Chapter 39: Chapter 39

VADA

I glanced over my shoulder, opening the garden door slowly so it wouldn’t creak. Evan was working in the office, but he had freakishly good hearing for an old guy.

“Made it,” I whispered with a sigh of relief as I settled on the lounge chair with my feast from Evan’s list of banned foods.

Evan had gone off the deep end. He’d been extremely annoying and paranoid since I got pregnant. But over the past week, he’d lost his mind.

My due date was two days away.

He wanted to roll me in bubble wrap. No kidding around. Jake caught him shopping for it online.

I shoved deli meat in my mouth, moaning with pleasure before I washed it down with a glass of soda.

Why did food always taste better when it was forbidden?

My doctor said it was fine to eat cold meat. And caffeine was okay in moderation.

Evan didn’t understand what moderation meant. He didn’t want me to consume anything that carried even the tiniest risk. There was a big difference between being careful and being paranoid.

I gave up a lot. Sushi, hot tubs, alcohol, blue cheese. And I ~loved~ blue cheese. But that wasn’t enough. That crazy fucker wanted me to cut out fast food!

And now his family was on their way.

His family of medical professionals.

Evan’s parents were in their late seventies, but they still worked full time in their busy OB-GYN practice.

They were nice enough people, but Evan inherited his overbearing, controlling personality from them.

They texted me nonstop about my pregnancy. But at least I could ignore texts. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with them in person.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, his entire fucking family was descending on our home. They all lived in South Florida.

Why did they have to ~stay~? The last thing I needed in the final days of my pregnancy was a Morgan family reunion.

Evan’s eldest sister ~and~ her husband were OB-GYNs.

~Kill me now.~

I shoved another slice of salami in my mouth.

The next oldest sister ~and~ her wife were fetal surgeons.

~Kill me now.~

Another sister was a midwife.

~Kill me now.~

I stuffed a hunk of ham in my mouth and took another swallow of soda.

The youngest sister was the only one who wasn’t in medicine. She was an investment banker. And she was six months pregnant. At forty-six years old. With no husband.

She’d had artificial insemination. And she resented me.

Why?

Because my baby was the first grandchild in Evan’s family of career women. I beat her by three months.

“What are you eating?!” Evan barked.

~Shit.~

I didn’t hear him sneak up on me.

“Um, fruit and hummus,” I lied, swallowing the ham.

“You’re too close to the pool, Vada.”

“Huh?”

“The chlorine? You’re inhaling too much of it.”

“Relax, Evan,” I sighed, trying and failing to get up.

How was I supposed to run away when I couldn’t even get up by myself?

“I know one of Jake’s cats has been sleeping with you,” he said, helping me into a standing position. “I saw the hair on your sheets.”

“Cats aren’t dangerous, Evan,” I said. “Cat ~poop~ is dangerous.”

“And sometimes cats have feces around their anus if they don’t clean themselves properly. If they sleep with you, they could be spreading feces all over your bed.”

“I think you’re being a little paranoid, Evan.”

He grabbed the back of my head, kissing me hard, his tongue plunging deep into my mouth.

“You weren’t eating fruit and hummus! You taste like deli meat and soda, Vada.”

“I had a craving,” I snapped, moving around him as I waddled toward the house.

“Vada!”

“Leave me alone, Evan.”

“My family will be arriving shortly.”

“I can’t wait,” I muttered.

***

“Have you been doing your Kegels, Vada?”

I glanced up at my mother-in-law as she placed a glass of milk on the end table next to me.

~Did I ask for a glass of milk?~

“Yes, June,” I lied.

“If you don’t do them, you’re increasing your risk of urinary and fecal incontinence in the postpartum period ~and~ later in life.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“She’s right, Vada,” Eden said, rubbing the tiny basketball under her shirt. She claimed to be six months pregnant. But was it a human baby or a gerbil she was carrying?

“I’ve been doing my Kegels twice a day since I conceived. And I work out every day. I’m in excellent physical condition. This will be my only pregnancy. My pelvic floor will be fine.

