Chapter Eleven: Heartbreak

*Flashback: Annie, 16. Ben, 18*

Walking out the front door of the event hall, I take a deep breath of the cold, crisp air, feeling relieved. As much as I love celebrating the Lunar New Year with my pack, it eventually becomes too loud and too crowded. Deciding to take a walk, I wrap my jacket tightly around myself and begin strolling down the concrete path.

Eventually, my feet take me in front of the pack house. I try to decide if I want to continue on to my house and change, getting out of this dress and flats into jeans and tennis shoes. Of course, this would anger my mother, but I doubt she’d be surprised at this point.

Before I can choose, I notice a light mist of smoke coming from the roof. It almost looks like someone’s breath against the cold air. Curiosity getting the better of me, I begin climbing the lattice on the side of the building. When I reach the top, I see Benjamin sitting on the edge, staring up at the stars.

My eyes widen and I’m about to climb back down when he speaks, “You don’t have to leave, Annabeth.”

I glance up and meet his emerald green eyes. The malice and annoyance that normally linger in his gaze isn’t there. There is actually a softness to them.

“Should I..?” I ask Leah.

I can feel the hesitance when she answers, “Up to you, but just keep your guard up. I don’t trust him. He’s hurt you too many times.”

Against my better judgment, I climb the rest of the way and make my way over to him, “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I saw your breath and got curious.”

He sighs, before looking back up at the night sky, “It’s fine. Why aren’t you at the party?”

“I could ask the same,” I poke gently, shifting on my feet nervously.

“Too many people,” he mutters.

I let out a small chuckle, “Same.”

Much to my surprise, his gaze moves back to mine as he smiles up at me. The sight melts my insides, but I shove it away. He doesn’t like me like that. In fact, he hates me, and this is just a rare moment of niceness.

Unexpectedly, Benjamin pats the space next to him, “You can sit, you know.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, causing him to laugh out loud, “I don’t bite. Just sit, woman.”

“It’s not the biting I’m worried about,” I mumble as I sit a couple of feet away from him.

I can feel the sadness in his gaze at the comment as I sit, but I don’t meet his eyes. Instead, I focus up on the moon and stars shining down on us.

“Wow. It’s so clear tonight,” I comment.

His eyes move back up, “Yeah. You can see almost every constellation. Not too often that happens.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you up here by yourself?” I gently pry, not wanting to upset him.

He shrugs, “Everyone was having a good time. I didn’t want to pull any of them away.”

“You could have asked me. I definitely wasn’t,” I chuckle.

“Wait, what? Why did I say that!?” I exclaim in my head.

Leah snickers, shaking her head, “Because you got it bad.”

He lets out a small chuckle, “I’ll…uh, keep that in mind for next time.”

A breeze blows through at that moment, causing me to shiver a little bit. I normally don’t get cold, but it’s particularly chilly tonight. I wrap my arms around my midsection trying to get a little bit of warmth. Benjamin immediately notices, pulling his suit jacket off. I don’t realize what he’s doing until he is draping his jacket around my shoulders.

When I turn to thank him, we come face to face, eyes locking. My cheeks flush as we stare at each other, lips mere inches away.

We haven’t been this close since the night I slept over, and he pinned me against the doorframe. I made several excuses as to why we needed to stay at my house after that encounter and never stayed over at their house again.

His emerald eyes are so intense that it takes everything in me to break free. I swallow nervously as I quickly turn away from his gaze, “Oh…uh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he mutters.

He clears his throat and finally looks away. We sit in an awkward silence for a few minutes before he breaks it, “There’s…something I need to tell you.”

“Okay?” I answer curiously, looking up.

Benjamin rubs the back of his head, “Um…well, you see…uh…”

“Have we ever heard the man stutter?” I remark.

Leah chuckles, “I don’t think so. It’s…interesting to say the least.”

I look back at him with raised eyebrows, silently asking him to continue.

“Goddess, why is this so hard?” he exclaims to the night sky.

“Why is what hard?” I question.

He groans, shoving his face in his hands, “This. Talking to you. Having a conversation.”

“I didn’t realize I was that hard to talk to. Now that I think about it, I am pretty scary,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.

He sighs, “I’m serious, Annabeth.”

I mimic his sigh and shake my head, “I don’t know why you feel that way. I’ve never done anything or refused to listen to you.”

“I know,” he whispers.

“In fact, I have tried multiple times to talk to you,” I remind him.

“I know,” he groans.

“And yet, here we are, where we always are. You holding me at arms length and me trying to change that,” I say, my voice laced with frustration.

He drops his hands into his lap, “I get it. I’m a piece of shit. Happy now?”

“That is NOT what I said or meant. Don’t put words in my mouth,” I snap back.

He growls, yelling out, “Whatever. Just forget it! Can you go be a fucking menace somewhere else?”

