"Would you like to stop aimlessly staring outside?" Jaxon asked with a false annoyance.
I peered behind my shoulder to stick my tongue out at him. He sighed. Jaxon had his legs kicked out in front of him, resting on a chair and his arms raised, hands behind his head. He looked way too relaxed in the situation.
While Jaxon gave me a doped look, my eyes were rolling itself. I exhaled. "I hate that you're so calm about the situation... It makes me so mad." I turned to look out the window again. There were still guards on duty. They have no idea that Jaxon is with me, but that doesn't worry me. "Besides, I'm just worried because... it's been three days and I haven't heard from Su Yin."
Hua Er set her small frame on the chair across from Jaxon, quietly listening to us as she did. "Guan Shu has been taking such long naps... She's been moping around and I-I'm worried about her."
"How's she feeling?" I asked quickly, lifting my body from the chair to rush towards the terrible excuse of a bedroom.
Guan Shu had curled herself up in a fetal position. Her hair was tangled; the individual pieces of her hair knotted, attempting to embrace each other. A mournful woman, with no husband or child anymore. I knew nothing about Guan Shu's husband. Either he was dead or exiled. All I knew was that there was a broken woman under my nose and all I could do was kneel and hold her in my arms.
I didn't know if she was asleep or not, but she seemed entranced in a soothing deep dream. Her body was warm and I could feel her breathing against me. As I slowly untangled myself from her, Hua Er knelt to place a saucer holding a small teacup.
"Carmen," Jaxon whispered, casually walking towards us. "Su Yin is outside."
There was a glint in his eyes. I could see it. Something about that small light in his eyes told me that I would be safe... safe from all of this.
The old, glum estate I lived in seemed to have a bright light reflecting into the wooden desk that I've never touched. It was a beautiful spring day. I could hear the birds' harmonious chirping, their words I could never understand, but I knew that there was a message they wanted to tell me. I looked like I came from a wintery nap rather than a spring beauty sleep, and I was surprised Jaxon still wanted to be close to me.
We were just two lonely people in a populated place. We were just two individuals who didn't fit in with the rest.
I poked my head out of the door. Su Yin raised her eyebrows subtly as she tilted her chin up. I'm sure she was trying to hide the shock of my appearance. The Empress didn't want me to see Su Yin, of course. She wanted to take all the good things away from me.
Su Yin started the conversation, even giving me a slight smile at first.
"Lady Ying Yue." Su Yin took a deep inhale and exhaled out with a gradually, growing smile. "I don't know how you did it but, the Emperor is considering a second trial. He's suspicious."
My lips twitched from excitement.
Su Yin continued, "You are quite a devious woman. I am quite lucky that I am on your side and nobody else's."
My shoulders began to relax and I soon felt the spring breeze hit my face. No sneezes, no itchy nose, just pure love from Mother Nature. I felt the warmth of the sunlight, and as I close my eyes to take another joyful breath, I can still hear the birds chirping.
"Han Ying Yue," Jaxon appeared behind Su Yin with two other guards strictly next to him. He frowned, but the little glint in his eyes was still there. "His Majesty would like to see you for a second trial."
"Oh," I opened my mouth in shock. "Well, I'm glad that His Majesty reconsidered!"
I haven't been out in the open for so long, my body forgot how it felt to be a free woman again. The ground beneath my feet, the sun finally shining on my skin, the real natural wind blowing my hair away from me, I felt it all. After being stuck inside in isolation, it felt good to not be a prisoner anymore.
The intimidating guards stood right beside me but I knew I'd be alright. I almost turned around to say goodbye to the dreadful estate! Guan Shu held her head high, narrowing her eyes at the sky and Hua Er walked right behind me. I smiled at Guan Shu when she looked at me, and for once, she exhaled through her nostrils and grinned.
When Lei Shu stood outside with Chang Ying, fixing her hairpiece quickly, I stopped walking. The guards stood right near me and bowed briefly to Chang Ying. Lei Shu and Chang Ying both peered up to look at the group of people in front of them, and they both smirked.
"Madame Chang Ying," I bowed. "What a lovely day isn't it?"
Chang Ying bit her lip back from laughter. "Yes, it is."
The large palace holding the women in the harem still looked the same. Maybe a little worse because I wasn't in it. As I walked past the palace, many of the women stood outside, anticipating me. Some whispered, and some stared. I knew it was because of my unkempt appearance, but I couldn't help but have a sly smile on my face. A face of victory.
It was inevitable for the Empress to be there. She wanted to see if it was true. She wanted to see if it was true that her husband gave me another chance to redeem myself. It's been days, days of agonizing stress and days of anticipating when I would walk out, strutting with a cunning look.
"Happiness and peace to the Empress." I bowed facing her direction, then turning straight and continued to walk to my destination.
