I never really understood what sadness had to do with the weather my entire life but with time it all started making sense.
The way rain slowly slides down the window panels, drop by drop as if the sky is crying.
The way it gets cloudy before it rains is as if letting the universe knows that the sky is having a bad day.
It took time, but I understood now.
Sometimes when I climb out of bed in the morning, it feels like I'm not going to make it through another day of loneliness and sadness but then, I remember all the hardships I've lived through and for whom I've lived through.
Maybe it's because my heart started crying with the clouds and we found solace together or maybe it's because just like the rainbow makes the sky happy my daughter makes me happy.
Anna, my little angel, means the world to me and in the end, I am the only one who can give my baby a happy mother who loves her life.
In the end, my happiness begins and ends with her. As long as Anna knows she's loved and that I'd bring the world to its knees for her, I've done my job right.
Being a single Mother involves double the work, double the stress, and double the tears, but it also involves double the cuddles, double the love, and double the pride.
He should've been here, by your side.
My subconscious mind screams and as much as I try denying it, it is the truth. Marriage is just a piece of paper and does not guarantee undying love. Making a relationship last requires love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship, and faith in your bond.
Maybe we lacked trust or maybe we lacked it all?
Does love even exist without trust?
Suddenly, My phone started ringing stopping my train of thoughts.
6:59
I took a deep breath and switched the alarm clock off.
I took a few minutes to calm myself down and looked at the chain around my neck, holding my engagement ring.
A plain gold band with a small dust size diamond on it with 'Dexton' engraved on the inside. From the very start, I was always so ready for our future, to build it together and live happily I never thought we would drown.
We were strong when we had nothing, absolutely nothing. So why did we become distant when we started filling in the materialistic void?
What went wrong with us?
"Momma, good morning," Anna said as I felt two small arms wrap around my body.
My baby.
My world.
I smiled and turned around, facing my adorable four-year-old little angel, Anna. She has my blue eyes and her father's nose and naturally tan skin colour. Just like her father.
No smoke can be kept hidden forever.
My subconscious keeps reminding me of that. And I know it's right. I pushed the negative thoughts away and looked at my little angel.
"Good morning, my little sunshine," I mumbled and rubbed her nose with mine as she erupted into a fit of giggles making my heart smile.
"Today, momma has an interview. So, I am going to drop you at your aunt Sofia's place, and later, when I come back, both of us, along with aunt Sofia will go for lunch maybe even get ice cream." I said and Anna's eyes lit up after hearing about ice cream, her favourite.
I kiss her cheeks and she giggled again.
"Okay, Momma, I love, you," Anna said and ran out of the bed, to the bathroom.
where does all that energy come from at 7 in the morning?
I had successfully cleared by the last two rounds of interviews with Dain industries and today was the last straw. I could almost taste the success.
Finally, a job that would pay well.
Dain industries was previously a publicly owned company but were transitioning into being a privately owned company due to which a lot of employees had left their positions. The pay scale was supposed to continue being the same but the government employee-guaranteed benefits were being taken away. Not that it was a problem to me, at all.
The final bidding for the company was supposed to take place yesterday however, the new owners have not been confirmed publicly yet.
I picked up my phone and scrolled through the news headlines hoping to find some new information but nothing. Just when I was about to put my phone down a picture showed up and my heart stopped beating.
'Dexton Anderson talks about expanding his area of business and the struggle of being on top of the game' the headline read.
As perfect as the magazines refer to him as he isn't. every day my heart hurts and continues to bleed crying while still loving him and then shuts down. As though making it understand that the sobs of pain aren't worth it.
Sometimes I wish, I wish that I could somehow learn to unlove him, but my heart refuses to.
Maybe this is why people say that love makes you weak.
I hate that my heart beats for the one man who trampled on it and left it behind. If only you weren't the organ supplying blood to my body, I could have gotten rid of it. I thought and snorted.
I could never get myself to admit it out aloud that I still love him, 'cause he is the reason why I have been faking happiness for the last five years. He left me without giving any reason. He shoved the divorce papers on me one day and demanded that I set him free.
