I HAD NOT brought much with me. I owned little of importance back home, and my family was not wealthy. I settled into my side house in Yunxuan's Wang You Court quickly. It was an interesting name choice: forgetting worries. I wonder if it meant anything particular to the younger girl.
Yan'er took a glance around, with most of our things unpacked. "This mansion is far more impressive than anything I've ever seen before!"
I laughed. "Shangguan An is the Grand Chancellor, Yan'er. We are mere mice compared to him."
She grew pensive. "I cannot quite tell what he feels towards you, miss."
"Neither can I," I admitted. "But surely he cannot mean me any harm? At first I thought it was because he'd heard how badly we were living under Father and step-mother. But it does not feel like it now."
"It's almost as if he has a purpose for you, is it not?"
I agreed. Both Yunhua and Yunxuan had let things slip. Somehow, it was of utmost importance for me to get into shape like all the other young ladies in Luoyang. But what for?
I turned to Yan'er. "Go and try to befriend some of the other servants. See what you can glean. But be careful, do not expose yourself. We do not want to seem too curious. It is important we remain in our station."
I did not really have to worry. Yan'er might seem clueless on the surface, but I knew better than anyone that she was more than smart and loyal enough to handle things. Her parents had sent her to my father's house as a maid, and she'd been by my side since I was five. She was two years older than me, and was sometimes more like a sister to me than a maid.
Over the years, the difference in our status had become more obvious. But at the end of the day, I was still far more comfortable around her than anyone else in this place.
Still, I had more worrying things to be concerned about at the moment. Meeting Grandmother... She was technically my grandmother by name, but I had not one ounce of blood shared with her. And I had no idea how her relationship with my mother was. The best I'd hope for is a complete lack of care. The worst would be hatred.
But my mother had married my father, who was a fairly decent prospect at the time (even though he had not lived up to any of the expectations placed on him and still remained in the same position all these years later), so surely her relationship with Grandmother could not be all too poor.
What I feared came quickly. Grandmother woke up from her nap not an hour after I'd settled into my little house. The maid who came also told me to prepare a coat, as it would be nighttime by the time I'd leaveâwe were to have dinner at Grandmother's house tonight as well.
That was mildly terrifying.
Yan'er seemed to sense my worry, and whispered in my ear, "Imagine the good food they'd have. And it's your first day here, so surely they'll prepare a great feast for you."
I giggled, glancing at her. "Is that all you care about? The food?"
Yan'er just grinned in return.
But we quickly followed the maid across the house to where Grandmother lived. Her place was far larger and grander than Yunxuan's Wang You Court. Grandmother was one of the many people in this place I'd have to get on the good side of. Yunxuan had said so directly.
I was brought into a receiving room. Grandmother was younger than I'd imagined. Her hair was greying, but there were still strands of black. I'd imagine she was in her early to mid sixties. Her eyes met mine, and I immediately dropped my gaze, playing the role of the meek little girl, terrified of everything around her. But I'd seen enough alreadyâher eyes were almost identical to that of Shangguan An and Yunhua. The same cunning shrewdness, the same ice-cold intelligence sprung through.
It was terrifying, the idea that I had to be looked at by them all the time from this day forward. At least Yunxuan's eyes were friendly.
I went for a curtsy, a far lower one than I'd offered my uncle or my cousins. "I humbly greet you, Grandmother."'
There was a moment's pause, and I dared not glance upwards until I heard her say, "Stand. Take a seat."
So I did, thanking her in the process, keeping my head bowed the entire time. My status was nothing compared to this woman's. I was a mere sheep compared to her. She was the only daughter of the Grand Tutor. The Grand Tutor would have been the teacher of the current Emperor. She'd have the ear of the most powerful person in the world. If she'd truly wanted to, she very likely could have gone into the Imperial Palace and became a high-ranking concubine, or even made a bid for Empress.
Not that she was in a bad position here, as the mother of the Grand Chancellor.
"You look just like your mother."
She was the second person to say that today, but unlike with my uncle, I was not precisely sure what to reply with. I had great experience in dealing with powerful men (or ones who perceived themselves as so) who wanted to be pleased and praised and agreed with. I did not have much experience with women like Grandmother.