My heart sinks. Why do I even bother?

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stand, “That, right there, is why we can’t have conversations, why I don’t try anymore.”

Benjamin’s head jerks up, “Shit. I…I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

I pull his jacket off and dump it into his lap, “Well, you did. Doing what you do best and pushing me away like I’m diseased.”

“No, Annabeth, wait,” he pleads.

Turning on my heels, I head back to the lattice, “Screw you. There’s nothing for me to say to you. The “fucking menace” will get out of your hair now.”

I don’t get very far before a hand reaches out and pulls me back. Whipping my head around, I give him a dirty look.

“What, Benjamin?” I spit out.

He opens his mouth to speak, but it closes. He does this a couple of more times while my patience starts wearing thin. I scoff and try to pull my hand out of his grip. His hand tightens, and the next thing I know, we are chest to chest with his arms wrapped around me.

I am about to go off when I notice his eyes. The same softness from earlier is back, almost pleading. I wait for them to turn black, saying this is his wolf like last time, but they never do. They stay their beautiful emerald green. He is completely in control.

His arms tighten, sending lightning up and down my spine. Unconsciously, my hands move to rest on his chest while I look up at him in confusion. Without warning, he slowly starts lowering his head. His eyes dart between my eyes and my lips, silently asking for permission.

“Annie…” Leah hisses my name in warning.

My mind is fuzzy, and my heart is racing. I know I should pull away, yell at him, tell him no. But, the words won’t form. Everything in me just wants to kiss him.

His lips stop an inch from mine, his eyes boring into my soul. Our heads move in at the same time, lips connecting.

Fire.

My body is on fire.

I become lost in the sensation, in his embrace. For a moment, the world melts away. It’s just the two of us in our own little bubble. My arms snake up and wrap around his neck as I melt into him, never wanting the moment to end. He hums in approval as one of his hands moves up to cup the back of my head, holding me in place. Time slows down, and I don’t know how long we stay wrapped in each other before we finally break apart.

“Wow,” I whisper, staring at him breathless.

He stares down at me, speechless, “Uh…yeah. That was…”

We stay there a second, trying to process what just happened when I hear a voice call from the ground.

“Ben! Are you up there?” Alyssa calls.

My eyes widen as we jump apart. He signals me to be quiet as he answers her, “Yeah. What do you want?”

She huffs, “Dad’s been looking all over for you. There’s visiting Alphas that he wants to introduce you to.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming. Just wanted a moment of quiet,” he calls back, rolling his eyes.

“By the way, have you seen Annie?” she questions. I tense up but keep my mouth shut.

He scoffs at her, “Why would I know where your friend is? I’ve been up here all night!”

“She could have walked by on the way to her house!” she argues.

“Whatever, Alyssa. Just go back to the party. I’m coming in a second,” he grumbles.

She finally walks away, muttering under her breath, but neither of us move until we don’t hear the sound of her footsteps anymore.

Meeting his gaze, I see several different emotions flashing behind his eyes. Before I can ask what he’s thinking, he turns and starts to walk away.

“Benjamin, wait,” I call out to stop him.

He turns back with a blank expression, not meeting my gaze, “Annabeth, don’t, okay? Just let me walk away.”

“No!” I cry out, “we are going to talk about this. You can’t kiss me like this and then leave.”

I see a flash of pain before he quickly hides it, “It’s easier this way. You don’t want me, not when I…”

I look at him confused, “When you what?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. There’s nothing to talk about. This will never happen again. It was a moment of poor judgment and it meant nothing,” he shakes his head, refusing to meet my eyes.

Leah snarls in my head, “This bastard. He’s hiding something, and he’s lying.”

My heart shatters as I stubbornly argue, “Wha..what? You don’t mean that. You felt what I did. I know you did. It was written on your face.”

“It was just a kiss, Annabeth. It’s best you forget this now. It’ll be kinder to yourself in the long run. Besides, you eventually will have a mate, I will have my Luna, and this will become completely meaningless,” he says as he walks away again.

“Who are you trying to convince more? Me or yourself?” I snap back, teary-eyed.

“Obviously you, since I already said it didn’t mean anything,” he shrugs nonchalantly as he reaches the edge of the roof.

I hold back my tears and yell, “You are such a cold-hearted bastard! Do me a favor and stay the hell away from me. In fact, just go back to hating me. It’s less painful than this manipulative bullshit.”

“Already done,” he snaps back.

I scream at him as he begins descending, “Fuck you, Blake. I feel sorry for whoever is your Luna. That poor woman will have a miserable existence trying to get your emotionless ass to love her!”

He doesn’t say another word as he climbs down the lattice. I slowly slink down and hug my knees to my chest, sobbing into them as Leah tries her best to comfort me.

*Present Day*

“Annie!” Jonathan exclaims with a huge smile on his face.