But how do you hate the person who gave you the most precious gift in the world? All through my life, I loved Dexton and he simply gave me divorce with no explanation; at all. I thought he loved me.
I thought.
Two strong words could instil wounds that never heal in you. Figuratively and literally.
Maybe, he did not love me.
That illusion was all in my head.
I chuckled at my thoughts.
You punished him in your own way, didn't you, Cassidy? You never told him. My consciousness interrupted again.
Sometimes, I still dream of him in my sleep, good dreams. About the good old days when we were happy, happily in love.
when we built our dreams together and saw them together.
Not anymore.
It's just me and Anna against the world now.
Anna and I live in a pretty nice 2-floor townhouse in a decent neighbourhood. I have enough space in the living room, dining room and kitchen. The house has 3 bedrooms with two baths. One for me, one for Anna and one for the guest room. It has a small backyard where you can have barbeques and a front yard with a car park.
Just enough for the two of us.
I got out of bed and decided to prepare some breakfast. I cooked some pancakes and potato wedges just in time for Anna to finish taking a bath and getting ready. She skipped down the stairs wearing her floral dress, white shoes and uncombed hair. I shook my head with an amused smile.
I'll comb her hair afterwards.
"Eat up, sunshine." I set her on the seat of the dining table as she started eating while watching the television.
"No spills on the dress. Okay?" I said, putting an apron around her neck.
"Yes, momma." She said, engaged in whatever she was watching.
I jumped into the shower and slipped into a knee-length black pencil skirt with a white blouse and paired them with white pumps. I tamed my chocolate hair into a chignon bun.
"Momma you look so pwetty!" Anna squealed as I marched back into the kitchen with my bag. I smiled at her. She was still not able to pronounce some words but she looked so adorable trying to speak her best.
"Thank you, darling. You're prettier" I said bending down to kiss her cheeks. I grabbed her hairbrush and started to brush her hair. Once that was done I finished my coffee and my pancakes. Brushed our teeth and we're good to go!
We went down to my car, just a simple Toyota Camry, bought it from my savings last year and from the separation pay from my last job, I worked as a hotel manager but the hotel closed down.
It's not that I didn't have money, I had plenty of it. Ten million dollars to be exact.
Ten million dollars that've remained untouched in the last five years.
The divorce money.
I never wanted it but the was deposited in my account after my separation from Dexton.
I never spent a penny on it. The thought of spending the money itself made me feel small. As though it was an amount put to measure my worth.
I'm still planning on returning it.
Some day. One day.
I drove to Sofia's place, a few blocks from my apartment. Sofia is my sister but we don't share the same blood, she's my best friend turned sister.
My rock, in a lot of ways.
The one who stayed by my side consoled me, stood by me. She is the only one I share my feelings with. Mostly.
Soulmate but make it friend?
That one person who equates to comfort?
Soon, we reached Sofia's house. I knocked twice and soon the door opened revealing a yawning Sofia.
typical.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." I greeted. She was still in her PJs. Her blonde hair is practically everywhere.
"I haven't seen you dress up like this in a long time." Sofia teased and I rolled my eyes. Anna came running and hugged Sofia's leg.
"Good morning, Anna. Ready to have some fun?" Sofia asked and Anna simply giggled. I glanced down at my watch.
8:15 am
"I should get going, Sofia. I'll tell you everything once I'll return." I said and kissed Anna on her cheek, one last time before leaving for work.
"Sure girl, come back soon I'll be waiting."
"Yeah. Make sure you take a shower while waiting for me. You stink."
"Ewww!!" Anna teased as I laughed.
"Bye Anna. I'll be back." I kissed Anna's head and walked to my car.
"Bye Mommy!"
"Bye!"
I waved my hand at her before getting into the car. I started the engine and took a deep breath.
Time to prove myself, one last time and secure my future.
I looked at the rearview to see Sofia hugging Anna and smiling.
Life is hard, but some people make it worth living, regardless.
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(edited)
â¼ï¸Same skies (A mafia romance), is out nowâ¼ï¸