struggle with asserting yourself. You’re not weak and scared like I am.”

She sets her hand on mine and gives it a squeeze. “I don’t know where you got the idea that you’re weak. You’re a softie, but you have a spine of steel. I’ve never seen you back down when you think something is right.”

Warmth washes over me. “That’s maybe the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

She squeezes my hand. “It’s the absolute truth. Alright, let’s get inside. I’m about to pee my pants after all that beer.”

As soon as we walk inside my house, we make our way quietly up the stairs. Just as I’m about to walk into my bedroom, Vanessa’s door opens. She walks out into the hallway and gives both Mari and I an up-and-down look. “Are you drunk?” she asks me.

I frown. “I drove.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, you said you want to be , and Mari drives drunk all the time.”

I glare at her. “Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“You’re being snotty.” I take a step in her direction. “I was going to invite you to hang out with us in my room so I could give you guys all the details about my conversation with Cole, but I’m not going to if this is how you’re going to act. Is that what you want? Do you want me to keep things between me and Mari from now on?”

Her frown falters, and God help me, she almost looks like she wants to cry. Why does this have to be so hard? Why do two of the three most important people in my life seem like they’re going to crumble if I make a few changes? It doesn’t bode well for when I tell my parents everything.

“No, I don’t want that,” she says, her eyes fixed on the carpet.

My frown softens. “I don’t either.”

She meets my gaze. “Can I still hang out with you guys? I bought some Flaming Hot Cheetos earlier. I can grab them if Mari has the drunken munchies.”

“Ness, you know the key to my heart,” Mari says, “and if you go get me a Dr. Pepper from the pantry, I’ll forgive you for saying I drive drunk all the time.”

Vanessa nods frantically before brushing past us. As soon as she makes it to the staircase, I turn to Mari and shoot her an exasperated smile. “All the time,” I whisper. “You drive drunk .”

She laughs quietly. “I’ve literally never driven drunk once. And how would she know? Is she spying on me?”

I shake my head and walk into my room. Goodness, my baby sister is not taking any of this well.

A couple of minutes later, we’re all sitting on my bed with a bowl of bright-red Cheetos between us.

“Okay, I’ve waited long enough.” Mari grabs a handful from the bowl. “Tell us what happened.”

A smile tugs at my lips. “I had my first kiss.”

“What?” Mari shouts, and I giggle and reach forward to put my hand over her mouth, which sends her into a fit of silent laughter.

“No way!” Vanessa whisper shouts.

“How was it?” Mari asks.

I sigh heavily as a visceral memory floods my senses. Cole’s big, warm hands on my waist and in my hair. That delicious groan that filled my belly with heat. “Magical.”

“I knew it! So does this mean he said yes?”

Her question pulls me out of my daze. “No, sadly. But he did say he would think about it. He was definitely weirded out when I asked him, but I expected that.”

“I told you he wouldn’t say no,” Mari says. “He probably just didn’t want to seem too eager by saying yes right away.”

“Did he tell you how long he needs to think about it?” Vanessa asks.

“No, but I’m not going to just sit quietly and wait.” I pop a Cheeto into my mouth. “He agreed to keep me safe while I do the other things on my contract.” I look at Mari. “He even said he’d come out with us to the bars tomorrow night. He wants to stay sober so he can make sure I’m safe.”

Mari snorts. “‘Keep you safe’ means he’s not going to let any other guy come near you.”

“No.” My voice is firm. “I specifically told him he can’t do that. I even told him he’s gone a little overboard with his protectiveness in the past.”

Mari’s eyes widen. “No way! You really are asserting yourself.”

I smile. “I’m trying.”

“I wish I could go with you guys,” Vanessa says. “Even if it’s just to people-watch all the drunken college students.”

She hugs her knees, drawing my gaze to her Spiderman pajama shorts. Goodness, I think those were my gift to her on her eleventh birthday. An ache tugs at my chest. In some ways, she’s wiser than her seventeen years, but she’s still very much my baby sister, and it must be scary for her to see her role model change.

I lift my hand and run it through her long dark hair. “I’ll tell you every detail when I get home.”

“I invited Travis, too.” Mari’s brow furrows. “I think he likes you, Livvy. I think maybe he even liked you back when he went to First Covenant.”

I frown. “Why do you think that?”

“He remembered all kinds of things about you, like how much you love . I don’t even remember hanging out with him very much at youth group. He was friends with all the bad kids.”

I smile. “You became one of those bad kids.”

Her grin matches mine. “After years of trying, yes, I finally did.”

“Are you guys talking about Travis Anderson?” Vanessa leans forward. “I thought he was cute. I mean, not really my type, but cute.”

Mari’s nose wrinkles. “Not my type either. Too lanky. I like ’em big and burly like Cole and Zac.”

“I think he’s cute too,” I say to my sister. “Maybe he can be my first drunken make-out partner. I’d probably feel more comfortable with him than a stranger at the bar.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” Mari’s smile grows. “Cole is going to hate it.”’