“But you, on the other hand. Well, I would be a bit concerned.”

“I would have to agree with Eden,” Emma said, joining her mother and sister for my lecture.

“I’ve been an OB-GYN for twenty-six years. Longer than you’ve been alive, honey. And I have seen some pretty mangled perineums after delivery.”

I stared at Evan’s oldest sister, some ~very~ bad words on the tip of my tongue. What the fuck was wrong with these people? I did not need to hear that shit right before I gave birth.”

“Dr. Morgan-Mutton isn’t trying to scare you,” Emma’s nerdy husband explained with a kind smile. He was whipped. What man agrees to take his wife’s last name and hyphenate it with his own?

And why the fuck did they refer to each other as ~doctor~?

“Yes she is,” Eden snorted. “She’s evil.”

“I am not evil, Eden,” she said curtly. “I’m trying to prepare a young girl for the birth of her first child.

“A girl with ~three~ husbands, who will likely have several more deliveries before she begs her OB to perform a tubal ligation.”

“I’ve been practicing for thirty years,” the whipped husband advised. “Multigravid women often present with pelvic floor complaints when they reach menopause.

“Cystoceles, rectoceles, urethroceles, enteroceles, uterine, and vaginal vault prolapses, dyspareunia, vulvodynia, pudenal neuralgia. I’ve seen it all.”

I snatched my phone from the table, gritting my teeth while I fired off an SOS to Jake.

“Who are you texting, dear?” June inquired.

“Jake.”

“What do you need? We’re here to assist you.”

“I have to use the bathroom,” I informed her.

“Eloise can help you. She’s a midwife.”

“I need help getting off the toilet,” I said. “Jake is strong. He’s been doing it for the past week. And he’s my husband. He’s seen my bits many times. I’d prefer to have him.”

“Evan is the father of your baby,” she huffed. “Shouldn’t he be the one primarily involved in your care?”

“No offense, but your son is batshit crazy right now. He can barely get himself off the toilet because he’s so stressed out.”

“Your ~bits~?” Eden snorted.

“Would you rather I say pussy? Or beaver, biscuit, twat, snatch? Maybe I could just go full trailer trash and call it what it is. Jake has seen my ~cunt~ many times.”

A collective gasp rolled through the room.

Jake appeared and winked at me while he helped me out of the chair. “One, two, three, up,” he instructed.

He led me toward the foyer under the pretext that I was using the main floor powder room. We continued past the bathroom and out the front door, where Garrett was waiting behind the wheel of our SUV.

“Thank you so much,” I said once Jake had me settled in the passenger seat.

He climbed in the back seat, buckling up as Garrett gunned it down the driveway.

***

EVAN

I closed my laptop with a frustrated sigh. My anxiety wasn’t allowing me to get any work done. Work normally helped alleviate my stress. But not that day.

The impending birth of my first child was an event which I had no control over. And it was driving me insane. I thrived on schedules and the ability to plan every minute of the day.

I couldn’t control my pregnant wife. She had a mind of her own. But when it came to the health of my child, I had to intervene.

Vada was so stubborn. She wouldn’t listen to me about her food choices. I’d hired a nutritionist to help her cleanse her body of toxins before she got pregnant.

She conceived the first month she was off her birth control, causing me many sleepless nights worrying about her folic intake.

The nutritionist visited once a month, but it was a waste of money. Vada ate whatever she wanted. And then her fucking doctor told her deli meat and caffeine were fine in moderation.

The cats posed a serious risk to my baby. But once again, Vada would not listen.

And her useless fucking doctor took her side, telling her not to worry and to have someone else clean out the litter box. As if our wife cleaned ~anything~.

I loved Vada. Our relationship was solid, despite our differences. We bickered nonstop some days. But we made up for it at night. The sex was hot. She was horny all the time.

At least there were three of us to keep her satisfied. But sex was another bone of contention in our household.

When Vada reached her third trimester, I felt very strongly that sex posed an unnecessary risk to our baby. I had kind of hoped she wouldn’t be interested by that point in her pregnancy.

