---
"See, I would order wine, but you're not at the drinking age yet," Jaxon teased. He tapped my plain drinking water and winked at me.
It's been two days since our arrival back home. I remembered what I said in the car so clearly, that it was almost embarrassing to remember. It was fine, though. Everything worked out just fine. Here I was, being taken out to one of the finest restaurants, on a date with someone I met from ancient China.
I still remember our ride home.
"I can't believe we stayed there for a little bit over one year," Jaxon shook his head. "What a story..."
"A story we can't tell anyone, right?" I turned to face him. He looked at the road. Not looked actually, he glared at the road. He always had a scornful look on his face... or an angry look.
His face softened when he looked at me. He chuckled. "We'll be sent to a psych ward if we told anyone. I think this is our little secret."
I let a slight laugh out. It faded because I know it was true. I wish I could tell someone because that would be a great bragging story. I was royalty at some point in my life. That was something barely anyone can say.
The sudden realisation that Jaxon was still here with me... it led me to think about our relationship. What were we? Was the making-out and arguing with each other just hormones or did I truly love him? Back then, I always thought I was just being ridiculous but now that I'm sitting passenger humming songs in peace with him... My heart felt something that it hasn't had for a very long time.
I was in love.
Maybe it was still the lack of love I had... Maybe it was because I never found anyone else in the Palace attractive... I mean, it's been a year since I've seen a modern-day man...
Or maybe it was because I actually was in love with Jaxon. Could it be that?
All the things we've been through... All the things we've witnessed... Besides, Jaxon was the only person who shared the same secret with me. Something about sharing this one thing was sort of intimate. Jaxon was attractiveâeverything about him was. The way his light brown eyes were fixed to front of him, the way he had this thoughtful look on his face at all timesâsometimes glaringâI felt safe with him. He was always playful and teased me, treated me like I was equal. He took an arrow for me.
I think I was afraid to say that I was in love. There was nothing to lose. Jaxon had already confessed his love to me, which I declined. But you know what? He's starting to grow on me. We could try. There was nothing to lose.
"Jaxon," I began. My eyes were still glued to the front. We were still on the highway.
He kept his eyes glued to the front as well. "What's wrong?"
"I want to give us a try," I said, softly. "I think I'm starting to... like you, Jaxon."
A quick brake of the car caused me to jump. Suddenly, the car began moving again. I frantically looked at him with widened eyes, in which he looked back at me with shock. My heart almost stopped as the experience with the car accident traumatized me. But as soon as I registered Jaxon's face in my brain, I knew I was safe near him.
Jaxon blinked a few times. He still remained stoic. "Would you mind confessing your love to me when I leave the highway?"
"Hey, you asshole! That took courage!" I yelled as he laughed. I quickly crossing my arms as the car began to move normally.
It didn't.
"My ego has now been inflated after you deflated it," Jaxon responded. "Thank you for that."
"Shut up," I chuckled. "I would've been the drinking age if they didn't push me back time."
After we left back to his place, I was in euphoria. Holding his arm while standing in the elevator, I faced him. He was already looking at me. He towered over me, waiting for me to speak but I was captivated by our situation. It was weird. Perhaps the magic above us wanted us to meet like this.
Maybe we were meant to be together.
The door opens and we walk to the room. Dimly-lit because Jaxon hated the light. All the furniture is either black or light grey. I wasn't surprised by the colour, because it suited him.
I placed my purse on the couch before letting my butt hit the seats comfortably. I admired the dark interior. It was different as to what I'd want. I wanted more of a modern feel to my own place, once I have one. Dark wasn't really my thing.
Leaning back, I stared longingly at Jaxon who raised an eyebrow at me. He placed a cup of water in front of me and held his while standing in front of me. "I like how I don't have to tell you to make yourself at home."
"As it seems like you already did," he laughed to himself and sat next to me.
"Oops, perhaps that is too impolite?" I shifted my body to face him, placing my left leg over his to signify that I am ready to be slightly intimate.
"No," Jaxon placed his hand on my thigh. "You are always welcome to feel comfortable with me."
I slowly watched as he gently caressed my thigh. He bored his eyes in mine, reading into my thoughts but my mind was blank when I looked at him. My heart was beating rhythmic patterns of love. Every time he touched me, I melted. While still feeling safe with him, I was still afraid. Ever since I lived in the harem, I was scared to love. I was scared to befriend and scared to trust.
Betrayal was nothing new to me; Loss was nothing new to me. Before, I looked at Hua Er's grief over her father as something I wouldn't understand for a very long time. But I lost. I've lost and I gained. Here I was, comfortable sitting next to the man I love. I've denied it for too long now.
