15. The Road From Kaz’um

> “Sometimes we say ‘I believe it to be true’, as if it expresses uncertainty. Yet when it comes to faith, we act as if belief alone is enough to determine what is true. We value the truth we believe in far more than the truth that we know.” - The Rise Of The Aeseri (Anthology)

Athena felt just as useless when the caravan packed up as she had when it had arrived. The departure location was not the same as the arrival, but the rokkars were already waiting in a line, boxes and saddles and straps and ropes beside them. Some of the containers they carried had changed and many were smaller, but heavier. Metals, mostly, Sekardi told her, to trade at the Market. The D’varsha were the only ones that extracted anything from the ground and these metals were highly prized by others within the Wasteland. Except, of course, by the Aeseri, who had no idea that metals were even present.

But Lucathar must know, Athena thought. If he dispatched Orques to find her then he must know about the Wastelands, about the ecosystem that had grown out here, and about the other species that had found their way to the astral plane.

He must also have a way of getting information out of Jashard, through the Walls, somehow evading the Horde. And if he had a way out, then there must be a way in. It was another route to defeating him, one that she had not considered before. If he could be brought deep into the Wastelands then he would become mortal, as she had become. The further from the Jashard the Aeseri went, the weaker they became, she had been told. At sufficient distance perhaps he could be killed.

The problem, of course, was that he still had his followers, and his power. An Aeseri with power could leave the astral plane at will, travelling in an instant to anywhere within the mortal world. The power was not quite so limitless in the opposite direction as Jashard was the only place they ever reappeared. But it did mean that no Aeseri with followers could be taken by force, and without putting distance between Lucathar and the Citadel he could not be harmed either.

Therefore the current plan was the only viable one: to locate Igrisil, the Elemental, and find out what she knew about transmuting aeserium into carbon, and vice versa, and to use that information to cross back to the mortal plane.

Athena was lost in thought as Sekardi mounted the rokkar, loaded and ready for departure.

“Are you joining us or do you like it so much in Kaz’um that you’re going to stay?” she asked Athena with a glint in her eye. Athena pulled herself up the side of the lizard mount to take her place on its back. They were second in the line and Aguel mounted the lead rokkar.

“Why’s the D’varshan coming with us?” Sekardi asked, looking back and seeing Ostri mounted on the fourth rokkar in the line.

“You’ll have to ask Aguel,” Athena said. She didn’t want to cause any more disruption within the caravan by trying to explain, especially since they hadn’t even left Kaz’um yet.

“You mean you know but you won’t tell me?” Sekardi asked, not really expecting an answer.

From the murmurings and pointed glances towards Ostri it appeared that Sekardi wasn’t the only one interested in knowing why one of the D’varsha rode with them. From what Athena had seen of the Wastelands so far she had assumed that the other species mixed quite freely, but she was seeing that was not really the case. The caravan consisted of Engella and Aeseri, and no others, and to bring a D’varshan into their midst was causing commotion.

“I do know he’s only staying with the caravan as far as the Market,” Athena said, which was the truth, albeit only a small part of it.

“It can’t be good news,” Sekardi said as a pair of stone gates opened in front of them.

As with the other entrance to Kaz’um, the gates were not much taller than the rokkars plus their mounts. The doors were lined on either side by D’varsha guards in armour, even more numerous than the forces that had greeted them. It told Athena they took the threat from Lucathar seriously.

As the rokkar began to move she took a look back at Kaz’um, at the city carved within the mountain. She had no idea whether she would see it again. It was a sight worth imprinting in her memory.

Although the light inside the city had been ample, outside, even beneath the perpetually grey sky of the Wastelands, it seemed unbearably bright. It took a few minutes of blinking into the glare for Athena’s eyes to adjust.

“The canyon looks the same as the one we came by,” she said as the ravine cut a line through the mountain ahead of them.

“Did you expect it to be different?” Sekardi asked, “It’s the same mountain range, we’re just on the other side of it.”

Athena was so used to surprises that she had half expected something completely different, but instead the same rocky walls rose high on either side. The rokkars threw up dust as they walked, creating a red haze around them.

Half the caravan’s eyes were on the cliffs, high above them, looking out for a possible Orque attack. As if reading their minds Aguel turned and stood, straddling the back of his rokkar to address the caravan.

