being me means to
lie smiling in my bed
watching netflix and feeling totally happy by myself
until I
suddenly
listen to your laughter in my head
and my desk is begging me to write about the sound
so
being me means to
feel totally fulfilled
until I
write your name without using any letters
and
all I can think of is searching for liquor to numb my pain
I write about one and a half pages
and already have scratches on my arms
it's as if
your sickness is escaping my body
but
how can this change so fast?
I was doing so good and
now the blood is rushing through my ears and all I can do is breathe until your horror is leaving me alone again