"Thank you, ma'am."
"Don't need to call me that. Just call me Grandmother. Your name is Minxi, yes? A good name, I think."
"Thank you, ma'am. My father named me that because he wanted me to be like the sunlight."
"Are you?"
That question took me by surprise. I glanced upwards, blinking, nonplussed at the woman sitting at the head of the room. "Well, ma'am, I do not think I am the best person to answer that question. Certainly I like to think I live up to my name."
"Stop acting so meek and scared," Grandmother chastised. "I can see right through you."
I blushed, shrinking back. "Ma'am, I did not meanâ"
"Oh, I know what you're trying to do. I understand it. But there is no need to do that here. And the other nobility will not like it either. They'll think it makes you look small-minded and ungrand."
So far, the meeting had not gone as I expected it to. Grandmother was far more brash and straightforward than I'd expected her to be. Chatting with Shangguan An had been exhausting because I needed to make sure every word I uttered was calculated. Speaking with Grandmother was tiring because I never quite knew what would leave her mouth next.
"I will try to improve, Grandmother."
"You have time. Don't you worry, you're in good hands. I was a study companion to the Grand Princess when I was younger. And I'm sure your uncle will find someone to teach you all the manners you will need."
"I greatly appreciate the help, Grandmother. I understand I may be a bit lacking at the moment, but I will try my best to improve." Despite what Grandmother had said, I highly doubted she actually wanted me to speak my mind. It would seem insolent and disrespectful. I would rather play safe like this than to take any risks. She'd already seen through me, seen that I was not a dumb witted, scared fool. This was a role because I was uncertain of what to expect, and she seemed to respect it.
"If you are an ounce like your mother, I think you will be alright."
She'd mentioned my mother quite a few times since seeing me. I knew it was risky, but I couldn't help but ask, "Were you close with my mother, Grandmother?"
The question seemed to catch her off guard for a moment, but she recovered quickly. "Has she never mentioned me to you? Oh, no. Of course not. She was gone by the time you were three, weren't you? I doubt you even remember her face."
"My father had portraits of her." That was quickly removed by my step-mother. I think she'd have burned them if she could. But I was still there, and it would have been considered extremely rude and offensive by others.
"Poor child, losing your mother so young... All of you, it must be horrific growing up like that. I was originally living in the countryside, but after Hewan diedâthat is your auntâI rushed here quickly. You kids must have a maternal figure! Your father took a new wife, did he not?"
"He did," I replied. And because it seemed like a good chance to mention it, I added, "She was not the most... maternal of figures."
Grandmother understood immediately. "Ah, did not like you much, did she? Well, no need to worry about that anymore. You're with us now. She cannot touch you anymore. If you find a good match here in Luoyang, she'll have to crane her neck to look at you from now on anyways."
That brought a smile to my face. I couldn't control it at all. "Yes, I think so. That is my goal in coming here, I think."
"Well, you have a big chance. But you must adapt quickly. You don't have much time."
"Yes, my coming-of-age is in a mere few months."
"Well, you seem bright enough." Grandmother turned to the auntie beside her. "Well, don't just stand there. Go fetch the gifts I've prepared."
My eyes widened. It was expected, but I had to at least look surprised. "Grandmother, it really is not..."
But the woman just waved her hand in the air again. "Nonsense. Look at your clothes. It is pitiful compared to Yunhua and Yunxuan. Well, Yunjun too, I suppose, but that lass is too busy running around in armour. You are under our wing now, and you have always been a Shangguan."
That was the most welcoming thing that had been said to me since I had arrived, and it was from the person I'd worried about the most. I left my chair and curtsied again. "Thank you, Grandmother, for your great kindness."
"Lift your miss back up to her seat!" Grandmother called out to Yan'er. "No need to be like this, Minxi. You are family. Do not fret so much about manners. My dear girl, one of my granddaughters spends her days fighting on the battlefield! There is nothing to be so worried about!"
The auntie had come back with a tray in hand, making her way towards me as Yan'er helped me back to my seat. Upon seeing the gifts, I turned to Grandmother again, opening my eyes to protest, but the woman shot me a look and I shut up.