I know this is not going to be good, him showing up like this, but I can’t help but pull him into a hug. I’ve missed him.

“What on Earth are you doing?” I fuss as I hug him tight.

He returns the embrace, holding me snug against his chest, “I missed you. You smell really good, by the way. New perfume?”

“No. It’s my normal stuff, though I’m surprised you can smell it. I was just training,” I answer curiously.

He chuckles in my ear, “Guess these weeks made me forget the smell.”

I pull away, shaking my head, “You are getting me off track. You aren’t supposed to be here.”

I hear Uncle Marc, Harry, and the Betas exit the truck behind me as Jonathan snickers, “You haven’t seen me in weeks, and you’re already scolding me.”

I smack his shoulder, “Of course I am! We are not suppose to leave our packs, you goof. We were just attacked.”

“Well, that’s why I came. I’m here to bring you home,” he announces, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“I was not informed of this,” Uncle Marc states, slightly annoyed as he approaches. “My fighters are on high alert and ready for an imminent attack. Your Alpha should know better than to send you here unannounced.”

I furrow my eyebrows as I glance from Uncle Marc back to Jonathan, “Exactly. And I told Alpha Xavier I wasn’t going home until I knew it was safe.”

“I know, but we’ve been patrolling miles outside of the territory, trying to find any sign of these guys. We haven’t found any. These rogues are long gone. For the moment, at least. Now would be the time to return,” he reassures me.

I glance back and notice there are a couple of fighters with him. Doesn’t them being here make Lunar Eclipse vulnerable? This doesn’t make sense. Alpha Xavier wouldn’t just send them without talking to Uncle Marc first, especially with what was agreed upon.

“Don’t tell me…” I groan.

Leah sighs, “Looks like he took a page out of your book.”

“Jonathan, I know I have no room to talk, but please tell me the Alpha sent you here,” I plead.

He looks between me and Uncle Marc, “I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Are you insane? This could mess up your fighter career! You basically left your post during war time,” I say in disbelief.

“I don’t care. We need you back where you belong, and since no one else wants to make that happen, I will,” he shrugs nonchalantly.

“I care! This is your life we are talking about Jonathan, what you have been working so hard for all these years,” I say, my voice getting louder.

He growls, “With everything that has happened, you think I give a shit about that now?”

“You should! Just because it didn’t go like we wanted doesn’t mean we throw everything else away. I’m still going to be a doctor!” I scoff.

“Maybe I don’t want it without you,” he argues, hands clenching.

“I told you that I wasn’t coming home yet. You completely ignored me and came, despite the risks to yourself, your fellow fighters, our pack, and your career. What is wrong with you? This is your life, your future!” I practically yell at him.

“YOU are my future!” he screams back, eyes flashing black.

“Enough,” Uncle Marc commands.

We both shut up and face him. “Follow me, you two. Let’s discuss this in my office,” he sighs, gesturing behind him.

With a final look at Jonathan, I turn on my heels and walk back to the truck seething. His eyes never leave me until I shut the door. I sit in the passenger seat with my arms crossed, glaring out the side window. The fighters disperse back to their stations while the Betas head back to the training field. Uncle Marc says something to him before they walk away and get into their respective vehicles. We don’t speak as he heads back to the pack house, his eyes glancing at me every so often in worry.

“What is this idiot thinking?” I hiss.

Leah sighs, “He’s not. That’s the problem. I’m sure not even Seth is impressed with him right now.”

“Alpha Xavier is going to kill him. I got away with it, mostly, because I left before he could order me to stay. That’s the whole reason I didn’t answer his mind-link or phone call. They are on Level Four. No one can enter or leave without permission. Our Alpha is lenient but he doesn’t tolerate blatant disrespect,” I say frustratedly.

“What’s done is done, Annie. He will have to face the consequences of his actions. If that’s losing his fighter title, then he has to live with it,” Leah states matter of fact.

I don’t say anymore as we reach the pack house. Jumping out, I walk straight in and head to Uncle Marc’s office. The men follow behind me in silence. I wait until the office door shuts before I speak.

Whipping around, I look Jonathan in his eyes, “I can’t believe you did this.”

“What? Fight for you?” he scoffs.

I shake my head, “You risked everything by coming here. Did you listen to a single word I said when we talked? I know they told you and I, again, told you I wouldn’t come back for a while. If you really thought it was safe for me to return, you should have had an adult conversation with the Alpha and he would have contacted us. Instead, you do this! Yes, I get the hypocrisy, but I didn’t have anything to lose. You’ve worked too hard to lose it now. Not over me.”

He lets out a deep breath before walking to the couch and plopping down, “I know. I…I didn’t think it through. I just kept thinking about how much we all missed you and that I could get you home, that I NEEDED to get you home. I had to convince you, beg you to come back.”