Jaxon wouldn't hurt me. He would never try to. When he dived in to protect me, I didn't know it at that time, but I loved him. No one has gone that far to protect me, no oneânot even the Emperor. Walking into the room where he stayed because of his injuries, I realised that I was afraid of losing him. I was afraid to lose the person I fell in love with. I am grateful for this present moment and grateful that we both survived something horrific.
He wondered what I was thinking about when I looked at him. He needed to know.
I pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear and sighed. "Jaxon, that day... The day of the ambush... When you saved me..."
"What about it?" he asked, casually spreading his legs masculinely. He held the mug and took a sip, still looking at me.
"I-I don't know where to start but, I was so afraid to lose you," I whispered. I knew it was just us two but I was being dramatic. "I guess that was when I realised I've fallen for you."
"Do you want to know when I fell for you?" Jaxon asked.
With an anxious smile, I nodded.
"The first time I laid my eyes on you, Carmen," he spoke confidently. Gently, he leaned forward and placed the mug on the glass table. He turned to face me again. "I've never believed in love at first sight. It was stupid to believe in that crap."
I rolled my eyes. Jaxon was rational and too practical. If I spoke to him about horoscopes, I know he'd try and rationalize with me. He moved closer to me. Cupping my cheek with his hand, he leaned forwards. "It was stupid... until I met you."
Nothing could've prepared me for this moment. I seriously thought I'd die alone. I thought I'd die in that cell as a virgin as well. I was anxious. I was nervous. But I felt comfortable in the presence of Jaxon. All I wanted was safety and security, and I received it. I needed it. After all the things I've been through, only Jaxon could be here to keep me sane.
My heart was beating so fast, that my brain didn't know if it wanted to pull away or dive in. I leaned in forwards. Our lips collided and I felt hot. I felt the warmth on my cheeks as I leaned back. My back pushed against the couch as Jaxon placed himself on top of me, following my movement. I loved the taste of his lips against mine. I loved the way he touched meâhis hands caressing my body, electrifying my entire body with warmth. I surrendered to his touch. I surrendered to him.
He ran his hand down my spine to my lower back, before wrapping his hands around my waist. Our kiss began to become sloppy, and I was panting now. It was starting to become aggressive. We both were aggressive in our nature, fighting for more. I felt his hand on my inner thigh and I almost had a moan escape my parted lips. I was begging for this man. I would beg for eternity for this man.
We slowly paused and Jaxon pulled away, leaving a trail of saliva that connected our tongue. It dripped down my chin but I let it be. Our eyes were whirlpools of lust. He was still on top of me, light eyes staring at me with passion. One more touch and I'll die a happy woman. One more kiss and I'll be even more devoted than I am right now.
Our heavy breathing was filling the silence of the large place. Never breaking eye contact, Jaxon lifted me off the couch.
"Stay tonight," he said. "I don't want to sleep alone."
I wrapped my arms around his neck. I studied his face. Jaxon wasn't asking me. He was telling me to. And I knew Jaxon never took no as an answer, and I was ready to submit and say yes to him.
We would take it slow. But I didn't like sleeping alone either. When my back hit the comfortable bed, I watched him rummage through the closet for something. His back muscles faced me and I was smiling at how lucky I was.
I didn't wrap the heavy blankets around myself yet, my eyes continued to admire him.
The wall of the bedroom was just one long window. City lights and police sirens were heard from outside. Without the lights on, the moonlight illuminated the room. The wooden floors matched the dark grey colours of the bed. Tall white ceiling, a fuzzy grey rug underneath the bed, two black picture frames of vintage paintings above the bed, and a beautiful man giving me his large t-shirt to sleep in.
"Thank you," I grabbed the shirt, then watched as Jaxon stripped in front of me. I kept my eyes wide open. I didn't blink.
After I changed, I entered the bathroom.
A flash of white that blinded me took as a surprise. White marbled floor, white bathtub, and white sink. It was a contrast to what was outside.
I turned around and looked at him, who was right behind me. He gently placed his lower hand on my back and smiled. "Yeah, I know. It hurt my eyes for two weeks when I moved in but you'll get used to it."
Used to it. I'll get used to it.
My smile gradually widened.
"Remember how I asked you what your skincare routine was?" Jaxon placed his toothbrush back in the holder.
I nodded, then realising my entire routine placed neatly on a white cosmetic organizer. My heart was racing. Nobody has ever put in this much effort for me and I turned around. I couldn't believe him.
"I'm going to cry," I croaked, placing my hand on my heart. "You're unreal. You are so unreal. You have to be from outer space or a government spy."
