Chapter 27: Chapter 27

VADA

I leaned forward in my seat, stretching my stiff back while I glanced out the window. The Rocky Mountains loomed before us, imposing summits on the horizon.

I guess I’d been asleep for quite a while. The last thing I remembered was a wide-open field when we crossed the state line into Colorado.

“Hello, sleepyhead,” Garrett chuckled.

“How long was I out for?”

“Three hours.”

“I was not!”

“Yeah, you were,” Evan said, turning around in the passenger seat with a smug grin. “You’ve been doing the head bob.”

“And drooling,” Garrett added, wiping the corner of my mouth with his thumb.

“It’s your guys’ fault,” I huffed. “You never let me sleep at night.”

“What a load of crap!” Evan declared. “I haven’t had sex with you since that morning in New Orleans.”

“Me either,” Garrett whined. “Jake has been hogging you.”

“I thought the idea was to ~share~ me,” I said. “As in group sex. Not taking turns.”

“We had group sex on the yacht,” Evan said.

“Yeah, sort of,” I muttered. “But not really. That was more along the lines of taking turns. When are you all gonna do me at once?”

“Do you feel ready for that?” Jake asked.

“Yes!” I cried.

“We have something planned in Vegas that I think you’ll enjoy,” Garrett shared.

“What?”

“It’s a surprise. But I will tell you it involves some kinky group sex.”

“That’s not until next week, though,” I moaned.

“The reunion is a family affair,” Evan explained. “We’re staying in cottages, but they’re close together, and probably not very soundproof.”

“We can’t have sex?” I gasped. “We’re staying there for an entire week!”

“Relax,” Garrett said. “We can have sex. But we have to be quiet and respectful.”

“I can be quiet.”

“No you can’t,” they chimed.

“Whatever,” I mumbled. “What’s this about staying in cottages? I thought you said it was a resort?”

“It is,” Evan said.

“Are these cottages like the one we stayed in at the waterpark resort in Tennessee?”

“Not exactly,” Jake replied.

“What does that mean?”

“They’re rustic cottages,” Evan said.

“That does ~not~ sound like a resort,” I said, dread creeping into my gut. “That sounds like camping.”

“It is kind of like camping,” Garrett agreed. “But instead of sleeping in a tent, we’ll be sleeping in beds in a cottage.”

“Does this cottage have a bathroom with a shower?”

“Of course,” Evan sighed.

***

“Where the heck is this place?” I asked as we wound our way up the mountain and through dense forest. I couldn’t remember the last time we passed anyone on the road.

“We’re almost there,” Evan said. “Settle down.”

“I’m not a child, Evan,” I bit out. “Stop treating me like one.”

“Stop acting like one, Vada,” he said without turning around. “All you’ve done since you woke up is piss, whine, and moan.”

“I haven’t ~pissed~,” I snarled. “But I need to. And I haven’t moaned once. The only time I moan is when I’m getting fucked. And apparently there won’t be much of that going on this week.”

“You better be on your best behavior,” Evan warned. “Don’t embarrass us in front of our friends.”

“Both of you stop it,” Jake ordered. “I thought we were past this bullshit.”

“He started it,” I muttered under my breath.

“This is gonna be a disaster,” Evan grumbled with a heavy sigh.

“Everything will be just fine,” Garrett said.

“Petticoat Lane,” I snorted when we turned at the big wooden sign welcoming us to the resort. “On ~Beaver~ Lake? I thought this was a family place?”

“What are you rambling about?” Evan barked.

“Petticoat Lane is an old-fashioned nickname for a vagina. And beaver… Well, obviously, everyone knows that your snatch is your beaver.”

“I’ve never heard the term ‘Petticoat Lane,’” Garrett chuckled. “Where did you learn that?”

“Twathandles.com.”

“Did you say ~twat handles~?” Garrett repeated, pulling out his phone.

“Clearly Vada has far too much time on her hands,” Evan said.

“Holy shit,” Garrett laughed as he scrolled through the website.

We came to a clearing where several vehicles were parked. Mostly minivans and SUVs, just like the waterpark resort.

“How many kids are gonna be here?” I asked.

“There’s ten families, counting us,” Evan said. “Obviously we have no children yet. But the others have, I believe, forty-six kids in total.”

I gaped at Evan in horror. “Forty-six kids?”

“Yep.”

“And you came here willingly?”

“I know these kids,” he explained. “They’re like family.”

An SUV pulled in next to us, loaded with kids and gear. They even had stuff strapped to the roof. A burly hulk of muscles climbed out of the driver’s seat.

Jake jumped out, pulling the man into a bear hug. Garrett and Evan followed.

I watched from the safety of the van while a tiny pregnant woman unloaded two small children from car seats.

Another SUV arrived with two other men and three more kids who apparently belonged to this family.

I couldn’t imagine that little sprite of a woman in a threesome with her towering bodybuilder husbands. They would kill her.

I knew the other families at the resort were in the guy’s polyandrous social circle, but seeing is believing.

