~Jackson
I'd like to say that seeing Kyle awake again put me in a good mood, especially after the bad mood I was in this morning with Suzanne showing up, but it's just not the same when he doesn't remember our life together. As much as I love him, spending all afternoon explaining things he should know was draining. And it didn't help that he kept saying things that really just made me want to crawl into that bed with him and kiss him senseless. But I couldn't do that, not when he still shys away from me even going for a kiss on the cheek. It sucks.
"Hey, love," Leo greeted me as I walked through the door. He was in the middle of emptying the dishwasher. "How's Kyle?"
I went over to him and kissed him because he was one of the people I could still kiss. "I just want him to come home already," I said, staying within Leo's hug.
"Me too, love. Me too."
Backing out of his arms, I looked around the kitchen. "Where's Josh and Kimmy?" Josh's car was outside, so I knew he'd be here somewhere, and Kimmy had decided to stick around here instead of seeing Kyle with me.
Leo shrugged. "I think Josh went upstairs. Not sure about Kimmy."
Nodding, I went off in search of them both. Kimmy was actually easier to find, sitting on the guest bedroom intensely staring at her laptop. I knocked on the door frame, making her look up.
"You good?" I asked, just to make sure. With everything going on with us, it was easy for us to forget that she had her own reasons for being here.
She hesitated a second before nodding. "I think so. Sorry for just throwing myself into your life right now. Obviously it wasn't the right time."
I walked over and sat next to her. "You do know you are always welcome here, right? Doesn't matter what's going on, I'll find time to listen if you need to talk. Promise."
"Thanks, Jacks." She gave me a small smile. "Maybe I'll take you up on that offer to talk later. Currently working on a stupid homework assignment that's due in a couple hours."
I laughed, standing up. "Good luck. I'll let you know when dinner's ready."
With that, I left her alone to continue my walk through the house, which ended a room over in the living room. Both kids were in there - Ashley sprawled on the floor playing with her dolls and Logan was working on a small puzzle. They both looked up when I entered the room and Ashley was immediately on her feet, running over to give me a hug.
"How are you guys doing?" I asked, ruffling Ashley's hair. "Get your homework done?"
Logan just nodded his head before going back to his puzzle while Ashley launched into a full description of something or other that happened at school today. I tried to listen, really, I did. But when she tells the same kind of story every day because nothing interesting really ever happens in kindergarten, sometimes there are more important things on my mind.
At this moment, it was Logan. He's been even quieter than normal since he came home. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing - he did talk to Quincy about it a little when he first came home - but it was still slightly concerning. It could be worse, though. I just had to remember that.
When Ashley finished her story a couple minutes later, she seemed to remember that she left her dolls on the floor, so she ran back over to them. Deciding that they were set doing what they're doing, I actually went to find Josh this time.
He proved to be the most difficult to find. I walked around the entire upstairs before I finally found him, but only because of the soft thud that came from the closet. Opening the closet door, I found him sitting on the floor with his back to me, an open suitcase and piles of clothes surrounding him.
"You going somewhere?"
He jumped at the sound of my voice before turning to face me. "It's all Kyle's stuff," he said. "If he's getting released tomorrow, he's going to want it."
I noticed a single tear make its way down Josh's cheek, so instead of saying anything, I sat next to him and wiped away the tear before pulling him into a hug.
"I just want to stop crying," Josh said softly after a moment. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't seem to hold myself together."
Holding him tighter, I kissed the top of his head. "Never apologize for that. Baby, don't. I'll always love you, no matter what."
He nodded his head. "That doesn't stop me from feeling so incredibly guilty. It's all my fault. All of it."
I sighed. "Josh, please-" I started, but he cut me off.
"What?" he asked defensively, backing away from me. "Don't say not to blame myself. You know it's true, Jackson. No matter how many times you try to say otherwise won't change the facts. Get that through your head."
He then turned his back on me to finish folding Kyle's clothes. I wanted to argue, to convince him that he shouldn't shoulder all this guilt, but I knew there was no point. He was mad and upset about everything going on, just like all of us. I just needed to give him time to cool off.
~Kyle
It was probably about an hour after my dad left and a little less than that since Jackson left that I had another visitor. She hadn't come since I've been awake and I had no clue who she was, which wasn't that surprising considering I wasn't recognizing anyone. She was older, probably older than my dad. For some reason, she looked slightly familiar, but not in a I-remember-her way, more of a she-looks-like-someone-I-do-know way.
"Hello, dear," she said, shutting the door behind her. "How are you doing?"
I looked at her, confused. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?"
She sat in the chair next to the bed, chuckling softly. "No, dear. We've never met before. I'm Suzanne, a... friend of your husband."
If she was a friend of one of them, why hadn't I met her before? And why was she bothering to come now? But I didn't question it as she kept talking.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here. To be honest, dear, so I am. I wasn't going to come because you don't know me and I heard about your amnesia. But I found myself here, so I dropped in."
"You didn't have to do that," I said. "I'm sure my husband told you that I'm fine, really." For some reason, she was making me feel uncomfortable and I didn't want her here. Although that could just be because it's been a long day and I just wanted time to be alone.
"You know," she continued as if I didn't just politely ask her to leave. "I do have something to ask you. I was babysitting your children the other day and a toy was left behind at my house. I was hoping I could swing by your house sometime this week to drop it off, maybe say hi to the kids again. They are such sweethearts."
