the update is finally here.
enjoy it and you guys did not trust my Hakeem.
ahhhhh!
read on.......
CHAPTER 50
HAKEEM'S POV
I groaned and slowly sat straight on the couch. A pang of pain shot through my arms because of the uncomfortable position I slept in last night or more like early morning.
I slept off around four in the morning while watching a movie or more like watching the characters talk endlessly.
The only thing on my mind was how to make it right and how not to lose the best thing that have ever happened to me.
Yesterday was really bad for me and I am sure equally as bad for Mercy. I really wanted to tell her, but I just can't seem to be able to talk about it.
It seemed like it was blocked from my mind. Like there was a mind block. I have always been secretive, and I think the incident just made it worse. I could not talk for the first month being back at home. Really it was the worse moment of my life.
When she told me, it might determine our relationship, I swear I could feel my heart fly. Maybe the mind block was part of my many problems.
Depression, insomnia, PTSD, and the worse suicidal.
I stood up from the couch and knocked at her door, I knew she was probably awake seeing the time was nine. No matter what, she just can't seem to sleep once it is past nine.
She did not reply or open the door.
Maybe she is still angry at me. I hated that thought. Her being angry or fighting with me.
Maybe I should find a way to tell her if she really wants to know what happened. Maybe I will finally be able to explain to her and just maybe it won't take a turn on our relationship.
I could make her a quick breakfast and we could just talk about it. I would try, and even though I cannot believe that I am ready to do it, I would try my best to tell her all what she wants to know if that would stop her from being angry or ignoring me.
I walked to the kitchen and checked the fridge going through the available ingredients.
I probably should not beg her empty handed. My foodie, the food will be the bribe.
I could make her sandwich but there was no bread.
I walked to my room and took a thousand naira note from my wallet before leaving the house.
We are so settling everything today; God knows she was slowly killing me acting like this.
I opened the gate only to meet the most unexpected person about to knock.
What is Tammy doing here? How does she even know where I live?
"good morning Keem."
She said with a smile, the smile that once drove me crazy.
I placed my hands in my pocket and raised an eyebrow at her lots of questions in my mind for her but that can wait for later.
"how did you find me?"
"my dad's position finally came to an advantage. Look I just wanted to talk to you in person without your sister or anyone interrupting. I want you to know what really happened."
I always wanted to know why she did not come back, why she left us there? And maybe I could know now, few minutes would not hurt.
I nodded,
"after you guys helped me escape, I found a way to get home after begging people to lend me their phones. Once I got home, I tried to explain everything so they could call your parents or something only to find out that my stepsister had lied that I went out with you to a hotel and dad did not believe me. No one believed me. Instead they locked me in a room and seized my phone. I could not call or do anything."
"I was not expecting that."
"yeah, me too."
She said and cleaning the tears on her face.
"so, what about Daniel, how is he?"
The three of us were really close, always together. And I did not know how to break the news to her. I looked up and sighed, not wanting the thoughts to drown me now instead of later.
"He died while we tried to escape."
I said quietly and as expected she broke into sobs.
"no! that is a lie. Daniel was the strongest, he is not supposed to be gone like that."
She exclaimed bursting into tears. I could imagine how she felt, I felt it too and it was not nice at all. It was a feeling of loneliness, heartbreak, unbelief, it was one of the worst feelings ever especially if he died in your arms.
I stepped closer and gave her a hug, slowly rubbing her back as a sign of comfort. It's quite sad, a best friend who is not okay on his own comforting his other best friend over the death of their best friend.
She sobbed wanting to come closer, but I pulled back.
"the whole thing still comes back to me every once in a while."
Once in a while? Mine every night, every day, every fucking time.
"yours is better."
I simply said back.
"what happened after I left?"
I looked at her no word coming to mind to say.
"I cannot say it Tammy."
I said and suddenly she leaned closer like she wanted to kiss me. I shifted back and held her shoulders,
"I have a girlfriend. Maybe it's time for you to go."
I said annoyed at her little act just now.
The only thing on my mind right now was to beg Mercy and this one is here thinking we can get back together or what? It has been a year of waiting and it is just too late.
I did not wait for her to reply just turned to the direction of the nearest shop around.
"I am sorry I did not know."
She said walking beside me, can someone tell her to just go.
"it's fine."
I gritted out.
"so how is it with your girlfriend?"
I looked at her for the first time today, like really looked at her but she looked just like always. Beautiful.
But Mercy was the best for me.
"she is the best, she is understanding, loving, I do not think I can go on without her. She is literally my life support."