This was a real thing. There were women living with three men and having children with them. Nine women. And that was just the ones attending the reunion.

“Vada,” Evan called out, shooting me a warning look. “Get out of the van and come say hello to the Mondobilts.”

I slid out of my seat and jumped down. “Hello,” I said quietly.

“Welcome, Vada,” the woman greeted, smiling kindly. “I’m Matilda, but everyone calls me Tilly.”

“Nice to meet you, Tilly,” I said, eyeing her pregnant belly nervously.

What was she doing up in the remote mountains anyway? What if she went into labor or had some kind of medical emergency?

“I’m only five months along,” she explained, reading my mind. “And I’ve never had complications with any of my pregnancies.”

“Good to know,” I said with a brisk chuckle.

I tried, and failed, to remember the names of all her husbands and kids. There was no way.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “We wear name tags. Nobody can remember all the kids’ names. There’s too many.”

“Name tags?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll grab ours,” Evan said, opening up the back of the van.

“I’m not wearing that,” I said, backing away when Evan peeled a huge, gaudy sticker from a sheet. It was bright pink with sparkly letters.

“Yeah, you are,” Jake said, blocking my retreat with his chest. He wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me still while Evan stuck the label over my boob.

“Great,” I muttered. “Now everyone will be staring at my tits all week.”

“Oh, Vada,” Tilly tsked, waggling her finger. “That’s a sprout card for you. If you get three, you have to go on time-out.”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s a list of words that are forbidden in the presence of the children. If someone hears you say one, they can issue you a sprout card.

“If you get three, you have to eat a bowl of brussels sprouts.”

“I see,” I said, glaring at Evan. “Where might I find this list of forbidden words?”

“I have it, sweetheart,” he assured me.

“I’ll tell you what, Vada,” Tilly said. “We’ll let you have a free pass, because you didn’t know.”

“Thanks so much,” I said in a sugary sweet voice.

“No problem, honey.”

The cottage was old, the dingy walls overdue for a paint job. And it was tiny. I couldn’t imagine staying in there with a bunch of rowdy kids.

The scuffed wooden floors creaked under my sneakers when I walked toward the kitchen. I was surprised to find the cupboards and fridge fully stocked with food and beverages.

I poked my head into one of the two bedrooms, wrinkling my nose when I saw bunk beds.

“I’m not sleeping on that,” I stated firmly.

“There’s a double bed in the other room,” Jake informed me. “You can sleep in there.”

“Who’s sharing with me?”

“We’ll take turns.”

“Here’s the forbidden word list,” Evan said, handing me a sheet of paper.

“I’m not eating brussels sprouts,” I snapped, grabbing the paper from him. “I’m not a child.”

“I don’t think it’s too much to ask not to curse in front of the children, Vada,” he lectured.

I scanned the list, rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of it. “Seriously? I can’t say ‘shit’? ‘Menstruation’?” I glared at Evan. “You put that on there!”

“Everyone contributes to the list.”

“That’s not a bad word!”

“It offends me and makes me uncomfortable.”

“What are you gonna do if you have a daughter?”

“You’ll deal with it.”

“When did I agree to have your baby?”

“Guys!” Garrett yelled, clapping his hands. “Enough! You two have been bickering all day. I’m sick of listening to it.”

“I second that,” Jake said. “I think Evan will be sleeping with you tonight. You guys need to learn to get along.”

“I don’t get a say in who sleeps with me?”

“Nope.”

“Whatever,” I muttered. “He better keep his little weenie in his shorts. There won’t be any action going on under the sheets.”

“We’ll see,” Evan chuckled. “Here’s the itinerary for the week.”

“I don’t do crafts,” I said, shaking my head. “This sounds like summer camp. Hayrides? No thanks. And there’s no way I’m swimming in a lake.”

***

I scrolled through my social media, immersing myself in the lives of other people instead of engaging with the ones I was stuck with.

Kids were so noisy.

They yelled.

They screamed.

They shrieked.

Every single fucking time they jumped off the end of the dock.

And the mothers talked nonstop. About everything.

I had nothing to contribute. I’d never given birth, which seemed to be their favorite subject. I was nowhere near perimenopause. Whatever that was.

And I didn’t have kids, a house, or a career.

“What do you do for a living, Vada?”

I glanced up at the woman sitting across from me. My eyes dropped to her chest to read her name tag.

~Glory.~

What an unfortunate name.

How many times did she get called “glory hole” in high school?

Probably more than a few.

“I’m a mechanic,” I said. “Well, not officially. I’m not licensed or anything. But I know how to fix cars. And I’m going to start learning the business when we get back to Miami.”

“How exciting,” she gushed. “I think that’s so great. There’s no reason a gal can’t fix cars.”

“I wouldn’t want that job,” the younger one next to her said. “I don’t like to get dirty.”

“I don’t mind,” I laughed. “The dirtier the better.”

“We aren’t talking about cars anymore, are we?” Glory chuckled.

