21. Alone

~Josh

Forty minutes went by and Jackson and Leo weren't back yet. Linda had dropped the kids off about ten minutes ago, so I was expecting everyone to be back by now. And yet they weren't here yet.

I had dinner basically ready to be served. Both kids were sitting in their seats at the table, excitedly telling me about their day. Except I couldn't help but be distracted every time I looked at the clock, counting the seconds that they were late.

I shook my head. It was only my doubts coming back to haunt me. They were fine, probably trying to figure out how to fix Leo's car instead of Jackson just picking him up and them coming right home. Something bad didn't happen to them and it definitely wasn't because I had finally decided to apologize and be a family again. They were fine. Of course they were fine. They were going to walk through the door any minute now.

So I turned my attention back to what Ashley was currently saying. "And then Emmy decided to go into the ball pit but she didn't just go in like the rest of us. She backed all the way up to the far wall then ran until she got to it then jumped so high! Like a hundred feet up!"

I knew that was an exaggeration, but I played along. "A hundred feet? Wow. That's impressive."

She went to say something else, but my phone started ringing then, so I shushed her, telling her to wait a minute. The number was unknown, but had this area code, so I answered it.

"Hi, I'm looking for Josh Hart," said the man on the other end.

"That's me. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling because you're on the emergency contact list for both Leo and Jackson Hart. Are they relatives of yours?"

My throat caught. "Y-yeah. Is - is everything alright? What happened? Are they okay?"

"Sir, please calm down. There was a car accident. Both men are currently in transit to Saint Mary's Hospital."

"Oh my god," I whispered. Then I repeated the words at a normal volume. "Are they okay?"

"They're both stable for now. They'll know more at the hospital."

They were stable. That's all I needed to hear right now. It was terrible news, yet I was thankful he wasn't telling me they had died.

I wiped my cheeks with the back on my hand as I thanked the man and hung up. Wiping my cheeks did nothing to dry them, but I didn't have a tissue nearby. Instead, I had two children staring up at me, clearly worried. I didn't want to tell them that their dads are heading for the hospital. These kids have gone through enough as it was, they didn't need this.

Instead, I dialed my sister's number as I left the kitchen, telling the kids to stay put. Alyssa lived the closest and I knew she'd come over as soon as I explained the situation. I wasn't bringing the kids with me to the hospital, which meant I needed someone to watch them. Thankfully, she was home and agreed immediately to come over, which only left me with the job of finally telling the kids what was going on.

I started by placing two plates of food in front of them while I sat across the table from them. "Okay guys," I said softly. "Remember how Dad got hurt and he was in the hospital for a while to get better?" They both nodded. "Well, your other daddies just got hurt too. They're going to the hospital to get better. I'm going to go see them tonight and Aunt Alyssa's going to come over and stay with you, okay? I promise I'll be home before you go to bed and tomorrow we can all go to see your daddies, okay?"

"Why can't you just fix them, Daddy?" Logan asked, on the verge. "You're a doctor. You made me feel better. Make them feel better too."

I had to hold back my own tears. "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm not that kind of doctor. I wish I could though." Neither of them will every understand how much I wished I could just fix everything so that our family was whole again.

Speaking of, I should tell Kyle. He may be separating himself from us right now, but he still deserved to know. They're his husbands too.

And maybe, the selfish part of me said, maybe he'll finally come home to us. To me. Because I didn't know if I could get through this alone.

~Kyle

My dad seemed to have kept every picture ever taken of us. Some of them were hung up - the most important ones, I guess - but the rest I found packed away in boxes at the back of the closet.

Colton was long gone, having dropped me back off here after insisting I go out with them when they called. I agreed because I was tired of feeling so left out of life. I felt alone, trapped here without my memories. They would be able to help me. I just wish I had figured that out this morning when I was there.

Just as I was alone in my memory, I was alone in the house. Dad and Tina still hadn't gotten back yet. He had texted me that they were stopping for lunch somewhere and offered to get me something, which I declined. I was going to use the time by myself to explore the old pictures without him trying to explain every one I pulled out.

I started with the box on the bottom, thinking that maybe going in time order will help best with trying to piece my memory back together. But when I started pulling the pictures out, I thought I might have started too far back.

These were pictures of me as a baby. At first it was just me and my parents - both of them looking so young and happy. A few years of pictures went by before Colton made his first appearance.

Then I came across a picture of just my mom and me. I was probably around six, sitting on a swing, smiling widely at the camera. Mom was sitting in the swing next to me, but instead of looking at the camera, she was looking at me with so much love in her eyes.

You're no son of mine, her voice echoed through my head, making me drop the picture back into the box. Never step foot in this house again. I hate you.

The day she said those words to me came rushing back. The pain. The tears. The comforting holds of my boyfriends.

It wasn't the best memory to get back first, but it was a start. Maybe something in the other boxes will help further the remembering. Skipping the second box - with the feeling that that one held pictures from my teenage years - I opened the third.

There, sitting on top of the pile, was a picture of me and Josh. There were a bunch of other people as well, all posed as a sort of family picture, but I didn't recognize any, although one looked vaguely like Colton's husband, Elliot. We all looked young, so it was probably close to when we first started dating.

That's when the memory hit me. Thanksgiving. The first one without my family. I spent the week at his house. I remembered that week; remembered how welcomed I felt in that family and how much I already loved Josh - all three of them. The image of the Skype call popped into my head next and I chuckled. We were so young and stupid back then. But we were happy and in love. We had fun. I remembered that.

I remembered them.

I remembered the day Leo came home late one night. We were in the middle of dinner - before the kids were even a thought - and tossed a box down into the middle of the table.

"I couldn't help myself, so I did that today," he had said. None of us moved to open the box - it wasn't big, but it wasn't tiny either.

Finally Josh grabbed it and looked in. "Leo, you know this isn't legal, right?"

Jackson grabbed the box out of Josh's hands so fast, Leo didn't have a chance to reply. Then he laughed when he saw what was in there, leaving me even more confused. "Not the most romantic way of doing it," Jackson said, "but I guess it works."

I reached for the box, needing to know what was in it. When Jay handed it over, I looked inside and gasped when I realized what they were. Four silver rings. Identical. One for each of us.

"What do you guys say?" Leo asked. "Wanna be husbands?"

The sound of the doorbell ripped me from the memory. I glanced out the window when I went for the door. It was starting to get dark. What time was it? How long had I been looking at those pictures? Where were Dad and Tina?

When I opened the door, I found Josh standing there, his cheeks red, like he had been crying.

"Hi," I said, uncertain. "Is everything alright?"

He shook his head. "Jackson and Leo, they-there was a car accident. I'm on my way to the hospital now. I know you don't really remember knowing us or anything, so I don't expect you to come. I just needed to let you know because you deserve to hear it from me rather than someone else. They're still your family too."

If he had told me that yesterday, or even this morning, I probably wouldn't have felt so much pain at hearing his words as I did now. He doesn't know that I remember, and I figured now probably wasn't the best time to tell him. Not with everything else going on. We needed to focus on Jay and Leo right now, not me.

He started leaving, heading back towards his car. He didn't even wait for me to answer him, probably too concerned with getting to the hospital than whether I felt anything with the lack of memories he still thought I was dealing with.

"Josh," I called out, making him stop. "Wait up. I'm coming with you."

"What?" He looked so shocked that I would come.

I smiled. "They're my husbands too, right?" He nodded, smiling now. "Then you're not going to go see them by yourself. I'll be right by your side." Neither of us were going to go through this alone.