Chapter: 36: Core Memories

“Are you ready for another evening?”

Caiden stood right outside my room for the sixth night in a row.

My head tilted lazily to the side. “Do we have to?”

Exhaustion had already left visible clues on my depleted body. I could barely keep my eyes open during the courses, and I’d almost fallen asleep during one of my sparring sessions with Alia.

The healers had fixed that injury, but it sometimes still felt like my face drooped from being temporarily paralyzed.

“Do you feel you have complete control of your powers yet?” Caiden asked, leaning closer.

I didn’t look at him as I mumbled a discreet ~no~.

“Then you have your answer. Let’s go.”

I’d begun hating that smile. It had been quite charming initially, but he’d started wearing it every time he said something to prove me wrong.

We hadn’t been doing much but mediating and testing the limits of my powers in the battle arena, but it had been nice.

Caiden’s voice was calming, and whenever I’d been about to surrender myself to the feeling I remembered from the locker room, he’d jerked me back to reality right before everything turned into chaos.

It taught me to understand my limits—especially when I was supposed to stop retrieving more energy and utilize what I already had.

“Let’s try this properly,” Caiden said, helping me to my feet. “Find your memory. Let that feeling guide you and only guide you. Don’t let the emotions take over.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, suddenly not feeling as confident as a few moments ago. “I know we’ve been doing this for a while now, but I don’t know if I’m ready to just…let go.”

Caiden stepped closer, and my heart fluttered for a brief second.

His formal suit from the first evening he brought me here had been replaced by a tight T-shirt and loose slacks firmly twined around his calves.

“You don’t have to let go, and you don’t have to contain your emotions either.

“Every Iridis would have a problem if we needed to put a lid on our emotions every time we were upset or happy,” he said, laughing deeply.

“You just need to be aware. Don’t let your emotions drown you.

“I am aware that it can be alluring to surrender to the realm of unending tranquility, but that place is a defense mechanism for your mind to protect itself.”

“You know about that place?” I asked, whispering the words as if he wouldn’t otherwise be able to hear them.

He nodded without breaking eye contact. “I was a novice once too. Maybe not as powerful as you back then, but I clearly remember the peace I felt when Art told me to release.

“My mother taught me how to control it about the same way I’m teaching you now.”

It suddenly made sense why Art had wanted Caiden to teach me how to control my powers.

Caiden had been where I was. He knew about the place of peace and how tempting it could be to let everything go. He knew.

“Okay,” I sighed, clearing my throat. “Teach me.”

Caiden smiled and took a few steps back. “Go where you feel comfortable. Not any farther for now.”

I nodded, raised my hands, and stopped when they were right in front of me, palms turning toward the ceiling.

The air surrounding me felt a little warmer than usual as it scurried over the surface of my skin and through my hair.

I could feel the blood rushing through my veins like a gust of wind through a narrow tunnel.

I concentrated on directing the energy to my hands and felt the turbulence of the air being focused into a whirling ball, bigger than the first time Art had made me create it.

“Good,” Caiden said, smiling confidently as he folded his hands behind his back as if he was my master. “This is where you feel comfortable?”

A rush of thrilling suspense made my body shudder. I knew what came next, but I nodded anyway.

This was a place where I felt in control. I was still aware of my surroundings, and Caiden’s voice was clear as day.

“Now, make it bigger,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“What?” I said and felt my powers wobble shortly.

“Focus, Will.”

I swallowed the mass in my throat.

I hadn’t expected him to tell me to make it grow. I had expected him to order me to hold the position for an hour like he always did.

“We need to find your limits—without me interfering. You’re strong, but your level of control is still weak. You need to figure out when to suppress the power on your own.”

I wanted to curse him for being right. It scared me senseless to step over my comfort line without Caiden to pull me back if I failed.

“I’ll be right here, Will. Just like I’ve always been.”

I looked up, my eyes stinging from the tears blurring my vision.

“I promise,” Caiden said, and I nodded.

My lungs expanded as I breathed in air, allowing additional energy to flow to my hands.

“Open your eyes, Will,” Caiden said, his voice raised as the sphere’s size increased. “It’ll make it easier.”

The sphere in my hands was unsteady and unreliable. It was shifting in size and looking like a water balloon about to burst.

“I can’t, Caiden,” I gasped, terrified and concerned about releasing more power than I could control.

My arms were shaking, and it felt like my legs were about to give way under me at any moment.

I was on the verge of panic, but Caiden’s expression was calm.