“Nope,” the younger woman agreed. “I’m Valerie, by the way. In case you missed the name tag on my tit.”

“And I’m Cassie,” the third woman said.

“So, Vada,” Valerie whispered, leaning forward. “How’s the road trip going?”

“It’s been interesting,” I shared. “Never a dull moment.”

“I bet not,” Cassie tittered. “I remember the early days, before the babies came. I spent most of my time sitting on a donut, because my clam was always overbaked.”

“That wasn’t exactly what I was referring to,” I laughed. “But yes. I could use a donut.”

“I heard Evan telling Jim about what happened to you guys in Texas,” Glory said. “That must’ve been scary.”

“Yeah,” I said. “And Evan and I got sprayed by a skunk while we were camping in the mountains of Tennessee.”

“Ew!” Valerie shrieked.

“I can’t even imagine how that went over,” Glory gasped. “Evan can be pretty intense.”

“Intense doesn’t even begin to describe that man,” I snorted. “He has a pickle the size of Florida wedged up his ass.”

“He has a good heart, though,” Glory said. “He’ll treat you like a queen. They all will. You’ve got yourself a fine harem, honey.”

“I haven’t made my decision yet.”

“Why?!” Cassie gasped.

“We’re talking about marriage,” I said. “To ~three ~men. Guys who are eighteen years older than me. I’m only twenty-four.”

“But they’re rich,” Valerie said.

“So am I. I don’t need their money.”

“Feel free to ask us anything you like,” Glory offered.

“I’m sure I will do that before the week is over.”

“Actually you might be able to help ~us~ out with something,” Valerie whispered, glancing over her shoulder. “Do you think you can talk Evan into something?”

“Uh, Evan and I don’t exactly get along,” I laughed. “I’d be the last person that could talk him into doing something he didn’t wanna do.”

“Oh, c’mon, girl,” Glory said. “You have a mouth. Use it. And I don’t mean for talking, if you get my drift.”

“What is it you want him to do?”

“Go on a cruise.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “Why won’t he go?”

“He doesn’t like boats.”

“We stayed on a yacht in Mississippi. He seemed fine.”

“Because it was anchored,” Cassie explained. “He won’t go on a cruise, or an airplane, because he doesn’t like putting his life in someone else’s hands.”

“That does sound like Evan,” I laughed. “He’s a control freak. But he’s let Jake and Garrett drive the van.”

“But I bet he always rides shotgun,” Glory guessed.

“Yeah, he does,” I agreed. “Except for when we were covered in skunk spray. They made him sit in the back with me.”

“That must’ve driven him crazy,” Valerie chuckled.

“Why do you want him to go on a cruise?”

“We chartered a ship,” Glory explained. “Our entire group is going. We’ve been planning this for two years. All the women are taking care not to get pregnant. Nobody wants to miss out.”

“You rented an entire cruise ship?” I gasped. “How many of you people are there?”

“We have families from all over the world in our group,” Cassie said. “Canada, Australia, Britain. A bunch of European countries. We even have members from Japan and South Korea.”

“Don’t forget about our families in South Africa,” Glory said.

“Holy crap!” I exclaimed.

“Shh,” Glory hissed, glancing at the dock where Tilly was keeping an eye on her children as they swam in the lake. “You’ll get a sprout card if Tilly hears you say that word.”

“Do you think you can change Evan’s mind?” Valerie asked.

“Change my mind about what?” Evan asked, coming up behind us.

“About the cruise,” Glory said.

“We can’t go,” he said firmly.

“It’s gonna be so much fun,” Cassie whined. “Vada wants to go.”

“Hey! I never said that.”

“Vada won’t be cruising next winter,” he informed them. “She’ll be pregnant.”

“Excuse me?” I barked, rising from my chair.

“We need to get started on our family,” he said. “You may be young, but we’re not.”

“I haven’t even agreed to marry you guys!”

“You will,” he said confidently. “Why aren’t you wearing a bathing suit, anyway?”

“Because I’m not going swimming.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t swim in lakes, Evan,” I snapped. “I told you that already.”

“I think you should try it,” he said.

“Nope.”

I screamed when he scooped me up and tossed me over his shoulder as he headed down the dock.

“Put me down!” I shrieked, beating my fists against his bare back. “Don’t even think about throwing me in that lake!”

He ignored me and continued to the very end of the long dock, where a bunch of teenage boys were hanging out.

“Go Evan!” they cheered. “Throw her in!”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” I yelled.

“Evan! Stop! If you throw me in that fucking lake, I swear I’ll rip your fucking balls off and feed them to the wolves. Then I’ll chop off your fucking dick and shove it up your tight fucking ass!”

I hit the water with a loud smack, my screams echoing across the lake before I sank below the surface.

When I came up, Tilly was standing at the end of the dock, holding up her stupid brussels sprout cards.

“You’re a dead man, Evan,” one of the teenage boys called out.

I swam back to the dock, hoisting myself out of the water before I marched up the hill to the cottage.