No such luck. And her fucking doctor sided with her on that one as well. She said Vada was having a healthy pregnancy and there was no reason to stop having sex.

I just couldn’t do it. My baby was inside her. Jake and I could reach her cervix if we angled her just right. I didn’t want my dick, or Jake’s, that close to my baby.

And I didn’t want dirty, germ-infested mouths that close to her vagina. Or dirty tongues inside her, sending harmful bacteria up there.

So I hadn’t had any sex for three months. And that was not helping with my stress. I’d jerked off so many times that I was getting a callus on my thumb.

But she was having sex!

Jake and Garrett betrayed me.

I asked them not to fuck her or go down on her. We had a family meeting and voted. I lost, of course. And then she cried. I couldn’t say no to her when she turned on the waterworks.

I pushed back my chair with a heavy sigh. I’d left Vada alone with my family for long enough. It was selfish of me to escape with my work excuse, but I could only handle them in small doses.

And with two pregnant women in the room, vaginas and childbirth would be the only topic of conversation.

When it came to my family of pussy practitioners, that’s all they talked about, even when nobody was expecting. And babies were a rarity in the Morgan family.

My parents managed to produce five of us, but my sisters were so career focused that they never got around to popping out any offspring.

When my mother learned I was giving her the long-awaited first grandchild, she was ecstatic.

I opened the office door, muttering under my breath when the conversation in the great room reached my ears.

~Vagina, epidural, cervix, mucus plug, placenta.~

I considered turning around and retreating back to my sanctuary. But my love for my wife propelled me forward into the pit of gyno hell. I could do this for my girl.

“Where’s Vada?” I asked, scanning the room for my beautiful and very pregnant wife.

“She ran away,” Eden snorted. “And I can’t say I blame her.”

“Vada can’t ~run anywhere~,” I said. “She can’t even get out of the chair by herself.”

“She had help, little brother,” she informed me with a smug grin. “That’s why you shouldn’t share your wife with your friends.”

I pulled my phone from my pants pocket and dialed Jake.

He picked up on the first ring. “I was just about to call you,” he said with a nervous chuckle.

“Did you kidnap Vada?”

“We ~rescued~ her,” he clarified. “How could you leave her alone with your family, Evan?”

“~We~? Garrett was part of this?”

“He drove the getaway car.”

“Is that Vada?” I gasped, my gut clenching with fear when I heard moaning in the background.

“Uh, yeah,” he said.

“What the hell is going on, Jake!”

“Well, we sorta brought her to Pouma Island. She had a craving for pineapple, so we took the ferry over to the Pineapple Palace~.~

“She was halfway through her second slice of pineapple cheesecake when she started having contractions.”

“~What~?”

“Relax, Ev,” he said. “It’s all good.”

“My wife is in labor, trapped on a fucking island with a charter ferry service, and you expect me to relax?!”

“She’s ~our~ wife,” he corrected.

“She’s having ~my~ baby!” I roared. “Is that a boat motor? Are you on a ~speedboat~?”

“Would you prefer she swim?” he yelled over the motor, waves, and Vada’s screams. “Travis was home. He offered to take us back.”

I closed my eyes, rubbing my temple with my free hand while I fought to maintain control.

Travis was a good guy. He lived on the exclusive island with his brothers, Tyler and Troy.

Their wife passed away a couple of years back, leaving them to raise a pack of teenagers. Stephanie, the young girl Vada befriended at the reunion, was their daughter.

Pouma Island was a gated community only accessible by ferry. And you had to be invited by a resident and complete a security clearance.

We’d visited them a few times since we got married. Vada loved the pineapple restaurant.

“How far apart are her contractions?” my mother asked calmly.

“I’m almost afraid to ask,” I sighed. “How far apart are her contractions, Jake?”

“About ten minutes!” he shouted.

“I need to get to the hospital!” I exclaimed, running in circles like a dog chasing his tail. “The baby is coming, and I’m gonna miss the birth!”

“We’ll drive you,” Emma said. “Where’s Vada’s hospital bag?”

