Soundtrack
Dirty Little SecretâAll American Rejects
In Too DeepâSum 41
We Are BrokenâParamore
2
Mia
Her heart pounded equal beats of nerves and embarrassment and anger and heartbreak, drumming in her chest like a funeral march. That ridiculous bell dinged as she pushed the door to the Bean and Brew back open, and she avoided all eye contactâall eye contact except Carter's. She almost couldn't believe he was still there.
Mia resumed her seat across from him, but the iced caramel macchiato she'd ordered had slipped into a weird consistency as the whipped cream had broken down and the ice had melted, creating a watery separation near the top of the glass. She cleared her throat and looked at Carter with what she hoped were apologetic eyes.
"I am so sorry. That was possibly the worst timing ever."
Yet Carter's composure was as effortless as it had been when she'd gotten up from the table. "No worries. I'm guessing that was Jack?"
A slight tingle wrapped around Mia's ribcage. "That obvious?"
He let out a gentle laugh, one she then mimicked. "Your brother has mentioned him before. Just in passing."
"I'm not sure I believe that. Andy can't let Jack's name leave his mouth without a string of expletives following it."
"Now that you mention it, I do believe Andy said something along the lines of him being a cock sucking douche-bag son of a bitch, but I'm just paraphrasing."
Mia squirmed. Only she was allowed to call Jack such things; she'd give Andy a pass, because he was her brother. She wasn't sure how she felt about Carter saying those things, even if he were just repeating them. "Jack and I were in a long term relationship before this, and it's complicated, so I'd like to leave him out of this moving forward. I haven't been on a date in a while, but I'd have to imagine talking about your ex isn't really first date appropriate."
Carter smiled and gave a quick nod. "Got it. If it makes you feel any better about all of this, though, Andy told me you'd be nervous, but the level of nerves you're showing is nothing compared to what he prepped me for."
"I'm going to remind him he's adopted when I get home."
Carter laughed again, and suddenly it felt like a little of the tension Mia was feeling in her chest dissipated. Maybe Mia shouldn't have been on a date; maybe Mia should have just been single for a while, but the last two months hadn't given her the distraction she neededâMia needed to put all of her energy into someone else, for she was terrified of what she would find if she looked inward. So she did just that: she turned the attention back on her brother's coworker and smiled.
"Andy mentioned you were in higher education?" Carter asked.
He was easing them back into neutral conversation, and Mia was grateful for his tact. "Yep. Though, I feel like that sounds so fancy. I mostly do recruitment work. I think he mentioned you worked with him in the finance department?"
"Kind of. I handle the investments, mainly retirement funds. You ever want to open a 401k, I can hook you up."
"A 401k? I'm barely in my mid-twenties."
"It's never too early to start planning for the future." Carter lifted his iced latte and took a sip.
The differences between Carter and Jack were dizzying for Mia. Little pings kept going off in her brain; some were sending signals saying that what she was doing was wrong, that she shouldn't even be entertaining the idea of another man when she knew things likely weren't over with Jack. Others were fighting off those signals, telling her she needed someone stable, that she needed someone who could be her support system for once.
"I can't argue with you there. I'd also guess that fiscal responsibility comes along with a job in finance."
He flashed his perfect teeth again, and Mia had a moment in her head where she tried to find a fault in Carter; she'd known him for less than twenty minutes and Andy had barely given her any information on him before she left, yet in the time that she'd been sitting with him, he seemed too good to be true. There had to be something in him that was unfavorable, unsightly; Mia only wondered if she'd allow herself enough time to find it.
Carter's lips began moving again, and Mia snapped herself out of her head. Be present.
"Have you always lived in Winchester?" Genuine interest was etched on his features.
"Born and raised, from Winchester Elementary to Winchester High to Winchester U."
"And that's the school you work at? "
Mia suddenly felt very small, as if she still had the entire world to explore. "Um, yes. It's the same one."
"Nothing wrong with that." He was smiling again. "It means you were lucky enough to find a place to call home forever, that is, if you really do like it here."
Mia stalled by trying to reunite the broken down bits of her drink with a quick stir. "I do. I think. Yes, I do. I love it here. It's small enough that there's a great sense of community in the different neighborhoods, but big enough that you don't risk knowing every single person you come across." Besides, look at what happened the last time you left your comfort zone. Mia jostled her head to clear the thoughts about Jack that were threatening to jump in. "What about you? Andy said you only recently moved here."
"Well, sort of. I have some relatives here, so I've visited plenty before, but I grew up one state over. Andy said the lake up north is a popular hangout."
Mia couldn't stifle the laugh that bubbled out of her throat. "Sure, if you're sixteen and stole a bottle of vodka from your parents' cabinet. Or if you're trying to get high. We've only been there a few times, for day trips with our parents. Most people around here know it as a spot to get away from any sort of authority."
"Maybe your brother partied harder than you realized while growing up."