"How did you know? I was planning to tell you when we have our wedding," he joked. He looked over his shoulder as he exited the bathroom. "That way, you had no choice but to stay with me."
Still thinking about Jaxon even though he was about ten feet away from me, I finished with my night routine and slipped myself in bed. The city never sleeps, but I felt like whatever was happening in this room was more alive. Jaxon put the roller shades down while I felt comfortable under the blanket. When we laid next to each other, I turned to wrap my arm around his chest.
I placed my cheek on his heartbeat. It beat fast, maybe it was in sync with mine... My heart was racing as well.
He placed the palm of his hand on the top of my head, and caressed me. "I still can't get over how we met."
"When we introduce each other to our family and friends," I looked up at him. "What will we say?"
"Don't you remember? You were escaping an attacker and I was hiking for my journey of self-discovery," Jaxon said but laughed after he spoke. I smiled as I felt his body shake underneath me. "I'm amused by imagining myself hiking."
"Me too, I laughed when I told my family that story," I rolled away and laid on my back. My hand was still in reach of his. "Have you ever hiked before?"
Jaxon scoffed. He shook his head. I knew he shook his head because the pillow made noises. I was a psychic. Truly. Anyway, this was the deal-breaker for me. It was the final moment to see if Jaxon was the one. He turned his head to face me. "No. I hate hiking."
"Me too!" I exclaimed, quickly wrapping my leg around his lower body. I reached my arm over his chest in an attempt to show him that I was happy at his answer.
"I'm glad we're on the same page," he responded. "That would be a big deal-breaker for me. Imagine liking hiking."
I nodded. "Exactly! I'm so glad!"
"Even if you did like hiking, I'd still give a shot," Jaxon whispered.
"Okay, don't even try to flatter me with that!" I giggled, then rolling to the other side to express my fake resentment.
"I meant it, I did!" he justified.
I felt his arm wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer. Spooning. This was spooning. I was glad it was dark to hide the blush I had on my face. Tomatoes were in season, weren't they? I stifled a laugh at my stupid joke.
The room fell silent and the only thing I could hear was faint sirens. I felt warm under the blankets and under the embrace of Jaxon. This was love. This was the love I dreamed of. Me, in the arms of the man I loved, and our bodies one with each other. The soft complexion, the flawless man under the moon, it was him.
Jaxon. His name on my lips, on my tongue, flossing between my teethâgross but I liked itâI would drink his name. I would drink his sorrows, his pain, his joy, his love, everything.
The future wasn't determined but I knew we'll last for eternity. There was chemistry, there was a magnetic connection. No one in the world made me feel like he does, and I doubt anyone can compare to how I make him feel. There was no cockiness when I said this, there was only truth in these words.
Feeling his body shift, I tensed when I felt him breathe down my neck. I froze. The infusion of the scent of both of our fragrance made me feel at ease. It smelled nice. It would leave the sheets smelling nice.
He groaned, "Are you still thinking? I can feel you thinking. Are you overthinking, baby?"
Baby.
"You've never called me that before," I tried to speak louder, but it was only a sheepish tone in my voice.
"I was thinking too," he whispered. I could sense him smiling when he spoke those words. "Pet names... Like you know when lovers have cheesy names for each other?"
I turned my body to face him. His hand never left my waist.
"Pumpkin or... sweetie pie is the cheesiest," I winced. "But I'm alright with whatever. As long as it's from your lips, I'm fine with anything."
That ended our conversation. He placed a small kiss on my forehead and I turned around again. This time, my back was still against the bed, but my face was looking away from him. One more look at him and I'd die right here... My heart was beating even louder.
Pet names? Pet names? Already?
I wish he didn't pull down the shades. That way, I could distract myself by looking at the dark sky. This was a blessing. Everything that happened was a blessing in disguise.
In a few minutes, Jaxon was already sleeping soundly. I was still awake in his arms and the rush of adrenaline was starting to fade.
Slowly, I turned around to face him. His eyes fluttered open. Jaxon raised an eyebrow and looked at me. Cupping my cheek with the palm of his hand, he gave me his full attention. "What's wrong?"
"Can you still believe how we met? How things just... happened?" I whispered although I knew that it was just the two of us.
He nodded. His head sank into his pillow as he stared at the ceiling. "Sometimes I recall the memories from the place, and it intrigues me to know how many times we could've died."
"We?" I pushed my body up, my elbow was sinking into the mattress.
I looked at him tenderly. I almost forgot Jaxon was a guard, who had to deal with a lot of attempted assassinations and other dangerous situations. Whatever he was doing in ancient China, never came across my mind. He must have risked his life many times.
