Seedling 87: Bank Representative Guido M'zven

Guido M’zven stared.

Branches waved.

Leaves flickered.

White glowing bark glowed brighter, and less bright in a hypnotic dance.

Turning to the Black Marketeer Mishra across the table from him, he said, “I’m sorry, are you telling me this tree is sentient?” It wasn’t that he was surprised, it was that he was mind boggled.

Trees aren’t sentient. Not even elven ones.

Treants were not trees, no matter how much elves kept trying to claim they were.

Ergo, since this glowing white tree wasn’t a Treant, it couldn’t be sentient.

Right?

Right! Guido thought, his mind like a steel trap.

Guido nodded to himself, his logic was flawless.

“Correct, Master Plant is a sentient Tree. Is this going to be an issue?” Black Marketeer Mishra said, her voice raising in a dangerous manner.

“Trees are not sentient. Ents and Treants are not trees, and therefore even if he was one, he is not a sentient tree!” Guido said, intoning in his most solemn voice.

Black lines appeared on the gorgeous black marketeering catkin, before she said, “Master Plant has trained a Grandmaster Alchemist, has mountains of gold, and can forge items that god’s would envy. Are you sure he isn’t a sentient tree?”

Guido M’zven paused, his mind moving lightning fast. Even at incredible speeds, it still was getting stuck on the words ‘Grandmaster Alchemist’ constantly.

Alchemists are nothing new to the M’zven.

In fact, it could be said that nine point nine out of ten alchemists were the result of M’zven investing. However, even with this, the Bank only had a mere three living Grandmasters to boast of. Of those three, they represented seventy-five percent of all known Grandmaster Alchemists!

In other words, their market share had not only shrunk from seventy-five to sixty, but they had just insulted a Grandmaster’s master!

Guido coughed into a ring bedecked fist, before straightening his elegant suit, and then steepling his hands.

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“I am honored to make the aquintance of the first ever sentient Tree!” he said, bowing slightly in a standard gesture of respect.

Oh, nice to meet you too Mr. Guido M’zven said the Tree, its words echoing into his mind.

Guido’s jaw dropped for a mere second before his face instantly turned even more polite than before.

It wasn’t the mental speech that shocked him, it was the casual breeching of multiple barriers to mental intrusion. Guido wore no less than ten various items that would block, misdirect, or even attack mental intruders. Even with such heavy defenses, the tree casually spoke to him without an ounce of apparent effort!

Guido took out a small handkerchief from his front suit pocket and blotted his forehead to buy time.

This damn tree, it was terrifying!

Making sure to control the tremors in his hands, Guido placed the kerchief back in his front left breast pocket.

Calmly, calmly Guido! This is the chance to make a fortune! The chance to rise in rank, perhaps Bank Manager isn’t a mere dream now m’boy! he thought to himself, before putting on his poker face.

“What can the great Bank of M’zven do for Master Plant, today?” Guido said, even more respectful than before.

I would like to place seven portions of Elixir for sale with the Bank. Also, I would like to purchase an account, with accompanying crystal card for my disciple, S’neli Whitetree. said the Tree, his tone imperial.

S’neli Whitetree? Eh? Wasn’t that the name of the owner of that shop?

The one that had come up in the yearly meeting almost ten times now?

The one that had resisted all attempts to purchase?

The one that had sent all their assassins, thugs, thieves, and even salesmen back in pieces?!

Guido glanced around at the small café they were in, before whispering, “Is it…that shop?” Cold sweat had started to form on his back causing the silk shirt to grow wet from fear.

Mishra seemed amused as she answered, “So it was the Bank that was sending so many…donations to research?”

Guido gulped as he realized where all the minions had gone. Goodness, if he didn’t handle this delicately it could involve, lawyers or worse!

“No! The grand, fantastic, safe, and reliable Bank of M’zven would never do such a thing as robbing.” Guido said, his face giving nothing away. “However, occasionally the Bank does place tasks up on the board. Sometimes, just sometimes mind you, the people accepting such tasks may have non-standard methods of completing them. Nothing illegal I’m sure, just methods that don’t match up with common sense. I’ve been complaining for years that our background check system needs work, but, well I’m only a Bank Representative after all…”

“Tsk, such a silver tongue. Definitely a M’zven bank representative indeed…” Mishra said, her eyes glowing brightly with inner flame.

Guido was a bit creeped out, normal catkin didn’t have brightly glowing orange-green hellcat eyes after all. Perhaps after this deal was finished he’d take some of that vacation time that had been accrued? Preferably somewhere far away from this crazy cat and her sentient tree.

What is the annual interest rate of the crystal card? said the Tree, his tone curious.

“You know about the annual interest rate?!” Guido said, his voice shocked.

Annual interest rate, compounding interest charges, hidden fees, fine print, monthly charge notice payments, I know all the petty tricks! said the Tree, his tone disdainful.

Who the hell is this guy?! Guido shouted into his mind. These were all terms that only advanced Bank members should know!

Clients weren’t supposed to find out terms like this until after they missed a payment!

“10% usually?” Guido said, in a weak voice.

Are you joking? 0.5% or I’ll take my business elsewhere. A single Elixir sale to another Bank branch will be enough to get even better terms I’m sure. said the Tree, with a ruthless counter.

“Payments due at the end of every month!” Guido managed to get out, as he struggled to breath. This damn tree was practically strangling him to death with its terms.

Fine, but interest accrued must be annulled. In exchange I will allow the Bank to represent my student. said the Tree, with a smug tone.

Gah! I have to get something more, otherwise no matter how sweet the pot it is only poison. Guido thought desperately.

That’s it!

“I say, does your student happen to have anyone…connected to help smooth the way for them? Are they planning to travel anytime soon? What with the profits from these Elixir sales, travel can be hazardous without the right type of management.” Guido said, his eyes sharpening like a hunter towards his prey.

Even though he couldn’t hear it, Guido could tell a furious argument erupted between the two parties opposite him. Taking a moment he sipped the fine cup of expresso that had been delivered by an attentive waitress. He could feel his synapses flashing with lightning speed.

That’s right! Every excellent client needs representation! How could I forget something so basic!? Dammit, this crazy herb almost got me! Guido thought, hiding a smirk inside.

“What kind of terms are we talking about, in order to represent Ms. Whitetree?” Mishra finally asked.

Guido let out a smile with all his many sharp teeth.

“Let us negotiate something, eh?” Guido said, with a brilliant grin.