Chapter 53: 53 Staying Strong

“What happened?” Ela and Amanda came as soon as they got the news. I’m learning the gossip runs fast in the pack. They don’t even speak the words out loud, the mind link is used, and within seconds everyone knows. My walk of shame from Igétas’ room with all my stuff in tow did raise some questions.

“My mate is an idiot. That’s what happened.” They are sitting on my bed, and with my time spent in the Beta’s room it already feels crowded.

“Come sit down,” Amanda tells me, patting a spot next to her. “We were so worried about you.”

I sigh and sit between them.

Ela runs a hand up and down my arm, “You were so sick, I didn’t know how to help you.”

“It’s okay,” I see the worry in her eyes. She is very mature for her age.

“It was hell, trust me, I don’t want to go through that again. I am so thankful for you wanting to help me. I know you have offered your services to Maya. Thank you both.”

“Of course, you are part of our pack even without the Alpha’s blessing. We will be there for you, always.” Ela nods, agreeing.

They are too good for me. I take two deep breaths. “Thanks girls, I really needed that today.”

“Tell us what happened between you and your idiot mate.” Amanda asks, trying to lighten the mood.

I tell them first about my time in the hospital. How scared I was and the amount of pain I was experiencing. How I found Igétas dangling from the ceiling and what he told me.

“So, just to be clear.” Ela looks between Amanda and me. “He is not claiming you. You can go into heat again any minute. You can die from wolves attacking you or Vasil losing control when your heat hits. And even if we can get you safe in the hospital, you will die because your body can’t handle the pain?”

“That sounds about right.”

“And if Igétas mates with you, all this doubt will be gone, over? You can live life without having a heat cycle?”

“Probably, but you know me. There are still a lot of questions and uncertainty about me.”

“This is dangerous,” Amanda stands up, pacing. “If Igétas doesn’t mate with you, he can go crazy and hurt the entire pack.“

“The Alpha knows it too,” I say, “Igétas told me that he is never alone when he is working and going on patrol. There are always warriors close by to step in if something happens.”

“This whole situation is nuts.” Ela buds in.

“It is. Igétas wants to make Tharros change his mind and I just want him to mate with me, to pick me over this nonsense.”

“That would be difficult, the pack comes first.” Ela says and I roll my eyes.

“I know!” I’m yelling now, “That’s all I get from him, and I couldn’t bear it anymore so I left him. And that my ladies…” I look at them both. “Is the reason I was on the walk of shame back to my room, mateless.”

“It is a lot,” Amanda comes to me and comforts me. “What will you do now?”

Crying like I lost the love of my life, I let myself go. After about an hour I let out the last sob, because that’s what it is. I won’t cry about this again.

“What will I do now? I will do the same as he does. I’m putting the pack first. Help where I can and think about myself.”

“That is a strong statement and I think it’s the right decision,” Ela tells me.

“I think so too, but Igétas needs to seriously hurry up with convincing Tharros. I just found him, a reason to live, and now what happens if he can’t convince him?”

“He will.” Amanda interrupts me. “Focus on the things you can control.” I nod, that is what I’m going to do.

After the girls left, I did what I needed to do. I wrote my farewell letters to my family. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it needed to be done. I made a list of luna-courage abilities to give to Maya. I will give that to her soon. I asked Oliver to give me a ride to the supermarket and to go see Joe and Rose. He was willing to help me out, but he didn’t respond right away, so I know he asked Igétas first.

Igétas is having difficulty seeing me and not touching me. It’s not easy for me either. The next day, we had breakfast in the canteen, and I did something I hadn’t thought I would do. I couldn’t just sit next to him to eat like nothing happened, right? No, I took a seat in the rows below the platform they were sitting on. Nobody said anything. I didn’t say a word and ate my breakfast as quickly as possible.

I didn’t eat a lot, since I’m not training with the Pack. I did go to the gym and did some exercises, trying to get my rhythm back.

“I can’t do this.” Igétas pulls me aside when I exit the canteen. He hugs me, but I don’t hug him back.

“It is hard for me too,” I admit. It’s taking a lot for me to keep my arms plastered to my side, to not return his affection.

“Then come back to me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would mean that I agree with the decision you’ve taken, and I don’t.” I roll my eyes.

“I need you.”

“You are putting the pack first and so am I. Did you talk to him?” We both know who I mean.

“Yes, but he is stubborn. I need more time.” He sighs, and I see Vasil in his eyes.

“Try again then.”

“I will.”

“Okay, leave me for now. I need to find Maya.”

His arm shoots out to hold me. “Are you okay?”

The electricity between us is sizzling. So delightful. I take my arm back, breaking the spell.

“Yes, nothing for you to know.”

He nods, turning away to the staircase, making it easy for us both.