The next day, I didn't move out of bed. I stayed in the whole time, unless I had to pee. I didn't go downstairs to eat or come out to talk to anyone. I simply stayed in bed all day and cried. My parents came in and checked on me, but I would just tell them to go away. Same with Alyssa and Jake. I wasn't trying to push everyone away, I just didn't want them to see me like this. Broken. Of course, Jordan tried calling and texting me. I just turned my phone off.
On the third day, I stopped crying. Not because I was feeling better, but because I literally couldn't cry anymore tears. I didn't have any tears left to cry. I just quietly sobbed to myself. I did go downstairs that day and attempted to eat. Food just didn't taste the same. I couldn't stomach the food, so there was no point in me trying to eat it. I didn't go to school the first two days and neither did Jake. He stayed home to watch me, but I secretly knew that he stayed home just to make sure Jordan didn't show up to the house to talk to me. I was grateful for that. I still hadn't turned on my phone by this day.
Day six, I got out of bed. I was tired of staring at the ceiling and telling myself how stupid I am. I was still broken and hurt, but my family and friends didn't deserve the harsh treatment I was giving them. I took a shower and made myself somewhat presentable and made my way downstairs. That day I ate more than just dinner. I ate a little breakfast, but I skipped lunch. I talked a little and by talking I mean short answers like yes or no. Speaking was hard when your voice is hoarse from crying so much. Jordan had been coming by more and more. At least five times a day.
On day eight, I returned to school. Jake told me I could stay home, but I couldn't hide forever. I still had to graduate and due to the fact that I missed a whole week of school, I was probably behind on a few assignments. I walked the halls with Jake and Alyssa by my side like the first day of school. By now, the news about me and Jordan's break up was all over the school. Most people knew what happened, courtesy to Virginia. Some people laughed and pointed at me and some gave me sympathetic looks. I didn't pay attention them though. I was in my own world. I was drowning in a sea full of hurt. We started back sitting at the table we sat at the beginning of the year at lunch. Jordan tried to approach me, but it only ended up with Jake punching him in the face. Then Jake and Troy got into a fight because of Jake punching Jordan in the face. Alyssa had to get Daniel and Ryan to break it up. I made eye contact with Jordan and I broke further. I thought I was done crying, but I was wrong. I ran out of the cafeteria that day with tears streaming down my face.
As the weeks went on, the pain seemed to grow. I found myself missing him and wanting to be around him. Before, I was pissed and mad and wanted nothing to do with him, but now I miss his presence. The way he made me laugh and smile. I would sit in my room for hours, playing with the necklace that he got me over spring break. Once, I took it off and threw it against the wall. It wasn't even a full ten seconds when I ran over to the necklace and put it back on. For some reason, I found comfort in it. It was like a part of him was still with me. The good parts that made me happy. Even if they were all lies.
Matt came a week early because of graduation. He immediately noticed my lack of enthusiasm and tried to get me to spill what was wrong with me. I wouldn't tell him, though. I wouldn't even let Jake tell him. If I told him why I was so upset and sad, Jordan would be ten feet under right now.
When graduation came, I did my valedictorian speech -that I had to do last minute- and accepted my diploma.
After that, I left. I was miserable there. Seeing everyone so happy while I was the only one wishing that the ceremony would hurry up and end. I allowed myself to take a glance at Jordan. His eyes had dark circles under them, he hadn't shaved and small stubble was appearing on his face, and altogether he just looked like the energy was drained out of him. He looked like I did. Broken.
~~~~
I am sitting at my desk on my laptop. I was shopping online for things to buy for my college dorm. I am feeling slightly better. I don't cry anymore, but the pain is still there. I'm talking and eating more which is good. Matt has been doing his best at getting me to smile and laugh. Three days ago, I smiled for the first time in about a month. I had just gotten off the phone with someone from New York University telling them I would be attending their school in the fall. It was a decision I had to make. Obviously Jordan and I aren't going to the same school anymore. It's weird to not be planning my future with him anymore. He was my everything. Once he came into my life, it was hard not to picture him staying in it.