I said not even wanting to imagine her leaving. I guess once she leaves, I would also leave to the rehabilitation center back. I don't think I would be able to get past that ever. So, I guess I just have to tell her everything now.
"I am happy for you."
I doubted that.
"thanks."
"I have to go now but Hakeem whatever she wants to know tell her. Bye."
She said and walked to a Toyota Camry car parked leaving me confused. I did not tell her anything about that.
I nodded and walked to the shop to buy the bread.
~
Finally done with the sandwich, I breathed in and out before knocking. Once again, she did not open the door and reply.
"babe come on."
I groaned and knocked again, no response.
I slowly turned the doorknob and surprisingly it was opened.
"hey I made breakfast." I said only to look up to meet Mercy packing her clothes.
Wait, what is happening?
"what's wrong?"
I asked slowly placing the tray down. But she did not reply. Can she please stop with all these silent treatment for Christ's sake.
"are you going somewhere?"
No reply.
"please just answer."
I begged getting more anxious by the second.
She looked up with bloodshot eyes and glared at me. Was she crying? Did someone die or something?
"shit, what's wrong?"
I asked moving closer to her but instead she took steps back. Wait was all this because of me?
"if this is because of yesterday, I am ready to tell you everything."
I pleaded again but she ignored it again.
What is even happening right now?
She kept on packing her clothes, I stepped closer and held her hand which she immediately removed like I was fire and I burnt her.
The hurt that course through me because of that single act and with the eyes she was using to look at me was surprising.
She had the look of hate, and pain all together.
"don't touch me with that dirty hands."
I looked at my hands and back at her,
"why are you acting like this all of a sudden?"
I asked back slowly losing it.
"don't ask me that question Keem."
She has never called me Keem before. Something must have happened, something bad. This is not getting good. What could have happened for me to receive such a reaction from Mercy.
"I don't understand what is going on."
"I am leaving."
"where, why?"
I asked confused, not wanting to think that she is actually talking about here.
"I am leaving this apartment."
She announced before suddenly looking up at me tears rolling down her cheeks,
"How could you do this to me Hakeem? How could you kiss a girl right in front of our house and come here acting all innocent?"
She saw that, she got it all mixed up.
Fuck!
"I did not kiss her, I swear."
No response.
"I did not kiss her, she tried too but I pushed her back."
I explained,
"who is she to you?"
She asked looking me dead in the eye,
I can't tell her ex in this situation, right? It will only worsen things.
"my former best friend."
I said, it was the truth too.
She looked at me and scoffed turning back to her closet bringing out a familiar looking jewelry box.
"she is your ex. And you were busy kissing her right in my nose just one day after a fight."
She said cleaning her face. Can she just listen to me? I could feel a terrible headache coming on. And how does she know that?
"I did not kiss her Mercy, trust me."
I begged, pleaded but she looked me dead in the eye,
"I cannot trust you Hakeem. I just can't. you lie all the time; keep secrets all the time and I am tired of that. I am tired of your mood change. Just there you were busy hugging her and now you made breakfast for me. I cannot keep up and the last thing I want is to be treated like a fool."
I looked down, my eyes also getting filled with tears.
"I will tell you everything."
I pleaded
"you are too late for that."
"mercy please, I know you do not trust me, but you should know I can never do that."
I tried to make her reason.
"did you meet her at a club?"
How does she know all this?
"yes, but we were not even dating then."
"then how do I know that you were not busy swapping spit with her and that was why you did not reply my messages nor pick my calls that day."
She was going to fast; all this was just too fast.
"I did not kiss her. Just please for the sake of our love trust me. Just this once."
"I do not even know who you are and what you are hiding. You are telling me to not believe what I saw with my own eyes just because you said I should trust you. I am done Hakeem. I cannot stay in a relationship like this where there's secrets, lies, and cheat. You kissed my only friend and that makes me wonder if such is my luck. I am breaking up with you."
She said her voice breaking at the end.
Tammy is her friend?
I did not even notice when a drop of tear fell from my eyes. Why does she not know that she was the only one that knows me? How will I live without her now? How could she do this? We were okay just yesterday we were great even. Why has she made up her mind to leave me?
She carried her bag and walked out of the room.
I ran out of the room following her and holding her hand before she leaves.
She pulled her hand immediately,
"I know I kept things away from you, but I am ready now. All this is a misunderstanding. Look just let us talk this through quietly. You cannot just break up with me like that. We were fine just yesterday. Please mercy, you are the only constant in my life right now and I don't think I can keep on without you. You want to know everything I will tell you. Just don't do this."
She did not even reply just dropped the box in my hands,
"I know what I saw, and I cannot un-see it. I can't act like I am fine my boyfriend kissed my best friend. It would be unhealthy."