“It’s in the front hall closet.”

For once I was actually grateful for the strong women in my family. They kept me calm on the drive to the hospital.

My mother marched up to the desk of the maternity unit, barking orders at the nurses.

“Miss Collins hasn’t arrived yet,” the desk clerk informed us. “Dr. Mallawa is listed as her attending. Are you covering for her, Dr. Morgan?”

“No. Vada is my daughter-in-law. I’m here for the birth of my first grandchild.”

“She’s not here?!” I cried. “How is that possible?”

“Someone called to say she was en route. Are you her husband?”

“One of them, yes.”

“Evan, a word,” my mother ordered, pointing to the waiting room.

“I need to call Jake and find out what’s going on, Mother! I don’t have time for a lecture.”

“Vada isn’t here, so you do have time,” she pointed out.

I followed her into the empty waiting room, pulling out my phone to call Jake. But it went straight to voicemail. I tried Garrett. Same thing. Travis picked up on the first ring.

“Travis! Thank God! Where is Vada?”

“I dropped them off at the marina about twenty minutes ago, Evan,” he said.

“They should’ve been here by now.”

“Traffic is pretty heavy at this time of day.”

“How was Vada?”

“Uh, she’s a bit of a screamer, Evan,” he chuckled.

“How far apart were her contractions?”

“I endured two screaming episodes on the twenty-minute boat ride, so I guess ten minutes apart? It’s her first baby, so it’ll be hours before she gives birth.”

“Thanks, Travis.”

“No problem. Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.”

“Evan,” my mother started the second I hung up. “Your father and I work at this hospital. We would prefer it if you didn’t mention your lifestyle choices while you are here.”

“Mother,” I warned.

“You can’t go around telling people you share your wife with your friends,” Emma hissed.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not socially acceptable.”

Vada rescued me from my family lecture, her screams announcing her arrival. I ran out to the nurse’s station.

“Evan!” she shrieked. “This fucking hurts!”

“I know, honey,” I said, leaning down to give her a kiss.

She shoved me away so hard I almost toppled backward. “You know?! Do you really, Evan?!”

“I know you’re in pain, and we’re gonna get that taken care of. And we’re all here for you.” I glared at my mother. “~All~ of your husbands are here.”

***

“You’re doing great, Evan,” Jake said, patting me on the back after eight hours in the labor room and countless vaginal exams and visuals of blood and other goodies leaking from our wife.

“We have a long way to go,” I whispered. “She’s only four centimeters.”

“At least she has her epidural now,” Garrett said quietly. “She’s a lot calmer.”

“How much longer?” Vada asked, staring up at the nurse with a glazed look. They’d given her some laughing gas before the epidural, and she’d been a little spacey ever since.

“A little while longer, honey,” the nurse replied. “Why don’t you get some rest?”

“I am pretty tired,” she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Knock, knock,” my mother called out, opening the door with Emma in tow. “How are we doing? She must be getting close.”

“She’s only four centimeters, Dr. Morgan,” the nurse advised.

“She’s been in labor for eight hours. The Pitocin needs to be increased.”

“You’d have to discuss that with Dr. Mallawa,” she said.

“Have her membranes ruptured yet?” Emma inquired.

“No.”

“Why hasn’t Dr. Mallawa performed an amniotomy?”

“She usually waits until they reach five centimeters.”

“I always do it at four,” she advised.

“As do I,” my mother agreed. “Especially when the mother is progressing as slowly as Vada is.”

“Mother,” I warned.

“She needs to be repositioned on her side,” Emma ordered, frowning at the fetal monitor thing. “She’s experiencing some late decelerations.”

“Dr. Mallawa is aware,” the nurse advised curtly.

“Then why isn’t she on her side?” my mother demanded.

“She was,” the nurse said. “But she found it uncomfortable.”

“You need to lie on your side, Vada,” Emma instructed.

“Why?” Vada moaned.

“Because your baby is in distress.”

“What?!” she cried. “Oh my God! What’s wrong?!”