Matt opens the door to my room and I greet him with a small smile. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"Looking for some stuff for my dorm. I'm going to NYU." I say.
His eyes light up at the information and I know he's happy that I'm doing something for myself. That I'm headed in the right direction again. He thought for a minute that I was going to skip a semester of college. The nerd in me wouldn't allow that.
"That's good. I actually came in here to tell you that Mom, Dad, Jake, and myself are going to The Grill. Want to go?" He asks.
I shake my head. "No, I'm okay. Thanks, though."
He nods his head before coming over to me. He places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a small smile.
"It gets better. I don't know what that asshole did, but you'll be fine. You're strong enough to get through this. Eventually, you'll be fine again." He says.
I give him a sincere smile and wrap my arms around him, squeezing the life out of him. Matt always knew what to say. The words slightly make feel like everything might be okay one day.
"I love you." I say into his stomach.
"I love you, too, little sis. Now let me go. You know I can't handle too much emotion at one time." He sends me a boyish grin and I playfully hit him.
Matt leaves out of my room and I go back to shopping. About ten minutes later, I'm bored and tired of searching the internet. My stomach growls a little and I mentally curse myself for not tagging along with Matt, my mom and dad, and Jake. I go downstairs and enter the kitchen, searching for food. When you haven't been eating right and then your appetite comes back, you tend to eat everything in sight. I put three hot pockets on a plate and warm them up in the microwave.
As I'm waiting, a knock comes from my door. I don't think about who it might be when I go and open the door. He's standing there, looking amazing. He's freshly shaved and he's got a new haircut. He looks way different from graduation that was a week and a half ago.
"Hey." He seems surprised and shocked to see me.
"Hey." I repeat, breathless. My heart is hammering inside my chest right now. All the feelings that I've been trying to get over, come rushing back. Well, they never really left.
He sticks his hands in his pockets, looking down before looking back up at me. "May I come in?" He asks.
The microwave goes off and I turn around like it's going to help me out in this situation. I don't know if I'm ready to have this conversation. We haven't seen each other in a month and I've had some space to think about some things. Maybe if we talk, we can both get the closure we need.
"Um, sure." I turn around, walking back in the house. I hear him shut the door and follow me into the kitchen.
I pull the hot pockets out of the microwave, letting them cool down before I sink my teeth into them. I grab a bottle of water out the fridge before offering Jordan a bottle. He accepts it and our hands touch briefly, causing electricity to run through my body. We both intake a sharp breath from the contact. I missed touching him if I'm being honest. I quickly retract my hand from his and try to pretend like it didn't happen.
Jordan clears his throat. "So, um, how have you been?"
I force a laugh out. "Are you really going to ask that question? You know how I've been, Jordan."
"You seem to be doing better." He says.
"Looks can be deceiving. Trust me, I don't feel anything how I look." I'm surprised at how truthful I'm being with him.
He lets out a small laugh. "Me either. My parents forced me to shave and get a haircut this morning. They were tired of seeing me look like a caveman."
"How's your parents? How's your mom and the baby?" I ask, deciding not to comment on his appearance. If anyone can make the caveman look look good, it's Jordan.
"They're good. She's good. She's naming the baby Lydia." He tells me.
"Really? That's good." I say.
Silence falls upon both of us, but I can't decide if it's awkward or not. We both seem to be just enjoying each other's presence. I take a bite of my hot pocket and try to control my heart beat. My mind is telling me I should be cussing and screaming at him while my heart wants me to attack him with my lips. I'm having an internal battle with myself.
"Midget?" Jordan says.
I close my eyes for a minute at the sound of him calling me Midget. I had grown so used to the name. I shouldn't like to be called by that name anymore. It was a lie. Our relationship was a lie.