“We go on to the Market carrying metals from Kaz’um. The D’varsha have sent guards ahead and through the mountains so we will be safe from raiders.” He paused. “For today, at least.” He laughed and the rest of the caravan joined in, albeit more nervously. “And as you see, we have been blessed with one of their number among us. He goes as far as the Market where he and Greysky will be leaving us.”

Sekardi turned and gave Athena a look that made her feel guilty that she had not shared that piece of information when asked.

“Until then, they are part of the caravan just like all of you,” Aguel added before turning to face forward and dropping into the saddle once more.

Athena sat in silence, facing forward as if studying the way ahead, but she could feel Sekardi’s anger beside her. They said nothing for some time before Athena felt she had to try to explain herself.

“I didn’t want to cause an upset within the caravan,” Athena said. Sekardi remained silent. “I’ve only just joined. Just a few days ago I was a captive. If the others found out I was going to leave, without explanation, and with one of the D’varsha as well, then rumours would start.”

“You could have told me. When I asked,” Sekardi said quietly, “You said you didn’t know what was going on.”

“I said you would have to ask Aguel.” Athena knew it was a weak explanation. She may not technically have lied, but she hadn’t told the truth either.

“I can keep a secret, you know,” Sekardi continued, “I do owe you my life after all. My discretion would be an easy thing to promise, even without the debt.”

Athena knew she was right. Sekardi was the only one in the caravan that she had had genuine interactions with, the closest thing to a friend she had in this place.

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“Are you working with the D’varsha?” Sekardi asked after they had sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

Athena thought for a moment. How much should she tell her? Could she tell her who she was? About how she had fought Lucathar? About the portal, and the old man, and aetherium, and Igrisil and the Tower? Information was power, she had always believed, and you don’t just give away power for no reason. Not if you’re Aeseri.

But she wasn’t really Aeseri any more. Not in the immortal, god-like way she had been. She was alone in the Wastelands, up against a much more powerful enemy, and more than anything else she needed allies, and she needed people to trust her.

She started talking. She told Sekardi who she was, how she had come to be here, how Ostri and Throna had tried to send her back to the mortal plane, and how the Council of Kaz’um had sent Ostri to help her to find Igrisil, who may or may not be able to turn aeserium into carbon.

She did not tell her about the old man or the blue aetherium. That part she kept to herself, not for want of trust, but because she had no idea what had happened. It was so confusing she wondered if it had happened at all.

Sekardi listened attentively, keeping questions to herself, which Athena tried her best to anticipate and to weave into her own explanation of events. It was a new experience, to be sharing information because she felt she owed an explanation, and because she wanted Sekardi to trust her, not because it was a simple transaction.

“It’s important that as few people know who I really am as possible,” Athena said finally, “So, please, continue to call me Greysky.”

“Of course I will.” She paused. “If you let me come with you.”

“What?” Athena stared at her, wide-eyed. It was not the response she had expected.

“I can help you. Let me come with you.”

“I’m… not sure it’s up to me. Surely Aguel needs you?”

Athena looked up at Aguel. He was constantly on alert, looking ahead of the caravan for potential danger; instructing scouts; checking on the status of the rear; checking the security of the cargo. Sekardi had been with him when Athena had been captured and he had used her to scout and to find the route. She was obviously a very valuable member of the caravan.

She could also be of value to me, Athena thought. She knows this place, and she will know the Wastelands better than Ostri. He’s spent all his time inside Kaz’um and only knows of the outside world from what he’s heard. He had already told her that they needed others with them, such as mercenaries from the Market. Having someone they trusted would be far better.

“Do you think I won’t be useful to you?” Sekardi asked, misreading her expression, “I may not have been Goddess of War to anyone, but my tracking is second to none. If you want something, or someone, found, then you will find no-one better. Not amongst the Aeseri, and not amongst any other in the Wastelands.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Athena said, putting her hand on Sekardi’s arm. It felt suddenly alien, to be making a personal gesture to another Aeseri, to treat them as an equal and to take account of how they might feel about something. She had always ordered, and others had always followed. “I know how useful you are and Aguel is unlikely to let you go.”

“He won’t like it, you’re right,” she said, “And I’ve been with him a long time. The caravan has become my home, as strange as that seems.” She stared straight ahead and her eyes took on a determined expression that Athena had not seen in her before. “But I’m still Aeseri, and the Aeseri are made to change the world, not to watch it pass by whilst sitting on the back of a giant lizard.”