He moved his hands to his front and mimicked my stance. Then a sphere of water resembling the one between my hands appeared between his.

“Do like me. Little by little,” he said and increased the sphere’s size.

He made it look much easier than it was, and despite my best efforts to imitate him, I still felt like I was inches away from losing control.

“Caiden,” I whimpered, my breath ragged.

“You can do this, Will. Just a little farther. Hang on to the memory,” he repeated for the fourth time.

I squeezed my eyes together and allowed the memories of my family and Koa to rush past my eyes. Then I found it—my core memory.

It was a quite recent memory—only a couple of months old.

Tristan beamed with pride when he extended his arm toward me, eagerly showing me the glistening tooth that had once been between the other crooked teeth in his mouth.

I’d still been in bed, barely able to open my eyes when I’d pulled him under the blanket and into our dragon’s lair.

His messy morning hair had tickled my nose as he’d listed all the superpowers his new tooth would grant him.

“Turn it down, Willow!” Caiden shouted.

I fluttered my eyes open and saw that the sphere had grown five times its original size.

Caiden’s voice was still clear, which meant I was still in control.

“I-I think I can do this, Caiden,” I whispered, allowing more power to surge through me.

“Don’t push yourself too far!” he shouted again, shielding his face from the wind enveloping us.

I could hear every word he said. I listened to his warning, but my mind was blocking it out. I needed to know how far I could go. I needed to find my limit.

“Willow!”

Caiden grabbed my wrist, forcing me to look at him.

“You have done great, but don’t push it. The potential consequences are too dangerous.”

I bit my lip, knowing he was right.

I wanted to know more about my powers. I wanted to know about the potential hidden inside me, but I wasn’t ready—not yet.

Reluctantly, I canceled the sphere of air. Then, exhaustion hit me like a fist to my stomach, and my legs disappeared under me.

“Wow,” Caiden said, catching my elbows to keep me from collapsing to the floor.

“What is—” I panted but struggled to finish the question.

“You’ve exhausted most of your energy reserves,” Caiden explained, throwing my faltering arm around his neck.

“You will learn to harvest the energy from your surroundings instead of yourself soon enough, but it will take time.”

I started chuckling. It was a strange reaction to my current condition. I just couldn’t stop.

“I did it, Caiden,” I whispered, laughing a little louder. “I controlled it.”

Caiden’s smile made warm hope spread to the tips of my fingers. “Yes, you did. Now, let’s get you to your chamber so you can rest a bit before tomorrow.”

Suddenly, he lifted me from the floor, placing one arm under my knees and the other supporting my back.

I was too tired to care.

“Just relax,” Caiden whispered when I closed my eyes to enjoy the sound of his calming heartbeat.

The swaying rhythm every time he stepped closer to my room was hypnotic. When he finally placed me between the sheets of my bed, I instantly felt the absence of his soothing heat.

I reached out for him, watching his polished smile through the slits of my eyelids. Then he caught my hand in his.

“Thank you, Caiden,” I whispered, proud of what we’d accomplished together.

Keeping my eyes open soon became a struggle, and Caiden slowly faded into nothing more than a blurry dot in my peripheral vision.

“Goodnight, Willow. See you again soon,” Caiden said as he turned off the light and closed the door, allowing me to sleep for the night.

***

“I did it, Art!” I said as I burst through the door to his studio the next day as promised.

Art took off his glasses, looking up from one of his numerous books.

“Good. Care to show me?”

I nodded and found a comfortable position in the middle of Art’s floor, not caring about the loose papers I stepped on.

Art didn’t give them a second thought when he moved around his studio, so I’d learned not to concern myself with them either.

I recalled everything Caiden had taught me. I retrieved the memory of Tristan and my family, and my power surfaced as I called for them.

It didn’t take long for me to reach my limit and cut off the stream of energy.

The sphere between my hands remained steady and had grown to six times the size of the sphere I’d been able to make before.

“Good. Control of your powers and emotions is the first step,” he said, nodding like a wise old man.

Smiling proudly, I canceled the sphere without breaking a sweat. “So, you’re going to teach me what an air wielder can really do?”

“Not yet,” he declared, crushing my confidence. “You have gained control over your powers; now you need to gain control of your body.”

My body?

I’d already learned a lot from Master Cadoc’s classes in physical combat, despite Alia leaving me with more bruises than I could count.

Hopefully, this phase wouldn’t be as challenging as learning to control my powers.

It looked like an obstacle course, and I was suddenly very aware that the room was much bigger than it appeared.