Her story didn't seem to add up in my head. If she babysat our kids, why had I never met her before? Shouldn't I have had a say in it? I wanted to ask all those questions, but I figured it wasn't my place to ask right now. "Sorry," I said. "I have no control over them right now. I'm not the one you should ask."
Something flashed across her face, but it disappeared so quickly I didn't have a chance to identify it. "Of course, dear. Sorry to bother you then." With that, she stood up and left the room.
I stared at the door a few moments longer, wondering if that really just happened. There were so many confusing things right now, I didn't need to be having confusing encounters with people who I actually didn't know like that. Should I tell my husbands about what happened? She didn't mention which one of them she was friends with, so maybe only one of them actually knew she existed, but that can't be true if she babysat our kids. Right?
Grabbing my phone that was sitting on the table, I opened the group chat Jackson showed me this morning between the four of us. I typed out a message to them. Do any of you know a woman named Suzanne? She was just here. Said the kids left a toy by her place when she watched them the other day.
Leo answered first with a nice Shit. Then a second text from him came through. Don't talk to her again. She's a lying bitch.
I didn't reply, not knowing what to say. So that uncomfortable feeling wasn't just me being weird. There was something going on with that woman that obviously wasn't good. I had a feeling I would know what it was if I could remember things, but, like everything else, I had no clue.
~Josh
I looked down at the packed suitcase in front of me. I didn't want to have to do that - pack up Kyle's clothes. But it's a necessary evil, because he needed them if he wasn't coming home right away. I just wanted him to come home. Maybe then I'd stop feeling so guilty.
Why couldn't Jackson and Leo understand that I feel guilty? I love them to death, but I just get so frustrated at them sometimes. It doesn't matter how many times they say I shouldn't blame myself, it's not going to change how I feel.
With Kyle's suitcase in one hand and a backpack with some of my stuff over my shoulder, I headed downstairs. I didn't know if I was actually coming back here tonight, so better safe than sorry as far as having clean clothes to wear. I had yet to decide if I wasn't coming home tonight or where I would stay, but the bag was coming with me nonetheless.
"Where you off to, love?" Leo called to me as I passed by the kitchen. "Not gonna stay for dinner?"
I stopped and looked at him. "I'm going to bring Kyle his clothes."
"I thought you and I were going to go see him tonight?"
Shaking my head, I shifted my gaze to the floor. "I just need to get out of the house for a bit. Sorry. Don't wait up for me." Without waiting for a response, I left.
About halfway to the hospital, my phone went off a few times. I didn't look, not just because I was driving, but because I didn't want to read the texts that were probably trying to get me to come back home. As soon as I parked my car, I made sure to turn off my phone without checking the texts. They could wait until later.
I can't explain the relief I felt when I walked into Kyle's room and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed. I mean, I know he's awake. I talked to him yesterday. But just seeing him sitting up like that, after weeks, is pretty amazing.
"Hey," I said as causally as I could, trying not to run over and kiss him. "I brought some of your stuff from home, since you're going to your dad's tomorrow."
He looked at the suitcase in my hand before nodding. "Thanks. I forgot I would need those kinds of things."
Smiling, I sat in the seat facing Kyle. "I had a feeling you would."
Silence fell between us for a moment, during which time Kyle seemed to be studying me. I didn't mind. I couldn't even count how many times I caught one of them staring at me like that over the years, let alone how many times Kyle has done it. What he said next, however, caught me off guard.
"You're related to her, aren't you?"
"What?" I asked. "Who?"
"That woman I texted you guys about. Who Leo said not to talk to. Suzanne? You look like her."
I froze. This can't be happening. She came to see Kyle? Why? Why can't she just leave us alone?
My hands started shaking in front of me and it was getting harder to breathe. I was going into a panic attack, and I'm pretty sure Kyle wouldn't be able to help me out of this one, which only made things worse.
But the next thing I knew, Kyle's arms were holding me, his lips pressed just under my ear, the way he always used to do. I clung to him, immediately feeling myself calming down. Even after the attack stopped, I continued holding onto Kyle, not wanting to let go now that I finally got him in my arms again.
"Are you okay?" Kyle asked eventually, pulling back from me.
I nodded. "I'm sorry. I just can't seem to control them anymore. It's because of her."
He reached up and gently moved the hair out of my eyes. The action made me smile. "I didn't mean to upset you. I guess that has something to do with why I shouldn't talk to her?"
I nodded again before telling him the full story. Thankfully I didn't have another panic attack. I didn't need three in one day. Two was already more than enough. When I got to the end of my explanation, I realized that he managed to calm me down, the way not even Leo or Jackson could do. With his lips pressed in that spot on my neck. Was he remembering?
"What you did," I started. "Before, when I was having that panic attack. How did you know to do that?" It was something we figured out shortly after Logan was taken, when my panic attacks were at an all-time high.
Kyle shrugged. "I don't know. I guess some things might be coming back." He patted the bed next to him for me to sit there, so I did. "I can tell I love you, you know. All of you. The feeling is there, but nothing else. I just can't go home with you. Not yet."
I leaned my head against his shoulder. "I'll always love you, Kyle," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "And I know you'll remember everything soon. Even if you don't, you should know you're always welcome back home. We'll make new memories with you."
He kissed my temple. "I'll come back soon. Promise."
I smiled. This was so much more than I was hoping for when I came. There is an actual chance of Kyle recovering his memories. I just wished they'd hurry and and get here, because I really missed him. Not even this little bit of affection was enough to ease that pain of not having him.