Gyuvin left the house without a real destination in mindâhe just needed to breathe, to get out. His room felt suffocating, his thoughts pressing against his skull like they were trying to escape. Every time he closed his eyes, flashes of last night came backâRicky beneath him, the heat of their kiss, the panic that followed, the sickening wave of nausea. His throat felt tight just thinking about it.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, head down as he walked through the quiet streets of his neighborhood. The crisp morning air did little to clear the mess in his head, but at least it kept him moving. Before he realized it, his feet had led him to the small flower shop near his house, the one with the glass windows fogged up from the warmth inside.
The bell above the door chimed as he stepped in, greeted by the familiar scent of fresh blooms and damp earth. An elderly florist gave him a kind smile, but Gyuvin didn't say muchâjust scanned the neat rows of flowers before picking up a small bouquet of hyacinths, their delicate petals a soft shade of lilac. He wasn't sure why he chose them. Maybe because they reminded him of something distant, something he couldn't quite name.
He paid in silence, murmured a quiet thank-you, and stepped back out onto the street.
Still, he didn't go home.
Instead, he walked. First down winding streets, then to the nearest bus stop. He sat by the window, staring blankly as the city blurred past him. The ride was quiet, but his mind was loud, replaying everything over and over. His grip on the bouquet tightened.
When the bus finally stopped, he got off without hesitation. More walking. His steps were slower now, more purposeful, leading him toward the familiar worn path that stretched beyond the main road. It was a place he hadn't visited in a while, but one that never truly left his mind.
And thenâhe arrived.
The cemetery stood still beneath the pale morning sky, a vast expanse of stone and silence. The air smelled of earth and fallen leaves. The quiet here was differentânot empty, but heavy, thick with memory.
Gyuvin exhaled, stepping forward.
There was someone he had to see.
Gyuvin sat cross-legged in front of the grave, the cold seeping through his jeans, numbing his skin. But it didn't matter.
The name on the headstone stared back at him, carved neatly into the stone as if it was supposed to be there. As if this person was supposed to be gone. As if that was ever supposed to be an option.
He reached out, fingertips brushing against the rough surface. There were fresh flowers beside his own, their petals vibrant against the gray of the stone. Someone else had been here. Maybe his mother. Maybe his sister.
His throat felt tight.
"Minsu," he finally murmured, tasting the name on his tongue. It felt foreign now, like something from another life. "It's been a while."
He exhaled sharply, shaking his head.
"You'd probably laugh at me right now," he muttered, voice rough. "Tell me I look stupid, sitting here talking to a rock." A dry chuckle escaped his lips, but it was humorless, hollow. "You always thought I was an idiot."
Silence.
Not that he expected anything else.
Gyuvin let out a slow, shaky breath, dropping his hands into his lap. "Things have been... crazy." He let out a dry, humorless chuckle. "You probably wouldn't believe half the shit that's been happening if I told you."
His fingers curled into the fabric of his sleeves, tugging at the threads. A nervous habit. One that Minsu had always teased him about.
"I saw Ricky again." He swallowed. "I kissed him."
The words hung in the air, heavy, suffocating.
He didn't know why he said it. Maybe because there was no one else he could say it to. No one else who would understand the weight of that confession the way Minsu would. The way Minsu had.
His jaw clenched.
"I freaked out." A bitter laugh slipped out. "You'd think I'd be different now, after all this time. That I'd be better."
But he wasn't.
Not when his first instinct was still panic. Not when the past still had its claws in him, dragging him back to that nightâthe basement, the shadows, the laughter ringing in his ears.
Not when Minsu had looked at him with wide, open eyes and asked himâsoft, hesitant, hopefulâ Have you ever kissed someone before?
And not when Gyuvin had shoved him away, voice trembling with something ugly, something terrified.
Minsu, what are you doing?
The memory felt like a knife in his ribs.
He hadn't meant it. He hadn't meant to flinch, to pull back, to look at Minsu like thatâas if the question was something dangerous, something wrong.
And Gyuvin had let it happen.
His fingers dug into his knees now, nails pressing against the fabric of his jeans.
"I think I ruined everything," he admitted, voice raw. "With Ricky. With myself. Maybe I've been ruining things for a long time."
His vision blurred, but he blinked it away. He didn't get to cry. Not here. Not when he didn't deserve to.
"I miss you." His voice was barely above a whisper. "I miss you so much."
But it wasn't just that.
"I hate you," he said, voice shaking. "I hate you for leaving."
But that wasn't true either.
He hated himself more.
Because Minsu hadn't left.
Gyuvin had pushed him away.
And now there was nothing left to fix.
Nothing left but this.