She said and walked out of the house shutting the door not even giving me another chance.
Not even giving me the benefit of doubt.
I stood there rooted at that spot for minutes until my legs gave out and I sat on the floor.
It was not meant to be like this, no not like this!
I cleaned my face and looked up to a sudden darkness in the room.
I heard a chuckle making me turn to my side only to see Daniel chuckling.
I was used to seeing him, the doctor said it was my mind creating his image before me. And I liked it like that until it led me to do things.
"Daniel leave me alone."
I said grumpily with my aching throat.
I looked at the couch in front of me, where we still sat yesterday having fun but in just one day it was over.
"I am not holding you. In-fact you brought me here."
"how?"
"your mind."
I nodded and stared ahead. My gaze fell to the box in my hands. I opened it to meet the necklace I gave to her the first day we started dating.
I looked at our initials on it and held it tight. But not as tight as my heart fell right now.
"you know, do the world a favor."
He said from beside me, but I did not reply. I was in my own world basking in our memories.
"all you do is cause people pain."
I turned to him with a glare,
"she was meant to trust me. I was about to make it right. She did not even give me a moment to talk!"
I cried out.
"you caused it, you hurt her, and she hates you."
Hates me? I could still make it right. Leave her to calm down and explain to her later right? I did not even kiss any girl, heck I have not even looked at any girl since we started dating.
"I did not do anything Dan."
I said with tears rolling down.
"I did not do anything; I would not do anything. Why would I kiss a girl that is not her? I love her Dan, a damn lot."
"you have done lots of things, you caused everything. You did not tell her anything, you made everything a secret, how would she trust you when you did not earn it."
"I wanted to tell her. I was about to tell her."
I argued.
"you know Keem, you did everything. If you did not decide to celebrate Atami's birthday we would not have been kidnapped, Tammy would not have been locked by her parents, I would not have died."
It was not my fault, right? It is not like I could see the future. It is not like I knew that would happen.
"it was not my fault; I did not know."
"I died because of you."
He kept on repeating. Making the headache worse.
"stop it please."
I pleaded placing my hands over my ear.
I know where this was going.
I can't do this.
I slowly stood up and walked to my room,
"what, you want to use the pills?"
"fuck off."
I gritted out and grabbed my drugs popping two pills in my mouth.
I sat at the edge of the bed with my head on my hands. The pills were not even working.
"you should just die and get rid of yourself before you end up hurting another person."
He was right, I should do that.
No, no, I can't. what about my parents? Lim? Mercy?
Things could still work out. I can resist this.
I brought out my phone and called Lim.
After the third ring she picked.
"hello, Hakeem?"
"yeah, hey. I need you to come pick me. I am having one of my episodes and I can't drive during it remember?"
I gritted out.
"shit, what about Mercy?"
"she left."
That's one way to put it.
"to where?"
"her home. She broke up....."
I was cut off by her,
"look, I will call you back."
But she did not end the call, I did not too because I could hear Gori's voice.
"I have to go."
Lim told Gori.
"why does he keep disturbing you. You are his sister not mother. He should stop depending on you. Now we will have to cancel this date too."
"stop it Gori. He needs me."
"always do, like a baby."
"shit I did not end the call."
I heard Lim say and then the line went dead.
My hands gave out and the phone fell from my hands.
"you are not needed here Hakeem; you are just a burden. All you do is ruin lives; you should just leave."
He said adding petrol to the fire.
"I don't deserve the blame Dan. I did all I could."
"that's it, the police were on their way. We should have waited like I said."
"I am sorry."
I pleaded,
I could imagine my parent feelings when I die. This won't be the first time trying, maybe this time it will work, and I won't see their hurtful expressions at my failed trials.
I am not meant to think like this, right?
"just leave and stop hurting people around you."
He said giving the nail the last hit it needed.
The look on Mercy's face flashed in my mind again, Atami's face, Lim's face the first time I cut my wrist; she was the first person to find me, my mum's face whenever she's with me, my dad's face when he saw me in the forest, my friends' faces whenever I am with them.
Maybe he was right.
Maybe I should end it all, the sleepless night, the voices, everything.
I moved closer to the container,
I did not know why no one saw this in my drawer, I did not know why I begged for the last time to be saved maybe Lim could just barge in and drag it out or maybe Mercy could come back, I did not know when I cleaned my face for the last time, I did not know when I overdosed the drugs agreeing to Daniel again.
hakeem oooooooo
what will happen now?
and who else thinks Gori is not okay at all?
Mercy should have listened right?
don't kill me this time for update oo ðððð
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