On Friday, the furnace guy finally shows up to replace the broken parts. It doesnât impact me much, since Iâm now exclusively living with the guys, but I bet Briar and Easton and the other two, whose names I canât remember, appreciate having working heat.
Lincoln told me they had furniture delivered. Honestly, I couldnât care less, as long as they dispose of it when they leave. I need to speak to Mrs. Wilson and see what the options are. I feel terrible taking up that house if someone else in the area is looking for a place to live, but it did sit empty for months before I rented it, so itâs probably not a huge deal. It is a big waste of money, but Iâm locked in with a lease, and Iâve already accepted that Iâll have to pay out the remaining eleven months.
My focus is crap, and Iâm exhausted from barely sleeping, which could be from the constant pelvic and lower back pain.
By Saturday afternoon, Iâm cranky and unable to shake the discomfort. Walking or stretching or repeated showers donât help for long. I almost want to ask if we can buy a new mattress, because the one in the pack bedroom is giving me intense pain in my hips and lower back. On the plus side, Lunaâs nursery is completely set up, and we have all the important things that I would have forgotten.
The daylight slips away, and I prepare for another rough night. If tonight is anything like the last couple, then there wonât be any rest to be found. Iâve taken a few short naps during the day, but even when I wake up, I never feel well-rested.
âWould you like to try the heating pad?â Lincoln offers, tenderly rubbing my back as I lean over the kitchen counter.
I shake my head, then nod, only to shake it again. âNo, thank you.â
Itâs so hard to describe, but itâs not unbearable pain. Itâs more like the most annoying throbbing ache that comes and goes.
Iâm pretty sure theyâre all about to realize the disaster they tied themselves to. Well, except for Arden. Heâs still holding out, and I canât blame him. Poor Lincoln and Kase get spillover from the bond.
The longer I go without proper rest, the more impossible it becomes for me to block my emotions from spilling into the link. Even simple aches and pains are wearing me down in a way Iâve never experienced.
âIâm sorry,â I whisper, planting my forehead on the cool tile of the counter. I slide back and forth, trying to ease the pressure in my hips. Iâm about to burst into tears, and I donât even know why.
Okay, I do.
These poor guys. Iâm still not fully convinced that their instincts didnât force them to step in when they saw an omega in need. Theyâre stuck with a lifelong commitment, and it feels like I bring nothing but baggage to this relationship.
âYouâre killing me here, sweetheart,â Linc says, pulling my hair back from my face. His fingers dig into my lumbar region while his hand soothes over my shoulder. âI know youâre miserable. Tell me how to help.â The pleading tone of his voice makes me feel even worse.
Theyâre amazing.
Honestly, they have to be a gift from Clark, because I swear, if I were alone right now, Iâd be having a nervous breakdown.
âIâm okay. Youâre helping a lot. Just having you around is keeping me centered.â
Okay, that was a fib.
Iâve experienced a lot of anxiety during this pregnancy. My last doctor even told me there was a name for itâtokophobia. I read up on it a little. I have had some of the symptoms, but the majority of my apprehension comes from the fear of doing things alone. Having bonds should soothe some of those fears, but mental health issues donât have to make rational sense.
They just are.
You can try to rationalize them away, but anxiety and depression donât work like that.
Turning around, I bury my face in Lincolnâs chest. âThank you for putting up with me. I know you have to be getting every bit of my chaos in the bond.â
His warmth envelops me as he wraps his strong arms around my back. âIâm not afraid of a little mayhem, but I wish I could take away your discomfort.â
âYou already are,â I assure him.