A grave, a handful of regrets, and a silence that would never be filled.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
The wind carried his words away, as if even the earth itself wouldn't let him hold onto them.
He inhaled shakily, eyes squeezing shut.
"If I could go backâ" His voice broke.
Gyuvin exhaled, long and unsteady, and wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweater.
He stayed there for a while longer, watching as the sun started to dip lower, casting long shadows across the stone.
And then, finally, he stood up.
Gyuvin wrung out the rag over the bucket, watching as the murky water swirled before dripping onto the floor. His back ached from bending over the steps for so long, the smell of mildew clinging to his hands. All because he hadn't done his homework.
He groaned, stretching his arms over his head, only to hear the unmistakable sound of rapid footsteps pounding against the floor. Before he could react, Gunwook and Junhyeon came barreling toward him at full speed.
"What theâ" Gyuvin barely sidestepped in time.
Gunwook and Junhyeon, unable to stop their momentum, slammed straight into the wall with a loud thud.
Gyuvin stared at them, unimpressed. "...Idiots."
Gunwook groaned, peeling himself off the wall, while Junhyeon just laughed, rubbing his shoulder.
Gyuvin crossed his arms. "Why the hell are you two running like psychos? No wonder you women don't communicate with y'all."
Gunwook shot him a glare. "Haha. So funny."
"Actually," Junhyeon cut in, still slightly out of breath, "we came to tell you something important."
Gunwook nodded eagerly. "There's a party in Itaewon tonight. Huge event. Crazy DJ."
Gyuvin frowned. "And?"
"And we're going," Junhyeon said matter-of-factly.
Gyuvin blinked. "You do realize we're in high school, right? How exactly do you think we're getting in?"
Gunwook grinned. "Matthew got us tickets. He's friends with the manager."
Gyuvin still wasn't convinced. "I don't know. Sounds like a bad idea."
"Come on, man," Junhyeon groaned. "It's Friday. We're all exhausted. We deserve this."
Gyuvin hesitated. He had been feeling out of it all weekâdisoriented, distracted, haunted. His mind kept looping back to things he didn't want to think about.
Gunwook nudged him. "We've noticed you've been kinda down lately. You need a break, dude. Just come with us."
Junhyeon nodded. "And you don't even have to drink. Just come, vibe, let loose a little."
Gyuvin sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was Friday. And he was tired.
"...Fine."
Gunwook and Junhyeon cheered.
Gyuvin just hoped he wouldn't regret it.
The three of them stood in line outside the club, surrounded by people dressed for the nightâmesh, leather, neon, chains. Everything was loudâthe bass from inside the club vibrating through the pavement, conversations overlapping, laughter echoing down the street.
Junhyeon, practically buzzing with excitement, kept talking loudly. "Dude, this is insane. We're actually doing this. We're about to walk into a real club, like actual cool dudesâ"
"Shut up," Gunwook hissed, smacking his arm. "Do you want to get us kicked out before we even get in?"
Junhyeon huffed but quieted down.
The line moved up. Thenâit was their turn.
The bouncer stood before them, arms crossed over his massive chest, sunglasses hiding his eyes despite the fact that it was nighttime. His expression was unreadable as he looked them over.
Gyuvin swallowed. For some reason, standing under the guard's gaze made him feel like he was about to get dragged out by the collar.
Finally, after a painfully long pause, the guard stepped aside and let Gunwook and Gyuvin in.
But the second Junhyeon moved forward, a large hand shot out, blocking his path.
"Waitâwhat? Why?" Junhyeon whined, immediately launching into a string of protests. "Dude, come on, I'm literally with them, I have a ticket, what's the problemâ"
The bouncer didn't budge.
Just as things started getting tense, a voice cut in.
"He's with me."
Gyuvin turned just in time to see Matthew strolling toward them, all confidence and ease, flashing a smile at the bouncer.
The guard barely hesitated before stepping aside, finally letting Junhyeon through.
Junhyeon pumped his fist in victory. "Yes! Thank you, Matt!"
Gunwook and Gyuvin, still slightly dazed, turned to Matthew.
"Wait," Gyuvin said. "Who even are you?"
Matthew grinned. "I know some people."
Gunwook let out a low whistle. "Damn."
Junhyeon threw an arm around Matthew's shoulders. "Bro, you're officially my favorite person now."
Matthew just laughed. "Come on, let's get inside."
And with that, they stepped past the doorsâinto the music, the heat, and the neon glow of the club.
The energy inside the club was overwhelmingâloud, chaotic, almost suffocating. The music was so heavy it felt like it was thrumming inside Gyuvin's chest, and the flashing lights made everything feel disorienting. It smelled like sweat, alcohol, and something elseâsomething sweet and sharp, unfamiliar.