The Empress, chin was still tilted up, grimaced. "Come here, you have no title! You are a peasant! A simple bow will not sufficeâ"
"Empress." Jaxon bowed. "His Majesty orders that Han Ying Yue is not to be stopped by anyone. He wants her to be there as early as possible. You should also be there soon."
"We will be addressing the murder of former Imperial Concubine Chun," the Emperor announced solemnly. His eyes were dull. "We will also address the murder of Imperial Noble Consort Yang."
"Han Ying Yue has been suspected of murder, but with further evidence, it may not be her, who has killed Imperial Noble Consort Yang," his eunuch spoke, loudly and clearly for everyone else to hear. "Imperial Concubine Chun was found dead in her chamber with internal bleeding in her stomach. She was poisoned by the same poison."
The eunuch continued to talk about the murder in detail, but I was too zoned out to hear what he said. The most important thing was that Li Mei had died and it was not me who had killed her. It was going to be the Empress. It was the Empress after all. I just instigated it. I've been waiting for this moment. The Empress sat there looking pretentious, but she avoided eye contact with almost everyone. I pitied her. If the Emperor loved her so much, he'd only exile her and strip her of her title. Hopefully, she would get executed. I'd love to witness the ex-Empress, drinking the suicide wine, crying and begging for the Emperor to reconsider his decision. A vile woman she was. I longed for this.
After the eunuch finished his report, I spoke up immediately after. "I was framed by someone, Your Majesty. The poison in my chamber can only be put there by an individual who could have the power to rummage through my chamber."
The Emperor nodded. "That is true. But, the poison was cleverly put there. It was an urn collecting dust, hidden behind the cabinet. It was very intelligent of this person to know where it was put if you truly did poison Imperial Noble Consort Yang."
"The next reasonable explanation is that this urn was planted there. Which is why Guan Shu would be aâ"
"Your Majesty," the eunuch said with a hesitant smile. "May I ask her a few questions?"
With uncertainty, the Emperor nodded as his Adam's apple bobbed. He kept quiet as the eunuch stepped in front to address me. The Emperor's eyes darted towards me. I felt his stare, his cold stare that pierced the fabric of my hanfu. The uneasiness of all the audience's eyes on me was unbearable. There was silence in the room out of respect, but I couldn't help but want people to talk over the eunuch. I truly didn't have a clue about how I got into this situation. I've never been to court in the 'modern world', but I'm in the middle of this hall fighting for my life.
If this doesn't work, my whole life will flash before my eyes. Here I was, my palms pressing on the floor with my head down, kneeling on the floor on all fours like I was a servant. My head was in an automatic bow. Which was good, because I couldn't bear to make eye contact with the Emperor and the Empress.
Guan Shu was only a few centimetres away from me. She fell silent, and I couldn't blame her. The only family she ever had was dead. The Empress was apathetic to us for she was someone who looked at the rest of the women like competition, not friends or sisters. But how could you? How could you look at all the women who belong to your husband as friends when all of them compete with each other, never keeping score? No matter what, even if you're at the top of the chain, you continue to compete.
How do you live like that? How do you have the ability to murder several people to prove a point?
"Do you have anyone you may not have been on good terms with?" the eunuch asked.
I scoffed. I wanted to reply with, 'everyone apparently', but I didn't want to start anything. Especially not in a scenario like this. Old Carmen would've, but I've been so conditioned to this society that it's driving me nuts.
Slowly, I cleared my throat and looked up at the eunuch. "Not that I know of, but if you ask the Empress Dowager, she'll tell you there are some girls in the harem who had harassed me several months ago... But, the solution has been resolved. It's been calm now, not many fights..."
The eunuch nodded and looked back at another that brushed quick strokes on a medium-sized paper. He then turned to face me and again, "Good. And, I'd like to ask, you and Imperial Concubine Chun fought a while back, I believe... She tried to manipulate His Majesty by pretending that you pushed her, is that correct?'
Where is he going with this?
I nodded, gulping. "Yes, she had... However, after that, she kept to herself. I haven't seen her after. It is a shame with what happened. After the pregnancy, she did keep to herself... Never seen her since."
My heart was pumping faster. I could feel the sweat building up on my back. I felt dirty, disgusting, and messy. It pained me to know that so many people are seeing me like this, and it pained me to know that the Emperor has to see my condition, and is still looking directly at me. I wanted to turn around but I couldn't.
Stalling was the best I could do for now.
"Good." He nodded to himself. "Over the past few months, has Guan Shu been in a good mental state?"
I nodded once more. "Yes, and not anymore because somebody killed her only family. Someone had murdered her only son, Rong Er, the innocent little child who knew only the joy in life. And someone had killed that joy... "
"Oh yes, Guan Shu's mental state was great before that happened. She was happy, loved spending time with her son and me." I faked a sniff. "When I was held in the Cold Palace, she never spoke... She never drank, she barely ate. All she did was sleep, sleep, sleep."
