Chapter 10

I inhaled my breakfast of boiled eggs, stale bread and chewy milk, after that I raced Raelynn to the gym. I was exhausted after that but I didn’t hesitate when Nathan invited us for archery practice.

By the end of the day I was a mess. Raelynn showered before me. I massaged my throbbing legs as I waited for her. Thankfully, she didn’t take long. I was dying to get cleaned, I couldn’t stand the smell of sweat and I reaked of it.

“All yours,” Raelynn sighed as she walked out with a towel tied on her head. She was in grey sweats and she was still breathing heavily, so was I.

“I hope you didn’t finish all the hot water,” I looked at her for confirmation.

“I didn’t,” she sighed.

I peeled off my clothes, washed them in a small tub with soap and while they air dried I scrubbed away the dirt and sweat. I even brushed my teeth, using my finger and toothpaste. Hair was the real problem for me. It was a bird’s nest, I washed it multiple times and brushed it with my fingers before it got under control.

I put on my previous clothes as a nightsuit. I kept the red shirt and black leggings for tomorrow.

Despite the tiredness from all the training I found it hard to sleep. Was it excitement or nervousness? A little bit of both. Maybe a little anger too, I was upset Tristan hadn’t told me about him being a rebel.

I tried to sleep but I couldn’t, I kept thinking about how awkward I would feel tomorrow. All the excitement was suddenly washed away with disappointment and nervousness.

I twisted and turned in my bed, trying to find a suitable position. The other girls were in deep sleep. Another problem was the snoring. I covered my ears with my pillow but I couldn’t really stat like that for long. I debated going outside until I passed out again so I wouldn’t have to try and close my eyes, it would just happen automatically if I Stargazed.

I lifted my head to see if any of the others were awake, I was the only one. I went to the bathroom to check if my clothes had dried, they were still damp. I stared at myself in the mirror so long that it got creepy. I rolled up my shirt revealing my rib cage, then I touched my knees and elbows, then my collar bones. I reached back and felt my spine. I was losing body fat. My bones were accentuated. Good thing the clothes aren’t tight otherwise I’d look exactly like a skeleton.

I had started eating properly. So why the sudden weight loss? There was hyperpigmentation under my eyes and a little bit on my forehead. At first I thought it was dirt and tried to scrub it off. My attempt to tie my hair failed, it was greasy at the roots and brittle at the ends.

I decided to stop being so self-critical and blamed my condition on the unhealthy food I had been digesting the past few days. I hid under the covers. I can’t believe I look like this, I thought to myself. Would Tristan recognize me this way? Would he laugh at me or pity me?

I was disgusted with myself. Even thought it wasn’t my fault I felt bad about my body. And I was embarrassed to be seen this way. I groaned into my pillow, trying not to cry. Something crumpled inside the pillow case, then I remembered it was the letter from mom. I still hadn’t opened it, I didn’t want to. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’ve been through a lot already. I can’t handle another emotional rollercoaster, again.

I almost sneaked outside but my legs were aching badly, I couldn’t move. I just lay on my back and watched the paint peel off the ceiling. This place needs to be renovated. Then I remembered my own appearance, and I need to be rejuvenated.

I examined my hands in the dark, hoping that some part of my body still looked nice. My hands were still scarred from the knives but they were recovering, the nails had been broken and I hadn’t even noticed. I covered my face with my hands. I was fighting the tears threatening to spill, I held it together to the moment till I fell in a deep sleep, with a dream that took me away from Crimsyn State, away from Stellaregno.

The ground was glassy and ice cold, then I realized it was ice. The sky was grey with streaks of electric blue. I was wearing a white see through night gown with lace, it made me look provocative. Good thing no one else was here to see me in this getup. I’m just not comfortable showing so much skin. My hair was back in its natural state. Apparently, I had been properly cleaned. I smelled like Stargazer Lilies again.

I looked around to get a hint about where I was. It was bare land for as far as I could see. I squinted my eyes and looked once more, still nothing. The cold air brushed against my skin, giving me chills. My breath turned to mist, but surprisingly I was okay with the weather. I wasn’t freezing.

Something felt odd though. Well, this whole situation is absurd but that’s not what I meant. This desolate place was amiss. And I couldn’t figure out what it was.

Just then I found out why I felt like there was something missing. Blue light erupted in front of me. It grew larger and larger until it dimmed, revealing a familiar face.

“You again?” I yelped at her sight.

“Yes,” she sighed. “Nice to see you too.”

This time the Star Spirit was dressed exactly like me, except her hair, she had changed it to a golden-honey colour and it glittered everytime she moved.

“Perfect timing,” I joked.

“Well, if you do not want to be here with me I can send you back to that filthy rebel base if you want,” she threatened.

