Chapter 21: chapter 20

To say I was pissed was an understatement. I was furious! Who does this Robert guy think he is? Is he trying to get my men killed? I mean, I know my men are good but this was a suicide mission. Will my training save them? God I hope so!

I barged in my office and slammed the door loudly. I was acting like a child and I didn’t care. Someone yelps and I realize that Connor is in my seat.

“What do you want?” I ask.

Connor holds up his arms in surrender. “I can’t come visit my dear General?” He asks innocently.

“No, you can’t. Now what do you want?” I ask irritably.

“Jeez, why are you so grumpy?” His eyes darken. “Did something happen?”

I sigh. “Yeah something did happen. And it’s not good.” I say.

“Well what is it?”

I look at him desperately and he seems to be taken aback by it. I never really did let my emotions show before. What have these men done to me? Connor reacts quickly and pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around him and just breathe in the scent of him.

“Please tell me.” He pleads.

“Connor, it’s… it’s…”

“What? You know you can tell me.” He says soothingly.

“I don’t know what to do.” I whisper.

I feel him shifting until he’s looking down at me. I’m at the verge of breaking down. Connor must have noticed because his arms tighten around me.

“Anna. You know I’m here for you. Please, tell me. Not as your second-in-command but as your friend.” He says.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I try to collect my thoughts for a moment and then open my eyes. Connor is looking at me, waiting patiently. I open my mouth to speak and it comes out barely as a whisper.

“All my men are going to die.”

I pale as soon as I say those words. It’s true. No matter what I do, the outcome will be the same. My men will die and there’s nothing I can do. I feel so helpless. What can I do? How can I change the outcome? How do I help them? This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come, would it? If I didn’t join the army, would these men still be alive? Would they all get to go home instead of going on a suicide mission? Would we have won the war? Would Cassy and my town have been safe the whole time instead of in danger? So many ‘what ifs’ are swirling in my head that I’m starting to get dizzy.

“Anna!”

I jump as my name is yelled. I look around and notice Connor is holding my shoulders, lightly shaking me.

“What-?”

“I should be asking you that. I asked you what you meant by everyone dying and all of a sudden you spaced out.” Connor yells.

“Sorry, I just… I was just thinking if maybe I shouldn’t have come here. If I shouldn’t have come to this camp and became a General.” I say.

“Why would you think that?” Connor asks.

“Because I’m General, all my men will die.” I yell.

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

“I have to send out my men on a suicide mission.”

“What? That’s nonsense. Why would you have to do that?” Connor asks disbelieving.

“Because those damn Generals think it’s a ‘great’ idea.” I use air quotes as angry tears start falling down my face.

“They can’t do that! What about the President? Or maybe-” Connor trails off.

“He can’t do anything about it. He might be the president but when the majority of a group votes on an issue, he only counts as one vote. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone agreed to it except me. I have no choice. Even if I refuse, they’ll just send someone else with all my men and I know for a fact if I’m not there, then they really will be slaughtered. Besides, they’ll just try something else to get rid of me.”

I break away from Connor’s hold and go towards the window. I see all the men training and smile sadly down at them. They don’t know what’s coming.

“Why would they do that Anna?”

I turn back to look at Connor.

“To get rid of me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman or if it’s because of all the fame I’m getting.” I look back down at my soldiers. “Either way, they’re going to give it their all to eliminate me. I’m good at watching my back but I can’t watch all of theirs. How am I supposed to protect all of them?” I ask.

“You don’t”

I whip my head to Connor. His face is angry.

“You don’t protect them all. They’re grown men. They can protect themselves. And with the help of their General, they’ll be able to get through this. They do need your guidance but if we all work together, we WILL make it out of this alive.”

I just stare at Connor. He’s right. I can’t do it alone and I’m not alone. It’s not like their children. They can take care of themselves. And I will help them, to the best of my abilities. I will train them how they trained me. They will make it out of this. Even if it isn’t everyone, as long as I can save at least a few, I know I at least did something right. And if they go down, then as their General, I will go down with them.

“Your right.” I sigh and look back out the window. “Call the men for a meeting in the mess hall.”