As I heard Guan Shu's snifflesâgenuine raw emotions, I kept going on. The eunuch didn't interrupt me, nor was he allowed to.
"And I felt bad. I felt so upset at myself." I drummed my fingers on my thigh as I shifted my position to a sitting position. I kneeled, hands on my knees. "...Oh yes, I did. How did we end up in the Cold Palace? I don't know... All she did was sleep... It broke me. It broke my heart... How could you do that to a child? How could youâ"
"Your Majesty!" A louder voice boomed in the room and I sharply turned my head. A bright, hopeful smile already played on my face. "We found this in Her Majesty's chamber."
There Jaxon was, standing tall with a small bottle of the same poison that was in my urn. Behind him, were four guards that looked like robots. Straight lips and no expression. Jaxon quickly walked to the physician near the eunuch and handed him the bottle with the cork still on.
"It does look like poison, Your Majesty," the physician said, then opened the cork to smell the substance. "It does smell like poison."
He turned to the Emperor. "Your Majesty, it is poison."
I eyed the Empress. She furrowed her eyebrows in shock, gripping the handles of her throne. "There is no way that that is mine! O-Of course somebody who knew Ying Yue and myself would be the perpetrator!"
"What are you hinting at, Empress?" the Emperor asked, already narrowing his eyes at her.
The Empress shook her head. "W-Well, that's strange because I had an insider who told me that they saw Ying Yue and the maid with the urn! I-I relied on that heavily and..."
She paused for a second before resuming.
"In fact, I thought it was quite weird for one of Ying Yue's maid still lurking in the harem even when Ying Yue was held in the Cold Palace..."
"Who?" I demanded. She had the audacity to bring my maids into this! She doesn't know when to stop.
As the Empress looked into my eyes, I saw amusement on her face. "I-I don't know. Your Majesty... maybe you should have them check the other three maids? Maybe they..."
I watched in horror as the eunuchs aggressively looked at each of my three maids' hands. If one of my maids gets sentenced to prison because of a hidden lie...
The Empress wants war, I'll give her war. The Empress's title is evidently hanging on a string; everything she has will be nothing and she won't be able to stop it. This explains the desperation to find evidence to prove her innocence. My maids had done nothing to the Empress, and it's already established that she doesn't care. She'll get her claws on anything and everything so it can benefit her. Every day, almost a week in the Cold Palace, I haven't had the company of my maids. I hadn't seen my maids for so long, yet I felt at ease knowing that they were doing fine without me. It was time to unite with them after this mess.
"Your Majesty!" a eunuch cried.
The Emperor stood up at once but the Empress beckoned him to sit. "What is it?"
"There seems to be a small residue of a green-coloured liquid under the thumb of her hand." the eunuch replied, shaking his head as he held Chen Xi's hand in his.
Chen Xi? How did she get Chen Xi to oblige to this? I stared at her, with a puzzled expression but she grimaced as soon as we made eye contact. Two men were holding each of her arms to prevent an escape. I shook my head in dismay but she looked away.
I bowed quickly. "Your Majesty! Chen Xi is a loyal maid to me! She would have never done this to me! Please, they are mistaken."
"Ah, but it all makes sense now!" The Empress wagged her index finger, smiling softly as she exclaimed in joy.
"What makes sense?" I muttered.
I studied the Empress as she rose from her throne and gracefully walked down towards Chen Xi. The bottom of her hanfu dragged behind her, slowly but menacingly. As I held my breath, I couldn't help but wonder if Chen Xi really did sacrifice herself for me. Chen Xi truly was my maid, a loyal maid, but I couldn't bear to see her put to death for me.
"Chen Xi... Is that your name?" the Empress cooed, then turned around to face two eunuchs. "Was this the maid that was last in my room?"
They nodded simultaneously.
No.
How much did she pay them?
Chen Xi eyed the Empress, angrily trying to wriggle her arms from the eunuch but their grip tightened. "Fair enough... I did it."
"No, you didn't!" I screamed in exasperation. "Quit telling people that! Quit telling us that! Chen Xi, pleaseâ"
I softened when she looked at me, sadly smiling. Chen Xi, without making eye contact with me, spoke, "...I poisoned Madame Dong Mei. I despised her."
The Emperor's face darkened.
"Her Grace used her authority for the worst... I hated working with Guan Shu, I might admit, she was just so friendly." Chen Xi slowly turned her body to address me. She refused to look at me. "I framed you because I envied you... The way His Majesty looked at you, the way you were so favoured... It angered me because I always wanted to be a Noble Consort like you. I'm just a mere palace maid."