“O2!” my mother barked at the nurse. “Stat!”

“Evan!” Vada shrieked. “I’m scared!”

Dr. Mallawa burst through the door. “What is going on?” she demanded.

“Is my baby okay?!” Vada cried.

The doctor studied the monitoring strip. “Your baby is fine. But you need to calm down, Vada. Your heart rate and blood pressure are elevated. That’s not good for the baby.”

“Mother, Emma,” I said calmly, pointing toward the door. “You need to leave.”

“No disrespect, Evan,” Emma said. “But you need us here. You don’t have the educational background and experience to manage this on your own.”

“That’s why there’s a doctor and nurses,” I said. “All you’ve done is upset our wife. Please leave.”

“Evan!” my mother protested while Jake escorted them out. “We’re only looking out for your wife and baby!”

I went to my Vada’s side, holding her hand while the nurse administered oxygen to her. “Everything’s going to be fine, honey,” I assured her.

“I don’t want your family in here again!” she snapped, glaring angrily at the door. “They’ve done nothing but upset me since they arrived at our house.”

“We’ll keep them out,” I promised.

***

“Push, Vada!”

“I can’t!”

“C’mon, honey,” I said. “You can do it.”

“You’re a trooper,” Jake added, squeezing the thigh he was holding.

She let out a blood-curdling scream, squeezing my hand so hard that I was sure it was broken.

“Is it out?” she panted.

“Our baby isn’t an it,” I said.

“Do we know the sex, Evan?” she inquired crisply.

“No, but—”

“Let it go, man,” Garrett warned under his breath. “Just let it go.”

“What is that for?” I asked in a shaky voice when I saw the nurse hand the doctor a large needle.

“Freezing,” she replied. “The baby is stuck. I’m going to try the forceps. Vada, I’m going to have to cut you to get your baby out.”

I was up by Vada’s head for a reason. I’d fared pretty well up until that point. But when I saw the doctor stick the needle in my wife’s pussy… Well, let’s just say that was too much.

My knees buckled, the room tilting on its axis.

~Get it together, you wimp.~

~If you faint, you’ll miss the birth of your child.~

I took a fortifying breath, focusing on Vada’s breathing, rather than what was happening between her legs.

“Push, Vada!”

“Good girl!”

“Let’s go!”

“You’re almost there!”

“Congratulations!”

“It’s a girl!”

I turned my head slowly, blocking out all the blood as I gazed down at the tiny human on my wife’s belly. She let out a hearty cry, triggering my own tear ducts.

I was a father.

“Would you like to cut the cord, Evan?” the nurse asked.

“Yes,” I whispered.

***

“How are you feeling, baby?” I asked, cuddling up next to Vada in her hospital bed.

“Tired and sore,” she sighed.

“She’s beautiful,” I whispered, brushing my thumb over my daughter’s cheek. “Just like her mommy.”

“I can’t believe she’s here.”

“She’s going to have a great life,” I promised.

“I hope so.”

“Can we come in?” Garrett asked, peeking through the crack in the partially open door.

“Of course,” I said.

He entered the room, his arms full of flowers. Jake followed behind with pink balloons and a giant teddy bear.

They set down the gifts and joined us on the bed. Garrett perched on the other side of Vada. Jake settled by her feet.

“Thank you,” Vada whispered, tears pouring down her cheeks while she gazed lovingly at each of us. “You guys have given me everything. A home, unconditional love, and this beautiful baby girl.”

“And sex,” Garrett teased. “We give you lots of that.”

“You sure do,” she laughed before descending into a bout of uncontrolled sobbing. “And now I can’t have any for six weeks!”

“It will go by fast,” I assured her.

“And before you know it, it will be my turn,” Jake said, rubbing her foot.

“I want to enjoy this little one for a while first,” she said.

“You want brothers and sisters, don’t you, beautiful girl?” Garrett whispered. “Tell Mommy she has to have lots of sex with all your daddies.”

Christine Morgan responded with a mighty cry.

“I think that was a yes,” Vada laughed.