I don’t look to see if Connor got what I said but by hearing the door close, I assume he did. I put my hand on the window, looking at my men longingly.

I’m sorry guys.

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“Thank you all for coming on such short notice.” I say to the crowd of soldiers while I’m looking at them from a small stage.

Some answer me while others just nod. I look at Connor and he nods at me encouragingly. I look back at everyone and I see my team. They’re looking at me curiously and seem to be listening intently.

“It seems we have been selected to go on a very important mission.”

Some men look excited while others look scared. I don’t blame them.

“You see, it seems France has got their hands on something that could destroy the U.S.” I say.

The room goes quiet as they look at me confused and frightened.

“France has learned how to make an atomic bomb.” I look down, waiting for their reaction.

And it’s exactly how I expected it. Everyone started yelling at once. Some confused, others angry. A mixture of emotions and it was only the beginning.

“So,” I yell over them and they quiet down. “It’s our job to make sure they don’t succeed in making one. We have to go into the core of France and destroy everything and kill anyone who’s in our way.”

The place goes dead silent. Then a soldier raises his hand.

“Yes soldier Hill?” I ask.

He looks shocked because I knew who he was but just shakes it off and speaks.

“Isn’t that dangerous? I mean I get we have to stop them but if we go straight into France with an army, I don’t think we’ll be able to come back.” He says.

I look at him sadly.

“You’re right soldier.” I whisper. I then look around the room at all the faces of my men. I then make sure my voice is firm, steady, and loud enough so they can hear this next part. “This is a suicide mission.” I say.

“That’s total bullshit!”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m not doing that!”

“Why would you make us do that?”

“I have so much to live for!”

So many voices were coming out at once. I could only here some very distinct yelling. It was soon turning into a riot and I knew I had to stop it soon or we would really have a problem on our hands. I place my fingers in my mouth and whistle as loud as I can. The room falls silent right away and everyone turns to look at me.

“I know it’s not fair. I didn’t decide this. And sadly, I can’t get them to change their minds. If I refuse, they will still make you all go.” I see some of the men gulp. “And no matter who I talk to about this, it won’t change. We’re going.”

“General Berndt! You can’t be serious. What are we supposed to do? Just accept our fates? I came into the army to help, not to go out on suicide missions. I didn’t sign up for this!”

A soldier yells from the back. Many yell in agreement with him.

“You all knew that once you entered the army, there was always a possibility of death.” I pause for a moment, sigh and look down, collecting my thoughts. “But you’re all right. You didn’t sign up for something like this. And it’s terrible that you men don’t get a choice. So there’s only one thing we can do.” I lift my head up with determination. “We fight. We show everyone that we WILL survive this and we WILL come back. Because we ARE the best. There’s no one better for the job because I know you are the only ones who have a chance at making it out alive. It’s not fair and I agree with you. But there’s no other choice. So I’m going to train all of you.”

“How?” Someone asks.

“I’m going to train you like I’ve been trained when I was just starting out as an assassin. I’m not going to lie. It’s going to be brutal. I’m going to work you to your bones. But I do promise you that it will help. This training is the only way for you men to have a chance at survival. And if you follow me, I can guarantee you all that we will make it back. Whether, we’re alive or dead, we will make it back. Some will survive, others will die. And sadly, that’s how war works.”

I look around at all of them. Watching their faces.

“You can either die trying to save this country or survive and become a hero. No matter what happens, you can bring hope back into the lives of these people. Of the people who have lost homes, loved ones, everything. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s the best way to go out.”

I let the words sink in for them. They have to know the statistics of us coming back. They have to know the reality of what could happen.

“So I ask you all. Raise your hands.” I close my eyes and inhale and exhale slowly. I open them again. “Do you trust me?”

It becomes eerily quiet before a few hands go up. Then more are added and then more and more until the whole room is filled with men raising their hands. I feel pride swell up in me as the men start to cheer. A huge smile appears on my face and I look at all of them, adoration shown on my face. They trust me. And I trust them. I look at my team and they’re all smiling with me. With this group of men, we can accomplish anything. I can feel it.