Pride rose within Athena, pride that even after centuries or more in subjugation it was impossible to destroy an Aeseri’s sense of purpose, the drive to shape the destiny of others.

“What if he says no?” Athena asked, “Will you try to leave anyway?”

Sekardi looked back at Athena.

“He won’t deny me. We’ve been even for a long time now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been with Aguel for a long time. I promised I’d serve him for as long as he’d served me.”

“What do you mean?”

Sekardi turned and looked into Athena’s eyes, judging the impact of her words carefully.

“Back when I had followers, Aguel was my Engella.”

“Oh…” This was an unexpected revelation to Athena and changed the dynamic of the caravan entirely. “How did you bring yourself to follow his instructions, after so long being the one who gave the orders? I don’t think I could do that,” Athena said. Sekardi continued to hold her gaze.

“Trust me, if you had to, you would.”

“So you had to? Why?”

“I was like you were: out there, in the Wasteland, alone, but I evaded the gangs for much longer. I managed to evade capture for years. The only people I ever spoke to were other Aeseri, those who were also alone out there, although I don’t think many of them stayed that way for long. I’ve seen some of them at the Market, up for sale.” The idea of Aeseri being bought and sold still made Athena angry. “But pathfinding is my gift and I always had a way out. I couldn’t outrun a raiding party, but I always knew how to avoid them. And they never caught my tracks.”

“Until?”

“Until Aguel’s group saw me, by chance, far away. I almost lost them, and I managed to convince myself I had. I fled whilst it was light and hid when it was dark, because although being found by a raiding party was bad, being drained by a Wicht would be worse. You’ve seen them, haven’t you?” Athena nodded. She wanted to find out everything Sekardi knew about them, but this was more important.

“They caught you eventually, then,” Athena said.

“Not exactly,” Sekardi told her, “I almost ran into another party. One that I’d seen from afar. I’d seen how they treated their prisoners.” She shuddered. “So I turned back. I was trapped and chose what I thought was the lesser of two evils. At the time I’d heard that running into your own Engella was more dangerous than running into a stranger, but I was lucky it was Aguel. He recognised me straight away. And I was even luckier he bore me no ill for all the years he’d spent serving me.”

The idea of Engella resenting Aeseri was difficult for Athena to understand, yet she had heard it repeated enough. Still, she would welcome the chance of seeing Gael again, and she hoped he had found a group to help him to survive in this world. She wondered if she needed to worry, though: Engella seemed better suited to survival here than Aeseri.

“So Aguel took you into the group?” she asked.

“Not quite. He didn’t trust me at first. How could he? We’d never dealt with each other as anything near equals before. We’d never needed trust, because he was unquestioningly obedient. And there I was, the one in need, and he had all the power. He laughed when I gave myself up and said that after the merry dance through the Wasteland that he’d been led on he couldn’t let me wander free, so I was put in one of the cages, as you were.”

“Your own Engella put you in a cage?” Athena was incredulous.

“Put aside all thoughts of owning Engella, Greysky,” Sekardi said, “Reminding them of their servitude is the one thing that can make them angry, no matter how friendly you might feel you are with them. They hate that part of their past life, of being subservient to us. Once here, it all changes. Treat everyone as a hostile stranger.”

“It’s hard to adjust to. So how did you earn your freedom?” Even that seemed a strange thing to ask an Aeseri.

“It didn’t take long. I was getting so good at reading the landscape that I knew a raiding party had passed along our way not long before. I could even tell how far ahead they were. At first Aguel thought I was toying with them but as I had no desire to leave the master I half-knew for a complete unknown I didn’t want the caravan to walk into a trap. He believed me and sent scouts ahead.”

“And?”

“And there was an ambush waiting. Not for the scouts, but for us. Aguel stopped the caravan and we came at them from the side. They weren’t prepared to be attacked on their flanks. We routed them, took most of their gear, and their rokkar, and Aguel gave me my freedom. As long as I promised to stay with the caravan.”

“Then why would he let you leave? Especially if you have such a skill.”

“Because it wasn’t an open-ended promise. I told him I would stay with him for at least as long as he had been with me in the mortal plane.”

“How long was that?”

“Around seven thousand years, as best we could work out.”

“And you’ve been with the caravan for seven thousand years?” Athena asked incredulously. Sekardi turned to look at her.

“I’ve been here a lot longer than that. I told you: we’ve been even for a long time now. I’ve just never had a good reason to leave before.”