"Just Abby." I correct him and the hurt on his face doesn't go unnoticed.
"Right. The reason why I came here is because I wanted to talk to you and apologize. This past month has been hell for me, Midg- I mean Abby. I haven't been sleeping right or eating right. I tried giving you space and I even tried telling myself that I need to let you move on because you're better off without me, but I couldn't. You're meant for me. What I did was stupid. Beyond stupid, but I can fix it. I can fix us if you give me the chance." His words hit me hard.
I take a deep breath, trying to think clearly. It's time I started thinking about myself and what's best for me. If I keep taking two steps back every time I take one step forward, I'll never get anywhere.
"Jordan, we can't do this. It's only been a month. I was wreck after everything that happened. I just started back communicating with my family and friends." I say.
"You can't say that you haven't missed me." I know he isn't sure if I missed him or not, but I know he's hoping that I have.
"Of course I missed you, but that doesn't change what you did. Jordan you hurt me so bad. I never felt that much pain before. I realized that I had been so dependent on you. I depended on you for my happiness and when you did what you did, it crushed me. I just need time to figure out who I am again. Without you. I don't want to be the girl who depends on a guy for her happiness. I love you so much to where it broke me. I just need time to heal and figure some things out, and I can't do that while being with you." The words hurt me just saying them, but this is for the best.
"Abby, please. I need you." His voice cracks and I go over to him, wrapping my arms around him. It feels good to be touching him and hugging him again, but this is the last time that I'll be able to do this.
"You need to find yourself, too. Just take time to allow yourself to forgive yourself. I know you've been beating yourself up about it. I'm not going to say I forgive you yet, because I haven't. But I'm working on it." I run my fingers over his hair, trying to calm him.
"I love you. Please just give me another chance." He begs, seeming to ignore my words.
I place my hand under his chin, turning him to face me. I look into his eyes and I see how broken and hurt he is. Tears start to fill my eyes and I curse because I'm supposed to be the strong one here.
"I love you, too. I promise we'll find our way back to each other. If it's true love, we'll be together." I take my necklace off and place it in his hand.
"I want you to give me this back whenever we meet again and we're both ready for another relationship." I kiss him on the cheek before hugging him. I don't want to let go and I'm praying to the God above that we find our way back to each other.
I hadn't realized I was crying until Jordan's hand comes up to my face and wipes away the tears that are falling on my cheeks.
"I promise that I'll find you again and when I do, I'm not going to let you go. Forever and always, Midget." He places a light kiss to my forehead and I don't correct him this time.
We're both letting each other go for now, until we're both ready. I need time to heal and forgive him. If we both jump back into a relationship, then we'll spend it fussing and fighting because I haven't truly forgiven him. This is for the best, I tell myself. I really hope it is.
Jordan and I sit and talk for a few more minutes. I tell him how I decided to go to NYU and he seems a little upset about it, but he forces a smile and congratulates me. He tells me how he'll be leaving close to the end of the summer to start working out with his new teammates. He's really excited about college football and I'm glad that he won't be totally miserable during college. I don't make a promise to keep in touch with him and neither does he. I guess we both kind of know that when we're ready, we'll find the time to talk to each other.
When he leaves, we hug and say goodbye to each other. It hurts to see him go, but I know this won't be the last time I see Jordan. We're both going to take some time to grow up and find ourselves. Like Matt said, eventually I'll be fine again.
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This is the last chapter of this book. I almost cried, but then I realized that there's a second book to this. I won't be posting the second book until I'm completely finished with it. It's not going to be how this one is. I didn't have this one planned down to every chapter, but I knew how I wanted it to go.
I hope you guys liked this one and I hope you stay tuned in for the next one which is going to be just as good if you thought this one was good. Don't forget to vote and comment what you think. Add it to your reading list if you love it. Thank you guys for the support. The title of the second book is Six Years After The Bet. Stay tuned my loves and don't forget to watch teen wolf tonight lol.