So, I caught myself. "I realise that now... It must be dangerous being an Imperial guard. I'm sorry for not considering that until now."
"I think you went through the worst though," Jaxon chuckled. I followed after. He turned his head to look me in the eyes. The fire between us, was burning brightly. "All I can say is, that I am proud of you. You are an empress. You have bragging rights."
"Bragging rights that I can't actually use, though," I laid back in bed and pulled the blankets up to my chin. I thought for a moment before turning to Jaxon.
"Correct. But you are strong. I know now not to try and piss you off because you were scary over there," he took my hand. "You took down all your enemies, did some immoral things to remain in power, went against the traditions and norms, did things women weren't allowed to do at that time, and introduced new things to that world... That's something that I admire."
I felt at peace. I've been through too much, and the number of executions I've called used to weigh me down. I was never guilty of framing Bao Zhai and Minister Feng. It was mostly because I had to do what I had to do in order to survive.
The harem was scary, and to be above the harem, was even scarier. I didn't know my boundaries. I messed with everything and everyone. I had the whole council hate me at one point.
Jaxon wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in. I let my body slide in his arms. I could almost feel him smiling. "I'm glad I met you. I'm also glad I got to see this side of you."
"I'm glad I met you too," I whispered back. "I'm sorry that it took so long for me to realise that."
And even though I went through a lot of major changes, I still felt like I didn't lose a part of myself. I felt like I discovered parts of me that were submerged in my subconscious for too long. Besides, I had no regrets. I met Jaxon.
Everything happens for a reason, I believe so... I know so.
We didn't meet at a conventional place, but I'm glad we met.
EPILOGUE
The alarm on my phone rang, and I quickly grabbed it off the nightstand. After pushing my upper-body off the bed, I pressed the orange button. Sunlight was seeping through the shades, yet the room was a bit chilly early in the morning. It's been five years since I came back. I moved in with Jaxon a year ago.
I placed my phone on the nightstand, turning my head to face Jaxon. Shirtless and awake, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me down with him. He groaned in my ear as our bodies touched.
"What time is it?" he whispered.
"Time to get up," I replied while I tried to escape his hold.
His strong arms blocked my resistance. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I slowly inhaled, my heart raced. Five years with Jaxon, and I still felt electric. Five years with Jaxon and every morning I was glad to wake up next to him. If not, I don't know what I'd be doing right now.
We founded a tech company years ago with the ten million lawsuit settlement and the small loan of a billion dollars Jaxon's father gave us.
Jaxon became the CEO and I became the COO. It was an impulsive thing for sure, but there was a lot of planning that went to it. Our heart and soul went into it. It was surreal to me to think I'd find love in the sort of establishment I was in, but glad to at least.
Life was great. I was thankful for being here and surviving everything I've been through with Jaxon by my side.
He proposed to me two months ago. At the age of twenty-three, getting married was young, but I said yes. It's been years and I am certain that Jaxon was the one for me. We clicked. Besides, marriage was inevitable between us.
Swiftly, the blankets moved and Jaxon pinned himself on top of me. His eyes filled with lust as he leaned forwards to kiss me. "Before we go..."
"I'm already thinking what you're thinking," I teased, pulling him in.
"Nice weather," Jaxon commented as our driver parked the car. "Autumn is a great time to be cooped up in our library with a book... and not working."
"Which is what I'll be doing," I laughed.
Walking inside, we were immediately greeted by the front desk. As we walked into the elevator, Jaxon looked at me solemnly. His eyes crinkled when he smiled, but when he was serious, he looked scary.
The elevator was silent. If we didn't do it in the morning, we could've paused this elevator and went at it. Or maybe we could do it once more if he would stop looking at me so seriously. Shaking that thought from my head, I looked at him, cocking an eyebrow. "What's up?"
"I'm glad you're taking a month off," Jaxon slowly took my hand in his. "I should be the one stressing and working. Only me. I don't want to see you stress like this."
"My stress and mental health aren't due to work, Jaxon," I softly spoke, giving him a reassuring smile. "It's a problem within me. Anyway, don't worry about it."
The elevator doors slid open and we walked out together. I was going to miss walking in with Jaxon, but I needed this time off. Besides, Jaxon is right. This was the season to be taking a month off to release any tension and stress.
Joe, the main secretary and personal assistant, was filing a few papers outside Jaxon's office. Mine was right next to his. Joe looked at us. He stood up and smiled charmingly. I remember bringing up my concerns with a female assistant, in which Jaxon laughed at my envy.
'All women, except for you, have cooties', Jaxon had said. To that, I agreed.