The auntie smiled. "Our lady spent much time picking these yesterday night. She was unsure if they would fit you, since she had no idea of your appearance, and thus picked them as she thought they would have fitted your mother."
"Words cannot describe howâ"
"Then do not describe how you feel," Grandmother replied with a wave of her hand. She truly was the most glorious woman I'd ever met. There was a sense of nobility and superiority about her I had never before seen in anyone. Not even my first sight of Yunhua had given me such a feeling.
But perhaps it was because she had showered me with gifts, instead of thinly veiled insults the way Yunhua had. Not that I blamed Yunhua for it, or held it against her. To her, what was I? A poor relative from the countryside. My manners would be marred with greenness and awkwardness, and my clothes looked pathetic next to hers. I felt as if I could not even hold my head up high.
"Take the gifts," Grandmother commanded. "There are a hundred more if you so wish. No daughter of the house of Shangguan should ever be dressed in garbs like yours. You should be adorning all sorts of gold and silver and jade. Your parents have treated you poorly."
"My father supplied for me to the best of his ability, Grandmother. I do not hold it against him."
"Oh, no need for all that filial piousness. The child should only be respectful when the parents are worth respecting. I told them your father was not reliable when they discussed marrying your mother to him. Yes, he was full of opportunities and had a chance of a great future! But that is nothing if he does not make anything of it."
I could not agree more. But I could not say that out loud. I dipped my head. "I cannot pretend to be aware of any of this, or know what to think about it, Grandmother."
The old woman made a clacking sound. "No bother. You will learn. You're smart enough, you will learn quickly. Your mother was good with this sort of thing. Better than me at it, I think. If she was still alive, if she had not been lost in childbirth, she'd have kept you here in Luoyang rather than let your father bring you to wherever you live in now."
Yet, she had not survived. And there was no point wondering about all of it now.
I had to make some promises. I raised my head. "Grandmother, I promise you I will do my very best to learn the courtesies and talents I will need to make a good match and to live up to the reputation of the Shangguans."
"You do not need so much pressure on yourself, dear girl. Do your best and it shall be enough. Your uncle may be scary and stern, but even if you make a mistake, well, as long as it is not too big, we are powerful enough to help you cover it up. No one will dare to truly abuse you here in Luoyang, if just to be respectable to us."
"I am most fortunate," I told her, "to have such a wonderful family that is willing to accept me here."
"And with that honeyed mouth," Grandmother said with a little smirk, "you will have no problem charming some lordling or the like. Don't you agree, Auntie Qin?"
That was the Auntie who had handed us the gifts. They were in Yan'er's hands now. She stood behind me, and I could feel the shadow casted by the tray on my shoulders. Auntie Qin looked at Grandmother with a smile. "Oh, of course she will, old mistress."
"I will! I promise!"
"I am not doubting you, Minxi." Grandmother was carefully helped up, and I immediately stood with her. "Come walk with me."
She led me into her garden, right outside the door. "Luoyang is a pack of wolves, Minxi. Do you know why you are here?"
"To make something of myself?" I answered uncertainly. "To do something with my life, more than I can if I had just stayed in Henan."
"Part of it, yes." Grandmother raised her head. "Me, though, I want to make sure you do not repeat your mother's life. I liked her most out of all the children, except my own, of course. Her mother, she was one of the maids in my dowry. Loyal only to me. And she was the prettiest, so when we decided to find a concubine for my late husband, your Grandfather, we decided on her."
"I did not know this." No one would make her aware of it. This was not knowledge for her ears.
"I liked her very much. It was a pity, I thought, that she had to waste her life here as a concubine rather than marry someone else. But she never complained about it. She was not very loved."
"She only had my mother. Daughters are of little consequence."
"Is that what your father thinks?" Grandmother asked, glancing down at me.
I nodded firmly. I could confide in her. She would not think me a tattletale. I had already revealed enough about my father and step-mother. I could add in a few harsher words. "My father always said that I should have been born a boy, and that everything would be better otherwise. My step-mother is pregnantâdid you know this? She prays fervently day and night that it is a boy so she could be rid of me."