Mia shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe...but I would have known. Had to have known. We were in the same year, and this town isn't that big." She looked down at her drink a moment, stirred it again, and looked back up; she found Carter's gaze boring into her. "Is there whipped cream on my face or something?"
That laugh of his was infectious. "No, no. I'm just surprised at how much you look like your brother, you know, being that you aren't actually related."
"Except the eyes."
"True," he concurred.
Mia has always been envious of Andy's green eyes; they were bright and vibrant and lit up his entire face when he smiled. Her brother could be a dick, as most brothers could be, but she was forever grateful for him and their closeness in age.
"So, any good plans for the holiday?" Mia asked.
He shook his head. "Standard summer holiday plans. My aunt and uncle always throw a barbecue and invite all the relatives. I'm the grill master of the family." He raised his eyebrows up and down while imitating brandishing a pair of tongs.
"Nice. I'm sure your family appreciates you taking over the cooking."
He rubbed the back of his neck for a split second. "You know, you're welcome to come, help us ring in summer. They only live about thirty minutes from here. Andy's also welcome to tag along."
Mia's mind raced: Was this a second date invite? But he invited Andy too...did he just want to be friends? What about Jack?
She gave him the warmest smile possible. "That's really nice of you to invite us. Let me check with Andy; I know we have a birthday party next weekend, but I'm fairly certain it's Saturday." Mia knew it was on Saturday, but she wasn't ready to commit to a second outing with him.
He didn't flinch at all, which meant her fumbling for a response must have worked. "Great, well, I'll give you my number so you can let me know."
"Sure." Mia took out her phone and put it in his hands. He handed it back with his number typed into a new contact; he hadn't even tried to take her number by calling or texting himself. "Thanks. I'm really glad we were able to meet up, even if there were some unforeseen interruptions."
He laughed that charming, easy laugh of his. "What interruptions?" And then he winked, and Mia thought to herself, "maybe there is a life after Jack."
***
When Mia got home, Andy was sprawled out on the sofa, a glass of chocolate milk in hand, dripping in sweat. He perked up as soon as he noticed she'd returned.
"How was it?"
Mia put a hand up to stop him. "One, ew. Two, easy. Why would you tell the guy you set me up on a date with anything at all about Jack?"
Andy downed the rest of his milk and set the glass on his coffee table. Mia slid a coaster under it.
"I couldn't complain to you about the shit Jack did while you were together, so sometimes I complained at work once or twice."
"Once or twice? Carter specifically referred to Jack as a cock sucking douche-bag son of a bitch."
Andy laughed. "Nice."
"ANDREW." Mia paced in front of the coffee table, hands wringing themselves.
"What?" he asked.
She stopped and looked at him. Mia knew that it would get back to him in one way or another that she'd run into Jack at the Bean and Brew, so she sat down, though not too closely to him (for he was far too sweaty and gross), and took a breath. "What was your pace?"
"Eight-twenty."
"Solid. Almost as quick as me."
Andy rolled his eyes at her. Now or never.
"I know someone else who went for a run today," she said.
He stared blankly back at her.
"I, er, well, Jack stopped into the cafe for a water. Because he'd been out running. And he didn't bring any."
Any visible lines in her brother's face tightened. "Did you talk to him?"
"I had to. Otherwise, I think he would have gotten us banned from ever stepping foot into the Bean and Brew again."
"Can you not see how that's a problem, Mia?"
She shrugged in response.
"Well, what did he have to say?"
Mia fidgeted with her fingers. She loved Andy, as any sister loves her brother, but he'd written Jack off the first time they took a break. He was even more sure of the dissolution of whatever relationship existed between him and his sister's boyfriend when the break was so bad that she had to move in with him.
"We just talked for a few minutes. He started running. He's trying to quit smoking."
"For now."
"He was wearing a nicotine patch," Mia said.
"And what was he running in, flip flops?"
Mia didn't answer.
"Dear God, please don't tell me he was actually running in flip flops."
Mia shook her head. "Converse."
"Jesus."
"He's trying, Andy."
"He's not. He's not committing to anything. He'll do this shit for as long as it takes for him to get you back, and then the cycle will start over again."
Mia didn't respond. Some part deep inside of her knew Andy was likely right in his assessment of what Jack was doing, but she couldn't bear to let him win yet another argument about her boyfriend.
"Are you going to get back together with him?" Andy asked, but there was zero emotion in his question, and for whatever reason, that didn't help Mia sift through the conflicting feelings in her brain at all.
"I don't know. Maybe."
Andy sighed, and Mia was sure he'd be rolling his eyes if she could see them, and her emotions were so tightly wound, and she felt she was moments from snapping.
"Wasn't it yesterday that you said you wanted your apartment back to yourself?" Mia got up from the couch and stalked into the kitchen.
"I didn't mean for you to interpret that as me wanting you to get back together with him." Andy's hands gestured about with every word he spoke; Mia had always sworn he had Italian in him somewhere.