"Good morning, Mr. Kang, Ms. Han," he then looked at me. "May I ask, are you staying for another day?"
"No," I shook my head. "I'll be leaving soon. Just need to get a few things from my office and tidy it up, that's it."
He nodded. "I see."
Entering my office, Jaxon followed right behind me. His eyes wandered. I could feel his eyes staring straight at my back when I walked towards my desk. The sound of my heels clicking echoed in the office.
"This is so empty," Jaxon said. His voice slightly echoed. He gently set himself on the leather couch, kicking his feet up to rest it on the glass table. "I can hear my voice echo... I don't think it gets cleaner than this."
"There's a few disorganized things in here," I responded as I piled a few papers together. There were a few scattered manila folders on the desk, which I piled on top of the papers. "Just needed to grab a few things as well. I think I left candy in here somewhere too."
Jaxon stood up. I could sense him walk towards me as I rummaged through the desk drawer. It was awfully messy and I was sorting a few things before I looked up at him. We both made eye contact. He curiously tilted his head in confusion.
The glint of the pin shocked me. I've forgotten about it. I looked away from Jaxon and reached deeply in to retrieve the pin. The Empress pin. I held it between my index finger and my thumb. I looked at Jaxon, who was staring at the pin himself.
My heart was beating when the golden pin was between my fingers. It was from the place that started it all. Ancient China has made me who I am. Ancient China created my relationship with Jaxon without me knowing. I remembered my life as an empress. I almost cringed at the Emperor and I's moments.
Another memory of Jaxon, was on the bed as I leaned down to cry. He saved my life. I would've died if he didn't dive in front of me. That day, I knew Jaxon loved me. That day, I knew that I must have fallen for Jaxon.
I stifled a smile at the memory of us making out in the torture shed right after everyone had left.
There was a gentle silence between us. The silence we both knew. We had this silence, this specific silence, in which both of us were thinking about similar things. I looked at him and smiled. Jaxon was the first to speak. "Uh oh... I know what you're thinking."
Of course, he did. He always did. Jaxon knew me inside out; he knew almost everything about me. He knew my blood type, even when I didn't even know it myself. Jaxon does a next-level kind of stalking. As my smile was getting bigger, there was sadness underneath my smile.
I missed them allâall the people I've met, I missed them all.
Hua Er's pin was tucked safely at home. I almost forgot that the Empress pin was in this drawer. Being a workaholic prevented me from visiting, so I never got the chance. I had exactly one month, and I knew what I would do.
It was impulsive, I know, but I knew exactly what I would do.
This was not a coincidence. The Empress pin gleamed under no sunlight. Maybe it was the bright lights that were telling me something, and I was going to listen.
"Jaxon..." I placed the pin on the table, quickly running up to him. His hands were on my waist and he glared at me. He shook his head, but I couldn't take no for an answer. I needed to give them closure. Hua Er, Su Yin, Hua Yang, the Emperor himself, everyone.
My people needed me.
Jaxon gave me a peck on my lips before sighing. He looked like he was about to scold me, but he didn't. "Carmen, you really want this? I can't come with you."
I nodded slowly. "Yes... Jaxon, this is the only time I'm free. You're forgetting I'm the Empress. You're forgetting that they might need me."
"They miss you, I'm sure of it," he whispered, looking away from me before turning around.
His back was facing me as I leaned my body against the desk. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't going to risk my life, no way, but I felt like it was time. It was time to go back. Jaxon was always kind and he loved me. With this amount of love, I feel like I shouldn't leave him here.
But I had this urge to. There was something happening in ancient China that needed me. I had an instinct.
"I'm not going to leave you," I smirked. "If that's what you're thinking about. If anything, I can literally just come back once a week."
Jaxon turned around. "Fine."
"Really?" I whispered. I peered up at him as I seductively fixed his tie.
He towered over me. The palm of his hands rested on the edge of the table as I was in between his arms. I couldn't escape. As he leaned towards me, our foreheads touched. I was breathing heavily. I was intoxicated by his masculine scent. It was one of the cologne I picked out for him three years ago. Still to this day, whenever he ran out, he always bought that specific one.
"We'll go back to the penthouse," he softly instructed, his lips next to my ear. "We'll spend a bit more time with each other until I see you out."
Our penthouse was renovated. We compromised with the design. Half of it was modern and chic like I wanted, half of it was dark and sleek like Jaxon wanted. There was a lot of compromisation involved in our relationship. We were always happy with the results.
"Jaxon, I'm going back to ancient China for only a month," I giggled. "I love you."
"I love you too," he responded as he snaked his arm around my waist.