unintentional manipulation
[minor mention of death? just brief three words, but take care of yourself dudes.]
sometimes
my mind
is too fast
for my fingers
when typing
i will skip words like
the
will
my
can
because my brain is trying to get the idea out
before i lose it
and sometimes when im trying to type
my brain forgets spelling like
wneh
nxet
mnoo
hira
sncpaht
when
next
moon
hair
snapchat
sometimes
her emotions
went so fast
that i couldnt
figure out what word to type
i didnt know
whether to say
im sorry
dont hate me
dont love me
i love you
it'll be okay
everything is alright
i love you
i cant do this
im not sorry
you lied
stop lying
i am in love with you
i'm not okay
everything is wrong
i was not enough for her
and
i could never save her
but i wanted to love her
because there were so many things
that led me to her
but there were so many things
that hurt me about her
she killed my confidence
she took my mind
and my heart with her too
all the while
she laughed
and smiled
and used my love
when she needed it
but never when i needed her
i can still hear my heart shattering
from her smile
her horrible beautiful smile
that killed my insides
and made me want to
cry
but she smiled at me
lied into my eyes and told me
she wanted to die
but she never knew;
so did i.
-bringing up old memories, april sixteenth, twenty seventeen