"I'm so sorry to have been such a burden these past few weeks, keeping your apartment clean and your fridge and cabinets stocked. If you didn't want to spend more time together, why even move back to Winchester last year? You could have stayed in the city." Mia knew it was a low blow, but he was her brother, and he wasn't helping, and, sometimes, we hurt the ones we love the most.
"You know why I moved back here, Mia."
It was Mia's turn to sigh, and she really did roll her eyes, and for a moment she embodied an angsty teenager before joining her brother back on the couch. She felt the tears welling up, and she tried to hold them in, knowing they'd only make Andy hate Jack more than he already did. "I'm confused. I love him. I was with him for two years. When I see him and when I'm with him, he's where I want to be. He has so many problems beyond our relationship; how can I leave him to face those alone?"
"Miaâ"
"And then he'll do things like this to show me he's trying. He's started running and he's trying to quit smoking and those are both great, but then he tells me he's been withâ" she stopped, her eyes turning wide as she realized she'd overstepped the line.
"He's slept with someone during your break, hasn't he?"
"They didn't have sex."
"Oh, so he just had his dick in someone else'sâ"
Mia clamped her hands over her ears. "Please don't. I don't want to think about that."
"How can you not see how unhealthy this is, Mia? I'm your brother, your older brotherâ"
"By a few months."
"Not the point. Remember how angry dad got every time you came home upset over some fight you and Jack had? I can't help feeling like that, too. It's why I wanted you to meet Carter. He's a nice guy, Mia, a really nice guy. You won't have to worry about the same shit you have to worry about with Jack with a guy like him."
But Mia's head was shaking before he was even done speaking. "I don't need guilt from you or dad or anyone regarding who I'm dating. I'd rather just drop it for now."
Andy looked at her with the same disappointment she saw in her parents' eyes when she said she was moving back in with Jack after the last time they broke up. "Fine. Did you at least enjoy whatever time you did have with Carter?"
"I did. He, as you said, is really nice. He invited me, and then tagged you along, to his family's barbeque next weekend. Would you want to go?"
"Which day is it? We have Ben's birthday party next Saturday here in town."
"Not till Monday. I know I'm off, and I assume you are as well given that he's off. I'm not saying we're going, but I'm open to thinking about it."
"I'll go with you if it means there's a chance you're not going to get back together with Jack."
"Had to get that in there, didn't you?"
He stuck his tongue out at her: brothers.
***
Mia texted Carter a few times over the next week. They were harmless texts, short in nature, just enough to keep the conversation going. There were crickets from Jack.
It was so difficult and confusing and Mia cycled between wanting to drive over to their old apartment and immerse herself back in their relationship to wanting to burn every last photo she had of them (though, thanks to the internet, it was virtually impossible to remove every trace of them from existence). It was due to these varying degrees of love and hatred towards Jack that Mia put more effort than usual into her appearance the night of Ben's birthday party, slipped into a little black dress, and debated on inviting Carter out to join them.
While she was finishing up in the bathroom, Andy banged on the door, clearly impatient with his little sister. "Come on. The party starts in five and it's going to take us fifteen to get there."
Mia ripped open the bathroom door, causing Andy to do a double take. He put his hands over his eyes.
"Gross, Mia. Put on a sweater."
"Do you want me to get back together with Jack or would you like me to find a new boyfriend?"
"Really?" He was all too excited about that prospect. "Are you going to invite Carter?"
"I don't know. We'll see when we get there."
"Alright. I need to pee and then we can go."
As Mia paced in the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the window. She didn't look or feel like herself, and maybe that was what she needed. But, as she looked down at the dress she was wearing, one she'd bought in a moment of impulse after work one day that week, she came to the conclusion that it simply wasn't her. She scampered into her room to change.
By the time Andy came out of the bathroom, Mia had swapped her heels for a pair of strappy sandals and her little black dress for a flowing lilac sundress. She ran her fingers through the curls she'd created enough that they fell like soft waves. Andy rolled his eyes at her.
"You didn't have to change."
"It wasn't me."
He rolled his eyes. "Alright, Shaggy. Let's go."
***
Once at the bar, surrounded by all of their high school friends, Andy and Mia went their separate ways and mingled with their respective friends within the group. Mia was sipping her second drink of the night, and, feeling fresh and confident and having Jack as far from her mind as he'd been for the last two months, she picked up her phone to text Carter, to ask him to come into town and hang out with her at the bar.
But Mia never even got her phone out of her purse. As she bent down to unzip it, the crowd by the door parted to make way for the group that was entering, and Jack was leading them in.
A/N: I heard about a study of 60,000 women from all over the world who overwhelmingly agreed with what all women want in a man: kindness ð¥°
I love you all, and I'm so happy you're here with me. Please tap the star to vote and comment to chat with me and share this story with your friends if you're enjoying it. Interacting with the story helps it to get discovered, just like engagement on other social media apps :)
I'm also loving rediscovering all of my emo(ish) tunes from the early 2000s. What's your favorite song from that era in music?
All my love,
L