Chapter 164

-Thump, thump, thump.

Facing Ethan suddenly, with my heart in turmoil, was overwhelming.

The sudden encounter made my heart race, likely a lingering effect from the battle with the Kraken at the lake.

The mix of feelings—confusion from his confession, guilt for not giving a proper answer, and gratitude for saving my life—created a whirlwind of emotions inside me.

The closer Ethan got, the louder and heavier my heartbeat became.

“You seem to be doing well on the outside.”

“Oh, yes… thanks to the saintess’s special care….”

“Thank you for taking care of her, Saintess Serista.”

“Oh, no, it’s my duty.”

“……”

“Is there something you want to say… Ah!”

Realizing something, Serista quickly responded to Ethan’s quiet gaze.

She moved swiftly to the door, heading out of the infirmary without hesitation.

“You two must have a lot to talk about. I’ll leave you alone for a while!”

“Wait, Saintess…”

“Thank you for your consideration, Saintess.”

“If anything goes wrong, call me anytime!”

-Creak, click!

With her last words, Serista closed the door, leaving only Ethan and me in the room.

An awkward atmosphere filled the small space, and I could only hear my heart pounding in the silence between us.

“……”

“……”

-Thump, thump, thump.

…Calm down, calm down.

This is a face you’ve seen every day for over five years. Why suddenly feel strange now?

It’s just your heart reacting to the crisis where you almost died.

This awkward feeling will surely settle down in a few days. If not, then…

“Are you really okay?”

“Y-Y-Yes?!”

“…Lilith?”

“Oh, yes! Of course, I’m fine! Being healthy and strong has always been my strong suit, right?”

“This is the first time I’ve heard that…”

“Haha, is it…?”

…My thoughts are making me say strange things.

I hadn’t expected to face Ethan so soon.

I had only regained consciousness last night and had been busy sorting out my thoughts for the past two days, not knowing what to say when we finally met.

Ethan broke the silence first.

“Lilith.”

“…Yes, Ethan.”

“About what happened… I’m sorry.”

“…Yes, I am grateful for… Sorry, what?!”

Expecting to express my gratitude, I was taken aback by Ethan’s apology.

What could he possibly be sorry for?

“Why are you apologizing? What are you sorry for, Ethan?”

“I’m sorry for putting you in danger by saying strange things the other day, Lilith.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“If I hadn’t tried to confess to you, you wouldn’t have suggested going on the boat to the lake. It’s my fault you ended up in danger.”

“What are you talking about, Ethan! It was my idea to go to the lake. I was the one who suggested it because I was worried about what others would think…”

“No. If I was going to confess something important, I should have chosen a private place from the start. The lakeside park bench wasn’t the place for that.”

“No… That’s not…”

Ethan’s words made no sense.

I was the one who wanted to talk privately on the lake, forgetting about the Kraken’s presence and putting us both in danger.

I was the one who abandoned the boat, relying only on the Water Walking spell, and nearly got us both killed after defeating the Kraken.

There was no fault in Ethan’s actions. He had saved my life twice in that short battle.

In that moment, when he blocked the Kraken’s tentacle, he looked like a hero.

“No, Ethan. The incident was entirely my fault…”

“Let me ask you one thing, Lilith. Please answer honestly.”

“…Okay.”

“If I hadn’t tried to confess to you that day, would you still have gone on the boat with me to the lake?”

“Well…”

“……”

“…Probably not. But that’s…”

“That’s enough, Lilith. That’s all I needed to hear.”

……Huh?

What does he mean by that?

I haven’t even answered his confession yet.

“Let’s forget I ever confessed that day.”

“……What?”

“I was thoughtless. Considering our positions, confessing my feelings might have been a burden for you, Lilith.”

“No… That’s not…”

“I won’t trouble you anymore. I’m sorry for making you worry, Lilith.”

“……”

Wait a minute.

What’s happening now?

Does Ethan really believe my near-death experience was his fault?

Does he think his confession led to the Kraken’s attack and our battle?

And now he’s decided not to confess to me anymore because of it?

‘…What should I do?’

My mind couldn’t process this properly.

When Ethan first confessed, I was full of thoughts hoping he wouldn’t.

I had been thinking about how to respond without hurting him, trying to uphold my loyalty to him.

Now, even though I didn’t have to answer his confession, I felt a strange sense of suffocation.

‘Saying he won’t burden me anymore…’

Does that mean I won’t have the chance to reject his confession again?

That I won’t have to worry about how to refuse him in the future?

That’s what I wanted all along.

But thinking of a future where Ethan never confesses again made me feel suffocated.

‘…What?’

No, no.

I don’t have romantic feelings for Ethan.

I’m just grateful he saved my life, and my heart raced because of the situation.

Maybe Ethan looks a bit more handsome now, but that’s it.

Possibly, but just maybe, if I spent more time with Ethan, I might develop feelings for him.

After all, Ethan is charming enough to make anyone fall for him.

Not that I’m in love with him now, but it could happen.

The problem is whether Ethan would still feel the same about me if I miraculously developed feelings for him.

In a fleeting moment, a feeling of not wanting to lose him crossed my mind.

Ethan’s words that he wouldn’t confess again meant that this was my last chance to respond.

I grabbed his arm urgently as he prepared to leave.

“Sorry for bothering you during your recovery, Lilith. I’ll head back…”

-Grab.

“Wait, Ethan…”

“Lilith?”

“I… I haven’t answered your confession from the lake yet…”

Mustering courage, I tried to answer Ethan, but he looked like he didn’t want to hear my answer.

Seeing him shake his head slightly made my heart sink.

“It’s alright, Lilith. You don’t have to force yourself to answer my pushy confession…”

-Squeeze.

“No, it’s not forced. I don’t think your confession was pushy.”

“……”

“If you truly don’t want to hear my answer, I understand, but you don’t want to leave your confession unanswered, do you?”

“…That’s true.”

Thankfully, my words seemed to reach him, and he nodded seriously.

Seizing the opportunity, I conveyed the answer I had prepared.

…With a slightly changed emotion from before.

“To be honest…”

“…Yes.”

“I still don’t fully understand love between a man and a woman…”

“…Yes?”

“I can’t tell if the feelings I have for you, Ethan, are love or just gratitude for saving my life…”

“I see. If that’s your answer…”

“But…!”

“……?”

“For the four years at the academy, I’ll try to develop feelings for you!”

“…Lilith?”

“So, during our time at the academy, can we be temporary lovers?”

“…Temporary lovers?”

“Yes. During our time at the academy, you can think of me as your girlfriend. I’ll also think of you as my boyfriend.”

“…So you’re accepting my confession, Lilith?”

“Yes… But only while we’re at the academy.”

This was the best answer I could give Ethan.

It was inevitable. With Ethan’s status, marriage would come with many restrictions, and he couldn’t marry a quasi-baroness maid.

So, at least during our time at the academy, we could be like lovers.

If Ethan’s feelings remained unchanged after graduation…

“What about after graduation? As temporary lovers, would we break up then?”

“If I fall in love with you by then, and if your feelings for me remain unchanged…”

“…Yes?”@@novelbin@@

“…Then, you can do as you wish with me.”

“…Do as I wish?”

“Yes, as you wish.”