Cool air hits my skin, reminding me I've left the refrigerator door open. The sudden chill smacks my brain awake and unravels the pretzel my tongue just became, thank God.
"Cute. Does that line work for you?"
I at least sound nonchalant over my heartbeat hammering in my ears. Phoenix's fingertips now rest against the side of my neck. Can he tell how fast my pulse is racing?
"You tell me. It's the first time I've used it."
Amusement sparkles in his eyes. His hand lingers where it is for another moment, his touch feather light, then he slowly draws it away. The idea that he finds this even remotely funny or entertaining is a match to dry tinder as far as my temper and irritation level go.
"Drinks are in the fridge if you want something. I saw one of those whiskey things you used to like so much."
My last sentence drips with sarcasm. I'm sure he knows why. Sobriety was not his strong point for several months before we broke up. He left a few empty bottles of the same whiskey drink on my living room table when he walked out and didn't come back.
Phoenix leans in and takes a water bottle from the shelf, brushing against me as he does. My instinct is to step back like I've gotten too close to an open flame.
"Water is fine. I don't drink anymore."
"That's probably good."
Ava would be proud of me for my passive-aggressive response if she was in the room to hear it. She was always the one to pull me together after Phoenix's benders tore me apart.
"It is." He twists the cap off the bottle, then pauses. "I'm completely sober now. Drugs, too. I've changed since those days."
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Does he expect me to say he's forgiven, and it's all water under the bridge? Or that I'm proud of him for whatever epiphany he finally had to change his life, after the damage to so very many things was done? Neither of these would be true.
"Glad to hear it. I should go find Ava."
"Wait. Please."
I bite back a retort about how I did wait once, and that his time ran out years ago. It won't help, and heaven knows he and I have argued enough to last several lifetimes. So I fold my arms across my chest instead, lean back against the counter, and stay silent.
He continues. "I was horrible to you when I drank, and I was probably worse when I was high. I put you through hell, and I'm sorryâmore than you'll ever know. There might not be anything I can say or do now that will make up for the things I did, but I'd like to try."
Those damn expressive eyes of his. He always had a way of melting my heart with a certain kind of stolen glance when we were together. It's the one he gives me now.
Don't fall for it. Not again. Remember how we got here.
There's a saying about how the opposite of love is indifference. My insides are twisted in knots, but I'll be damned if I come across as anything but indifferent to his apology and intent to make amends.
"Why?" I uncross my arms. "Anything we had has been dead and buried for a long time, and you did that. It's what you wanted."
"I did awful things to people I love during that time of my life, but I still care about you. I never stopped."
Stop. Back this train up. Something is still off. I stare at a spot on the wall for several seconds so I can summon the reason and courage to say what's on my mind.
"You didn't answer a single phone call or text from me after you left. It's been years since I've heard from you, so forgive me if I have a hard time believing you care about anyone but yourself."
His reply doesn't miss a beat. "Sometimes people keep their distance out of love, until they realize they can't."
My eyebrows ricochet somewhere into the stratosphere. "You waited until you ran into me at a bar by random chance to decide you can't stay away? That reeks of you trying for a one-night stand because I'm here and it's convenient."
"I don't believe in random chance, and you could never be a one-night stand to me. I'm not after that. I only want to talk."
"And hit on me," I point out.
His mouth turns up in a sheepish smile. "It's impossible not to."
If I could physically wipe the smile off his face right now, and then mop the floor with his over-the-top confidence, I'd do it in a second. He's infuriating.
"Spare me the flattery," I huff. "If you want to talk, start with what you're thinking, why you took off at all, and where you've been. You said you've changed, but have you changed enough to do that?"
A door opens and slams shut as I finish my sentence. Several raucous voices and sets of footsteps echo from the foyer. By the sounds of it, Torin, Nash, and a couple more people have arrived.
Phoenix lowers his voice. "Could we go out back by the pool to continue this? It isn't a conversation to have around other people."
No. Absolutely not. With Ava still missing in action, Torin is my safety net. I'm about to latch on to him for dear life until I figure out what's really happening and the motivation behind it.
"I came to Vegas to see Torin. I'm staying where he is."
Phoenix nods as if he understands, but his Adam's apple bobs and his entire demeanor shifts. For the first time since I spotted him at Nebula tonight, he seems nervous and uncertain.
He's never been uncertain around me. Ever.
"When do you go home?" he asks.
"I drive back with Ava in the afternoon." Our return to the hotel and our departure from Vegas both seem so far away, even though it's already past two in the morning. This isn't the night I bargained for at all.
"Can I convince you to continue this later?" He rakes a hand through his hair. The urgency on his face is unnerving and baffling.
"Are you expecting to run into me again? I'm not coming back to Vegas any time soon, and from what I can tell, you don't remember how to use a phone."
"I'll be in Laguna Beach next weekend. Can I see you then?"
I should tell him I'm busy until half past forever. Nothing but reopening stitched up wounds can come of whatever he wants to hash out. I'm pondering the most direct way to phrase my answer when he takes my hand between both of his.
I didn't anticipate the shower of sparks that course through me when I feel his palm against mine and the warmth of his skin.
"Please? Just one weekend. It's all I'm asking for, even if I don't deserve it."
He's correct that he doesn't deserve it. I don't owe him a thing. Logic says I should tell him this, but my body is a live wire and my brain is still flailing to make sense of the last few minutes.
"Am I interrupting something?" Ava enters my field of vision. Seeing her grounds me again and throws me the lifeline I desperately need.
"You're fine. We're done talking, and I think Torin and Nash are here now." I pull my hand away from Phoenix's grasp.
"Did someone say my name?"
Torin walks into the kitchen. He stops in his tracks when he sees me standing beside Phoenix. Nash is right behind him, with two giggling women in tow. One of them has her arm around his waist, which is a good sign Ava's plan for the night is already dead in the water.
"The party has arrived!" Nash declares. "Ladies, have you met my good friend, Phoenix?"
"Wait, I recognize you!" one woman exclaims. "Aren't you that actor?"
Ava grabs my arm and marches me over to the hallway she left for earlier. Even though the women with Nash sidle up to Phoenix and pepper him with questions about a film he starred in before North Node, I feel him watching me as I leave the room.
"What did I walk in on?" Ava demands, once we're no longer within earshot of the kitchen.
"It's nothing."
"It looked like something. He was holding your hand, and you looked stunned. You kind of still do."
Things could get ugly fast if I tell her Phoenix asked to spend the weekend together. It's better to wait until she isn't within striking distance of him before I divulge anything about what we discussed.
"I'll explain it later when we're alone. Where were you for so long?"
She rolls her eyes. "I had to do some quick damage control. My problem child celebrity client got wrecked in VIP at a club, started a fistfight on the sidewalk outside with a guy he saw filming him, and threw the guy's phone through a window of a store. Someone caught it on video and social media is all over it. I'm sorry I left you alone for so long, but don't worry. I promise to be your human shield for the rest of the night."
Ava acting as a buffer between Phoenix and me is the most helpful role she can play while I decide what to do about his invitation for next weekend. My head screams at me to forget he asked, leave him without an answer, and go on with my life.
My heart is a different story. It doesn't know what to do at all.