I slowly approach, taking a seat next to him, “I was always going to come home, Jonathan. Well, eventually. This rogue mess kinda expedited that. I mean, did you think I haven’t been missing you guys? Because, I absolutely have.”

He offers me a small smile, “I know you have.”

“Then, you must have known deep down that I would return. Though, I don’t regret leaving. Benjamin was right in saying it was what I needed. What I regret is how I left. I know I upset you guys and made you all worried,” I admit.

“I argued with him, you know,” he sighs, leaning back into the couch.

“Who?” I question.

“Benjamin,” he states, meeting my gaze. “the night you left. I told him that you needed to come home, that this would make things worse. In all honesty, I was afraid you’d never return.”

I shake my head, “I would never do that to you guys, Jonathan. I just needed time. It was too much, too fast.”

He folds his arms, “That’s exactly what he said, very calmly I might add. I was hollering and screaming about how ridiculous this was. We needed to go get you. He never raised his voice nor let the Alpha interfere. He said you would return when you were ready, and then proceeded to leave me there seething.”

“Really?” I ask in disbelief.

He nods, “Really. It’s like you said. He’s definitely…trying. I’ll give him that much.”

I chuckle, “I’m honestly surprised you two haven’t gone after each other yet. According to Alyssa, you could cut the tension with a knife.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, “And risk upsetting you? Never. We would never hurt you like that. He knows how much I mean to you, and whether I think he deserves you or not, he’s becoming important to you, too.”

“That’s stretching it. I’ve barely even talked to him,” I remind him.

His eyes soften with a hint of pain behind them, “And when you have, hasn’t the bond flared? Made you feel things you can’t explain? Isn’t that what happened at the party and why you ran?”

I look away down to my hands in my lap. When I don’t respond, he continues, “The moment you return home and see him, the bond will take over. Let’s be honest here. You have always had feelings for him, which I suppose makes sense now. Yes, you can fight it, remind yourself of the past, but it will take its toll on you. The bond itself is already strong for the average wolf. You’re bonded to an Alpha, Annie. It’s going to be more intense than the rest of us will ever experience.”

“That’s not frightening, whatsoever,” I say sarcastically.

“Even so, he has told me that his past self may have ruined any future he could have had with you. He understands that you could choose me, despite the bond, and if you did, he would let you go. Though, he also let me know that he would fight like hell for you first, and that he expected for me to do the same,” he says, causing me to meet his gaze again.

“And what did you say?” I ask.

He sighs, “I said that we still loved each other, and I will fight tooth and nail for you. Also, that I knew everything he said and did to you. Even if you are able to forgive him, there will never be a universe where he deserves you and that he better spend the rest of his life earning you. Thought I would get a nice shiner for staking my claim on an Alpha’s Luna, but he simply gave me a nod and walked away.”

“Wow,” I simply mutter.

I glance up at Uncle Marc, who has been leaning on his desk listening. He meets my eyes with a sad smile. I know what he’s thinking. He has to call my Alpha. Hiding his fighter’s presence here during war time would cause tension between the packs, something we can’t afford right now.

“I should go and head back to training. Let you two handle this,” I announce, standing up.

Uncle Marc nods, “That’s a good idea. Training is actually over for the morning. Maybe you can go help Hope in the garden?”

“Of course,” I agree, starting to walk away.

“Annie?” Jonathan calls.

I turn and watch him approach me, “Yeah?”

“Can we talk more later?” he inquires, stopping directly in front of me.

I softly smile, “Of course.”

He smiles back and cups my face in his hands before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. The action would have brought me to my knees in the past, but the sparks are not as strong as they were. Was this because of the time apart, the bond, or both?

He releases me and walks back to sit at the desk when my uncle addresses me, “Annie, one of the fighters Jonathan brought will escort you to the gardens. Hope is waiting for you.”

I nod in response and head for the door. When I reach the threshold, I give one final glance to see Jonathan’s eyes on me. The clicking of phone keys pulls my attention away from him to my uncle.

“This is Alpha Solomon. I need to speak with Alpha Blake,” he addresses the person on the other end.

I offer a reassuring smile to the stubborn fighter before I let the door close.

Walking down the stairs to the main foyer, I find the fighter Uncle Marc mentioned waiting for me. He gives me a small nod and silently follows me out the front door. Thankfully, he stays several feet behind me, giving me space while being close enough to jump in should anything happen.

As I walk down the dirt path for the first time since the attack, my mind starts running, the conversation with Jonathan making me think. Here I am, stuck in the middle of two men, living the cliché of every romance book in existence. One side is Jonathan, the one I fell for so effortlessly, and the other is Benjamin, the one, deep down, I’ve always cared for. Neither choice seems straightforward, and the harder I think about it, the more complicated it becomes. No matter what I choose, someone gets left behind, hurt. The thought puts so much pressure on my shoulders, it’s almost crushing.

Goddess, what on Earth am I going to do?