He had never been in a club before, and it showed. Everyone around him moved with an ease he couldn't match, slipping through the crowds like they belonged there. He felt out of place, awkward, like he was wearing the wrong skin.
With a lot of effortâpushing past groups of people, dodging elbows, and barely keeping Junhyeon from getting lostâthey finally reached their table.
The moment they did, familiar faces greeted them.
Hao, Hanbin, Taerae, and Jiwoong were already seated, drinks in hand, looking impossibly at home in the dim neon glow.
Hao was the first to speak, raising an eyebrow. "And what are you three doing here? Aren't kids supposed to be in bed by now?"
Gyuvin barely had time to react before Gunwook and Junhyeon instantly snapped into place.
"Yes, sir!" they chorused like soldiers.
Hao just sighed, shaking his head in amusement.
Hanbin leaned forward, more serious. "Alright, listen. You can do whatever you wantâbut no drinking, no taking anything from random people, no doing it, and you have to be home by eleven."
Gunwook, Junhyeon, and Gyuvin exchanged glances before, once again, responding in unison.
"Yes, sir."
Hanbin sat back, satisfied.
"Good," Jiwoong added, smirking. "Now, sit down before you embarrass yourselves more."
Gyuvin exhaled and slid into the seat next to them, still feeling slightly out of his depth.
The game of cards had quickly turned chaoticâGunwook was yelling that someone was cheating, Taerae was swearing up and down that he was just lucky, and Jiwoong was sitting back with his arms crossed, smirking like he had already won.
Loud exclamations, playful shoves, and exaggerated arguments filled their corner of the club, drawing amused glances from nearby tables.
Then, suddenlyâ
"Act like an angel, dress like crazy~"
The unmistakable opening of CRAZY blasted through the speakers, and before anyone could react, Hao shot up from his seat.
"OH, this is my songâeverybody up, we're *dancing!" he declared, pointing at them like a general leading his troops.
Taerae was already getting up, and Jiwoong just shrugged like why not? Hanbin turned to Gyuvin, who was still sitting, clearly hesitating.
"Come on," Hanbin said, standing up and nudging him. "Let's go have fun."
Gyuvin barely had time to protest before he was being pushed into the sea of people, swallowed by the flashing lights and pounding bass.
At first, it was overwhelming againâthe heat, the press of bodies, the way the music vibrated in his bones. He hesitated, shifting awkwardly as the others started moving with the rhythm.
But thenâhe saw how carefree they were. How free they looked.
Gunwook and Matthew were hyping each other up like they were on stage, Hanbin was laughing at them but still moving to the beat, and Junhyeonâ
Junhyeon had been dragged into a dance circle by a group of girls.
He looked like he had just won the lottery.
Gyuvin couldn't help but laugh. And before he knew it, he was moving tooâhesitant at first, but then more freely, letting himself sink into the moment.
Maybeâjust for tonightâhe could let go.
Gyuvin was still catching his breath, his pulse still thrumming from the dancing, when they finally made their way back to their table. Zhang Hao stretched his arms out dramatically and sighed.
"I'm so tired," he announced, slumping into his seat with an elegance only he could manage.
One by one, they all sat down, their bodies buzzing with the leftover energy from the dance floor. Only one person was missing.
"Wait, what about Junhyeon?" Taerae asked, glancing toward the dance floor.
Jiwoong, ever the responsible one, leaned back in his seat and tilted his chin toward where Junhyeon was still standing in the middle of a small circleâcompletely surrounded by girls. His face was lit up with the most ridiculous, starry-eyed smile.
"He's fine," Jiwoong said, smirking. "I don't think he wants to leave right now."
They all turned to look again, and sure enough, Junhyeon was lost in the moment, hyping up the girls, dancing like he had been born for this.
Gyuvin chuckled and sat down, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.
"Whoa," Matthew suddenly teased from across the table. "That was kinda hot."
Gyuvin froze mid-movement, looking up.
Matthew grinned. "No, seriously. The wholeâ" he mimicked Gyuvin's movement, wiping imaginary sweat from his foreheadâ"super attractive. In a bro way, of course."
Gyuvin groaned and threw a napkin at him, but his face was already warming.
Before Matthew could say anything, Hao, who had been sipping his cocktail with his usual grace, suddenly sat up straight. His eyes lit up, and he lifted his hand in a wave.
Everyone turned instinctively, following his gaze.
Gyuvin felt his stomach drop.
Because there, standing near the entrance, were two peopleâ
Ricky.
And Jeonghyeon.