I held up my hands in defense. “No!No!” I cried. “I was just kidding,”

“I’m sorry I’m so moody,” she frowned. “I had the worst gathering with some of the other Star Spirits,”

“There are other Star Spirits?” I asked, amazed.

“Of course there are!” she cheered. “There are a few from each Constellation.”

“Well, why am I here?” I questioned.

“What do you mean?” she knitted her eyebrows.

“A logical explanation as to why I’m here,” I pointed out.

“I really don’t understand you,” she worried. “When you’re in Crimsyn State you want to get out of there and when I take you somewhere else you question my choices.”

I blushed out of embarrassment. True, but that’s not what I meant. I mean, what’s the purpose of bringing me here? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s nice here.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I meant, why are we here?”

“I thought it would calm you down,” she told. She fiddled with her curly hair, she seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. Then she looked at me seriously and asked, “Is it working?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I sucked in a deep breath.

“Oh, thank Virgo!” she grinned.

I didn’t ask how she knew I wanted to get out of Crimsyn State. Probably a Spirit of Virgo thing.

This place does have a calming ambience, even though it was isolated. Others would have been depressed and lonely to be here but I found it peaceful.

What is this place? I thought.

“Huh?” she turned to me. Then I realized I had said it out loud.

I cleared my throat, “Where are we?”

She looked at me like I was stupid, then she looked around as if she was trying to see if she wasn’t the only one who could see all this.

“We’re here,” she said.

I stopped my laugh, “No, I mean, what is this place?” I giggled.

She rolled her eyes and groaned. “This is your dream!” she motioned around with her hands. “This isn’t a real place!”

“Oh.” I was dumbfounded.

“Well...” she hesitated. “Not exactly,”

“Well, how long can I stay here?” I looked up at the sky, trying to find my Constellations.

“You can stay here as long as you’re dream lasts,” she informed.

“Unfortunately, I can’t sleep that long.” I joked.

“You seem different,” she examined me. “It’s a good different though. I can see it in your eyes,”

For a minute, I thought she had noticed my blemishes but that wasn’t it.

“You’re excited,” she noticed. My cheeks burned up.

If she can then that’s an ability that can take people’s privacy away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied.

She gasped and put her hand on her chest. “You’re nervous, excited and happy!” she smiled brightly.

“What is it?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” I lied again. My cheeks were probably as red as tomatoes now.

“You’re lying!” she pointed an accusing finger at me. Even the Star Spirit was fighting hard to not smiled. I was better at it though.

“Oh, for Stars’ sake!” I sighed. “You seemed to have figured everything else out on your own, why not this too?”

I turned to walk away but she pulled me back.

“Alright fine!” she grinned. “I won’t ask,”

“Thank you,” I crossed my arms.

There was a long pause. We both made eye contact about five times and then it got awkward.

“Alright, if you won’t tell me then I’ll figure it out on my own.” she pouted. I felt like she still wanted an answer. Indirectly she was trying to coax it out of me.

“Sure, go ahead.” I challenged.

She smiled playfully and waved goodbye. the she burst into blue light and the light dissolved. I was left alone. I thought about Stargazing. I couldn’t pass out in a dream, right?

As soon as I found Ophiuchus I felt queasy. I immediately stopped concentrating on the Constellation. Then I looked at myself and saw that I too was turning into a ball of electric blue light. My whole body dissolved into light and I burst into small blue particles.

I woke with a start. I lifted my head and looked around. I squinted a few times before I saw that everyone was still asleep. I feel back on my pillow and had another dream.

I was standing on top of The Tower in the town square, in Hydrus. I was in Stellaregno again.

I wasn’t alone. Tristan was with me. He was laughing at a joke I told him. I couldn’t remember what it was, his smile was contagious though. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“It feels nice to do this again,” I whispered to him.

“Again?” he looked at him. “We do this every week,”

“Oh,” I sighed. Tristan was pointing at some Constellations, then he lit up Capricorn. He was too busy to notice my confusion.

I realized I wasn’t really with him. He wasn’t really here. Tears hung on the verge of my lashes, and I let them spill.

Tristan didn’t notice, he was too busy being fascinated by the Stars. Can’t blame him though.

I blinked a couple times and let the tears stain my face. How badly I wish this was real. How badly I wanted him to actually be here.

I woke up with an ache in my chest. I didn’t want the dream to end. Surprisingly, I was the first one awake. I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. After shedding a few tears I realized something. Then I cursed msyelf for being so stupid.

Tristan is coming today. I shouldn’t be upset. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. My clothes had dried but I decided to put them on after training since they’d get ruined anyway.

