Soundtrack
Sugar, We're Going DownâFall Out Boy
Everything is AlrightâMotion City Soundtrack
ComplicatedâAvril Lavigne
10
Mia
Once Jack had fallen asleep, Mia snuck out of bed and into the kitchen to clean up the dinner they never had a chance to eat. Mia had known Jack was cracking, but she never realized just how deep that crack had become.
With the kitchen scrubbed clean, something that at least helped her keep her mind off things, she sat at the table and opened her laptop. Mia spent the next hour trying to find a place for Jack to go to talk to someone where he wouldn't feel completely exposed; in the end, she settled on setting up a tele-health therapy session for him. He wouldn't need to go anywhere, wouldn't risk being seen by anyone in town, which, to Jack, would have been the worst possible scenario.
As she closed her laptop, her phone chimed with an incoming text from her dad.
"Hey, sweetheart. I know it's late, but I need to talk with you. Nothing bad. Text me in the morning and we can set something up. Maybe coffee at that new place you mentioned?"
Despite her father's disclaimer, Mia couldn't help but worry that something was going on with her mom, and there wasn't a single chance she'd be able to wait till morning. She dialed his number immediately.
"Knew this would happen. Give me a second, Mia." She listened as he rustled around; in her mind, she visualized him walking through the house and out to the backyard. She knew once he was out of earshot of her mom, he'd tell her whatever he'd been holding on to.
The back door creaked through the line, and Mia's dad sighed. "I know you're back living with Jack."
Mia's heart stilled, then quickly pumped anger through her veins. "Andy shouldn't have told you. I was going to when I was ready."
"It wasn't Andy."
Mia's face scrunched in confusion. "Then howâ"
"Jack came by to see me at work." Russ let that detail sit in the air between them.
Despite a thousand thoughts running through Mia's head, not a single one made it out of her mouth.
"He said keeping this secret from us was tearing you apart. He was trying to help."
Mia took a calming breath, urging everything in her not to feel like a child who was about to get in trouble. "And...you're not mad?"
Russ sighed. "Mia, I'm never mad at you. Concerned, maybe. Worried. Never mad."
Mia bit at the insides of her cheeks, stalling to find the right words. "I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. It's just...well..."
"You don't have to explain. Jack seemed different; I don't want to jinx anything, but he seemed a little more self aware than usual."
Mia's eyes were glassed over, her voice the smallest whisper. "He hasn't had it easy, dad."
"I know, sweetheart." There was a pause, and then Russ left her with this: "Take things slowly."
Mia nodded, despite her father not being able to see her. "I will. Thanks, dad. Love you."
"I love you, too." Russ hung up first, and Mia stared out the window of their kitchen into the pitch blackness of the night, into nothing.
***
The following morning, Jack took the news of the appointment Mia had set up for him surprisingly well. She expected pushback. She expected an argument. She expected him to blow her off. None of that happened. Instead, he gave her a small smile and kissed her forehead.
Mia reminded herself that the true test would be if he actually signed into the appointment in a few weeks when it was scheduled.
With the burden of keeping the news of her and Jack's living situation away from her parents being lifted, Mia felt an extraordinary amount of relief and control over her life. She texted Andy and told him he had nothing to hold over her anymore. She texted Carter saying that he was really very sweet and kind, but she wasn't interested in anything more than a friendship. Mia Clarke was coming into her own in a way she never had since meeting Jack, which raised some potential flags in her head, but she was an expert at ignoring the warning signs.
Mia still took her mom to her physical therapy sessions once a week, even if they interfered with something Jack had planned. Mia still had dinner at her parents' every Sunday, even if Jack had wanted to do something else. She invited him along every time, but every time he declined, and Mia wasn't sure if it was fear of facing her parents after their numerous breakups or fear he may say something to Andy that would set him and Mia back once again. Regardless, Mia was more independent than she had ever been in their relationship, and while she was happy to emotionally (and, occasionally financially) support Jack, she was no longer pouring every ounce of her into him. He was going to get the help that he needed, and Mia knew this could only have positive repercussions on their relationship.
When the day of Jack's appointment finally came, Mia made sure to make herself busy outside of their apartment. She wanted Jack to have complete privacy, to be able to share things that even she hadn't heard. When she left him, he was at the kitchen table, laptop opened, Zoom waiting room on the screen. She kissed the top of his head and left.
Mia expected to return to find Jack in any one of a number of emotional states: distraught, upset, relieved, exhausted. Jack wasn't one for displaying emotions, for being vulnerable in any sense, so Mia prepared herself to help him process whatever it was he was feeling after his session.
Mia didn't expect Jack to be sitting there motionless, eyes fixed on a wet splotch on the wall, shattered pieces of glass on the floor beneath it. She took in the room and then pulled one of the chairs up next to him.
Softly, with a hand on his, she asked, "What happened?"
Jack didn't take his eyes off the wall. He didn't turn to her or move a single muscle. "I shouldn't have done that."
"The glass? It's fine. We'll cleanâ"
"No. I shouldn't have talked to her. I shouldn't have told her those things."
Mia squeezed his hand. "She can't tell anyone anything you said. It would breach confidentiality."
"You should have seen the way she looked at me, as if I were some lost charity case she was going to get to help, like some poor, broken thing she was going to get to fix." Jack's hand tensed under hers.
"Jack, I think you're maybe misinterpretingâ"
He snatched his hand from her. "Don't tell me what I'm doing. I'm going out." He stood from his chair, a wild look in his eyes, and everything, everything they had worked on felt like it was slipping out of Mia's grasp.
"I'll come with you."
"I'm going to Logan's."
Mia knew what that meant, and she shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."
He turned on her, eyes incredibly hurt and angry. "And what was, this stupid fucking therapy you made me do?"
Mia willed herself not to cry. "That's not fair. You agreed to it."
"Actually, I didn't. You suggested it, and then you made the appointment, and then I didn't have a choice in it. I never have a fucking choice in anything."
In the span of ten minutes, Mia and Jack were back to exactly where they were months ago, and Mia was willing to do anything to stop it. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Please, let'sâlet's just stay here."
"I don't want to be here." Jack turned out of the kitchen and made his way to the front door.
"Then I'm coming with you." Mia was at his heels as he grabbed his keys from the rack.
"You're not going to enjoy yourself. You should stay here."
Mia shook her head. "I'm coming with you."
Jack stared at her a moment. She moved to touch him, but he dodged her, stepping aside to open the door and waiting for her to walk through it. A hundred-thousand thoughts were again going through Mia's head, none of which portended anything even slightly positive.
In the car, Jack tapped on his phone before putting his key in the ignition. He held it to his ear, but there was no mistaking Logan's slight drawl as he answered on the other end. Mia took a deep breath.
"On my way over," Jack said.
Mia couldn't make out what Logan was saying, only that Jack's face set on hesitation for a moment. Rather than turn right out of their parking lot, he turned left, heading north.
"Yeah...it's fine. Be there in about fifteen." He hung up the phone, but he kept his eyes on the road when he addressed Mia. "Logan is at the lake with everyone else. I can turn around and drop you off back home."
Mia, trying to bite back the anger and frustration that was now building in her, rolled her eyes at him, wishing he would look at her so he would see. "I'm not a child. You don't need to treat me like one."
Jack scoffed. "Then don't look at me like I'm literally Satan when we get there."
Mia chose to say nothing in response. She wasn't quite sure how things had gotten so out of hand so quickly, but she felt something in her loosening. She was tired of Jack's friends thinking she was nothing more than the wet-blanket they often called her. She was tired of following every rule to its letter, of being the one who was taking care of others all the time. Mia was tired of taking care of Jack and his friends. All of this stewed and stewed in Mia's brain as the sun set and Jack's car inched closer and closer to the lake.
***
Clearwater Lake was an oxymoron at best. The water was often muddy and murky, and drunk teenagers left beer cans and food waste everywhere. Around the bend was where parents took their kids for mornings and afternoons of the proverbial fun in the sun; Mia's parents had taken her and Andy there often. Mia hardly recognized the area Jack parked in, not only because it was dark, but because she'd only seen it once or twice in passing. Mia cringed in embarrassmentâI am a wet blanket.
Still, she couldn't help herself. "Isn't it dangerous to get drunk or high and then swim in a body of water?"
Jack still hadn't looked at her as he trudged forward towards his friends. "Feel free to stay in the car, then."
Suddenly, Mia had enough of it. She rounded on him, grabbing the back of his shirt and forcing him to stop walking away from her. "What do you want from me? To say that I'm sorry for trying to help you? Toâ"
His eyes were almost, almost emotionless. "To have stayed home."
"And everyone says I'm the dramatic one in this relationship. If you think I'm so boring to be around then why even be with me in the first place?" Mia knew she was picking a fight with him. She also knew that now, of all times, was the worst time to do so, but two years of this same insecurity could no longer be held under her skin; it was bubbling out rapidly, and she couldn't stop it.
Jack looked hurt for a mere fraction of a second, and then he shook his head. "I'm not doing this right now. I came here to relax, and that's what I'm going to do. You can tag along or you can stay in the car. Your choice." Jack twisted out of her grip and kept moving.
All of it, all of the progress they had made in the last few months felt like nothing more than smoke in her hands, vanishing in the wind.
She followed him, albeit a few feet behind, but followed him nonetheless. The look of shock on his friends' faces when she approached them at the small fire they were sitting around was more than enough to make her feel uneasy. She gave a feeble wave to the group, scanning its members. Logan looked mildly concerned, which she soon realized was because Adam was sitting to his left, and a leggy blonde next to him. Mia didn't know how she knew, but she did. The fact that she looked effortlessly gorgeous made Mia's heart beat coldly in her chest.
"Mia!" Esme stood, strode over to Mia, and enveloped her in a hug. "I didn't know you were coming! Here, come sit with me."
Mia hoped the look she gave Esme conveyed the gratitude she was feeling, for while Jack had enough sense about him not to sit beside Adam's friend, he did sit between Logan and someone else Mia only vaguely knew, and there was no room for her beside him.
Esme put her arm around Mia and dropped her voice. "If I'd known you were coming, I would have texted you. I didn't know Adam was bringing her."
Mia waved her off. "It's alright. It's not your job to make up for Jack's poor decisions."
"Things bad right now?"
Mia nodded.
"Let me get you a drink. I'll be right back."
Mia nodded again. After Esme got up, she stole a glance at Jack, who seemed to have even forgotten she was there. Logan was in the process of rolling a joint. Jack looked surly and annoyed. Mia wanted to go home.
"Hey," the guy who had been sitting beside Esme held out his hand, and Mia shook it. "I'm Rory."
Internally, Mia facepalmed. "Oh! Nice to meet you. Esme mentioned you the last time I saw her. I think said you work in real estate?"
He laughed. "More or less. My sister and I flip houses. She technically does the selling. I do the demolishing. She tells me I don't clean up well enough for the showings." He laughed again, warm and bright, and Mia felt at ease. At his feet were a plate of s'mores, and he lifted it and offered one to Mia. "Esme went a little overboard when we got here. Eyes bigger than her stomach sort of thing."
"Sounds about right." Mia took one and bit into it; having had no dinner due to Jack's meltdown meant that she was starving, and while s'mores certainly weren't nutritious, they were delicious, and her feet tapped in approval as she ate it. "One time, we went out for pizza, and she literally ordered an entire pie for herself. Not a personal pie. A regular pie. She ate one and a half slices."
Rory laughed. "Yes. That is exactly her."
Mia took another bite and turned around, looking for Esme, but she wasn't by the coolers they had brought. She squinted and finally saw her outline coming from the direction of the parking lot, the silver of the cans she was holding glinting in the moonlight. Mia turned back around and stared into the fire.
"Sorry that took a literal year. There were no more seltzers in the cooler but I had another pack in the car." Esme sat next to Mia and handed her a lemon flavored seltzer just as she popped the last bit of her s'more into her mouth.
"Thanks!" Mia said, but Esme's face had completely fallen. "What? Is there chocolate on my face or something?" Her armpits went warm, fearing she'd just been chatting with Esme's (highly attractive) boyfriend while she looked like a disaster.
"Which plate did you take that s'more from?"
Mia cracked open her drink and washed the remnants of chocolate and marshmallow and graham cracker down her throat. "I don't know, Rory gave it to me."
Esme turned to him. "Please tell me you gave her one from the glass dish and not the paper plate."
Rory pointed at the paper plate full of s'mores on the ground at his feet.
"Oh, shit." Esme turned to Mia.
"Actually, can I have another one? I didn't have dinner."
"No."
Mia looked at her, confused at her sudden turn in demeanor. "Seriously, I'm hungry, and there are plenty."
"If you think you're hungry now, give it about thirty minutes."
"What?"
Esme waved in Jack's direction, calling his name, which earned her a look of nothing more than sheer annoyance. Logan was lighting the joint they had rolled, and Jack was holding out his hand.
Jack held up a hand to tell her to wait; Mia found the entire exchange to be ridiculously on par.
Esme looked at Mia. "See that dock right there? Go wait for me on it. I'm going to get Jack."
Mia groaned. "I really don't want to do this right now, Es."
"No choice. Go."
As Mia made her way over, she downed as much of her drink as she could. Soon enough, she was standing on the dock, looking over the glassy surface of the lake as it reflected the moon and the surrounding trees. Jack's grumbling with Esme ruined the serenity of it.
"Mia and I already decided we're not hashing this out here, and you really need to keep out of things like this." Jack looked more annoyed than angry, which was at least slightly better than where he had started that night.
"Well, you're going to have to put your differences aside for a few hours because she just housed one of the s'mores I made with both the marshmallows and the chocolate Logan brought."
Jack paled. "Jesus Christ."
Esme's words were still ringing in Mia's ears. "What?"
"You ate the wrong one, chica."
Mia's head shook back and forth. "No, no that's impossible. Rory gave it to me. It was just a s'more. It tasted totally normal."
"Jesus Christ." Jack looked at Mia. "You ate a whole one?" But he didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he turned again to Esme. "You're certain?"
She nodded. Mia dropped the seltzer she was holding; it crashed at her feet and effervescent bubbles popped and fizzed around her flip flops.
"I'mâI didn't know. Do I throw up? What do I do?" Mia wasn't asking Jack. Mia's full attention was on Esme.
Mia wouldn't learn this until much later, but the torrent of emotions that moved through Jack at seeing her choose Esme over him would be something he would remember for the rest of his life. He stepped between them, addressing Esme.
"I've got her."
She nodded, mouthing sorry at Mia over Jack's shoulder; even in Mia's panicked state, she knew Esme was apologizing for the slip up in treats, nothing else.
Jack took Mia by the shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. All of the anger, annoyance, and frustration he had exhibited that night completely wiped out. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. It's just weed."
"But what if there's something else in it? What ifâ"
Jack gripped her shoulders harder. "Do you think Esme would eat them if she didn't trust them?"
Mia shook her head.
"Exactly. It's just weed. You're going to be alright."
None of this put Mia at ease, despite Jack's best efforts. "I think I should throw up. I should get it out." She made to pull away from him, but he kept a firm hold on her.
"Honestly, I don't think it'd help much. You also hate throwing up. You do everything you can to avoid it, even when you're legitimately sick."
Mia closed her eyes. She was trying desperately not to panic; she knew it was all silly, that Jack and his friends did this all the time and they were fine, but Mia wasn't Jack and she wasn't his friends. Mia had bitten off more than she could chew (which, had the circumstances been different, she would have catalogued as an excellent pun), and Mia was filled with regret.
"Mia?"
She opened her eyes, and the look on Jack's face shattered her.
"Let's go home. We can go and you can sleep it off, and I'll take care of you. Okay? I'll take care of you. I'll make sure nothing bad happens."
She was crying, and Jack was wiping her face with his hands as quickly as he could.
"It's okay. Don't cry, Mia. Please. Don't cry." Jack had pulled her into him, was holding her as if he were afraid she were going to dissipate in the wind.
When Mia's breaths returned to normal, he took her by the hand and began walking her in the direction of the parking lot. They would have made it to the lot and to his car and back to their apartment before anything truly spectacular had started to happen; they would have made it home in time for Jack to put her to bed and for her to sleep everything off, but as they rounded by the fire Jack's friends were sitting around, two familiar faces emerged from the parking lot.
Andy and Carter, along with a few other friends of theirs, were walking towards them. Mia swallowed as Andy raised his hand to wave; Jack's grip on Mia's hand grew impossibly tight, and Mia knew her night was far from over.
a/n: hi! Sorry this is late ð¬ I was away for a few days at the beginning of last week and didn't get a chance to write.
I've been DYING to write this chapter. It only took about two years ð
Please tap that star to vote and comment if you enjoyed reading.
Have an excellent week!
-L