"You know, you were right about a few things, too."
Ama's voice is relaxed, but I can still read the traces of hurt underneath it. I lift my face to the sunlight, feeling warm in the Californian heat for the first time in days. The world around us is rain-wet, the concrete divider in the street the two of us lean on damp against my back.
I tap my boots against each other, legs stretched out against the pavement where I sit. Then I glance at Ama, smiling faintly.
"Like what?"
"Like taking back what's ours. I've been talking to Winona and Colton and... you've made us realize something. we deserve a better world, even if that means we have to fight for it. There's gonna be a risk to rebuilding, but if we want the next generation to have a world to live in, we'll have to be okay with that."
A slow, genuine smile spreads across my face. "You serious?"
"Totally. It's... important. Thanks for helping us see that."
"Hey, at least I know I actually get through to you guys sometimes."
"Of course, it'll have to wait until we're done here."
"Right." I fold my arms over my chest, tilting my head back to bask in the sunlight. Around us, people stride around, all in a hurry, all preparing. Preparing guns, knives, and makeshift clubs. Some of them people I recognize, some of them not. A few hundred yards down the bridge, the barricade that blocks off the rest of the city sits, waiting. Beyond it, I can hear the screams of the mutated. Several vehicles lie smashed and overturned on the pavement where the sheer weight of the piling mutated have toppled them over, leaving gaps along the top of the barricade.
Lucy was right. They are close to breaking through. And when they do, this base will be overwhelmed.
So that's why we're here. Ama, Winona, and every other member of my group that's able and willing to fight.
"How'd you convince that asshole leader of theirs, anyways?" I ask.
"Logan? He's really not that bad. He's scared. And angry. Mostly at you." She manages a smile, passing me a bottle of water. Lora's orders. Apparently staying hydrated is important. "But when I brought Lucy back to them, just wanting to talk, well, he had to listen. So I told him the truthâthat I want to help him. And that he should consider taking back what's his, as well."
"So now we're fighting. With them. Against that horde out there."
"We are."
"Oh, come on, Ama."
"You're hurt, Teddy."
"I'm feeling better!"
"We'll see how you're doing by tomorrow afternoon." Her soft smile is enough to make the lingering ache in my skull fade.
I lean back against the divider and let my eyes flutter shut, content to soak in the sun for the time being. "So we're helping the enemy," I mutter at last.
"Not the enemy," she reminds me. "Not anymore. We're helping each other now."
"We're sure as hell not friends. I know this is better, Ama, but really... I'm not gonna be friends with them because of this."
"I don't expect you too. I'm not sure any of us can forgive each otherâon either side." She bites her lower lip. "Although I did tell them we have lots of room in the garage if they ever end up needing to move again. And Winona and Colton want to establish trade between the two of us if we can clear enough of the city to have a safe road."
I lean forward and stare at her. "Ama, you can't be serious."
"Try, Teddy." Her deep black gaze bores into me. "For me."
I lean in toward her, lashes fluttering half-closed. "If you insist."
She puts her fingertips to my chest, gently holding me back. I stop, feeling the familiar weight settle in my chest again. She swallows.
"I'm sorry."
I lean back. "Don't be."
"I'm trying, too."
"I know you are."
"Maybe one day."
I smile. "Maybe one day," I repeat.
I look up at the sound of feet dragging against pavement. Noah approaches, one hand tucked in his pocket, the other hanging and bandaged by his side. I offer him a smile as he nears, but he doesn't return it, expression stony.
"Hey, Noah. How are you feeling."
He's quiet, head ducked, mouth tilted into a frown. My smile falls.
"Noah?" I get to my feet under Ama's watchful hand as she scrambles up with me. "Everything okay?"
"I'm leaving."
It's like he's poured ice water over me. "Iâwhat? Noah, what are you talking about?"
"I can't help you. I won't do it." His lip quivers, but the rest of his face is cold and unmoving. "You want to help the people who killed my brother. Maybe you can forgive them, but I can't."
"No one's forgiving anyone, Noah. This is about what's best for all of us. All of humanity. Haven't we lost enough people to the mutated already? A war is... is futile. We can't have that."
"Yeah, keep fucking preaching what Ama's taught you," he spits. I blink.
I've never heard him use this tone before.
"What?"
"You'll just go along with whatever she says," he seethes. "You're so desperate for her approval. You're really gonna let go of everything these assholes did just for some... some idea that you can save humanity? That's real fucking noble."
"Noah." I glance at Ama. I can tell there's a million thoughts crowding her mind, but she doesn't voice them. This is for me to deal with.
I encouraged this. I caused it.
"Noah, you're hurting. I know. But this... this is just stupid."
His expression crumbles, a choked sob escaping his chest. I step away from Ama and pull him against myself, wrapping my arms around him. He shudders, going limp against me, tears soaking into my tank top. I hold him for a good several minutes until he finally pulls away, swiping his arm across his tear-streaked face.
That's when I know it's too late. And that I can't convince him.
His eyes are rimmed with red, but there's a brick wall behind them.
"Noah, please," I beg. "You can't be serious about this. You can just... go back to the garage and wait for us. Okay? You don't need to help these peopleâyou shouldn't, anyways, since you're hurt. But you won't be able to take care of yourself on your ownâyou've always had James, or meâ"
"Don't say his name!" Noah trembles as the shout is torn from his lips. Fresh tears pour from his eyes. "Not when you won't even help me get back at the people who killed him."
"Noah, this is better for everyone."
He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, shoulders quaking. I reach for him and he lets me, moving one of his hands to place it over mine.
"I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm so sorry. You've been a good friendâa really good friend. But I can't. I can't do this. I can't stay around youâaround everyone else who's okay with this."
"Please, Noah." Tears sting my eyes. "You'll die on your own."
"I'll manage." He pulls my hand off of his shoulder and steps back.
"Don't do this, Noah." The first hot tear slides down my cheek. Ama reaches for my arm and I let her, wrapping slender fingers around me. "Please."
"I'm sorry."
He isâI can tell. But he's not changing his mind, either.
He gives me one final attempt at a smile and then turns. A shaky exclamation, a call for him to come back, dies on my lips. His step is confident, spine straight. His pistol hangs off of his belt.
He isn't going to turn around.
I crumple to the ground, tangling my hands in my hair. Ama follows me.
I can't even cry any more. I'm clouded with disbelief and the pulse of pain in my skull. Ama wraps her arms around me and I sink into her chest, finally feeling hot tears slip from my lashes.
"He can't survive on his own, Ama. He's a kid."
"We'll send people after him, okay?" Ama runs her hand over my hair, smoothing it down, pressing a kiss to it. "He's upset, he's grieving, he just... he needs time. We'll find him. I promise. And in the meantime..."
I nod shakily, trying to pull myself together. "I know. I know. We have to deal with this first."
Her hand moves through my hair; her warmth radiates against my cold body. Her arms are tight around me, unrelenting.
The two of us will be okay. Not nowânot completely.
But one day.
"I'm so tired," I murmur.
She rests her cheek against the top of my head. "I know. But do you have one more fight in you?"
I can still hear the cries of the mutated beyond the failing barricade. The mutated that have overrun my homeâmy city.
It's not fair.
I nestle deeper into Ama's warmth, drowsiness taking over once more. And for now, I can sleep, safe with her. My reply is a weary murmur.
"Always."