Raelynn and Phoenix were awake. Raelynn hummed to herself as she made her bed, her cheeks were pink and she seemed happy. I made my bed as I glanced at Raelynn to get a hint about her joyfulness.

“Why are you smiling?” Phoenix asked Raelynn.

That brought her out of her trance. “Oh, nothing,” she answered quietly. She noticed me staring and I quickly broke off.

“I heard your friend’s coming back,” Phoenix turned to me.

Took me a minute to realize she was talking to me. I cleared my throat, “Yeah he is.”

“It’s going to be good to finally have our fighter back again,” she grinned.

“Yeah,” Raelynn agreed. “Haven’t seen Tristan in months,”

“Maybe he can even teach a thing or two to Annabelle,” Phoenix joked. Thankfully, Raelynn didn’t find that amusing.

I clenched my fists, trying to contain my anger I knew the best option right now was to leave. Before Phoenix could make any more comments on my weakness I exited the room and stomped into the gym. I didn’t even respond to Raelynn when she tried to talk to me while I was on the treadmill. I trained by myself. I even practiced archery on my own. I skipped breakfast so after the hard work I ate a moldy chicken sandwich in the cafeteria. I chewed the apple slices as I walked to the girls’ quarters.

Raelynn tried to talk to me in the room but I ignored her while I waited for my turn in the bathroom. I massaged my legs, they didn’t hurt as badly as they did last time. Maybe I’m finally getting used to it.

I washed up quickly and changed into the red shirt, black leggings and jacket. They were a little wrinkled but I didn’t mind. I tamed my hair and now it didn’t really look like a lion’s mane. I skipped giddly out of the room, eager to meet Tristan. I wanted to ask Alfred when the Capricorns would get here but he was no where to be found.

I found Nathan near the weapons room, he was testing out a sword but it was too heavy for him. He kept it back with disappointment.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Hi,” he said dryly.

“Don’t worry,” I consoled. “You’ll grow into it.”

“Very funny.” He sighed, forcing a grin. I could sense his despondency.

“Maybe you can find another sword,” I suggested.

“Nah,” he said. “I’ll just stick to the knives,”

“You’re really good with a knife too,” I said, sounding awkward.

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you’re incompetent with a knife and everyone else seems really good even though they might be bad?” he raised his eyebrows. I pouted at him. “No offence,” he added quickly.

“None taken,” I promised. “And, trust me, you’re good.”

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“Have you seen Alfred anywhere?” I asked him.

“He’s in the Conference Hall,” he told. “Why?”

“Just wanted to talk to him,” I said.

“Oh, right,” he grinned playfully. “You want to know when Tristan’s going to get here?”

“Is it that obvious?” I worried.

“Yes,” he confirmed.

I groaned in frustration. Then I slapped his shoulder lightly. “Do you know when he’ll get here?”

“Hmm...someone’s impatient,” he teased. I swatted him, suppressing a smile. “He’s traveling by road with his entire family so it’ll take time but he’ll get here by evening.”

“I hope you’re right,” I prayed.

“Why are you so eager to meet him?” he wondered. “It’s only been, what? A week? Two weeks? Since you’ve been here? It’s not that much,”

“I know but we haven’t really talked about this whole...rebellion thing.” I told. “He didn’t really tell me about it and then I found out, I was really mad at him for not telling me.”

“Right,” Nathan started. Then he said mockingly, “I’m a rebel! Oh, but wait, let me announce it to the entire world!”

I punched him lightly. “That’s not what I meant.”

“We can’t really talk about it so openly,” he said.

“I know,” I promised. “But he could’ve told me, I wouldn’t have divulged it.”

“Yeah but still, we can’t tell anyone.” he said.

We walked to the Conference Hall. I noticed there wasn’t any proper entrance to Crimsyn State. There wasn’t a wall besides the invisible protection. There were just small buildings which looked like houses built around in a circle, it looked like a small village. When I came here we first entered in an empty plot, small buildings were all around the place. The girls’ quarters was on the right and on it’s backside the boys’ quarters. The cafeteria was next to it. The weapons’ room, archery range and the gym was on the left. The Conference Hall was the tallest building in the middle of it all. The small houses were used for storage of supplies such as: clothes, food and more necessities . When Nathan had explained it to me it sounded organized but looking at the grey buildings, they looked congested. Most of the space was taken up by the training area, that was the only place we could breathe.

Alfred was taking too long but just then Raelynn came running towards us. She stopped to catch her breath.

“What happened?” Nathan worried.

“Are you okay?” I asked. She didn’t answer.

“He’s here,” she said to me.

“Where is he?” I pleaded.

“At the entrance,” she replied. I looked at Nathan. There was no proper entrance but I think she meant the empty plot where we had arrived.