Grandmother hissed. "Fools. I think I taught your uncle well in this regard. Yes. Us women may not be able to go in the courts and fight on the battlefields, but what is in our way? Men and their idiotic minds. They constrain us and confine us. Yet there is always a way for women to show their full potential, you know. Your cousin, Yunjun, she is doing that. So young, and fighting on the battlefield! All the great generals are wowed when they see her. They cannot believe a girl can do such a thing. You do not need to worry about that here. We teach our girls the same way we teach our boysâthat has always been the Shangguan way. You will attend our private study here, you know. You will learn alongside a few other young lords and ladies your age, together. You will be separated in seating and all the like as appropriate to custom, but you will learn from the same teacher and learn the same content."
"I cannot wait for that. My tutor back home cares for me deeply and I adore her so, but her knowledge of things is limited."
"We women have our own way to shine, don't you think?" Grandmother asked, stomping her cane on the ground. "Ah well, I will not keep you here talking about these useless things. Yunhua may be in charge of the household now, but I still have a good say in it. We have quite some things to do with you."
"Your wish is my command, Grandmother."
"We need to get you some new clothes, of course. I will have some fabric be brought to your place tomorrow morning. Pick the ones you like and we shall send word to the seamstresses. You cannot go around wearing that." The statement was accentuated with a little nudge towards my greying garbs.
"Aye, Grandmother. But I do not need that many, I think, there is no need to spend too much on it."
Grandmother shook her head. "You will be here for a long while. We will keep you away from the public for the first few months, of course, but you will have to be exposed to the other lords and ladies eventually. And, well, you will meet many of them in the private study, though the ones there are all from families closely associated with ours, so they will not judge you. But still. What else, what else?"
Auntie Qin was the one who leaned in and said, "Her residence, old mistress."
"Ah yes. How could I forget? You are only living temporarily with Yunxuan. It makes no sense, since you are older than her anyways, to put you in the side house for so long. There is a small court quite close to hers and Yunhua's, it is being cleaned up now. Feel free to visit sometime and tell the servants how you want it decorated. You will be here for at least a year or two."
"My coming-of-age is in mere months. I can marry after that."
"Not so quickly," Grandmother said with a scowl. "You have only just arrived, we will at least keep you for a year or so. Besides, there is still much for you to learn, especially if you are to marry to someone with power. You will need to learn how to manage households, navigate relationships with the most powerful people in this country, form alliances of your own... so much."
Jokingly, I said, "Have I not already made relationships with some of the most powerful people in the country? We are related by blood, after all."
Grandmother pushed a finger at my head, and I gave a light laugh. "Insolent little girl," she laughed. "Well, there are many people still more powerful than us. The Imperial family, for example."
I turned a bit more serious. "Will I... Will I need to meet them?"
"Yunhua has been all but formally betrothed to the Heir Apparent since she was a babe," Grandmother replied, her tone so calm as if this was nothing out-of-the-norm. "You will run into them frequently. The Heir Apparently makes regular visits here, and we are invited to many banquets in the Imperial Palace. You will be brought along to them, once you are ready."
"Oh."
"And, well, if you are lucky enough," Grandmother said solemnly, "you may be able to make an imperial match. Not someone of too high status, your father is not high enough position for that, but a blood relative... It is not out of the question."
But her tone made it seem like anything but a fortunate thing.
I did not question it. I lowered my head. "Aye, Grandmother. I will try my best."
"You do not need to worry about it. We will worry about it for you. Matters such as marriage, it is the word of us elders that matter the most, and we are the ones who know best as well." She gave a nod. "You will be busy, Minxi."
"I am grateful for this opportunity and will make the most out of it."
"Yes. I think you will. Yes, I think you'll do very well, sweet girl, I think you'll do very well indeed. Come, let us walk. I will tell you about your cousins, because I don't think your uncle would have done a good job of it. We still have plenty of time until dinner."
this is a coming-of-age story, so the characters (esp minxi) are gonna be quite flawed and like. stupid at the beginning? but i promise they get smarter...