As I shook my head at her, I realized. Chen Xi knew where the poison was. She knew where my urn was... She ratted me out. But it doesn't explain anything. She had no motive. The words that were coming out of her mouth were just scripted. It had no meaning.
The Empress is behind this. I knew it with all my heart. But why was Chen Xi taking all of it? Why would she betray me and bring up the only evidence that put me in the Cold Palace?
Chen Xi continued, "Li Mei was going to be promoted... This silly prophecy got into my head. I didn't want Li Mei to get a higher ranking, she was cruel to me. And... Oh, everything is just so childish, I beg of you, Your Majesty, just end me already."
"You... betrayed me?" I whispered.
"Yes, I did," Chen Xi said, her eyes were glossy, staring deep into me, reading me. She tried to swallow. "I apologize."
I could feel the bewilderment in the audience, and how everyone was witnessing this dramatic piece of Shakespeare that I didn't plan to happen. They led her away but I couldn't let this one go.
The dungeon was dreadful, still looking the same as the last time I was in there. I curved through the small leaks of water droplets as they fell meters above me. It was silent except for the echoes of the drops hitting the cement.
Hua Er clung to my arm tightly, shifting her gaze away from our surroundings. Shortly after, I found my maid curled up in the corner of the cell, hugging her knees. Her face was buried into her knees. She didn't notice me at first. I held the bars separating us from each other with two of my fists, gripping until my knuckles turned white. I pitied her. Or maybe it was because I knew how it felt to be imprisoned for hours.
Chen Xi slowly felt my presence and raised her head slowly. Her lips trembled when she looked up, and her eyes started to water. I said nothing. Hua Er, right next to me, said nothing but had a visible frown on her face.
"Why did you do it?" I asked, softly. It was too softâsofter than I should have sounded.
The traitor's hands trembled while she slowly rose from the ground. One drop of tears rolled down her cheek as she made her way to me. As her hand touched mine from grabbing onto the bars, I removed my hand immediately.
"I didn't do everything, I just told Her Majesty where the urn was and then..." Chen Xi whispered as she put her head down in shame. Her head was pressed against the bars. "I don't think you want the whole story but, I apologize."
I tried to swallow but my throat was too dry. I spoke but it was in an almost pleading tone. "I'm not asking for an apology... Why did you do it, Chen Xi? Why did you do it?"
"I know you will never forgive me." My maid shook her head as she looked at me for a short second before gazing behind me, aimlessly staring at nothing. Another drop rolled down her cheek. And then another. "But Her Majesty promised me she would send money to my father... He's struggling with a deadly illness, milady."
Chen Xi's eyes darkened, streams of sadness overflowed her eyes and poured uncontrollably. She started to weep. "What else was I supposed to do? My father... My father was going to die, milady. I had no choice."
"All the months we've spent with each other," I spoke, trying to look into her eyes but she continued to avoid mine. "Everything we did together... Every time you took care of me..."
"The gods will never forgive me, they will not." Chen Xi slid down the bars, gripping them tightly as her body dropped beneath me.
There was nothing she could have done. She sacrificed me for the sake of her father, but I've seen so many sacrifices made throughout the past several months, that I was desensitized to it. People made sacrifices here. They didn't care who would be in danger... like how I sacrificed Li Mei so I could be released.
I realised. I did the same. The Empress, Chen Xi, and I. We sacrificed someone to receive our wishes.
What was the difference between us? I wasn't any different from any of them. The Empress played dirty, way more dirty than I have played, but I couldn't help but wonder how much pain I'll have to endure before I snap. How many more wrongdoings will I have to face in order for me to strip myself from my morals and use others to benefit me? Was the Empress like me? Was she kind and gentle at first but progressively turned into a woman she couldn't recognize anymore?
I stared blankly at Chen Xi, unable to speak. Hua Er stood next to me but didn't speak up at all. She eyed Chen Xi with hatred, but she left this moment between us. I would lose this maid and I would get another one.
Everyone here in the palace is replaceable. Even the Emperor.
Chen Xi broke the silence. She sniffed. "I...I know you won't forgive me..."
"You're right, I will never forgive you." I immediately cut her off before she finally looked at me, looked me deep into my eyes with dread. As I squatted down to face her, I gave a small, relaxed smile. "But I don't blame you..."
I sighed, still staring at her. My hand gripped the bar. "Goodbye forever, and thank you for serving me."
It was her turn to initiate. She tried to grab my hand on the bar and wept louder, almost in a begging tone. She watched as I soberly stood up, about to detach myself from her. "Milady, you were the best to serve... I hope in the next life, we will be friends, I hope to make it up to you... I'll do what it takes for you to forgive me in the next life!"
The cries got louder as I continued walking away from her, never looking back.
"Goodbye, Ying Yue... Goodbye!" she called before silencing herself.