I squinted my eyes and looked over there. A black van was parked there, with some people getting out of it. Without waiting for Nathan or Raelynn, I slowly approached the van. Tristan’s younger siblings, Brody and Harper Capricorn were getting out first. They wore pajamas and were sucking on their thumbs. Tristan’s mom was talking to the same old woman I had seen that day with Phoenix in the infirmary.

But where was Tristan? I walked a little closer to the van and saw that Tristan was unloading luggage from the trunk.

He noticed me standing there, he glanced a few times as if she was trying to figure out if it was really me. I hoped I looked presentable enough.

“Annabelle,” he sighed.

“Hello, Tristan,” I said coldly.

“How’ve you been?” he asked with a small smile on his face.

“Oh, I’ve been wonderful.” I said, my voice dripping sarcasm.

“When did you get here?” he questioned.

“Two weeks ago,” I told.

“We left Capricornus as soon as Alfred contacted us and told us you were finally here,” he said. “I hope you’re not mad at me for not telling you that I knew about this all along.”

“Oh, I’m mad at you, alright,” I said through gritted teeth.

“You have to understand that I wasn’t allowed to speak of it, especially not to you until you agreed to be a part of this,” he explained. “I’m sorry.”

“I still don’t know whether I should give you a hug or yell at you,” I thought out loud.

“Can I pick please?” he asked, holding up his hands in defense.

“No,” I said. Then crossed my arms. Can’t stay mad at him for long though. I smiled at him. “Maybe.”

“Come here!” He held out his arms and we hugged.

He let go and then I realized Nathan and Raelynn were here too. He embraced Raelynn, not longer than me though. And patted Nathan on the back.

Nathan helped get his and his dad’s stuff into the boys’ room. Me and Raelynn helped her mom and sister. Brody didn’t want to leave his mom but there were no boys allowed in the girls’ room.

After they were all settled in they ate in the cafeteria and after that they all went to sleep. Except Tristan he and I talked for hours, we Stargazed too, I didn’t so much. We just sat outside the girls’ room, on the ground with our legs crossed. I was glad to have him here.

“I’m still upset though,” I told.

“I know, Belle.” he said. “I’m sorry. I would’ve told you if I could. It feels good to get everything off my chest now.”

“Did you tell anyone else?” I wondered. “Lewis, maybe?”

“Nope,” he promised. “How could I tell Lewis and not you?”

“Well, what now?” I thought out loud.

“Something big is going to happen,” he said.

“A war?” I suggested, ironically.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “And it’s not going to be good.”

The thought of a war sent a chill down my spine. I didn’t want to experience it but I knew I had to. Tristan lit up Capricorn, I wish I could the same with Virgo and Ophiuchus. For now, we both enjoyed each others company. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, I felt like I was home again.

Tristan’s seemed uncomfortable after a while. He kept shaking his head, as if trying to get rid of a bad memory.

“Is something bothering you?” He coughed, shaking his head.

“You seem tense,” I noted. “You know, you can tell me anything?”

He sighed, giving me a look. “I saw someone die before leaving Capricornus.”

I worried, “Who?” For a minute I thought it was his father but he was staying back to avoid any suspicion and to deal with matters in Capricornus.

He shrugged. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t anyone we knew. Just a stranger in fact but...I don’t know why it’s been bothering me.”

“If you want to talk about it then-” He cut me off my instantly grabbing my hand and fiddling with my fingers. His skin was warm and soft against mine, tickling my flesh.

“It was a servant in my household,” he told, staring at a spot on the ground, as though the scene was playing in his head. “He was stripped of his Constellation...” He turned to me with dreamy eyes. “And you know how that goes.”

I winced. I had seen someone die like that in the dungeons. “Yeah, I can imagine.”

“He was alright the entire day,” he continued. “Then right before dinner...” He shook his head “We got news from the kitchens that he had collapsed in his quarters. I went to see the body. I still remember...” I shivered, putting my free hand on his shoulder. “Stardust gathered in his eyes, tears dripping. Blood oozing out of his mouth, blood with no Stardust running through it. His Sign was glowing and his body went cold as the blood and Stardust was sucked out of it.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt bile rising in my throat, swallowing it down I winced.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.” He rubbed my back.

“I’m fine,” I said. “I saw someone die like that in the dungeons. He died with the Star Stone though.”

“Same thing,” Tristan said.

The ability to manipulate celestially is ninety percent of who we are and if that’s taken from us then there’s no more breathing.

I remembered reading about deaths like those. All the Stardust in your veins leaves your blood, gathering in you tears. The diluted blood orally escapes and the person is no longer able to manipulate Stars. There’s an old saying: